It’d been three days since Levi had seen Sadie. Three days of not eating or sleeping. Three days without a minute of peace. He kept expecting his mind to stop going over things at some point and give him a break. But it hadn’t happened yet.
Andy put the dishes in the sink. “You at the store today, your workshop, or training horses?”
Levi couldn’t take it anymore. He had to talk about what ate at him before he lost his mind. “Why’d she leave?”
“Sadie?”
“Eva.”
Andy scratched his head. “You know, seeing as it was me who lost a wife, you sure do carry a lot of scars.”
“She was family. Like you and Tobias. But she just walked out. Who does that? And why?”
Andy poured coffee into a mug and sat across from Levi. “I know we should’ve talked about this a long time ago, but I couldn’t.” He swiped his hand across the table. “You and I are better suited for working and arguing, even for building a home worthy of raising Tobias. But we’re not good at talking about the hard things.”
“I can’t deny that.”
Andy rapped his fingers on the table. “But you needed me to talk, and I’m sorry I didn’t. Eva was … a sinking ship. She didn’t have the emotional strength to get through a day on her own. If you look back, you can see that. She stayed in bed most of the day, and when she got up, she needed help to do the simplest chores. Even at sixteen, I saw hints of that in her, but I didn’t have to see it, because she told me about her struggles. She was completely overwhelmed by life, and despite knowing better, I chose to lie to myself, chose to believe that I had it in me to keep her afloat.”
Levi remembered wondering why Eva had no zing to her, no desire to greet the day and enjoy it for what it was. He also struggled to understand why she’d make such a big deal out of the smallest things sometimes. But Levi had accepted Eva as she came. And now he couldn’t accept any woman for who she was. He made himself sick.
Andy took a sip of his coffee. “I think Sadie is exactly who she told you she was from the start—no angel. But think about that night she helped you, and open your eyes—she’s not Eva. She’s strong and able to see a challenge through.” He chuckled. “And she may always be in hot water with her Daed, but her joy for life is contagious.”
Dozens of memories washed over Levi. “She’s got this unreasonable fear of rodents, but that never stops her from doing what she sets out to do. It’s one of my favorite things about her.” Levi rubbed the back of his neck, grateful he no longer needed the neck brace. “None of what you’ve said helps me understand how Eva could’ve left Tobias.”
Andy looked down the hall, checking for Tobias before he leaned in. “After he was born, she was more overwhelmed. Eva didn’t believe she’d be a decent mother, and the idea of failing him—of having more babies—terrified her.” Andy sighed. “Look, I know I sort of went crazy when she left, and I leaned on you too much. But this is a good life, and I have peace about the decisions I made that got me here. You’ve got to find some peace, Levi. You’ve got to learn to trust that if you ever have to face the unthinkable, God will be right there to give you strength. And so will I.”
“Me too.” Tobias walked into the room, smiling.
Levi glanced at Andy, and his eyes grew wide before he shrugged. Had Tobias heard much of what Andy had said or only the ending? But he knew by Andy’s reaction that if Tobias had heard, he was okay with it.
“So who’s taking me to school, because I don’t want to walk. It’s too cold out there!”
“I’ll take you.” Levi got up. “And then I’m going to apologize to Sadie. But that’s all I can do.”
Andy stared at him, looking as if he felt sorry for him. But Levi knew what he knew. Despite having strength and joy, she’d left Daniel the same as Eva had left Andy.
And he couldn’t ignore that.
It didn’t take long for Levi to hitch up the carriage and drop Tobias at school. Soon he stood on Mammi Lee’s porch, as nervous as a mistreated horse. He lifted a hand and knocked on the door.
Someone moved the curtains back from the glass and peered out. A moment later Mammi Lee opened the door.
“Hi, Verna. I … need to speak to Sadie.”
Mammi Lee stepped back from the door, and he came inside. “She’s not here. Left a couple of days ago.”
