“Um, it’s all yours.” He said, and moved toward his room.
“Yes, thank you. Sorry… again… sorry.” Heather rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
She closed her eyes as soon as she was in there, mentally kicking herself for behaving so strangely. But she couldn’t help the small smile twitch at the corner of her lips as she recalled Tanner’s torso rippling with muscles, and a smattering of light brown hair in a tantalizing line down his lower abdomen to his groin hidden beneath the towel. She could feel the heat flaring up in her face again. She was blushing just at the recollection.
In the shower, Heather let the hot water rain on her, restoring her to sanity. After Tanner’s behavior this morning, he clearly wasn’t interested in her physically. She needed to get any lustful thoughts out of her head.
She blamed Bertram. Before breaking up, he’d barely touched her in months. When he had, it had been when he was exceedingly drunk, and could hardly get an erection. Whether this was because of the quantities of liquor he’d consumed, or because he just wasn’t attracted to her, Heather didn’t know. She suspected it was a bit of both.
She never wanted to feel like that again. She’d rather remain celibate for the rest of her life with a companion, than be with a man who had to force himself to be intimate with her.
Heather had made fried chicken, biscuits and mashed potatoes, southern style. Before Heather’s mother had passed, it had been a Saturday staple that she’d always prepared for the family. It was also the one recipe Heather thought she could probably make with her eyes closed.
“That was amazing.” Tanner declared, leaning back in his chair. He gazed directly at Heather, giving her a slow, appreciative smile. She blushed in return and looked down at her plate, she’d hardly been able to eat a thing.
“Teach me to make it, please Heather, will you?” asked Chloe. She’d finished her food long before Tanner, and was proceeding to lick the crumbs off the plate with her finger.
“Manners, Chloe” interrupted Tanner, pointedly looking at her plate.
“Sorry.” Chloe glanced mischievously at Heather.
“Of course I will, honey.” Heather smiled at her; pleased her food had been appreciated by the both of them.
“I think it’s time for a movie and maybe we can show Heather how we make our world-famous Holt popcorn?” Tanner got up from the table as Chloe squealed in excitement. He picked up the plates, ignoring Heather’s protests that she’d clean up.
“Okay, fine. I’m looking forward to this popcorn though, can I help with that?” asked Heather.
“Yes! Of course she can, can’t she dad?” Chloe tugged on her dad’s shirt sleeve as he placed the dishes in the dishwasher.
“I was kind of hoping that Heather could just enjoy being waited on for once. I think you’ve been running her ragged, Chloe.”
Heather laughed, “Not at all. She’s been a delight today.” Heather met Tanner’s eyes this time, their dark brown warmth making her stomach somersault. She suddenly felt like the kitchen was too small, and she was too close to Tanner’s large frame.
“Chloe, why don’t you show me how to get the movie on and we can pick one of your favorites?” Heather re-focused her attentions on Chloe, who was only too happy to usher her into the living room, listing a host of princess-themed Disney-Pixar blockbusters.
Tanner came in a few minutes later with fresh popcorn, and began working on getting a fire going. There was one sofa and an armchair in the room, but only the sofa faced the screen. Chloe insisted that they all pile onto it, and placed herself in the middle, popcorn balanced precariously on her lap.
They watched The Princess Diaries in complete silence, except when Chloe joined in quoting some of her favorite parts.
Heather couldn’t concentrate. She kept glancing over at Tanner’s profile, lit up by the flickering fire and the light of the screen. She couldn’t help but notice his hard jaw line and full lips. He didn’t touch the popcorn, and kept his gaze fully trained on the screen, not moving a muscle. Every now and then his jaw would twitch slightly, as if he were angry or annoyed about something, but he had been perfectly polite to her all evening, so Heather just chalked it up to boredom, rather than irritation at her presence.
As the credits rolled, Tanner stood up abruptly.
“It’s bedtime for you, kiddo.” He announced, picking up a drowsy Chloe and placing her small frame over his shoulder. She murmured a reluctant agreement, but then called for Heather.
