The moonlight shines down on his face, showing me his eyes. There is so much emotion in them, I can’t focus on one. “I don’t know what you feel. I don’t know what I feel,” I confess.
“When I do this…” He lifts his hand, pressing it to my cheek. “What do you feel?”
Everything.
“Warm.”
I feel his heat, the warmth that emanates from him, thawing my heart from the years I’ve kept it frozen. A fire inside of me that was just dwindling embers is kindling back up into a flame.
Then I remember that heat can burn you, scar you, and leave you exposed and raw.
“And what about this?” Derek leans in and I don’t move a muscle. His mouth inches closer and I don’t know what to do. If I let him kiss me now, there’s no drinks to blame it on, I’m stone-cold sober. However, his lips don’t touch mine, they press against my cheek. “What do you feel there?”
I release a shaky breath as I try to slow my racing heart. “Nervous.”
“Do you know what I feel when I touch you, Teagan?”
My head moves side to side.
“I feel content. I feel like everything makes sense in a world where none of this should.”
“It doesn’t make sense.”
His lips inch closer and I know that he is going to kiss me, not on the cheek, not on the nose, but he’s going to kiss me, own me, claim me as his and I don’t think I have the wherewithal to stop him.
“We make sense.” His voice is soft, as if he doesn’t want to disrupt the moment. “What do you want to feel, Teagan?”
My pulse is racing and every muscle in my body is pulled toward him.
I look up in his eyes as he waits. “Tell me something real,” I say with fear and hope.
Derek moves so our lips are a breath apart. “I’m really going to kiss you.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Derek
Present
The first time I kissed Teagan Berkeley we had been drinking, and even in the slight alcohol fog in the moment, everything felt right.
She felt right.
We are right.
This time, my entire life makes sense. It’s as if the pieces of me that were floating, searching for their rightful spot have just…connected.
Our mouths move together and I pull her in my arms. For so long I’ve felt such jarring emotions when it came to her. It was too intense and made no sense, but this is why. Because I didn’t know that having her would calm everything.
I hold her cheeks, needing to keep our lips fused. She’s the air, the ocean, and I would drown in her if I could.
She moans into my mouth and I push her to her back, cradling her as we go. Her fingers slide through my hair, gripping the strands as though she has to keep me here. I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.
I kiss her for the years I couldn’t. I kiss her for the time that’s passed and I didn’t get to touch her. I kiss her as a promise and an apology because I hurt her. My heart, which has been dead inside, is beating and she’s who gave it back.
Maybe it was never mine to begin with and it’s always been Teagan’s.
“Derek.” She says my name in the softest tone.
“I’m here.”
Teagan’s eyes are filled with desire as she stares up at me. “This is real, right? This isn’t a dream.”
I shake my head. “It’s real.”
“Real.” She says the word as if it’s the first time.
Her fingertips graze my face and I watch her watching me. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”
“You’re not the only one.”
“This is going to be complicated,” Teagan warns.
I’m not sure if she’s telling me or reminding herself. However, I don’t care what we have to do to make this work. There is no way I can walk away. Not when everything in my life is finally fitting.
When I lost Meghan, I didn’t know what it meant. I thought it was a punishment of some sort. I believed I deserved to be alone now because it was how she must’ve felt.
Then, when I had to come back here, I again thought it was another way to have to be reminded of the man I couldn’t be for Meghan. I had no idea if Teagan was married or happy. Surely she had to be. She’s beautiful, funny, smart, and I never would’ve been able to handle watching her with another man.
“I can do complicated,” I assure her.
“We can’t tell anyone.”
I smile. “I can keep a secret.”
Teagan laughs and then runs her thumb across my lips. “I’m going to need to go slow.”
“Are you trying to give me an out?” I ask as I lean back, pulling her up with me.
“I’m just giving you the reality.”
My finger slides under her chin and I lift it so our eyes meet. “I don’t need fast. I don’t need to tell people—right now,” I say because I won’t be able to lie for very long. “I’ve waited a very long time for you, even when I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. We can go as slow as you need. We can tell as many or as few people as we want. The only thing you can’t do is tell me this is all we get.”
Time is fleeting. It doesn’t care that the reasons she may have are valid, because when it runs out, you can never get it back. I won’t live like that again. I know what I want. I see my life in front of me and every aspect has Teagan in it.
I’m buying that house because one day, she’ll live in it. I don’t know when, but it will happen. I don’t care if every room in that house has to be renovated, I know that it’s where Teagan and I will be.
Her eyes are warm and her smile soft. I lean in, pressing my lips to hers.
Because I can and because I need her.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Teagan
Present
Kissing him like this is everything. It’s coming up for air. It’s drowning. It’s feeling as though I have everything I want, but not really knowing if it’s real. Derek’s hands cup my cheek, his thumbs brushing against the skin in soft caresses, and I melt.
