by J. L. Jarvis
“I don’t know what you mean.”
He looked away with a cynical smile. “Let’s just say you’re both very formal.”
“Formal?”
“Distant? Cold?”
If his last remark had left her feeling defensive, that one finished the job. “We’re not distant or cold. We’re just different. Just because we don’t paw each other in public doesn’t mean that we’re formal.”
“Oh, so you paw each other in private.”
“No! You’re twisting my words.”
Marco folded his arms. “Well then, explain it in your words.”
She didn’t like where the conversation was going, but she needed to set the record straight. “Real life is not like the movies. They make it seem like it’s all fireworks and…”
“Romance?” His gaze bored through her facade.
Unable to bear his knowing look, Lydia protested. “We don’t need romance because we have something… real!”
Marco lifted his eyebrows and acted impressed, but she saw the sarcasm beneath it. “I see.”
“Good.” Her temper was not helping her case, so she tried to calm down.
“And I’m sorry.” That time, he was being sincere, but the pity in his eyes stung far worse than his sarcasm.
“Why would you say that?”
His eyes had a faraway look. “I am the last one to give advice about love, but I think there’s a lot to be said for a good fireworks display. I want more than that.” He added, “For you… with Bryce.”
Sometimes we don’t have a choice. “What makes you think you can counsel me about love when you’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than a week?”
“That’s not true! I’ve had a couple that lasted a month.”
“I stand corrected. You’re a love expert—as well as a commitment-phobe.”
A hard look came into his eyes. “Love hurts, so I’m cautious. But it’s not that I don’t want to love or be loved. I just have to be sure.”
“No one’s ever sure.”
“Maybe it’s a matter of trust. Whatever it is, you’re wrong. I’ve always wanted to feel that kind of love, but I’ve just never found it.” His searching eyes were so penetrating that Lydia feared he might find something she wasn’t ready to share. She looked away.
Marco said, “You were about to tell me that something was wrong.”
“Was I?” I don’t think so.
“Is it your father?”
Lydia shook her head.
“Your mom? Dylan?”
“Marco, I’m fine. It’s okay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes!” She smiled and thought it had been fairly convincing.
“But?”
Lydia shook her head again. “But what? Maybe you’re the one with the problem. In which case, don’t look at me. I can’t figure you out.”
“I’m a pretty simple guy.”
Lydia laughed. “You are anything but that. You are the most complicated person I’ve ever met.” She considered her words, not wanting to reveal too much of the truth. “I don’t understand why it’s gotten so hard for us to be friends. It used to be so easy.”
“Maybe we care too much.”
Definitely on my part. “I used to think you couldn’t care too much because caring’s a positive thing.”
He smiled. “That’s what I love about you. You see things so simply.”
“And that’s what I hate about you. You’ve always underestimated me.”
He touched her cheek as he searched her eyes. “Not always. Not now.”
If she didn’t look away, she would drown a sea of emotion. “Bryce will be wondering where I am.”
Marco lifted his eyebrows. It was almost dismissive, but she couldn’t be sure. She needed to go, and if finding Bryce served as her excuse, then so be it. She donned a bright smile. “Hey, it’s Christmas! Look at us. We’re at an amazing party! Let’s not waste it in Caroline’s exercise room.”
“It’s not wasted if I’m with you.”
Oh, you’re good. Really good. You should stop now. If you won’t, I’ll have to. But she didn’t.
Marco’s smile faded, and a look of surprise crossed his face. He gazed so deeply into Lydia’s eyes that she felt a little lightheaded. His lips parted, and she parted hers. Then he touched his lips to hers gently. His were soft, and their mouths fit together. If she had looked down to discover she was floating, she wouldn’t have been surprised.
Slowly, he pulled away and stared at her. She didn’t understand why he looked so confused when, for once, she was not. Everything felt right to her.
“If Bryce is the one, then I wish you the best. Merry Christmas.” He kissed her on the forehead and left, closing the door gently behind him.
