I could see how someone could get lost and disoriented in the vast open space with no end. There was no up or down and the only way I felt better was by concentrating on the awareness of my ‘self.' What few pictures I’d seen in my life of outer space would never do the Web justice. Occasionally, I could see lights in the distance that streaked by like comets. I realized I hadn’t made myself stop earlier. A tether of illuminated rope held me fast to Maggie. I could feel her presence as a warm and comforting anchor.
Since I was feeling a bit more centered and safe, I started to look around me. It wasn’t just empty blackness. Specks of light were everywhere, some in groups, some solitary and moving in between clusters of multi-colored brightness.
How would anyone find a person in here? Was Kara lost in this? A fog or cloud of debris drifted by me and I heard multiple voices echo from it hollowly. Were those memories?
Maggie made it sound as if she could access all the memories of her ancestors, but how did you even find them if they floated around in a cloud like that? I didn’t attempt to push against them since Gerome’s warning about memories was fresh.
I felt excited and free but a little anxious to learn more about the Web. I had so many questions! Did Weavers always show up in the Web even when they weren’t actually in it? Wasn’t that how Gerome had found me? Since I could see Maggie and what I assumed to be Gerome, did that mean they were both in the Web right now? Did the location of our minds in the Web have any relation to the physical world?
I yanked on my connection to Maggie to see what would happen. She didn’t come closer—maybe I wasn’t doing it right? My inner voice was feeling impatient, and when I yanked the second time, I felt something tear. The warm glow from Maggie faded a little. I began to drift slowly further away from Maggie and Gerome. My rate of travel was deceiving though since they were only specs of light to orient on. Panic started to bloom. If I’d had a body for my heart to beat in, it would have been hammering against my ribs.
My inner voice soothed me. I started thinking instead of reacting emotionally. If I’d been accessing the Web on my own subconsciously then somewhere in my brain, I knew how to do this already. I just needed to relax and listen. As I calmed, my drift stopped, and I felt more in control.
If I felt more controlled when I had my center and a 'sense of self' was a way to have orientation, then it was my mind that harnessed this place, not the place that contained my mind. If I didn’t want to drift, I only had to tell myself not to and voila! Maybe this was going to be easier than I thought. My inner voice was purring with confidence.
Before I could go any further in exploration, an urgent emotion come up the frayed connection to Maggie. She might assume I'd gotten lost. Instead of using our tether to make my way back to her light, I thought of her and focused. Instantly I was next to her warm orange glow, perhaps a little too close because I could feel the push of her memories trying to overwhelm me again.
A thought that wasn’t my own flashed before me.
“Oh my God how do I tell her? She shouldn’t look like this.”
It was Maggie’s voice in my head, so who did she think that about? Was she talking about how I looked in the Web? I felt the bubble popping sensation and then I could only hear my thoughts.
Maggie’s ‘real’ voice said, “What the hell did you think you were doing, Cassandra! I didn’t give you permission to explore. I do believe I said the exact opposite. Why did you fade? What did you do? Whatever it was, don’t you goddamn try it again or I’ll …” and then it sounded like she was crying?
“Maggie, I’m so sorry. Please don’t be angry. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you intentionally. I promise. I’m so sorry!”
The idea of causing her distress was making me vibrate and wobble next to her.
I felt a dampening of emotion from Maggie.
“Cassandra, please don’t ever do that again. I don’t think I could stand it if I were responsible for you ending up like Kara.”
My response was immediate, but my inner voice was crossing its fingers. “I won’t do it again. I promise to follow your instructions, Maggie. How long can she be as she is? Is she going to die soon?”
Maggie seemed to have restored her calm when she answered. “Kara’s body has been responding if we prompt it to eat and drink, but those instincts fade the longer her mind stays separated. James reacted the way he did earlier because he knows Kara is running out of time. He may have to make the decision to let go or fade with her.”
The idea of James choosing to die with his sister made me angry. “People want to go out like that? Why?”
I was enjoying the warm feeling coming from Maggie. The urge to explore was fading which made my inner voice twitchy.