I give myself permission to just feel and catalog the senses. I inhale the sea air, allowing the slight sting of the salt to flow through me. My fingers run though his soft hair, the strands feeling as though they were meant for this exact moment.
He licks against my lips and I open to him. I’m his right now. I am taking and giving because resisting him is the last thing I want to do.
“Teagan.” His deep voice rasps over my name, and I vow never to forget the way he sounds. How full of need his words are.
Derek’s fingers drift down my arms and then snake around my back, pulling me tighter against his chest as the kiss goes on.
Time seems to stop or maybe it disappears completely because this moment is perfection.
Every time that I imagined this, I was so far off. I couldn’t have known that it would feel this good. There’s not anyone who would have been able to articulate how one kiss could make my world flip upside down, but that’s what he’s always been for me.
A game changer.
“Tell me you feel this,” he says against my lips.
“I feel it all.”
Derek pulls back, the moonlight behind him, which should make it impossible to see him, and yet it’s as though the sun is around us both. I can see the desire in his eyes. I can taste the want that pulses between us and the apprehension that we’re both trying to make sense of.
I want him, but God, if it doesn’t terrify me.
Giving in to this has a potential for disaster.
“If I had known…”
I touch his face. “You would’ve what?”
“I would’ve come for you. I would’ve not been such a fucking pussy and told you everything. I would’ve been at your door each day until you let me in and forgave me.”
“You wouldn’t have had to work that hard. I don’t know that I could’ve resisted you,” I confess.
He smiles with a soft shake of his head. “I think we both know y
ou wouldn’t have been that forgiving.”
“Maybe not,” I admit as I rub the beginning of his five o’clock shadow. “I might have made it difficult for you, but I think we would’ve been right here after a few days.”
“You have no idea what I’m feeling.”
“Tell me.”
Derek takes my hands in his, our fingers intertwining, and he steps back. “First, there’s regret for the fact that we didn’t have this sooner. All this time that we’ve wasted. Years of anger that has built up. I have fear because I don’t know if you’ll ever truly forgive me, just as I’m not sure I forgive myself.” I start to open my mouth to say something but he continues. “More than anything, I want you, Teagan. I always have. I want to lay you down on this blanket and make up for all the time we’ve lost. I want to worship you, claim you, make you remember nothing else but me. I feel a need for you that is unparallel to anything I’ve ever felt before.”
As though neither of us could take another second, we both crash together. Our hands are on each other, holding the other closer. My chest is so tight to his there’s no space. I want to absorb myself in him and become one.
His words ignite a part of me that I thought might be lost forever—to be wanted.
I’ve longed for someone to see me as more, and he does.
Derek sees the woman I could be. I worry that if I allow the part of myself I keep locked away to come to the surface, the vulnerability will be too much.
His fingers tangle in my hair, gripping the strands and guiding my head the way he wants me. I let him lead, needing for him to keep kissing me.
I slide my hands up his chest, loving the low, deep, filled-with-lust sound that emanates from his throat.
God, this is going to end with us naked if we don’t stop it.
“Derek.” I breathe his name, not sure if I’m asking for more or warning him it’s too much.
And that’s the thing. It’s both.
He must take it as the second, though, because he gives me two soft kisses and then rests his chin on top of my head, struggling to catch his breath.
We stand here, with the sea at his back as I cling to him, unsure whether if I let him go, this will all disappear.
Derek seems to mirror my thoughts because he looks down at me and shakes his head. “Is this real?”
“I really hope so.”
“I do too, Tea.”
The thing is, I don’t know what any of it means. “I feel as though we’re moving too fast, but at the same time we’ve been waiting for this forever.”
He smirks. “You’ve dreamed of this?”
Oh, please. Like I’m going to admit that. “And you haven’t?”
“I most definitely have.” Derek’s warm hands glide up my arms, sending a delicious shiver down my spine.
All of this is too fast. There is a lot to consider and things that we need to talk about before I go any further. Even though there’s nothing I’d like more than to strip him down and see if the rest of my fantasies are even close.
“Derek, this is…this is a lot.” I take a step back. Maybe a little space will help us.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. It’s all so…much. I’ve been waiting so long for this.” I pause, trying to find the right words. “Chance. This possibility of us, and I don’t want to dive into something that neither of us are really ready for.”
“What makes you think I’m not ready?”
He hasn’t said or done anything to say he’s not, but I can’t help worrying that he hasn’t really comprehended what being a single parent is. Everly isn’t going to be an easy kid either based on what is going on now. Then there’s my kid, my own issues, his family, and we have different goals.
“I don’t know if you aren’t ready, but are you? Do you have a clue about what we’re doing?”