“I want Heather to put me to bed, dad.” She yawned loudly, and he laughed.
“Are you trying to make me jealous? I’m taking you. Let your old dad get some time with you.” He rolled his eyes at Heather and she smiled in response.
Once they were gone, and Heather had said her goodnights to Chloe, she went about clearing up the room and the half-spilled popcorn that lay scattered about the floor.
“Dad?”
Tanner had been about to walk out of the room and turn Chloe’s light off, but he returned at her call.
“What is it, pumpkin?”
“I don’t want you to send Heather away. I want her to stay.” Her voice sounded small, half lost in drowsiness and duvet.
Tanner sighed and came and sat on the end of her bed, “I don’t know, honey. She might not want to stay. We still haven’t talked about why you did this – and you know you’re still in trouble, right?” Tanner reprimanded her gently.
“Yeah, I know, but dad, I love her. You will too. And,” she yawned loudly, “I need a mom. You’re the best dad in the world, but you don’t know about stuff, like hair styles, and I’m going to get periods soon because loads of girls in my grade already have them, and you don’t know about those. That’s girl stuff. I won’t know what to do if I don’t have Heather.”
Tanner’s heart ached. He had no idea that Chloe was worried about these things yet, he assumed it would be a while before the subject of puberty came up. He was unprepared. For Chloe to carry that around on her shoulders, that was too much. He berated himself for not realizing any of this sooner. He’d let his daughter become so anxious about it that she’d taken it upon herself to send off for a mom. He hated himself for that.
Years ago, he’d sworn to her mother that he’d protect her child, look after her as his own. He’d tried every day to keep that promise. He loved Chloe with all his heart, yet he’d let her struggle through these feelings on her own. He was ashamed.
“Chloe, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize, I didn’t think…” He looked down at his daughter. She was already fast asleep. He cursed quietly to himself and walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
Chapter eleven
“Heather, we should talk.” Tanner stood in the doorway to the living room, just as she was on her hands and knees clearing away the last of the popcorn. She hurriedly moved to a more dignified position, perched on the edge of the sofa.
Tanner sat down in the armchair, keeping a physical distance between the two of them. He ran a hand through his hair in agitation.
“You need to know, I didn’t… well, I wasn’t exactly the one who… invited you here.” Tanner finished his sentence lamely.
“What do you mean?” Heather folded her arms across her chest.
“Well, I didn’t send the application form. It was Chloe.” Tanner bit out the words and then raised his eyes to meet hers. “I actually had no idea about any of this until you were already here.” He forced a half smile, hoping she’d see the funny side of the situation.
Heather’s heart sank. Quickly replaced by the heat of utter shame and humiliation spreading across her body.
“Oh my god, what you must have thought of me.” Her arms clenched tighter, hugging herself as if she could make herself so small she might disappear.
“No, please. It’s not like that, Heather. I’m sorry to have…” Tanner hesitated trying to find the right words, “inconvenienced you.”
“The letter, then
, that wasn’t you at all, was it?” She’d been such an idiot.
“Letter? No. That was Chloe, I haven’t actually seen that letter.”
Heather closed her eyes, as if she could block out the reality of her current situation. She’d made a complete fool out of herself in front of a man who was not only a total stranger who had no idea who she was, but also a total stranger that she was developing inappropriate feelings for.
“I’ll leave tonight, I’m so sorry about this.” Heather looked down at the carpet, desperately wanting to flee from the room.
“No!” Tanner burst out, then amended more quietly, “I mean, no, please don’t go. Chloe would be heartbroken to find you gone. I was thinking that maybe… maybe we could give this a try.” He paused, waiting for Heather to respond. He was met by complete silence, so he continued, “For Chloe’s sake. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea?”
Heather was stung by his words. On the one hand, it was a relief that she wouldn’t have to leave without saying goodbye to Chloe, but it was also utterly gut-wrenching to realize that Tanner was clearly so unattracted to her, with no romantic intentions whatsoever. The sentiment she’d been flattered by in the letter, had read over and over again, had pinned her wild dreams on, had been written by a ten-year old girl.