A tear trailed down Lydia’s cheek as she whispered, “ Merry Christmas.”
In no hurry to return to the party, Lydia waited until she felt fully composed. She was getting better at it. Getting over Marco’s gestures of friendship had become almost a routine. That kiss was a new addition, though, as cruel as it was tender. She wasn’t sure she would ever understand what had just happened, so she shelved it along with her aching emotions. Though she could pull it off the shelf now and then to relive it. That kiss had enough in it to relive for the rest of her life.
Lydia sighed. She would be sighing a lot when she thought about Marco. But she couldn’t build a life on a knee-buckling kiss from a friend. So Lydia drew in a deep breath, exhaled, and went upstairs to face real life.
“There she is.”
Bryce took Lydia’s hand. He seemed happy to see her, and she felt the same—or maybe she felt relieved. Bryce was fresh air to her lungs after the weight of confusion and heartache of being with Marco.
“I just spoke to your mother.” He grinned at Eve. “And I’ve assured her that my parents will chaperone us.” He leaned toward Eve and Dylan in mock confidence. “I’ve heard rumors that my mother has personally refocused the interior security cameras, so I assure you, your daughter will be well looked after.” He put his arm around Lydia’s shoulders.
Lydia marveled at how easily her mother had granted her approval for the trip. She had to have been as shocked by the invitation as Lydia was. While Lydia was old enough to make her own decisions, she and her mother were close. She respected Eve too much to go against her advice on such a trip. But her mother approved. That alone had to be some sort of sign that her relationship with Bryce was meant to be.
Lydia hadn’t noticed Kim standing nearby until she pointed over Lydia’s head. “Ahem! Mistletoe alert!”
Lydia looked up and tried not to wince. She still tasted Marco’s kiss on her lips, but all eyes were on them.
Bryce looked delighted as he slid his arm down to her waist and dipped her for a dramatic kiss. It must have looked tremendously romantic, but she felt nothing. It was pleasant enough, but one kiss with Marco had convinced her she could have more. Nevertheless, the applause said everyone else had enjoyed it—all but one.
As Bryce returned her to a standing position, Lydia caught a glimpse of Marco’s clouded expression as he leaned, arms folded, against the opposite wall. It would have been so much easier if he’d done what anyone else would have done, which was look away and pretend their eyes had never met. But he looked straight at her, almost glaring, and she felt that old weightlessness in her chest. Her confusion came back.
Lydia looked away, but she couldn’t pretend that their eyes hadn’t met—or their lips.
Thirteen
Lydia filled her work schedule for the week to make up for the time she would be away at Bryce’s party. Allie assured her she didn’t have to, but it was better than having too much time to think. Customers flocked to the shop during the holidays, so she managed to keep her thoughts from straying to Marco.
She and her father had gotten together a couple of times. Lydia was still getting used to discovering him at that point in her life, but Jack was making an effort, and
they were building a relationship. She’d feared that he might want nothing to do with her, but that didn’t happen. Lydia’s mother didn’t fully trust him yet, but he’d been good to Lydia, so that was a start. Jack and Lydia had made plans to get together before Christmas. He’d even invited her to his house on Christmas day, for which she was thankful but had graciously declined. Her mother had Dylan, but Lydia couldn’t imagine Christmas without her, so home was where she would be.
With only a few days left before Christmas, Lydia left work early and met Jack halfway between their homes for a pre-Christmas lunch. Lydia gave him a classic car ornament, and Jack gave her a pearl necklace.
It was a generous gift, but Jack dismissed the expense. “Every woman needs a pearl necklace.”
“This must be my Christmas for pearls. A friend of mine gave me a pair of pearl earrings. They’ll look perfect together.”
Jack studied her with a twinkle in his eye. “Pearl earrings? Nice friend.”
“He is.”
Jack grinned. “Judging by the look in your eyes, I think he must be pretty special.”