He reaches his hand out, taking mine. “I’m ready for us, Teagan, and as for what we’re doing…I don’t have a clue what it is but I know that I want whatever this is. I know you make me feel alive and that I have no intention of this being our last date.”
And I have no hopes of resisting him.
“I don’t want that either.”
“Okay, then don’t pull away.”
I wish it were that simple. “I’m a mess, Derek. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth. I’m scared of being hurt. I’m scared of what it means for my daughter, because if this goes badly, animals and working with you is her solace.” The words come fast and I can’t stop them. “My life has been this series of bad choices and then unhappiness. I don’t want us to be that. I’ve been waiting and hoping for you for so damn long and now you’re here and…God, that could go away. Then what? What happens if you realize I’m the mess you don’t want to deal with? Because that could happen.”
“Not a chance.”
“Yeah, you say that now but…”
“But nothing, Teagan. Look, I don’t know what the hell the future holds any more than you do. You’re not the only one with a mess, okay? I got a pretty fucking big one too. Here’s the thing, do you want to walk away right now from what this could be?”
“No.” There is no hesitation.
“Then all I ask is if you get scared and you need us to slow down, you tell me.”
Could this man be more perfect? I don’t think he could.
“Okay, but you have to promise me something.”
Derek releases a breath, almost as though he wasn’t sure I would give him that. “Anything.”
“If my mess starts to become too much, you’ll tell me before, so I can clean more of it up.”
His fingers tighten in mine and he pulls me to him. My chest is now pressed back against his. “Deal. Now, I’m going to kiss you until you tell me to stop, okay?”
I smile, my heart feeling just a little more hopeful and the desire I thought had diminished is back in full force. “Absolutely okay.”
And he wastes no time doing exactly as he promised.
Chapter Thirty
Teagan
Present
“Are you telling me that your date was better than you thought?” Nina asks with a smirk.
I had to go over every single detail with her. She asked the weirdest things, but then again, it’s Nina and she lives in a fantasy-relationship land.
“It was.”
“And you guys are going to go out again?”
There’s no point in denying it. “Yes.”
She screams and starts to jump up and down. “I knew it! I knew this would happen! Gah! It’s like the book I just finished. This girl, who loved this guy, was so angry that he left because his job called him away—”
“Nina,” I say, trying to stop her before she ruins the book and I never get to read it.
“—It was so sad too because she thought he left because of the job but it turned out it was because his father didn’t like her, but that’s not the point. It was because the hero really wanted to protect her from the evil father who had plans to ruin her.” She begins to ramble more, with her hands going as she explains the entire plot.
“Nina.”
“Oh! The best part though was when he told her that he came back because he couldn’t live without her. It was so sweet. They were these star-crossed lovers and he finally stood up to his daddy and told him where to stick it. Then, they were in love and everything was great. Of course the book ended with a wedding where the father was there, supportive finally.”
“Yes, finally.”
“You should read it.”
I groan and drop my head. “That entire thing sounds great, but it’s nothing like Derek and me.”
“No? You mean that the father isn’t like his ex-wife and he didn’t come back?”
“Sure, it’s like the book, now that you put it that way.”
The phone rings and we both smile, knowing it’s Mrs. Dickman and that we have a surprise for her. “You want to get it or should I?” I ask.
&nb
sp; “You’re the manager and should be the one…”
I smile and grab the phone. “Island Antiques, this is Teagan.”
“Teagan, dear, it’s Mrs. Dickman…I wanted to inquire about the chairs.”
I don’t know if it’s Derek’s returning and me wanting to bring things back to where they might have belonged all along, but I’ve been scouring the antique world for Mrs. Dickman’s chairs this last week. I’ve called every antique store that I could find in the state of Virginia. Then, when I exhausted that, I went to Maryland, Delaware, New Jersey, and finally, when I got to Connecticut, I had a break.
“Actually, I’m glad you called, I do have some news.”
Her gasp is loud and I can’t help but smile.
“You do?”
“I do. I was able to locate one chair.”
“Oh! Teagan!” I can almost hear the tears through her voice. “You found one?”
“I did. My mother is heading up there in the next few days and is going to grab it. I’m hoping we find more. The other store owners I contacted are all on the hunt as well.”
She sniffles once. “You have no idea how much this means. Thank you.”
“It’s not all of them, but piece by piece we’ll find them.”
“That’s how life works, my sweet girl. Piece by piece we find what we’re missing and sometimes we become whole again.”
How right she is. “We’ll keep trying.”
“Thank you.” Her voice is shaking and then she disconnects the line.
Nina has tears rolling down her face. I swear, this girl is such a sap, but then again, I’m tearing up too. Mrs. Dickman has been waiting for so long and I almost hate myself for not understanding more how much she’s missed what she’s lost.
“You’ve made her very happy.” Nina wipes under her eyes.
“God, we’re a bunch of babies.”
All I Ask Page 18
