Caleb’s gaze sharpened as his whole body locked above me with tension. “Ava—”
“It won’t mean that you love me or that I love you,” I whispered. “But I’m still a woman, Caleb. I just … I need to feel like you want me. I need to feel that you see me.”
This whole conversation, our entire interaction since I’d walked into his apartment, was breaking our unspoken rules, but I couldn’t help myself. If he ended things, he ended things, but at least I would know I hadn’t let myself be treated like a mere means of satisfaction.
“I do see you, wee yin,” he said, the words gruff, hoarse, as if discussing any kind of emotion was so rare the words came out all rusty from disuse. “I didn’t touch another woman back home and it wasn’t because there wasn’t an opportunity tae. I do see you.”
More than pleased by that response, my heart fluttering wildly in my chest, I sat up, forcing him back a little so I could whip my sweater off. My bra soon followed it to the floor and I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders to press my breasts to his hard naked chest. My kiss was fierce, yearning, and he immediately got swept up in my desire. His strong arms banded around me, crushing me against him, and we kissed and kissed until we were panting for breath.
When his mouth left mine, it was so he could kiss me all over. I felt his tender kisses on my chest, my breasts, trailing a path down my body, to my center. He kissed me there until I exploded in relief, and while I was coming down from my climax, he removed his jeans and rejoined me on the bed.
This time when he pressed inside it was a slow, thick glide as he returned his mouth to my mouth. We kissed and gasped against each other’s lips. I wrapped him up, my thighs pressed against his hips, my arms around his back, holding him to me.
In that moment this man was my entire world and the orgasm he gave me was world-shattering. He tensed, his groan filling my mouth, and I kissed him, capturing his release inside me in every way I could.
When he finally lifted his head and our eyes met, I saw something that chased the pleasure away.
I saw his fear.
And I hated it.
Lowering my gaze, I forced a smile. “Multiple orgasms. Someone is in fine form tonight,” I joked, trying to break the sudden tension.
I prepared myself for his cold withdrawal. Instead, he grinned and I knew he’d fought back the fear. We would be okay. We would find our way back to a safe place where it was just great sex between two friends who trusted each other.
We would.
We had to.
We were still lying in bed when we heard a male voice, remarkably similar to Caleb’s, call out, “I know you told me tae bugger off, but it started tae piss down out there and I’m bored!”
Caleb threw the duvet over me, hiding me, as he jumped out of bed to shut the bedroom door. “I’ll be out in a second!” he yelled back.
Amused, I watched as he hurried back into his jeans and threw my sweater and bra at me. “Your brother, I presume,” I said as I got out of bed and pulled my clothes on.
“Aye.” His eyes glazed over a little at the sight of my half-nakedness. “Where are your knickers and jeans?”
“Out there. Where you took them off.”
He didn’t seem as entertained by this as I was. “Stay here.”
“Oh, like I have every intention of wandering out there naked in front of your little brother.”
He scowled at the thought before turning his back on me to get a T-shirt out of his built-in wardrobe. When he opened the bedroom door, it was just enough so he could slip out and his brother wouldn’t be able to see in. Once it was closed, I tiptoed over to it, but I couldn’t make out their conversation, just the sound of their voices.
Then Caleb returned, the door forcing me back into the room. He handed me my jeans, underwear, and shoes, appearing almost grim faced.
“I take it he had something to say about these.” I tried not to snicker as I pulled on my clothes.
“He’s a cheeky arse, that’s what he is.”
Chuckling, I stepped into my heels and gestured to myself. “All good?” I strolled over to him, where he was still blocking the door. “Are you going to let me out of this room?”
He scowled at my head. “You have sex hair.”
“That’s because we just had sex.”
“You’re in a good mood.”
“Because of the aforementioned pleasurable physical activity.”
When he still didn’t move, I sighed. “Do you not want me to meet your brother or something?”
He made a face at me like what I’d said was ridiculous and finally opened the door to let me out.