“I need some time to think, I’m not… I’m not sure about this, Tanner.” Heather looked desolate. He’d seen her face crumple at his revelation, and he wanted to find some way to comfort her, but had no idea what to do without scaring her off with the intensity of his real feelings, feelings that even he found frightening. Better to keep her at a distance, at least for now.
“I understand. Please think about it though. Both Chloe and I would love to have you stay with us.” Tanner cursed himself silently, why did he have to sound so wooden?
Heather stood up. She smiled at him, tightly and briefly. There seemed to be nothing more to say. He was a nice man. He was being polite, and perhaps he was right. Maybe it could work. Maybe she could stay, looking after Chloe, living here amongst the fresh air and wild landscape of Jackson. There would be a freedom in that for her, away from the mayhem of New York, far away from the empty shell of a life she’d lived before, the cloying world of Bertram and AyerCooke.
“Heather, wait.” Tanner moved to block the doorway. “I’m saying this all wrong.” He reached out his hand, placing it on her upper arm. He held her that way, at a distance, while she kept her eyes on his chest. She didn’t dare look up, and risk him seeing the disappointment and defeat in her eyes.
Tanner hadn’t anticipated the reaction he would feel when touching her. His nerves went haywire, energy pulsed through him, hot and urgent. His senses focused sharply in on her, and he became hyper-aware of her soft lips and their cupid bow curve at the top, the light smattering of freckles that danced about her nose and cheekbones, the thick curve of her eyebrows, and the lustrous waves of hair that fell down her back and around her shoulders.
“Heather, look at me.” His voice came out hoarse and broken. It was his tone, not his command, which made Heather look up. She met his brown eyes, noticing for the first time the golden flecks around the iris and their look of burning intensity, so at odds with what he’d been saying a moment ago.
Tanner lowered his head down to meet hers. She drew back by an inch, confused as to what he was doing. The hesitancy on her part should have been enough to stop Tanner, to bring him back to reality, but despite the confusion in Heather’s eyes, he saw his own lust reciprocated. He closed the space between them, pressing his lips sweetly against hers.
Heather broke the kiss first, taking a step backward. He let her, dropping his hand from her arm. They stayed like that for a heartbeat, neither of them breathing.
“Tanner, I should -” He didn’t let her finish the sentence. He thrust his fingers deep into her hair, twining its strands around his fingers, pulling her forward by the back of her head. His lips dove down to meet hers, forcefully this time, pushing his mouth hungrily, deeper into the sweet taste of her mouth, molding her lush lips to his.
Heather reached her hands around his waist, drawing them upward and clinging onto his broad back to push their bodies closer together. At her willingness, Tanner delved his tongue into her mouth, caressing hers in a motion that melted her insides and sent sensations shooting throughout her body all the way to the tips of her toes.
Tanner reached his hands down toward her backside, greedily grabbing her flesh, thrusting her toward him. His body kept urging him onward, seeking satisfaction in Heather’s warm, sweet scent and her softness. Heather groaned softly against his mouth, and Tanner felt a familiar sensation growing in the pit of his stomach. He was about to turn. His bear wanted to claim her.
Shit, Tanner mentally swore. He couldn’t let this happen. Not here, not now. He dragged his lips away from hers, with effort. His whole chest ached as he caught his breath. He took a few steps back, holding out an arm to warn her not to come any closer.
“Heather – I’m sorry, I can’t -” he gasped.
“No, I’m sorry, that shouldn’t have happened.” Heather fought to reclaim her sanity, her head spinning from the intensity of the kiss, and the visceral reaction of Tanner just now. What the hell had just happened? She turned and left without looking back at him. This time Tanner didn’t stop her.
Chapter twelve
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my lucky night. Two Holt boys in one room.” Kellie Lane drawled, pushing her cleavage up on the bar and smiling seductively at Tanner. “What can I do you for?”
“Just a beer thanks, Kellie.” Tanner replied, trying to keep his response polite. After the kiss with Heather he’d felt restless and irritable, so he’d come to Jake’s Place, the seediest bar in Jackson Hole, where his brother would be the musical act tonight.
