As Riley approached Susan and Ryan, he searched the boy’s appearance for resemblances. His hair was brown, lighter than Riley’s, but brown, and a little wavy. Riley didn’t know how tall an almost-six-year-old should be, but he studied the boy and tried to figure out if he was tall, short, or average for his age. Riley had always been tall. He seemed very coordinated and athletic, Riley thought, as he watched him run and jump with the dog. When he sent a tennis ball sailing through the air, Riley couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride as he watched it soar.
“Is everything okay?” Susan asked as Riley clung to her and buried his face in her hair.
He couldn’t answer, knew he wouldn’t get the words out, and didn’t want to get into it until they were alone. Instead, he moved slowly away from Susan and crouched down to eye level with Ryan when the boy came barreling back towards them, the dog hot on his heels.
“Hey, Ryan.” The name seemed to catch in his throat and he coughed to cover the emotion. “Are you having fun with Gusto?” Riley studied the wide, deep blue eyes and tried to decide if they looked like his. The shape was all Lissa, but the color was most definitely a deeper blue than hers. He had high cheekbones like his mother but a full mouth that, when he broke into a big grin, looked frighteningly familiar.
“Oh, yeah, he’s awesome! Once Aunt Jenny said—” He seemed to catch himself and darted his eyes quickly toward his mother who was starting to make her way to the car. When Gusto licked his face, he forgot all about what he could and couldn’t say and collapsed in a heap of giggles.
“Ryan, come on, we have to go now,” Lissa called from the car.
Ryan fought his way out from underneath the dog and jumped to his feet. Giving a little wave, he was off like a shot. About half way to the car he seemed to remember something and stopped short. Turning back, he yelled, “Thanks for letting me play with your dog!” Grinning from ear to ear, he resumed his dash to the car.
Riley and Susan watched as Lissa loaded Ryan into the back seat and drove off.
“He’s quite a kid,” Susan said smiling. I guess I haven’t been around kids for a while, I’ve forgotten how much fun they are…and how much energy they have. I think it’s safe to say Gusto’s worn out.” The dog had flopped down at Susan’s feet and was lying on his side, legs extended and tongue hanging out.
Riley didn’t answer, just stood watching the car drive away. He didn’t know where to begin, how to begin, or how to keep from hurting Susan. He could see the concern and worry building and wished he knew how to stop it.
“Is Melissa an old friend?”
Riley’s shoulders slumped a little before he finally answered. “I knew her some years back. She spent a summer here working at the resort on the lake.”
“And she’s just visiting?”
“Something like that.” He scraped a hand roughly through his hair and leaned his head back, drawing a deep breath and praying the words would come out right. “We need to talk, Susan.”
Now she was scared. It must be an old girlfriend. The one he’d always wished hadn’t gotten away? The one he’d been hoping would come back? Her stomach roiled and she realized she was shaking her head and mouthing ‘no’ over and over.
The pain in his chest was almost crippling. Apparently your heart really could break, he thought to himself. As he watched Susan, the only thought he had was that he didn’t want to hurt her. With every ounce of his being he wanted to comfort, to reassure, but he knew that wasn’t going to happen, at least not now. Trying to ignore the pain, he took her hand and led her to a stack of bricks piled against the side of the barn.
“Will you sit down for a minute?”
“What’s going on, Riley?”
“Lissa came back to Misty Lake looking for me. I don’t know why she waited this long—I didn’t get many details from her—but she said…she came to…she told me Ryan is my son.”
Susan pulled her hand back and her body tensed. Riley’s son? She tried to process the information and found she really couldn’t. Had he known? Had he at least suspected? How could he not? She’d guessed the boy was around five so Riley knew Lissa long before she ever met him. She tried to tell herself the hurt, the betrayal, the jealousy…all the things she was feeling weren’t fair, weren’t warranted, but she couldn’t convince herself. A son…it would change everything. Selfishly, all she could focus on was how it was going to affect her and what it would mean for her relationship with Riley.
Riley waited for Susan to respond—to yell, to cry, to do something—but she sat as if frozen in place. He reached for her hand but she snatched it away from him and jumped to her feet.
“So what now? She left with you barely speaking to Ryan. Are you going to meet her…meet them?” Her words came out clipped.
“I don’t know what’s next, Susan, I’ve hardly had time to process all of this. I told her I’d call, that we could talk later…I don’t know how this works, what I’m supposed to do…I just don’t know.” He began pacing and raking his hand through his hair again. The ramifications were starting to hit him…he’d have to tell his parents, his siblings, hell, the whole town would know soon enough. He didn’t know where Lissa had been living. If it was far away, how would he see the boy? Would she move them to Misty Lake? Did he want her to? So many questions swirled in his mind he felt almost dizzy. Desperate for some understanding, some support, some calm, he turned to Susan but was met with a stony stare.
“Well, then I suppose you’d better wrap things up here so you can go talk to her.” She turned to head for her car.
“Please don’t go, Susan. Just wait a few minutes while I run inside and tell the guys I’m heading out. Travis can lock up for me. It’ll just take a minute. Please.” He felt like he was losing her now when he had been so close to asking her to stay forever.