The man who switched the TV to mute and got up off the couch at my appearance made me draw to an abrupt halt, causing Caleb to collide into the back of me. He gripped my arms to stop me stumbling forward.
Oh my goodness.
There were two of them.
Ice blue eyes traveled over me with an intensity that felt unsettlingly familiar. The eyes belonged to a younger version of Caleb.
“Ava, this is Jamie. Jamie, this is Ava,” Caleb introduced us.
At first I was too busy cataloging the brothers’ similarities to notice Jamie’s countenance. All I saw was the same dark blond hair, the same scruff, and the same taste in clothing. Then I saw that his features were slightly softer than Caleb’s, more handsome in a traditional sense, and although he was extremely tall—a good two inches taller than Caleb at least—he was of a slimmer build. He was still muscular, but lean.
He also didn’t have any tattoos that I could see.
And finally, as I stopped my appraisal and looked into his face to smile a greeting, I caught the way he was looking at me.
Perturbed was a nice way of putting it.
Unimpressed was more accurate.
Jamie’s gaze flew over my head to his brother. “Thought you learnt that lesson.” He gestured rudely to me.
As I flinched in confusion, I felt Caleb tense behind me. “Watch it,” he warned dangerously.
His tension leaked into me and I stepped aside, glancing from brother to brother, wondering what the hell was being said between them in their silent glaring match. And why did Jamie seem pissed off by the mere sight of me when he didn’t even know me?
After what felt like a really long time but was probably only seconds, Jamie sighed and turned to me. He appeared defeated. “Nice tae meet you, Ava.” But it didn’t sound like it was nice to meet me at all, and I had no idea why.
“Um … you too?”
My response made him snort.
“Bedroom. Now.” Caleb pointed to the guest room.
Jamie rolled his eyes but did as his brother commanded. Caleb cut me a look. “Stay.”
As he followed his brother into the room, I replied, “Would you like a ‘sit’ or a ‘roll over’ with that?”
He threw me an amused smile over his shoulder but didn’t respond. The door closed behind him and his brother, and I silently crept over to eavesdrop.
I know, I know! Not cool. But I was so confused! I needed answers and I knew Caleb, Mr. Stoic and Brooding, would not provide them for me.
“… aye, but you have tae admit she’s like a short version of Carissa,” I heard Jamie say.
Who was Carissa? And I wasn’t that short!
Okay, I was that short, but still. I frowned at my legs. No need to point it out like it was a bad thing.
“She is not,” Caleb snapped. “They look nothing alike. They are nothing alike.”
“Coloring, aye, different. But … they’ve both got that shiny, immaculate, fresh-coat-of-paint look about them. You know, the high-maintenance type that’s only after one thing. Carissa should have taught you that lesson. We all thought it did.”
Who the hell was Carissa and what did she do?!
“Ava is definitely not Carrie. And what I’m doing with her is definitely not your business, but I’m going tae tell you anyway so you’ll shut up. Ava and I are just friends.
Neither of us is looking for anything serious.”
I scowled at the doorway, wondering why that pissed me off when only a few short weeks ago it had reassured me.
“A woman like that is always looking for something serious. As in serious money.”
“You don’t know the first thing about her and what’s she been through. Trust me, she doesn’t do serious. As for money, she has her own and plenty of it.”
My irritation with his brother was eased by Caleb’s defense of me. Although the altercation only drove home the similarities between the two of them, because hadn’t Caleb treated me with the same condescension at first? He judged me before he knew me. Apparently the brothers were very alike.
“Okay,” Jamie finally said. “I just dinnae want you making the same mistake twice.”
What mistake?
“Learned that lesson the hard way, brother.”
What lesson? WHAT LESSON?!
I hurried silently over to the other side of the room and was pretending to peruse his bookshelves again when the brothers emerged. I turned on my heel, keeping my eyes on Caleb, since I wasn’t comfortable with his judgy little brother. “Is the powwow over? Did you decide on nail polish color and which unfortunate hanger-on gets to run your errands tomorrow at school?”