Levi knew it wasn’t time for her to leave, not yet. Had she already gone ahead to be with some of her team? “But she’s still in the States, right?”
She walked into the living room.
He followed her. “Do you know how I can reach her?”
Mammi pulled another towel from the pile. “Why do you want to talk to her?”
“I need to apologize. I … I wasn’t much of a friend.”
“So it’s friends you want to be.” She popped the towel in the air. “Is that the conclusion you came to during that week of thinking before you and she were supposed to talk—that you just want to be friends?”
“Mammi Lee … Verna, I—”
“That’s a yes-or-no question, Levi.”
He closed his eyes, seeing the only thing he’d seen for months: Sadie. “What do you want from me? You want the truth? I love her. How could any man get to know her like I have and not fall in love with her? But it’s never going to work between us. We both knew that from the start. Still, I need to talk to her.”
“Is that what you were going to tell her last Saturday night—that it’d never work? Or did Daniel change your mind for you?” She set the folded towel on top of the others.
Her question didn’t leave him anywhere to hide. And he finally saw. That’s what he’d been doing, wasn’t it? Hiding. Sadie had spent years pulling away from her family to hide—whether in Stone Creek or Peru. And he hid while living right here among his family and looking them in the eye every day.
Mammi Lee walked toward the door. “It’s time you leave now.”
“But—”
“You can rest your worry. Sadie will be fine. She’ll grieve for a while, and then she’ll be stronger and happier without you, just like she’s been without Daniel. You’re making the same mistake I did—you believe Daniel’s lies. And just like me, you’ll see the truth one day. And you’ll be sorry for trusting the wrong person, but it won’t matter to her by then.”
Did he really believe Daniel, or did he simply want to believe him?
Verna opened the door. “We’ve been praying for her night and day for years, hoping she’d land right where she is.”
There was only one place her family had been praying for her to be.
“She’s in Brim.”
“I’ll be sure she knows you came by, and I’ll say that you’d like to remain friends and you’re sorry, but I think it’d be best if you leave it at that. Please.”
He stepped onto the porch, and she closed the door. Verna had freed him, had made it clear Sadie would be fine. Her reasoning deserved his respect. He should do as she asked and not try to reach Sadie.
So if he was free, why did he hurt worse now than before?
He drove his rig toward home. Dozens of emotions gnawed at him. It didn’t matter what had taken place between Daniel and Sadie, did it? The problem was him.
His inability to let himself really care, to trust his heart to someone other than himself.
Still …
Levi’s back teeth clenched. What had happened with Sadie and Daniel? He wanted to know the truth. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Daniel.
“Levi, where are you? I’m at your place, arguing with Andy about taking a horse. You know how he gets.”
When Levi topped the hill near his home, he spotted the horse trailer. He hung up and drove onto his driveway.
Andy had Lightning, a white filly, by the harness, standing at the back of the open trailer. He and Daniel had talked about this. No horse would be sold until Levi said it was ready.
Levi got out of his rig and strode toward the trailer. Tip sat in
the truck as usual.
Daniel spat a wad of gum onto the ground. “We’ve got a buyer willing to pay top price for this filly so she can be a Christmas present.”
“She’s not ready.”
“Well, she may not be perfectly trained, but you’ve been working with her.”
“She goes nowhere.” Levi turned to Andy. “Take her back to the barn.”
Andy patted Lightning and hurried the animal toward the barn.
“Why?” Daniel’s voice echoed off the barn. “Buyers know the risks of owning an animal like this. Our goal has always been to make the horses reasonably obedient and move on to the next sale.”
Levi could hardly absorb seeing Daniel in this light. He was wound tighter than Levi had ever seen him. Maybe it bothered him that Sadie had learned to care for someone else. But did his business partner realize he’d just lied? Their goal was never as Daniel just said. But everyone tends to get rather gray about things as time passes.
“Our agreement was never casual or careless when it came to selling horses. And I’ve made my sentiments about training them clear.”
