And each time, he would disappear, as though aware that he’d been caught, and desperate to put whatever space he could find between them, leaving her once more by herself, alone with her shortcomings.
Chapter Four
Lilly woke with a start.
At first, she wasn’t sure what had woken her. But then she heard it again. A rustle and a distant bang from outside.
She sat up in bed. She wasn’t sure where Eli spent his nights, but she had grown used to waking up alone, and tonight was no different.
“Eli,” she whispered aloud, even though she knew if he was in the house, he wouldn’t have been able to hear her.
She flipped back the corner of the covers, and slipped out of bed, her bare feet padding on the wood floor, still new and unworn.
She called his name again when she was in the room off the entrance, listening for any indication he was in the house with her.
By now, she knew he had a habit of whiling away hours in the office, and she made her way in the dark toward it. It was unclear when he slept, but it wasn’t when she did.
Lilly gave the door a little push, but it opened to nothing but darkness and emptiness.
She was alone in the house, and something was still making noise outside. She could hear the scrambling, something tipping over.
She was weighing whether she should wait out whatever was out there, when it occurred to her that maybe it was Eli out there, and maybe he wasn’t alone. Maybe he even needed help, or was being loud on purpose.
Lilly pushed open the front door, not bothering with shoes, and grabbing the lit lantern from where it hung. She made her way around to the back, moving as quickly and quietly as she could.
She slowed as she reached the corner, where her bedroom was, and peeked around the corner.
But there was nothing to see. “Eli?” she whispered again, hoping she wasn’t going to run into someone else in her state of undress. A little tremor slid through her, and she realized the night was cool, the air slipping up the bottom of her nightgown to leave a trail of goosebumps along her legs.
She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, and said his name again.
Just when she was thinking she must have made a mistake, that maybe there had never been a sound at all, she saw something on the edge of the property move. Something large and black.
And it was moving toward her.
Lilly brandished the lantern like it was a weapon, knowing that many animals would move away from the flame. But this one did not. The hulking grizzly bear moving steadily toward her.
Lilly stepped back until her body was pressed up against the outside of the house, willing to go unnoticed and for the bear to change its path. But it was close enough to see its eyes were trained on her body, their darkness glittering in the night. She had clearly been noticed, and the bear was most definitely not interested in changing its path.
She tried to control the beating of her heart while she considered what sort of options she had, and whether or not she could get to the door quickly enough. She cursed herself for coming outside without the shotgun that hung on the wall off the kitchen. She cursed Eli for not having a back door. She was ready to curse whatever came to mind, if she were being truthful.
The bear had finally come to a stop a few feet from her, well in the meager circle of light the lantern provided. She could see the varying shades of brown in his fur, could see the way his nostrils quivered in the air as he took in her scent.
His mouth opened, exposing his teeth and tongue, more like a smile than the baring, snarling thing she had expected. Lilly knew she shouldn’t look at him, but couldn’t tear her eyes away. His glinting eyes seemed to have caught her in their spell, fixing her to her place beside the house.
Several long moments passed before the bear gave his head a violent shake and exhaled a loud sound of unmistakable displeasure, before turning his back on her and lumbering quickly into the darkness.
Lilly stayed rooted to her spot, waiting for her heartbeat to return to normal, for her breathing to come more easily, before hurrying back toward the house, her legs unsteady, her whole body trembling with the cold sweeping through her.
Safely inside, she pushed the door closed firmly behind her, taking great pleasure in sliding the locks into place and thinking bitterly that it would serve Eli right if he were to come home and expect to be able to walk right in. Perhaps next time he could be the one to deal with bears, unprotected and unprepared.
She moved quickly to the room she had begun to think of as hers and leapt under the covers, pulling them up tightly to her throat, waiting for the chills to stop moving so violently through her body, and for the warmth to creep back into her bones.
Chapter Five
Lilly woke in the morning, feeling far from refreshed.
She thought for a moment that the night before had been nothing more than a terrible dream, but from the bedroom window she could see the vague imprint of her feet, the more defined gouge where the bear and spun and run in the opposite direction.
She didn’t want to risk a closer look, not knowing where that bear had come from or where it might have gone. It was still early enough in the day that she wouldn’t have been surprised to see him lingering nearby. She definitely did not want to repeat that experience.
Lilly dressed quickly, taking comfort in the additional layers of protection. In just her shift she had felt vulnerable, exposed. She couldn’t shake the way she had felt under the bear’s gaze. She unbolted the front door, thinking about how Eli had yet to come home. She hadn’t spent much time at the brothel, but she found herself wondering again if maybe there was a body there he liked to have warm his bed instead of hers. There weren’t many other place she could imagine he routinely slept.
She busied herself with the day, focusing on tidying her room and preparing the meals for the day. For the first time, she felt uncomfortable in the space, anxious to leave the house and wary of what might be beyond the walls.
When Eli finally joined her for lunch, she was in a state of agitation. She clung to a piece of embroidery she’d decided to work on, but couldn’t focus on long enough to do anything productive.