“No, I have to go and you have to take care of…of everything you have to take care of.” She started to hurry away before he could see the tears.
“Talk to me, Susan. Please don’t leave like this.”
She stopped but kept her back to him. “Okay.” Drawing a deep breath and swiping at her eyes, she slowly turned to face him. “Did you love her?”
“No. No, I never loved her. Believe me, it was never like that. We weren’t close, we didn’t even really date, we just sort of—”
Susan held up a hand to stop him. “I get it, I don’t need the details.”
“I didn’t love her, Susan, I’ve never loved anyone until—”
Again she stopped him. “Not now, Riley, not like this,” she said shaking her head.
This time when she turned and walked away, she didn’t stop until she got to her car. After a quick whistle for the dog, she opened the back door for him, climbed in the front, and drove away without looking back.
Riley watched her leave and knew he had never felt more helpless. The woman he loved was driving away and there was no guarantee that anything would ever be the same between them. A woman he barely knew was waiting for him with his son. He reached his hand in his pocket and as he tightly gripped the box that held the engagement ring he had planned to give to Susan later that night, all he could do was wonder if he’d ever get the chance.
26
Sam was locking up the shop and heading for her car when Susan pulled in. “Hey, Susan, I’m just heading out. In case I don’t see you before you leave, have a wonderful weekend.” She tossed her bag in the car and looked up to wink at Susan. Then she saw her face.
“Susan! What’s the matter?” In a flash, Sam was next to Susan, holding her tight. Just as fast, she took Susan’s shoulders and pushed her back, examining her to see if she was hurt. “What happened? Are you okay?”
Between sobs Susan managed, “Yes, I mean no…I mean yes, I’m okay, nothing’s wrong.” She tried to pull away.
“Obviously something’s wrong. Tell me.”
Susan shook her head and didn’t say anything.
Sam studied Susan’s face, the eyes red and s
wollen from crying, the pale complexion, the trembling lip, and knew it was definitely something. “Please talk to me, Suze.”
“You’re on your way someplace. It can wait.”
Sam stole a quick glance at her watch. She was due at an appointment with a client looking to have some cabinets built and installed in a mudroom. It was a lucrative job, but her cousin was more important. “My appointment can be rescheduled. Come on inside.”
Sam took hold of Susan’s arm and led her to the house. Once inside, she settled her in a chair at the kitchen table and asked, “Is this a tea problem or a wine problem?” She hoped to get a least a smile from Susan but Susan just stared out the window, the tears continuing to trickle down her cheeks.
“Okay, give me just one minute, I have to make a call. Don’t go anywhere. Promise?” When Susan gave a short nod, Sam dashed back to her car for her purse and quickly called her client with her apologies and the offer to reschedule at any time.
Susan was where Sam had left her, still staring out the window without seeing. Sam sat down next to her and took her hand. “Now, tell me what happened. We’ll figure it out, whatever it is.”
Susan turned to face Sam and tried to start. “It’s Riley…”
“I thought it might be. What did he do?”
“He didn’t really do anything, at least not recently.” Susan rubbed at her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. “A woman showed up today while I was with him over at the B&B.”
“Who?”
“Her name is Melissa...Melissa something, I can’t remember.”
“A friend of Riley’s? An old girlfriend?” Sam guessed.
Susan swallowed a sob. “I don’t really understand what she is to him. They knew each other a few years ago, apparently.”
Sam waited but Susan didn’t offer any more. “And?” she prompted.
“And, she had a little boy with her and…and…told Riley he has a son.” Susan dropped her head on the table and stopped trying to hold back the sobs.
Sam closed her eyes and blew out a breath. “Oh, honey.” Then she leaned over, hugged her cousin, and held on while the sobs wracked through Susan.
When Susan was finally cried out, she lifted her head and took the handful of tissues Sam offered. Wiping her eyes and her nose she asked, “What am I supposed to do?”
“Well, I guess that depends. What is Riley going to do?”
“I don’t know, I don’t think he knows. They didn’t talk too long this afternoon, he’s going to meet her later and talk things out. There goes my birthday weekend.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie.”
Susan gave a wave of her hand. “No, it’s okay. I need to stop thinking about just me. I know this isn’t easy for Riley and I was no help whatsoever. He needed a friend and I just walked away.”
“I think that’s understandable. It’s a lot to deal with for you, too.”
Susan lifted her shoulders and let them fall. “I’m just afraid, Sam. I don’t know what this woman wants of him. And I don’t know how Riley really feels about her. I do know him well enough to know that he’s not going to just turn his back on his son. What if he decides he needs to try to make things work with her? What if he thinks they should try to be a family? I’m not so sure I could even argue with that. The boy deserves a father.”
The desperate look in Susan’s eyes had Sam wishing she had magic words to make everything better, but she found she didn’t know what to say. “I’m afraid you’re just going to have to wait a little while and see what happens. There are ways for him to be a father, to be in the boy’s life, without being in some kind of relationship with the mother. Riley cares about you, Susan, he’s not going to just walk away from you.”
“Maybe, maybe not.”