He had caught her off guard, and she couldn’t cover what she suspected was written all over her face. Lydia had never been a good liar, and she didn’t want to start with her father. “He’s special to me.”
“But?”
“But… I’m not sure I’m so special to him.”
Jack leaned back. “Those earrings look pretty special. Hey, wait a minute. Is this the guy you told me about? The one who owns the restaurant?”
She nodded reluctantly.
“And the one who came to my car dealership with you.”
“Yes, that was Marco.” She hadn’t meant to talk so much about him, but his name just came up in conversation. Though she tried to fight it, she’d always had an uncontrollable tendency to say what was on her mind. Most of the time, that was Marco. It didn’t matter what she said. The truth came out as clearly as if she were holding a placard. She muttered, “I guess I’ve mentioned him one or two too many times.”
Jack had the most wistful look on his face, almost as though he were saddened by something she hadn’t told him. Maybe her tendency for punishing herself was a genetic predisposition that he saw in her and instinctively understood. Or perhaps he had something in his eye. Lydia still couldn’t get a complete read on him. Her mother and Dylan had given her the impression that Jack was an insensitive jerk, and her mother had good cause to hold that opinion. But Lydia saw a different Jack and wondered if life hadn’t changed him for the better in the years since high school. She often saw sad wisdom in his eyes.
Jack said, “A man who gives a woman pearl earrings has some pretty definite feelings for her.”
Lydia couldn’t believe she was talking about it, but he was the one who had brought Marco’s name up. Maybe her father could understand it from a man’s point of view. What harm could it do to discuss it with him? “I think he does have definite feelings. Unfortunately, they’re different from mine.”
That seemed to make Jack angry. “Is he taking advantage of you?”
“No! Not the way that you’re thinking. It’s more like he wants my friendship. I don’t think he realizes how hard it is for me to be with him. I’ve tried to put distance between us, but he just won’t let go.”
“And you haven’t told him how you feel.”
“No, and I won’t.”
Jack scratched his head then smoothed back his hair. “God knows I’ve screwed up my own life pretty royally over the years, but one thing I’ve learned is to be honest with people. If you can’t be honest with Marco, maybe he needs to be honest with you.”
“Or maybe it’s not meant to be.”
Jack lean forward. “Well, if he ever hurts you, you just let me know.”
Lydia couldn’t help but smile. She’d never had a father to stand up for her. It was sweet, and it made her feel cared for. “Thanks, Jack. That means a lot.”
As Lydia drove home, Bryce called, and they talked about the upcoming party. It sounded like fun. It was a big company party that filled their whole house. She was beginning to realize what a large house it must be. They would have musicians and a full staff on board to attend to everyone’s needs. She’d glimpsed that world from afar, but Bryce offered a closer look. If things worked out between them, that world could be hers. She had never dreamed of wealth or glamour—although she wouldn’t mind season tickets to the ballet and the opera—and when she was with Bryce, it almost felt like she was living someone else’s life. Still, it was a good life, and she would enjoy it because Bryce was there with her.
Every evening at the brewpub had been busy lately, especially during the Christmas season, when so many were off for the holidays. Marco poured himself into the spirit of things, chatting up guests at the bar and trying to forget about Lydia. The thought of her trip to Bryce’s house had been nagging at him all week. The closer it got to her trip, the more Marco fought to forget it. But the next day would come, and Lydia would go. Life could be cruel like that.
Too late, he’d discovered he liked Lydia as more than a friend. Poor fool that he was, he loved her. Although it was his first time falling in love, his failure at it was in keeping with his track record with women. He sometimes thought he might tell Lydia his feelings were changing. While he was able to admit to himself how he felt, conveying his feelings to her was another story. He occasionally suspected that she felt the same, but then she pulled back and put distance between them. Marco hadn’t planned to kiss Lydia. He’d tried to tell her how he felt. The kiss should have gotten her attention, at least. But even then, her thoughts were on Bryce. She was determined to get back to him, so Marco let her go.
