by Leah Conolly
“No. Elizabeth seemed too troubled for me to ask her about it. I did not wish to cause her any more distress.”
The countess settled into her chair and looked down, toying with one of her rings. “I did not want to be the one to tell you this…”
James huffed. “Tell me, Victoria. Do not trifle with me.”
“Very well.” She met James’ eyes. “There has been a rumor that Elizabeth has been, to put it delicately ... ruined. It seems that she and a boy named Tom created quite the scandal back in Deuney Keep. Elizabeth’s father has wanted to get her married off quickly so that it can all be hushed up.”
James stared at the countess. “Elizabeth?” he murmured. “No…” And yet hadn’t she spoken to him about her friend Tom? Hadn’t she told him how they had gotten in trouble?
He stood and crossed over to the window, looking out onto the busy street. It can’t be.
James turned back to face the countess, who had stood to approach him. “It must be false,” he said. “Some jealous woman’s plot to turn me against her.”
The countess spread her hands. “I hope, for both of your sakes, that it is so.” She sighed. “But you know, James, that she really is a wild girl. She always does what society says she must not do.”
“But to go that far—” James clenched his hands into fists and turned to face the window again. He barely felt the touch of the countess’ hand on his shoulder, his mind was spinning so much. “I do not believe she is capable of it,” he forced out.
“Then why has she not contradicted it? Why has she not told you? You have seen how much it is troubling her.”
He couldn’t deny the truth in her words. “There must be some other explanation.”
Isabelle entered the room with her hands clasped in front of her. “I suppose Victoria has told you.”
“Yes.” He shook his head, still in a state of disbelief. “What do you make of it? Has Elizabeth said anything to you?” He looked past her, suddenly realizing that Elizabeth hadn’t followed. “Where is she?”
“She said she needed rest.” In a rare moment, Isabelle’s gaze was very serious. “Elizabeth is very upset. She tells me that the rumors are not true.”
“Why hasn’t she said anything about them to me?”
“I do not know,” Isabelle sighed. “Perhaps she is embarrassed.”
“And if it does prove just to be an idle rumor, then who would dare to damage Elizabeth’s reputation in this way?”
No one had an answer for him. James gazed out at the people walking along the streets and the carriages passing by. He wanted to believe in Elizabeth, but weren’t most rumors based on truth? Isabelle and the countess seemed to believe her capable of such a scandalous act, but that wasn’t the Elizabeth that James had come to know.
James let out a great sigh and massaged his forehead. He wished that someone could tell him what to do.
Chapter 23
Elizabeth contemplated feigning illness so that she wouldn’t have to get out of bed. It wouldn’t be far from the truth, anyway. She had a terrible headache, and just the thought of eating breakfast made her feel sick. All night she had dreamed of her marriage with James being ruined because of this ridiculous rumor.
She knew that she had to speak to him about it today. Although she wasn’t looking forward to discussing such a subject with James, she knew that he would understand and comfort her. He would be able to help her get to the bottom of this.
First, however, Elizabeth had promised to call on Felicia. She knew that her friend would be worried after her swift exit the day before, so she finally arose and dressed.
But, as she went downstairs, the unexpected was waiting. Elizabeth paused at the sight of James. She hadn’t been prepared to speak to him now.
“Elizabeth,” he said urgently, as Mr. Campbell closed the front door behind him, “May I speak with you?”
Elizabeth searched desperately for Lady Kinsley, but she realized that her godmother might not even be awake yet. As she met James’ gaze, her heart began to pound. There was something different in his eyes, a distance that terrified her. “Yes, of course.” She led him to the sitting room. James shut the door behind him.
Elizabeth stood in the middle of the room. James stood across from her, his hands behind his back and his head lowered. He swallowed and cleared his throat. As his foot tapped anxiously on the carpet, he inhaled a deep breath.
“How are you this morning?” The words were spoken hurriedly to the carpet, with no real feeling behind them.
Anxiety bunched in Elizabeth’s stomach. Why couldn’t he just tell her what was wrong? “I am..., I am feeling rather ill.”
James nodded, his lips pressed into a hard line. “I had hoped to find you in better spirits today. I’m sorry your condition has not improved.”
Elizabeth couldn’t think of what else to say. She waited.
“Elizabeth,” James began, his voice trembling slightly. “When I heard of the rumor being spread about you, I decided that I would wait for you to come to me and tell me the truth of the matter. You were much too troubled yesterday for me to ask you about it. However, this morning my mother told me that she had heard of these accusations too. This affair could bring scandal into our family, and she entreated me to set the record straight. So now I must ask you.” His eyes were so full of pain and fear as they met hers. “Is it true?”
Elizabeth couldn’t believe what she was hearing. By the look in his eyes, she knew he had already decided. Something deep inside of her began to ache, as if she had been physically wounded. She gasped, searching for air. Her legs trembled, and she fell back onto a sofa. James stepped forward, but Elizabeth put up a hand to stop him.