“Eli,” she said when he walked in, her tone cold and unhappy. She was surprised by her boldness and quick words. Lilly had spent the past weeks trying her hardest to be the woman she thought he would want her to be, even expected her to be. Angry wasn’t one of the qualities she tried to embody.
“Lilly,” he returned, seeming as equally taken aback by her outburst.
She wanted to demand where he had been; the words were on the very edge of her tongue, but she curbed them at the last moment, knowing that was outside of the scope of their arrangement. Instead, she snapped, “You should tell me when you will not be occupying the house over the night.” That came about as close to addressing the issue as she could get without actually saying she didn’t want him sleeping somewhere else.
There was a weighted silence between them, and for a moment Lilly worried that she had gone too far, that he wouldn’t allow her to speak to him in such a way, that she would be back in the kind of marriage she had tried so hard to escape from.
He blinked at her, once, before coming to terms with her words. When he spoke, it wasn’t with the kind of anger she had feared her words might engender. “I’m sorry,” he said, as though choosing her words carefully. “I didn’t realize it mattered to you where I spend my nights.”
“It matters,” she snapped. “If you aren’t going to stay here you should at least have the decency to let me know so I can plan accordingly.”
She hadn’t realized she was pacing before then, her shoulders stiff and angry, and Eli seemed to suddenly understand that she was shaken, like it had taken him a moment to put all the pieces together.
His eyes narrowed at her, and she met them with her own, glaring back, surprised by her boldness, but not enough to stop.
“What happened last night?” His words were hard,
and rough, and Lilly thought she should maybe shrink back from them, offer apologies for her behavior and retract her demands.
But somehow, she couldn’t find it in herself to be afraid of him. Eyes narrowed or not, she didn’t see the kind of unrestrained anger in them she had become used to seeing in James’ eyes.
“I heard noises outside and when I couldn’t find you in your office,” she stressed that he was to blame for that one, “I went outside to see if you were out there. If you needed any help.” Hearing the words out loud, it seemed like a much less logical plan than it had at the time, but she couldn’t change the facts, so she was just going to have to own up to poor planning, and maybe blame it on the fact that she had been sleeping at the time. “And when I went outside, without the gun, I might add, it turned out it wasn’t you out there at all, but a giant bear. Huge,” she added for emphasis. She stopped moving long enough to stare balefully at him.
To his credit, Eli’s face blanched, and Lilly took a grim satisfaction in his appalled look.
“Well,” he murmured, more to himself than to her, it seemed. “I’m certainly glad you didn’t have the gun.”
“Cornered. By the bear. Why is there no back door?”
If it seemed to be a vague segue, he didn’t point it out. He also didn’t provide her with an answer.
Lilly crossed her arms over her chest, anger still bubbling up from deep within her. “If you had been kind enough to let me know you weren’t going to be around, I might have at least armed myself before investigating.”
He moved so quickly she barely had time to register his advancement, and then he was clutching her elbow. “No investigating,” he growled. “No arming. If you hear something, you stay inside. Keep the windows shuttered. I don’t want to see you in that position again.”
Her heart was hammering, this time not from fear, but because he had come so close to her, his eyes alight with concern, anger, and something else she couldn’t quite identify. His face was inches from hers when he said, “You should know better than to go waltzing off in the night like that. You’re lucky you weren’t hurt, or worse. Keep yourself inside. Keep the door bolted.”
His eyes lingered on her lips, and her mouth suddenly went dry. This close, she had to tip her head back for their eyes to meet, and it was strangely intimate, vulnerable.
He studied her for a long moment and when he spoke again his voice was low and raw. “I will be sure to keep you apprised of my sleeping habits, wife.”
The word sent a strange spiral of longing through her, and Lilly was grateful for the hand that still clasped her elbow. She was fairly certain that she would have melted at his words otherwise.
Another moment passed between them. He seemed in no hurry to release her. Then he dropped his mouth to hers, capturing it in a demanding kiss, searing and hot.
She let him kiss her, unprepared to do anything else, reveling in the feel of his warm skin on hers, the heat he sent through her, the way his hand had crept up into her hair and disrupted it from its confines, the long dark strands falling freely over her shoulders and down her back.
And then, to her surprise, she was kissing him back, letting her lips move against his, letting his tongue slide between her lips to explore her mouth. A low husky sound, she didn’t know she could make filled the air, and seemed to bring Eli crashing back to the present.
He pushed her away from him so violently, she nearly toppled over, fighting to stand on her own and catch her breath all at the same time.
He seemed to need a moment to pull himself together, as well, his chest heaving as he took several deep breaths.
“That shouldn’t have happened,” he said after a moment where only the ragged sounds of the two of them gasping for breath filled the air. “I apologize for my liberties.”
She couldn’t find her own voice, so she merely nodded in agreement.