Caleb smirked at me. “Funny.”
“That was semi-amusing.” Jamie shot me a perplexed look as he wandered by me heading for the kitchen.
“Semi-amusing, pfft. I’m funny,” I called after him, and added pointedly, “I’m freaking awesome.”
Caleb startled me, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist so he could nuzzle my neck. “Fancy ordering some takeout?”
I looked up at him. “I should probably get home.”
He squeezed me. “Stay. I’m not finished with you yet.”
Unbelievably, I felt my body tingle to life at the thought of a round three. “Okay,” I answered immediately. “Do you have an extra toothbrush?”
“Aye.”
I cocked my head to the side in thought. “Did you buy it just for me?”
He shook his head, smiling. “I’ll never tell.”
I grinned at his playfulness, about to say something when I thought I heard Jamie mutter as he passed us with a beer, “Just friends, my arse.”
There was a possibility I heard right because Caleb growled at him. “Shut it or I’ll shut it for you.”
Unperturbed, Jamie settled onto the couch and switched the mute button off the television, the sound of The Big Bang Theory filling the apartment.
“You have a TV in your room,” Caleb said, still holding on to me.
“Aye, so do you,” his brother said, as if to say, Your point being?
Instead of arguing with him over the television, Caleb grabbed my hand and led me back into his bedroom.
I didn’t see Jamie again that night because his big brother kept me all to himself. I was okay with that. Things were confusing enough without having to deal with his judgmental not-so-little brother.
Around one o’clock in the morning, after Thai takeout, some television, and a round of playful sex, Caleb spooned me.
I felt him start to drift to sleep, but my mind refused to shut down. All I could hear was Jamie saying the name Carissa over and over again. Who the hell was she? And why was she a lesson Caleb had to learn from? It didn’t make sense that there could be a woman of that kind of importance in Caleb’s life, because he’d told me he’d never gotten serious with a woman. And Caleb never lied to me … right?
“Caleb?” I whispered.
“Mmm,” he murmured sleepily against my hair.
Knowing he was already halfway into dream world, I did something I shouldn’t have. I deliberately used his half-consciousness against him.
“Did you miss me?” I whispered, already tensing up in anticipation for his reply.
“Mmm, aye, missed you, wee yin,” he mumbled. “Sleep.”
And then he was out, his soft, even breathing filling my ears.
An ache spread out across my chest, the claws of it burrowing deep to my heart. What were we doing?
“I missed you too.”
Twenty-three
ONE MONTH LATER
Surprised?”
I quirked an eyebrow at Caleb, a smile prodding at my lips. “Not in any way.”
He grinned and turned back to the television.
We were at his apartment, and he’d told me that he would surprise me with his movie choice for the night. What was now flickering across his huge flat screen was in no way shocking.
Goodfellas.
I shook my head. “You could have at least tried to be original.”
“It’s a great movie,” he argued, throwing popcorn into his mouth.
“It is,” I agreed honestly. “But if you’d asked me to guess what movie you would choose, it would have been a toss-up between this and The Godfather.”
“Let’s watch that next.”
“Are we not having sex tonight?”
He gave me “a look.” Of course we were having sex tonight. After all, we were friends with benefits. However, since he arrived back in Boston a month ago, Caleb had really been embracing the friends part. In truth, he was so busy in his new role at work, and I was so busy with new clients, that finding time to see each other had become a little trying at times. I felt like we were both frustrated by it, but neither of us would admit it.
“Then I don’t think we have time for The Godfather on top of Goodfellas,” I said. “Plus, if we watch The Godfather we’ll want to watch The Godfather: Part II and even though it’s not my favorite you can’t watch parts one and two without watching part three. And we definitely don’t have time for a Godfather marathon on top of Goodfellas.”