“How could you?” were the only words she could utter. The same words she had said to her father when he had sent her away. How was it that the people she trusted the most always let her down in the end?
James’ eyes widened. He stood very still.
“James, I…,I thought…” She had thought he would understand.
Elizabeth swallowed, trying to strengthen her voice. “I trusted you.” Tears threatened to fall, but Elizabeth sniffed and held them back. She rose to her feet as feelings of hurt and betrayal made way for anger.
“I trusted you,” she repeated, speaking louder. “I can see in your eyes that you have already believed the rumor to be true. How could you think such a thing of me?”
James’ expression fell.
Elizabeth tried to organize her thoughts well enough to articulate them. “I thought that we were friends. I did not talk to you about the rumor because I thought that surely you knew me better than to believe it. I came to you for comfort. I thought you cared. I thought—” Elizabeth broke off, as a sob strangled her words.
James started forward but stopped, his arms halfway outstretched. “I do care about you, Elizabeth, more than I have cared for anyone since my wife. Believe me, I never wanted to injure you.”
The countess had been right, Elizabeth realized. James could never love her. His attraction to her had only been superficial, only because he saw something that reminded him of his late wife. He had never truly seen or cared for her, the real Elizabeth.
“That is all I am to you, isn’t it? I am nothing but a replacement for Braith.” Finally, her tears could no longer be bottled up. She let them run down her face, unashamed as she pressed on. “I thought that you were the only person who saw and accepted me for who I truly was. But now I see the truth in what I have feared all along. I am being compared to a ghost.”
James shook his head. “No, Elizabeth. You could not be further from the truth.”
“Then tell me why she occupies your every thought. If you cannot let go of the past, James, you will never be able to live in the present.”
James was silent. His mouth opened, but no words came forth.
“It is as I feared. You cannot let go.” Elizabeth huffed, wiping her hands across her eyes. “I have been so wrong, and so blind.
You seemed different, but now I realize you are just like everyone else. Just like my father.” She shook her head. “I cannot marry someone who sees me only as a replacement. I cannot be with someone who does not trust me.” She paused, knowing that her following words would never be able to be unsaid. “I am setting you free to find your replacement for Braith, James. I’m sorry, but I cannot marry you.”
James’ eyes filled with tears. He took a couple of steps closer to her. “You cannot mean it.”
“I do. I mean it sincerely. I cannot and will not marry you. You have betrayed me in the worst way imaginable. Marrying Lord Huxley would be preferable to marrying you.” Elizabeth could see that the statement deeply wounded him and tried not to care but seeing him so broken only made the tears fall harder.
“Elizabeth, I am sorry.” He approached her quickly, reaching for her hands. “I will do anything to show you that I did not mean it. I have been so foolish.”
Elizabeth shook her head, backing away from him. “It is too late.” Unable to stand the pain anymore, Elizabeth turned and left, running straight upstairs into her room. She paced around, crying, balling her hands into fists. Anger burned within her, replacing any positive thoughts she might have had about James. Every touch that had sent her heart fluttering was now shown to be a cheap trick. Every soft word spoken became poison in her memory.
But a sliver of doubt remained, buried deep in her heart underneath the feelings of betrayal. Maybe she shouldn’t have been so rash. Maybe James was truly sorry.
Yet these thoughts couldn’t stand up to the tidal wave of powerful resentment that arose within Elizabeth. She spent all day in her room angry and hurt. Lady Kinsley knocked on her door eventually, asking what was wrong, but Elizabeth told her to go away. She didn’t want to see anybody. In fact, she wished that she could just go home and forget that she had ever come to London at all.
Chapter 24
James spent the rest of the day deep in thought, unable to concentrate on anyone or anything. He paced endlessly and remained so silent that even Oscar had asked what was wrong. He hadn’t even been able to relate his conversation with Elizabeth to his mother.
He was ashamed. As soon as the first accusing words had come from Elizabeth’s mouth, James had realized that he had been wrong. He had allowed the poisonous words of others to distract him from who he knew Elizabeth was. Who knew her better than he? Not even her own father understood her. He had earned her trust and then thrown it away at the first trial.
It was only now that he realized the truth, too late. He loved her. He loved her deeply. And not because she was like Braith, but because she was Elizabeth, the fiery, passionate woman who never feared to speak her mind.
She had told him it was too late. How could he ever earn back her trust? How could he ever find the words to apologize for his grave error?
Night fell, and James was still uneasy. Sleep was far away. Instead, James sat down and wrote a long, heartfelt letter, his penmanship as sloppy as the emotions that poured out of him. He apologized repeatedly, begging for Elizabeth’s forgiveness. He told her how much he truly loved her and how he would prove it to her every day of their lives if only she would accept him again.