Daniel sighed. “Okay.” He put up both hands. “I didn’t come here for a fight. I assumed you’d be ready to let her go and make some good money. What about Amigo? Any chance he’s ready? I’m sure you’ve done your magic by now. He’s bound to be as rehabilitated as he’ll ever get.”
“None of the horses are ready. You took the last of the trained ones just four days ago.”
“Well, sometimes you get a lot done in a few days. I bet you got one that’ll work to fill this order.”
That was nothing but flattery. Levi couldn’t get to know any horse well within a few days, even if the horse already had some training. Levi needed repeat performances to ensure a behavior was ingrained.
“You’re just a smooth talker, aren’t you, Daniel?”
Daniel kicked at the gravel, moving his foot back and forth while clearing a spot. “This argument isn’t about the filly or Amigo, is it? It’s about Sadie, right? You came here ready to fight.”
Daniel had some good points. Levi had climbed out of his rig thinking about Sadie and suspecting Daniel. But Daniel’s earlier use of the word rehabilitate had caught Levi’s attention. They didn’t refer to horses in that manner unless something had happened to the animal that it needed to recover from—mistreatment, an accident, illness.
Levi’s mind churned, burning through dozens of past conversations. Andy returned, and Levi looked to him. “Daniel just said something about Amigo needing to be rehabilitated. Do you recall anything about that in any discussion or seeing it in the paperwork when he unloaded Amigo here last spring?”
“No. I’d have remembered if it’d been said or listed anywhere.”
Levi didn’t doubt that Andy would’ve paid heed to it. His brother pored over the information that came in, often calling previous owners and taking careful notes on each horse. He shared that information with Levi at great length before Levi began working with them.
“Oh, come on!” Daniel’s face turned red. “There is no way I’d do anything on purpose that would get you hurt. You’ve got to know that much. We’re friends. Besides, what would be the point? I need you to be whole if I’m going to make the kind of money we do when working as a team.”
“So you messed up and didn’t provide that information to me. Is that what you’re saying?”
“Ya, absolutely. It was a mistake. I don’t know how I could forget that Amigo had been traumatized by some boys playing with firecrackers. He got tangled up in some wire fencing running away from them. You needed to know that. But I didn’t recall it until after you were hurt. What good would it have done after you were injured to tell you I had messed up?”
Levi stared at him. He believed Daniel’s account of overlooking crucial information where Amigo was concerned. But he was beginning to realize that this man was very good at covering up his mistakes.
In that moment Levi saw the truth. He didn’t know why, but he could clearly see that Sadie had good cause to call off the wedding, just as she’d had good cause to go riding the night she’d found Levi in that field: God had directed her steps.
That revelation, however, brought him no relief or peace. Daniel had lied to him—more than once. And Levi had swallowed it. And Sadie had been hurt.
Levi had given up his chance with her because he’d believed a lie, not just the one Daniel told, but the one he’d told himself: that he had insight into how much of a gamble it was to get involved with a woman. But that wasn’t insight. That was fear, and he’d chosen to believe it because he’d thought it would keep him safe and far away from a deceitful heart. And yet here he stood.
Daniel shoved his hands into his coat pockets, his shoulders stooped. “I’m sorry, Levi. You’ve got to believe me. It was a stupid mistake not to tell you about Amigo. Please give me a chance to make it up to you.”
“I believe you. It’s not like you to do something deceitful on purpose, any more than it was when you cheated on Sadie. Right?”
“Sadie?” Daniel rolled his eyes. “Is every conversation from here on going to circle back to her?”
“I’m in love with her. Can you understand that?”
“Far more than you’ll ever give me credit for.” Daniel sighed. “Okay.”
Daniel’s last word seemed to lodge in his throat, and an unfamiliar expression eased across his face. Was he going to be honest?