Caroline’s party had sealed the deal. When Bryce handed her a ticket to his version of paradise, Lydia was his. It didn’t matter whether Marco thought she was making a mistake or that he didn’t like Bryce. Lydia did like him, and that was all that mattered. Bryce had won. She would meet Bryce’s family, which would level up their relationship significantly. In the end, Lydia made her choice. But oh, what a waste of a kiss. No one could convince him that she kissed Bryce like that. In fact, he’d had the misfortune to see them kiss. They had no passion between them, but that didn’t matter because they were together, passion or not.
Marco grabbed a rag and wiped down the bar, which was already clean. No matter how much he tried to rationalize things, in the back of his mind, a nagging suspicion that Lydia returned his feelings on some level persisted. That made it hard to let go and even harder to watch her in someone else’s arms. But real love was unselfish, which meant he would step back from Lydia’s life and watch her find happiness with Bryce Rumsey.
At least real love didn’t mean that he had to like Bryce. No love was that strong.
Fourteen
The day came for Lydia’s trip to Bryce’s home, and Marco was determined to ignore it. He worked long hours and entertained patrons with a frenetic energy that left people laughing and shaking their heads. But no matter how busy he was mixing drinks or pulling drafts, he couldn’t drive Lydia out of his mind. It was so bad that when Lydia’s father walked into the brewpub, Marco thought he was hallucinating. He had only seen him once on his way up in a balloon, but the resemblance was uncanny. When the man sat down at the bar, Marco was certain he had to be Lydia’s father.
“Jack?”
The man nodded.
Marco was not going mad. That much was a relief. So he extended his hand and introduced himself. “I’m a friend of your daughter’s—of Lydia’s.”
Jack smiled and nodded amiably again.
“What can I get you?”
“Club soda.”
When a guy drove an hour away for a drink, he usually had a good reason. He almost always a reason for ordering a club soda too. So Lydia’s father must be sitting before him for a specific reason. It didn’t take a genius to figure out it had something to do with Lydia.
Marco got straight to the point. “H
ow’s Lydia?”
“Don’t you know?”
Marco assumed his full bartender persona, smiling and chatting while he washed glasses and hung them on a rack overhead. “Well, we’ve been kind of busy here.”
“Yeah, so I hear.” He said it in a pointed way that got Marco’s attention.
“So I haven’t seen her in a few days. Is there something I should know about?”
Jack tilted his head. “That’s why I’m here—to find out.”
Marco had the uncanny sensation he was about to be pummeled, but he wasn’t sure why.
Jack studied Marco with narrowing eyes. “You remind me a lot of myself when I was your age.”
Given what Lydia had told him about her father’s youth, Marco couldn’t construe that as a compliment. Moreover, Jack’s pumpkin festival had all the earmarks of a man who was all show and no substance. So what have I done to give anyone a similar impression? Then Lydia’s words echoed in his head. She had as much as accused him of being like her father when she said he’d never managed to have a long-term relationship. Until that moment, he hadn’t seen a connection to Jack, but it was obvious. Marco couldn’t deny that he wasn’t one to commit. Guys like that were out for short-term fun but lacked the depth of character to sustain a relationship. That was the man people assumed him to be. But Marco only cared about what Lydia thought.
For a man in his midthirties at most, Jack’s sage—if not superior—attitude seemed undeserved, uncalled for, and not to mention irritating. It reminded Marco of when Theo had first become his guardian. It was hard to take orders from someone who, until recently, had been his equal, a brother who was only a few years older than he. But because Jack was Lydia’s father, Marco would listen politely to what he had to say.
Jack said, “I’ve made some mistakes, and it took me a while, but I’ve learned from them. One of the things I learned was to make amends with the people I’ve hurt. I should’ve done it with Eve, but at least this is a start. I intend to make up for lost time and look out for Lydia.”