By the time he was finished, he felt as if he hadn’t slept in days. He didn’t plan on actually giving the letter to Elizabeth but laying out all his thoughts and feelings on paper clarified them and made him feel more at peace. Soon after, he was able to lie in bed and drift off, though his sleep was uneasy.
James awoke early the next morning feeling as though he hadn’t had a moment of rest. He tried to read a book to pass the time until the household awoke, but found that he couldn’t comprehend the words. His thoughts were too full of other things.
Hours were passed in silence and reflection, until James joined his mother in the dining room for breakfast, feeling guilty for the way that he had ignored her the previous day.
“Good morning, Mother.” He greeted her with as much cheerfulness as he could muster and tried to smile, but he could tell she wasn’t fooled. She looked at him with compassion.
“How did you sleep, James?”
As he sat across from her, he thought of making light of his turmoil, but he knew she would see through it easily. “Not very well, I’m afraid.” He looked into her eyes. “I am truly sorry for how distant I was yesterday.”
“Will you tell me what happened? I am worried about you.”
James glanced at the food available on the table but decided he wasn’t hungry. He clenched and unclenched his fists in his lap. “It pains me to speak of it.”
“Then do not bear it all on your own.” Erin’s expression shone with understanding. “Let me help you, James.”
James let out a long sigh. “As you know, I went to speak to Elizabeth yesterday.” He shook his head. “I should have defended her character as soon as I heard that terrible rumor, but instead, I doubted her when I had no reason to. Elizabeth was hurt that I could ever think her capable of such a thing.”
“It is not your fault that people decided to talk about her in such a way.”
“But it is my fault that I listened to others instead of doing the right thing. I should have gone to comfort Elizabeth rather than accuse her.” He let his head fall into his hand. “I have made a terrible mistake.”
“If she truly cares for you, she will forgive you.”
“I do not think so. You did not hear the anger in her voice when she spoke to me. She is stubborn, Mother.” He let out a short laugh. “I do not criticize her. It is a trait of hers that I admire. She has every right to deny me her forgiveness.”
Erin reached across the table and put her hand over James’. “Everyone deserves forgiveness because we all make mistakes. You are a good man, James.” She squeezed his hand. “Elizabeth must see that. But you will never know unless you confess your error in judgment and ask her forgiveness.”
James just shook his head.
“Go to Isabelle’s house,” Erin continued. “At least ask to see her and let her know that you are come to apologize. If nothing else, she will at least know that you are sorry.”
He found it ironic that, as much as he did want to apologize to Elizabeth, he also dreaded seeing her again. What if she was unchanged in her position towards him?
Yet his mother was right. It would not be an easy task, but it was one he had to carry out.
James nodded and looked up, offering his mother a weak smile. “You are right. Thank you, Mother. I will leave immediately.” He stood, resolute in his purpose. “Will you please tell Oscar that I will be back soon? I am sorry to miss him this morning, but I do not want to wait.”
“I will tell him.” Erin stood and kissed her son’s cheek. “I hope that it goes well.”
“Thank you.” On an impulse, he visited the garden briefly to gather his thoughts and pick a few yellow flowers before setting off to Isabelle’s house. It was a little early for calling, but he knew he had to get this weight off his chest. He had to apologize and humble himself before Elizabeth.
Mr. Campbell looked surprised to see James but allowed him in. Isabelle rushed into the foyer, looking as if she had gotten just as much sleep as James had.
“James,” she sighed. “Elizabeth will not tell me what has happened, but I gather that she is fiercely angry.”
The words pierced his heart. Fiercely angry. “I fear it is my fault, Isabelle. The rumor about Elizabeth is, of course, a terrible lie, no doubt conjured up by some foolish woman who is jealous of her.” He sighed. “But it seems I am the greater fool. I admit that I allowed myself to believe that the whispers were true, despite how well I know Elizabeth’s character. I truly betrayed her trust, and she has every right to be furious with me.”
There was a knock at the front door, and Mr. Campbell admitted the Countess of Chester. “James, Isabelle,” she breathed, looking surprised to see them just inside the doorway.
“I asked Victoria to come and help me decide what to do wi
th Elizabeth,” Isabelle explained. She shook her head. “I could barely get a word out of her yesterday. She did not eat a morsel.”
It hurt James even further to know he had wounded her so deeply. “Please, I must make amends. Let me speak to her.”
The countess moved in front of the staircase. “I do not think that would be wise, James. If Elizabeth is as angry as Isabelle told me, she needs time to gather her thoughts before she sees you again.”
“You do not understand.” He pressed his lips together, not wanting to admit it. “She has called off our engagement.”
Isabelle and the countess exchanged astonished looks.
“James…” Isabelle trailed off, unsure of what to say.