“Your brother’s out back,” she continued as she flipped the lid off the bottle, “Want me to fetch him?”
“Nope. I’ll wait. Thanks.” Tanner knew his brother got stage fright before a show, any show, no matter if it was the same tired bar he’d played at for the last five years.
He didn’t have to wait long. His brother’s hulking figure could be seen weaving his way through the small tables that populated the barroom. He was roughly the same size as Tanner, but his features were lighter, blonde hair, blue eyes and most people commented that he had a slightly more cheerful and child-like countenance than Tanner, who was the older of the two.
“Nice surprise to see you here, bro, what’s the occasion?” Derek Holt grinned, and came to sit down on the adjacent bar stool.
“Advice.” Tanner deadpanned.
His brother laughed loudly, “Tanner Holt coming to me for advice? We’re in dire straits, people.”
“You don’t need advice, Tanner, you need a good woman.” Kellie interrupted, pushing a double whisky Derek’s way. She winked at Tanner and then sashayed away to serve another customer.
“My problem exactly,” Tanner muttered under his breath.
“You got women trouble?” asked Derek, “you’ve come to the right place.” He gestured around the bar. There were quite a few women gathered together at various tables, all glancing quite obviously over at the two men.
“Not that kind of trouble.” Tanner took a sip of beer. It was cold and refreshing, and he felt himself start to relax. He’d come to Jake’s Place lots of times in the past to pick up women. It was easy. There were plenty of women who’d happily keep him company for a night, then disappear in the morning before Chloe woke up. It was the ones that wanted more who occasionally caused him headaches. Kellie Lane was one such woman.
“Let’s grab a table.” Tanner said, aware that Kellie could easily eavesdrop on their conversation.
“Sure.” Derek looked sidelong at his brother. He’d never seen Tanner like this. Well, apart from the night when he’d discovered Chloe’s mother-to-be at his door.
Tanner took a long sip of his beer. “I think I’ve found my mate.” Someone on the m
akeshift stage dropped the cymbals of a drum set. They clattered to the floor making an ungodly racket. Tanner smirked. It perfectly exemplified his feelings.
“Mate? Shit. That’s big, bro.” Derek raised his eyebrows, waiting for more details.
“Yeah. Feels big.” Tanner ran his hands through his hair, and stared at the beer mat. “Chloe actually sent off for her, through one of those mail order bride things.”
“What? She’s ten. How the hell’d she do that?” Derek exclaimed.
“Internet. I’m putting in a child lock or something on that thing next week. Anyway, a woman came. Heather. The moment I saw her, my bear took over.” He glanced up at his brother’s worried face, “Not like that. I just had to run it out. But it was instantaneous. I had no control.”
His brother looked at him with understanding. Derek had yet to find a mate, but he understood what his brother meant.
“Have you thought about telling her?” Derek tentatively suggested.
“Are you kidding? Derek, she’s an angel. You should see her, she’s this perfect, beautiful angel. She’ll hate me.” Tanner had vowed never to reveal that side of himself to anyone, not even Chloe. She had no idea who her father really was.
“But if she’s your mate, then it won’t matter.” Derek argued.
“Where you hear that?” retorted Tanner.
“I’ve thought about it, that’s all. Your true mate wouldn’t reject you, it wouldn’t work like that, otherwise how would we breed?” Derek reasoned. He had waited years to meet his mate. It was maybe the one thing that gave him hope. He knew that he and Tanner were the loneliest guys in Jackson Hole. At least Tanner had Chloe. He had no one. Just a horrible secret, a fledging career, and an expensive drinking habit.
“I don’t know about that. It’s a good thought, bro, but if you’re wrong, and I lose her… If you met her, you’d realize. She’s amazing – beautiful, curvy, her hair… She’s incredible with Chloe, too. That girl’s eyes light up whenever she’s around. I’ve never seen anything like it.” Tanner could have gone on all night, but he stopped on seeing the longing in his brother’s eyes.
Bears of Burden: STERLING Page 16