Maggie confessed, “My parents did it. It made me angry at first, but now since I’ve been with Gerome so long, I think I understand why. I was a late baby. My mother had given up on having any children when she became pregnant with me at the age of forty-five. The pregnancy was dangerous for her, and her kidneys got worn down. She lived with her condition until I was in medical school and then she passed away. My father had already decided he would fade with my mother. There was no talking him out of it, so I lost both of them at once.”
“How could he leave you alone like if he had a choice? Isn’t that selfish?”
I was angry for Maggie. My parents wouldn’t have left me like that; I was certain.
Her response contained no vitriol. “Honey, he didn’t do it to hurt me. I was with Gerome by that time and married with a life of my own. They were a part of each other. When my mother died, a part of my father died too. It’s more common than you might think with Weaver couples.”
“Maggie, is there something wrong with me here? I commented on how you look, but you’ve not told me how I look? Wasn’t that the whole point of our bonding; for you to assess if my braid was uneven?”
I wasn’t too anxious about it since I felt fine, but that thought overlap from earlier had made me curious. I also didn’t want to talk about Weavers choosing to die when it pissed me off. A change of subject seemed due. I felt a hesitation from her.
“I’m not going to freak out all over you like I did earlier today, Maggie. You can tell me.”
Maggie chuckled. “I keep forgetting how much you can handle. You are yet you aren’t thirteen.”
I felt a strengthening of the warmth coming up the connection from Maggie as if she was trying to brace me emotionally.
“When you told me, I was beautiful earlier, honey, and I said you weren’t so bad yourself, I was lying. You’re the most spectacular light I’ve ever seen, even brighter than Gerome.”
I sensed a ‘but’ coming up, so I said, “Um thank you, Maggie, but I don’t think that’s really what has you worried, is it?”
This time, it was her light that vibrated, not mine. A hiccup came down the line from Maggie as if her heart had skipped a beat.
“The other thing is…you look…strange. I can’t describe it very well because you shift your shape, but you have extra…parts.”
I thought carefully about her earlier description of the Trinity, and it would seem that was impossible. A person could only be born with one soul, mind, and body. What could be wrong with me?
I responded with rapid-fire questions. “Is this something that could hurt you? Can you tell if someone has attached themselves to me? Can that be done without me knowing? Could it have been Laser Eyes?”
Maggie sent more soothing energy through our link. “No, dear, I don’t believe this is foreign. It looks to be a part of you, and I haven’t been able to feel or see anything negative. I don’t think Gerome even picked up on it when he found you, in the Web. I haven’t spoken to him about it yet because I wanted to talk to you first. Research in my family memories seems to be the only immediate action. We sure can’t ask around now, can we? Do you feel like getting out of here since we aren’t going to solve this today?”
I gave what felt like a virtual shru
g, and ‘woke up’ to a stiff neck on the couch. Next time I wasn’t going to lay all crooked when I went into the Web.
I moved my head to work out the crick. Maggie startled me by being right next to the couch. “Ah!” I yelped and flailed.
Maggie gave a muffled, “Owwwww,” with her hand over her nose and mouth.
I rolled onto the floor on my knees and grabbed her free hand. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Are you all right?”
A blood covered hand came away from her nose. I felt terrible. Maggie gestured at me as if to wave the blood or me away; I wasn’t sure which.
Right then, at the wrong moment, Gerome came through the door. Surprisingly, he didn’t start yelling but quickly and quietly took in the scene. He knelt down in front of Maggie on the hardwood floor, did a quick examination of her nose then bit out at me.
“Do you know where she keeps the ice packs?”
Apparently James had heard our yells too, and he poked his head in. “I do,” then he disappeared.
Instead of tilting Maggie’s head to examine the damage, Gerome kept it level, pinched the sides of her nose with his thumbs, and pushed sharply. I heard a crackle snap sound of grinding cartilage.
Maggie yelped, “Ouch, Gerome! You could have given me some warning!” She swatted at his arms when he let go of her head, and his hands were clear of her nose. She managed to smear blood on the sleeve of his coat.