He made a hasty retreat for the door, uninterested in the lunch Lilly had laid out on the dining room table. “I won’t be back tonight.” He ripped his gaze away from her. “Maybe not for a few days. Keep the door bolted. Stay inside. For the love of God, do not take the gun out with you.” He eyed the shotgun where it hung, as if considering whether or not he even wanted to leave it there at all, and then he was gone.
Well, Lilly thought to herself. That hadn’t gone as anticipated at all.
Eli had to put some serious space between him and that woman. That kiss had been nearly enough to undo him.
Even worse, to know he had been back as the bear. To know that he could have hurt her, even killed her.
He’d thought he had been putting enough distance between them when he changed, but his need to have her was growing too strong. He could barely keep his bear in check when he was a human. It was downright impossible to do when he was the bear.
He cursed his ability to stay away from her, the unbelievable way she managed to keep bringing her back to him. She was captivating, in her quiet way.
And when she’d lit into him, all anger and fire, he’d wanted her more than ever.
He hadn’t been able to resist kissing her. It was something about the way the word “wife” felt on his tongue, about the way her eyes had flashed at the word, the heated flush in her face.
It was a mistake to kiss her. Her taste still lingered on his mouth. It had been hell to pull himself away from her. Now, all he wanted was to know more of her. What else could he do to elicit that little sound of pleasure and surrender in the back of her throat?
He shook his head, but couldn’t dispel the memory. Staying away from her was going to be his best option. His only option.
Determined to nip the whole thing in the bud, he headed out on foot toward the base of the mountain, the long stretch slow going in his human form, the sun still strong and warm.
Left alone, Lilly sank into one of the dining table’s chairs, the untouched food still on display. She was no longer hungry.
For food, she amended. She was definitely hungry.
She couldn’t seem to settle her inner turmoil. The kiss had been hard, needy. She’d never had anything like it, and couldn’t keep back that part of herself she’d been trying so hard to control around Eli.
Her mouth still burned, her body ached. And then, as though he were totally unaffected by the whole thing, he had left her, his casual dismissal and promise to not be returning, one last rub in the wound.
Lilly raised a hand to her hair, dismayed to notice she was not yet steady, and tried to right the mess he’d made of it.
Then she stood, brushing off the front of her dress as though she could brush away the whole afternoon’s encounter, and resigned herself to whatever was coming her way. There didn’t seem to be much else she could do about it.
Chapter Six
Eli hadn’t exaggerated when he’d said he wouldn’t be returning for a few days.
Four days in, Lilly was growing quite accustomed to having the days and nights to herself. She didn’t make the bed. She forgot about lunch. She meandered around the outside of the house during the day, stopping in to the small stable to see the horses and touch their velvety noses. Wherever Eli was, he hadn’t taken any of his animals with him.
She’d worried at first that maybe no one was seeing after them, but then she spied a small stable-hand at work. One who was probably paid in brothel time, she couldn’t help but think bitterly.
When he finally made his return, Lilly had been surprised to see him. She was beginning to wonder if he ever actually had plans to return, and starting to wonder what she would do when her food stock began to get low.
There had been a loud knock at the door, one that had startled her away from the potato she was peeling. She’d dragged her hands over her apron and moved to the door, unbolting it and swinging it wide.
Eli was on the other side, casually propped up in the frame of the door, as though he always left for days at a time and returned home to knock on his own door.
His mouth twisted up into a
grin, eyes flashing toward her. “So you can follow direction.”
She frowned at him, unimpressed. “Aren’t you humorous?”
“I do try,” he said as he brushed by her, his body whispering against hers, barely giving her a second glance. With his back to her, Lilly raised a hand to her hair, hoping to straighten the mess. Not that it mattered, she reminded herself as he moved past her and toward his office space. She had no idea what he did back there in that little room, but whatever it was seemed to occupy an inordinate amount of his time.
Lilly was left standing alone in the kitchen, as though her sole purpose in life was to unlock the door for him.
She was still grumbling about his sudden appearance, irritated with herself for how, just for one moment, when she’d pushed the door open and his mouth had quirked up at the corner, she’d thought he might be happy to see her, maybe he would greet her warmly. Now she found herself irritated that those things hadn’t happened, and mostly confused that she had wanted it to happen at all.
“What was that?” he asked, leaning up against the counter where she was diligently divesting her potatoes of their skin with a series of angry flicks.
“Nothing,” she muttered to herself more than to him, eyes trained on the falling potato skins.
“Hmm,” he said, nodding his head and reaching a hand up to stroke his chin, clearly unshaven during his absence. “I thought I heard something along the lines of ‘that good for nothing…’”
She paused in the process of her potato mutilation, waving the knife in his general direction. Mustering up all the sweetness she could, and trying to quell her irritation, she responded, “Do I look like someone who would say something like that?”
He eyed her seriously, letting his gaze linger on the knife she was brandishing. “Absolutely.”
She harrumphed and turned back to the potatoes. “I was only saying how nice it was of you to finally return home, only to ignore me the same as when you were gone.”
Bears of Burden: STERLING Page 76