“I’m not like you, Levi. Never was. I’ve spent most of my life being so restless I can’t stand myself. I’ve given into temptation more times than I’m willing to admit. But when I got to know Sadie, I knew she was my best chance of finding peace and happiness. I’d hoped to be a good husband. But her cousin was so beautiful. And we were both smitten. I wanted to resist. I just … couldn’t.”
“You’ve lied about what happened since the day she caught you. When I told you I loved her, you lied to me. That’s very deliberate.”
“I had to lie. If the church leaders had known what happened, I would’ve been shunned. My family would’ve …”
“What, seen you for who you are?”
“I was so angry that she wouldn’t give me another chance. But I never meant for any of this to happen. I’ll make it up to you … and Sadie.”
“No. We’re done.” He gestured toward the truck. “Just go.”
“But we make great money with our horse-trading. We need to work through this. I told you the truth. That’s gotta count for something.”
Levi stepped forward, his hands balling into fists. “You and I are done. I’m not doing any more business with you, and if you think that’s unfair,”—he met Daniel’s stunned gaze—“feel free to take it up with God. He knows exactly how to handle someone who isn’t just.”
An icy wind rattled the windows and howled as Sadie set the dinner table. Each move she made inside her childhood homestead was as familiar as a Pennsylvania winter and yet as foreign as if she’d never lived here. A fire crackled in the hearth.
She’d come home. She’d yielded to her Daed’s authority, and he’d embraced her with tears flowing. He didn’t want her to leave the country again, and she’d called the head of the mission team and told him she wouldn’t be going. The mission director understood that these things happen, and they had a young man who wanted to go. He could take her place, but he lacked the necessary funds. She became his sponsor and sent all her money to the board. It hadn’t been easy, but she’d done as she thought God wanted—and she had peace.
Still, her heart ached, and she missed things about Levi she hadn’t been consciously aware of, like the steady calmness of his movements as he worked with a piece of wood or his quiet tone when they talked. He had a zeal for life, and even his cynicism drew her in, as he never used it meanly. How many times had she startled awake because she saw him in her dreams, saw his smile from across the room when they went to singings, felt his sorrow, heard him calling to her?
Tomorrow w
as Christmas Eve, and she kept telling herself that the ache would pass after the holidays.
If only she could believe that.
The back door opened, and a rush of cold air came in with her father. “Sadie?”
“I’m right here.”
He glanced at the kitchen table. “Yes, you are.” He pulled off his coat. “I just got off the phone with Mammi Lee. I think we should talk.”
Emotions flooded through her, and tears pricked her eyes. “Is it about Levi?”
“It is.” He went to his chair beside the fireplace. Sadie went to the ladder back that faced the hearth. Her mother sat in the love seat across from her husband. Daed smiled, but his eyes looked sad. “It’s not the first time since you arrived home last week that I’ve spoken with her. We thought it best not to be hasty. Levi came to her place more than a week ago, looking for you, and Mammi Lee asked him not to contact you.”
Sadie waited, hardly able to keep her poise.
“A few days after Levi’s visit, his brother came to see her. He didn’t want to interfere, but he wanted her to know something that’d happened—in case she wanted to share it with you.”
“Daed!” Sadie reached over and swatted his knee. “You’re dragging this out too long. Tell me.”
“It didn’t take your Levi very long to come to his senses. He broke off all ties with Daniel.”
Her heart jolted, and she wasn’t sure how to feel about that piece of news. Did it mean Levi finally saw Daniel’s true character and would no longer associate with him, or was it something more? Did he care for her so much that he had to do something drastic to heal some of the rift between them? “Why?”
“Well, I have it on good authority that he’s a fine man who’s reluctantly fallen in love with my daughter.”
Her heart soared. Was it possible? She prayed it was.
The flames in the fireplace swooshed as a log shifted. And a memory caught her. Years ago she had sat in this same spot, broken beyond words and staring at a cold hearth.
A smile rose from within, and she looked at her mother. “Can we spend Christmas in Apple Ridge?”
The Dawn of Christmas: A Romance from the Heart of Amish Country Page 13
