by Barbara Park
I lifted my feet and stepped real careful.
Then, finally, I got there. And the daddy started telling us the egg-hunt rules.
“Rule number one,” he said. “No running.
“Rule number two: No pushing, pulling, or grabbing.
“Rule number three: No trampling the flowers and plants.
“And finally, rule number four: Do not go anywhere that is roped off.”
He looked up and down the line at us.
“Does everyone understand the rules?” he asked.
I thought for a minute.
Then I raised my hand.
“Also, there is no tackling or scuffling, correct?” I said. “’Cause I have already been informed about that situation.”
The daddy looked odd at me.
“Well, of course there's no tackling or scuffling, Junie B.,” he said. “That goes without saying.”
I thought some more.
Then I pointed at my giant bunny feet.
“Plus there should be no tripping the bunny, right?” I asked. “’Cause the bunny is wearing unfair feet.”
The daddy frowned. “There's no tripping anyone, Junie B.,” he said.
I nodded.
“Yes, but there's especially no tripping the bunny, correct?” I asked again.
The daddy sucked in his cheeks.
“Okay, fine. There's especially no tripping the bunny,” he said. “Now, may I continue?”
I smiled.
The daddy continued.
“The hunt will begin when I count to three,” he said. “You will have thirty minutes to hunt for the eggs. When I blow my whistle, you will all stop hunting immediately. And you will bring your baskets back to the table.”
Roger raised his hand.
“What's the prize for finding the most eggs?” he asked.
Lucille's mother smiled.
Then she held up a big wad of flowers.
“The person who has the most eggs will receive this beautiful bouquet for his or her mother,” she said. “They're irises from our flower garden. I picked them myself. Aren't they lovely?”
Roger looked at the irises.
“I think my mother would rather have a set of Power Rangers,” he said.
Lucille's mother made squinty eyes at him.
That meant no Power Rangers, I believe.
Just then, the daddy blew his whistle.
“Okay! Is everyone ready to start?” he hollered.
“READY!” we hollered back. “READY, READY, READY!”
And so the daddy raised his hand in the air.
And—
“ONE … TWO … THREE!”
The egg hunt was started!
The children ran!
They ran everywhere, I tell you!
They ran to and fro! And up and down! And back and forth! And here and there!
Also, Roger ran sideways.
And Lennie ran in a circle.
I watched them very fascinated.
Some of the children were tackling and scuffling.
Sheldon went through a shrub.
That's when Lucille's daddy blew his whistle again.
TWEET! TWEET! TWEET!
“Everyone come back here right now!” he shouted real mad.
Everyone came back.
Sheldon had a stick in his ear.
He sputtered and stuttered and pointed at May.
“She pushed me! She pushed me! May pushed me through a bush!”
May stamped her foot.
“No, I did not, Sheldon! I did not push you! You pushed yourself!” she said.
She turned and looked at the daddy.
“It was the darnedest thing you ever saw,” she said. “He shoved himself right through that shrub.”
The daddy stood there a real long time.
Then he walked to a picnic bench.
And he sat down real slow.
And he hit himself in the head.
I went over and tapped on him.
“I would just like to point out that the bunny did not run,” I said. “The bunny was the only one who walked.”
May overheard me.
“That's because the bunny can't run or the bunny falls down,” she called. “The bunny should not get credit for that!”
The daddy hit himself in the head again.
I walked back to Herbert.
He looked kind of worried.
“The daddy is coming unglued,” he said. I nodded.
“Yes,” I said. “The daddy is going to need backup, I believe.”
Backup is the grown-up word for the police might need to come, possibly.
And guess what? Me and Herb were not the only ones thinking that, either.
’Cause just then, Lucille's nanna hollered out real loud.
“Enough!” she hollered. “I have had enough of this nonsense with you children!”
Then she cupped her hands around her mouth. And she shouted out a brand-new rule.
It was called, If there's any more running or fighting, she is going to call the cops.
All of the children did a loud gulp.
I looked at Herbert.
“That new rule seems a little harsh,” I said.
Only guess what else?
The new rule worked, I think.
’Cause pretty soon, the nanna started the egg hunt again.
And this time, no one ran at all!
No one even walked, hardly.
Instead, we all behaved like little ladies and gentlemen. And we hunted for eggs very polite.
May stuck to Sheldon like glue.
I tried to stick to him, too. But my giant feet could not keep up that good.
May kept on grouching.
“You're not going to get the golden egg before I do, Sheldon. Even if you know where it is, I'll still beat you to it,” she said. “I'm all over you like flies on egg salad.”
Sheldon rolled his eyes.
“But I don't know where the golden egg is, May,” he said. “I've already told you that. I don't know anything at all.”
I cupped my mitts around my mouth.
“I believe you, Sheldon! I believe you don't know anything at all!” I shouted. “I've never thought you've known anything at all!”
After that, I hurried to catch up to him.