“Is it wrong that the fact that you enjoy mafia movies turns me on a wee bit?” He grinned, one filled with wicked boyishness.
My chest fluttered with too much feeling. Over the last month I felt like I was getting to see the real Caleb. The relaxed, nice, down-to-earth Caleb. I didn’t know if it was having Jamie around or if it was us settling into a real friendship, but I liked this side of him either way.
“It’s a little wrong,” Jamie answered for me, striding out of his bedroom, covered in flecks of paint. I hadn’t seen inside his room, but Caleb told me he had let his brother turn the guest room into a bedroom/ art studio.
“I wasn’t asking you.” Caleb threw a piece of popcorn at him.
“And yet here I am sharing my opinion for free. I’m such a good brother.” Jamie sighed dramatically as he passed us.
“If you’re heading into the kitchen for a beer, you’ll be an even better one if you bring us one too.”
“I’m working,” Jamie called to us, having disappeared out of sight. “So I’m on water.”
I glanced at the open doorway of his room, but all I could see was the head of a bed and a nightstand. Curiosity was compelling me to get up and have a wander into the room, but my good manners quelled the compulsion.
“He won’t let me in either,” Caleb said quietly, having noted my interest. “He keeps his work private until it’s finished.”
“He has a huge social media following,” I said, as if that explained my curiosity.
“I do.” Jamie appeared from out of the kitchen. “And I have great hearing.” He handed us beers and kept hold of the bottle of water in his hand. He pinned me to the sofa with his ice blue gaze. I found it remarkable that two brothers could have identical beautiful eyes and yet only one of them made my heart flutter when he focused on me.
“You been stalking me, Miss Breevort?” Jamie teased.
The upside to hanging out with Caleb as a friend was that Jamie was around in the background during most of those times and he’d gotten to spend a little time with me. Although I still sensed his hesitancy with me, for whatever weird reason (Carissa?), he was at least congenial enough now.
And on that Carissa note, I still had no idea who sh
e was or what lesson she’d taught Caleb.
“I was curious.” I shrugged. “And you have over half a million Instagram followers. That’s pretty impressive.”
“Plus, Ava sketches,” Caleb offered. I’d left my sketchbook out on the coffee table a week ago and nosy Caleb had taken a peek. Admittedly, I’d flushed with pleasure at his praise for my drawings. “She’s good. You should check them out.”
I tried to ignore the warmth his words caused in my chest. “They’re nothing like your paintings. I just … doodle.”
“They’re more than doodles.”
“I didn’t know you were into art.” Jamie studied me curiously.
I stopped myself from responding that he didn’t know anything about me because he refused to ask. Instead I said, “I went to art school. Interior design.”
“Oh, right, of course. I dropped out of art school.”
“Not that it did him any harm. Jamie’s got an exhibit coming up in New York,” Caleb said, smirking at his brother, but it was a proud smirk. I could tell. And it made my insides mushy.
Jamie flicked his brother an amused but pleased look. “What can I say … I’m a genius.”
Caleb chuckled, shaking his head at him. And with one last look at me, Jamie wandered back to his room.
“And modest too.” I turned to his big brother. “A self-portrait next, I think. Titled Genius.”
Caleb grunted, his lips quirking up at the corners.
“I heard that,” Jamie grumbled before slamming the door shut behind him.
“Just when he was starting to like me.” I took a swig of my beer as I felt a hand on my naked thigh. We were having an extremely warm June and so I was still in the shorts and T-shirt I’d put on to wander around Back Bay in the sun earlier that day. I followed the length of his arm all the way up to its owner’s face.
Mirth danced in Caleb’s gaze. “Do you really want tae watch the movie?”
“I thought you wanted to watch the movie?”
His big hand caressed my skin, his fingers disappearing under the hem of my shorts. “You’re being cute. So now I dinnae want tae watch the movie,” he whispered, the amusement giving away to heat.
Fight or Flight Page 24