Gerome countered. “If I’d warned you, you wouldn’t have let me do it.”
He leaned on his heels and narrowed his eyes at me. “So how did Maggie’s nose get broken?”
James came back with a gel icepack sealed in a big plastic bag. Gerome snatched it without a thank you and put it on the bridge of Maggie’s rapidly swelling nose. I think I even saw some discoloration spreading to one of her eyes before the icepack hid the affected area.
I tried to explain. “It was an accident. When I came out of the Web, she was next to me, and it startled me. I hit her in the nose with the back of my arm. It just happened.”
I could see the wheels turning in Gerome’s mind putting two and two together about the Web and not knowing Maggie’s location but, before he could chastise me, James interrupted.
“It’s probably really my fault for having an episode with Kara earlier. I’m sorry for yelling at you both, especially you, Cassandra. Maggie’s usually already gone for the day by now. I don’t think ya’ll would’ve even been here still if I hadn’t had my little breakdown.”
Gerome was about to tear into James. Before I could try to step in; Maggie’s muffled voice came from underneath the icepack.
“Well, it’s nice everyone wants to take the blame, but it doesn’t help my nose. I’d like to get up off the floor and head home, if you please. James, don’t worry, everything will be fine. Keep Nicky posted about Kara so she can pass everything on to the night shift.”
With that, she held up her free hand to Gerome so he could lever her onto her feet. Maggie’s small office was cramped. My aunt made a ‘shooing’ motion at James, who gave one last ‘sorry’ look at me and left. My uncle was playing the part of the silent observer for all of this, which had me worried.
My aunt spoke up again in her muffled nasal voice. “Cassandra, dear, can you grab my coat from my chair?”
I went to do as she requested and held it out for her to put in each arm then got the bulky jacket settled on her shoulders. I still had my coat on as usual since I could never stay warm. It had seemed even cooler once the rain had started.
When I leaned in front of Maggie to zip it up, she grabbed my hands and said, “I’m feeling flushed, leave it open so I can feel the cold.”
Gerome put in crisply to Maggie, “It’s raining, and you’ll get all wet.”
He moved toward the zipper and Maggie turned on him, dropping the icepack to the floor in anger. “Just because you boss everyone else around, doesn’t mean I have to obey when you bark an order. This is my office and my clinic. So far as I can tell I’m the only one standing here with a Ph.D. in medicine, so if I want to get wet because I’m hot then you can stuff it where the sun doesn’t shine, Walter Gerome Johnson.”
I wanted to melt into the floorboards and escape their disagreement.
He responded to her harshness with, “You’re still a poor patient, I see.”
I hadn’t missed the way Maggie had called Gerome by three names. Why hadn’t I thought to ask my last name? It couldn’t be Johnson unless my mother chose not to take my father’s last name. It was something I was going to have to file away as an inquiry for later because we were all shuffling out of the office and heading into the wide open bed-filled patient area, Maggie in the lead. Gerome hustled ahead so he could open the doors for her. I lagged behind unnoticed.
James looked up from his sitting position on the bed next to Kara’s with a hopeful expression. “Cassandra?”
I drifted closer after I made sure Gerome hadn’t noticed my absence. “I told you at the beginning; I don’t have people skills. If you still want to be friends after today, I’m game.”
I smiled, but I wasn’t sure if it went to my eyes, and then I turned without waiting for a response.
Very faintly came a husky, “I accept.”
My heart started to beat faster, but if you had asked me why I wouldn’t have been able to tell you.
I could hear Maggie and Nicky talking in the counter area, and I stepped through the swinging doors right in time to catch a suspicious look from Gerome. Through the front windows of the clinic, I could see the wind had picked up, and the precipitation was ‘falling’ in a lovely sideways direction. Hopefully, we wouldn’t be going against it.