Part of Sam wanted to tell Susan that Riley had bought a ring, that he loved her and was going to propose, but aside from her promises to Riley to keep it a secret, she was afraid knowing would only make things worse for Susan.
“I really think you and Riley are going to be able to work this out, Susan. There will be some things to figure out, of course, but it will work. Do you know where this woman lives?”
“I don’t know. I got the feeling Riley hadn’t seen her in a long time.”
“Well, then I’m sure it’s not someone he’s been pining after for years. Give it a little time. Things have a way of working themselves out.”
Sam watched Susan wrestle with the doubt, the insecurity, and then quit fighting and give up. “I guess I’m not going to solve anything right now.”
It was all Sam needed to hear. She grabbed Susan for one more quick hug then announced, “Forget about the tea and the wine, it’s your birthday. I’m making margaritas.”
Riley didn’t know what to expect as he walked into the diner. They were meeting a little ways out of town, both of them agreeing it was best to attract as little attention as possible at this point. Riley had rehearsed dozens of questions on the drive, everything ranging from where Lissa had been for the past seven years and why she hadn’t contacted him until now to when Ryan had learned to walk, what his first word had been, and if Lissa had ever told him who his father was.
Since Lissa had shown up at Susan’s door and given him the news, he had struggled to wrap his mind around the fact that he had a son. Could he be a father? A good father? It seemed to him that parenting skills probably developed as one’s kid did. A guy wasn’t expected to know how to handle things like first days of school, setting curfews, and knowing what advice to give for a first date from the beginning. He would learn as he went and those things wouldn’t seem so daunting. For Riley, though, he had been cheated out of almost six years of experiences and the learning that came with them. So he was just supposed to jump right in and know what to do? He was pretty sure he wasn’t ready for that.
He had to swallow his anger at Lissa when he spotted her sitting in a corner booth. He wouldn’t get anywhere if he approached her angry from the outset. He noticed she was alone, and while he figured they’d be able to talk easier if it was just the two of them, couldn’t help being concerned about Ryan. Who was watching him? Probably Courtney, he figured, but what did she know about kids? A story Riley had read recently about a young boy who died after eating a snack given him by a friend that contained peanuts and that had triggered an immediate allergic reaction popped into Riley’s mind and for a crazy moment he wanted to race to find the boy and make sure he was safe.
Lissa spotted him and he ordered himself to calm down before joining her at her table. He again noticed how pale she was, how her eyes seemed somewhat unfocused and vacant, how sick she looked. If he had passed her on the street, he was sure he wouldn’t have recognized her. He considered the possibility that she was seriously ill and that’s what had finally prompted her to contact him regarding his son.
Riley didn’t say anything right away, all the rehearsing on the way over turning out to be useless. Lissa sunk in her seat under his gaze.
“I don’t really know where to start, Lissa, except I’m wondering why now? Why keep my son from me for years then show up here out of the blue?”
“Ryan has a right to know his father. I guess I just decided it was time.”
“Yes, he has a right to know his father just as I had a right to know my son. You seem to conveniently forget that this goes two ways.”
“I know, I guess I was just afraid.”
“Afraid? Afraid of what?”
“Afraid you wouldn’t want anything to do with us…with him. Afraid of your reaction, your family’s reaction…I don’t know.”
A waitress approached their table with menus so Riley bit back his retort while he ordered a soda. Once they were alone again he tried another approach.
“Does he know I’m his father? What have you told him all these years about why he doesn’t have a dad around?”
“No, he doesn’t know you’re his father. I thought that’s something we should tell him together. If you’re willing, that is,�
� she added as Riley’s eyes hardened.
“Has he asked about his father? About where he is?”
“Not much. It’s always been just the two of us. That’s life as he knows it, I guess. Lately, though, he’s been asking a few more questions. I think it’s just part of growing up.”
At the mention of Ryan growing up, Riley felt a little pang. He should have been a part of it…of all of it. “Tell me about him. What does he like, what doesn’t he like, is he healthy, does he go to school yet…just tell me about him.”
Lissa seemed to relax and soften somewhat as she started talking about her son. “He’s a good boy, he always has been. And he’s healthy. Aside from a cold now and then, he’s never really been sick. He likes pizza, Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal, and, if you can believe it, broccoli. He doesn’t like hot dogs or carrots. He loves cars, trucks, and action figures. He’s particularly fond of Spider-Man. He’s very athletic, things like riding a bike and throwing a ball came naturally to him.”
Riley couldn’t stop the emotion that welled up inside him. Rationally, he supposed the things Lissa mentioned would apply to most boys Ryan’s age—well, maybe not the broccoli—but hearing them used to describe his son left him feeling proud…and cheated. He should have been the one to teach him to ride a bike and to throw a ball. He should have been there when Ryan had his first bite of pizza. Riley liked carrots. Maybe if Ryan had seen him eating them he’d like them, too.
He was surprised at how strong the feelings were that coursed through him. Until he’d decided Susan was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and had started thinking some about the future, he had never really given a thought to children or to being a father. Even when he’d thought about the kids he and Susan might have one day, he’d never felt anything like the pull he felt now towards Ryan.
The Inn at Misty Lake: Book Two in the Misty Lake Series Page 21