Maggie wrapped up her conversation with Nicky, who was making little sounds of sympathy. When I got a full frontal view of my aunt, I almost gasped. Both of her eyes were going to turn black and blue. Combine that with the dried blood under her swollen nose and you got a pitiful looking Maggie.
I took a deep remorse filled breath. “Oh, Maggie!”
“Quit apologizing,” she snapped, then more calmly, “Let’s go, I’m hungry believe it or not. The sooner we slog through the rain the better. Do y’all want soup for dinner?”
“Sounds fine,” Gerome strode over to the counter flap and held it up.
As Maggie and I passed through, I could feel his eyes, steadily drilling a hole in my head as if he could peer into my thoughts.
Walking in the driving rain was a brutal slap. I doubt Maggie was going to stay ‘flushed’ for long. When I glanced her way, sure enough, she’d pulled her coat closed with her arms crossed in front of her chest. Gerome didn’t say I told you so, to his credit, and we all made our soggy, miserable way back to the house. Every bit of my pants that hadn’t been covered by my coat was soaked, and my boots were caked in mud making my feet feel ten times heavier. We had a bit of a traffic jam at the front door. Eventually, we got it squared away.
Gerome turned to me and ordered, “Get out of those wet clothes or you’re going to get sick.”
Outwardly obedient, I rebelliously thought I was smart enough to change clothes without his say-so. Maggie followed behind me and patted my shoulder before she turned into the bathroom. I heard the tap turn on and a cabinet door creak, so I assumed she was doing a damage assessment. I still felt guilty about breaking her nose and blacking her eyes. Maybe there was some future good deed I could perform to wipe the slate clean.
When I got into my room, I stripped to my undies and chucked my sodden clothes in the hamper. While I was at it, I prepped my clothes for Malcolm’s training.
As I pulled on my pants and shirt, a feeling of anticipation rose up at the thought of learning to defend myself against the Harrises and Laser Eyes of the world. My inner voice felt the need to make sure no one thought of us as victims again.
Us? I paused in my thoughts. Where had that us come from? I peered into the dresser mirror, intense. Was I losing my mind? I’d have to ask Maggie in confidence if it was normal to talk to mys
elf in my head the way I did. Before today; I had never addressed myself as if I were two separate people in my thoughts. My reflection didn’t advertise any flaws. That got me wondering about Maggie’s ‘extra parts’ comment in the Web. Could I have inadvertently warped myself in some extreme way because of my isolation?
After a firm booming knock, Gerome poked his head in leaving me profoundly grateful I’d already changed clothes.
“Hey, you coming to eat or are you going to stand there looking at yourself all night?”
I think he was trying to kid with me, but it came out as more of a jab. I saw his eyes take in the folded clothes on my nightstand and flick back to me.
He muttered, “Put on some socks.”
My uncle left my bedroom door open. So much for privacy. I heard Maggie’s thumping steps as I was opening the drawer to grab out a pair of pink fluffy socks. They reminded me of something Mother would have picked out for me when I was four or five. I guess it didn’t matter since no one would see me wear them. As I sat to don the offending socks, Maggie filled my doorway and cleared her throat.
“Cassandra, I’m not upset about the nose break. I should know better than anyone not to situate myself so near to a person who’s already inside the Web. It was a rookie mistake on both of our parts. I’d rather call it even…bygones?”
I gave a wordless assent but fully intended to make it up to her at a later date. Her face looked awful. The bridge of her swollen nose had color blooming to the inside of each eye. The washed away blood was the only improvement. Her voice had a nasal quality I didn’t think she’d be rid of until the swelling went down.
I stood from the bed and followed in my pink sock feet behind her to the kitchen. Gerome had already put bowls of microwavable soup at our seats and set the table with napkins and utensils. The kitchen was usually Maggie’s domain, and I could tell this was irritating her to no end, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings for fussing over her. There wouldn’t be a repeat of the earlier ‘stick it where the sun doesn’t shine’ temper tantrum. Maggie sat in her seat and dubiously stirred the contents of her bowl. “Did you add any pepper or garlic?”
Chimera (The Weaver Series Book 1) Page 8