’Cause I definitely thought he knew something, of course.
Sheldon turned to wait for me.
Then, all of a sudden, he glanced down at the ground. And he did a loud gasp.
“I SEE ONE! I SEE ONE! I SEE ONE!” he shouted.
May and I turned to look.
There was a bright green egg under the bushes.
Sheldon clapped and laughed.
Then he hurried over to pick it up.
But …
WHOOSH!
SWOOP!
SCOOP!
May ducked underneath him speedy fast. And she picked it up instead!
“I GOT IT! I GOT IT! I GOT IT!” she screeched.
Then she put the egg in her basket and danced all around.
Sheldon's face got sputtery mad.
But—before he could even yell at her— he did another gasp.
“I SEE ONE! I SEE ONE! I SEE ONE!” he shouted, even louder than before.
Then he clapped his hands.
And he laughed real happy.
And he hurried over to pick it up.
But …
WHOOSH!
SWOOP!
SCOOP!
May beat him to it again!
“TWO! TWO! NOW I HAVE TWO!” she hollered.
She jumped in the air and kicked her feet.
“I swooped! I'm a swooper! I swoop!” she said.
She ran back to Sheldon and leaned in his face.
“I knew I would beat you at this game,” she said. “Now I have two eggs, and you and Junie B. have …”
She leaned her head into our baskets.
“Hmm. Let's count them … ZERO! Ha! You have zero. And I have two!
Two to zero. Two to zippedy-zip zero!”
Sheldon looked at me real upset.
I frowned my eyes at him.
“Helpful hint,” I said. “Stop shouting, ‘I SEE ONE.’”
Sheldon pointed at his magic-egg shirt.
“But I just don't get it, Junie B.,” he said. “My grampa said that the egg is with me. So why isn't this magic shirt working?”
I looked closer at the egg dribble.
“Maybe it's not lucky,” I said. “Maybe it's just dirty.”
Sheldon slumped his shoulders.
Then he reached down his finger. And he flicked off the egg.
Only wait till you hear this!
Just as he flicked it, his eyes got big and wide again.
This time, I hurried to cover his mouth with my hand.
But Sheldon shouted right through my paw mitt.
“I SEE ONE! I SEE ONE! I SEE ONE!” he shouted.
Then, before he could even move his feet …
WHOOSH!
SWOOP!
SCOOP!
May grabbed egg number three!
She twirled in a happy circle around us.
“THREE TO ZERO! THREE TO ZERO! IT'S THREE TO ZERO!” she yelled.
Sheldon stood real still.
Then, very slow, he put down his basket.
And he stretched out the sides of his mouth with his fingers.
And he stuck his tongue out at May.
That was appropriate behavior, I believe.
After that, he snatched his basket up again. And he tried to rush away from May.
But too bad for Sheldon.
Because May stayed right exactly on his heels.
They were walking too fast for me to keep up.
I stopped and watched them go.
Then I did a big sigh.
And I walked to a tree stump.
And I sat down very glum.
“I hate being this dumb bunny,” I said. “’Cause my feet are too big. And my legs are too slow. And my paw mitts are way too clumsy.”
I slumped my shoulders and looked in the empty basket.
I did another sigh.
’Cause let's face it.
The bunny was a rotten egg.
Sheldon found three more eggs. May swooped all of them. Every time she swooped, she shouted her head off.
“FOUR! FOUR! NOW I HAVE FOUR!”
“FIVE! FIVE! NOW I HAVE FIVE!”
“SIX! SIX! I JUST GOT SIX!”
Six was Sheldon's limit, apparently.
He stomped to my tree stump and threw his empty basket in the grass.
“That's it! I'm done! I'm not looking for one more egg for that girl. Let her find her own stupid eggs! I quit!” he said.
May came chasing after him.
“No, Sheldon! No! You can't quit! You can't! Come on! We're a team!” she said. “We're … we're Team May!”
Sheldon did a huffy breath at her.
“No, we're not. We're not Team May,” he grouched. “I'm an egg finder. And you're some creepy swooping bird girl who steals them.”
May's mouth opened real shocked.
“I did not steal your eggs, Sheldon Potts! Those eggs were still in the grass when I picked them up! Just because you saw them first didn't make them yours!” she said. “Picking them up is what makes eggs yours.”
Sheldon started to yell back.
Then he stopped and looked at me.
“Shoot,” he said. “I think she has a valid point there.”
May smiled real smuggy.
“Thank you, Sheldon,” she said.
“You're not welcome,” he said back. “And I'm still not looking for any more eggs, May. I'm still quitting.”
May was not expecting that development.
She started to sputter.
“But … but you have to look for more eggs, Sheldon! You have to! Just a couple more eggs and I can win this whole thing,” she said. “Plus you still haven't found the golden egg for me yet!”
Just then, the nanna walked by.
May reached out and grabbed her arm.
“Tell him, Nanna! Tell him he can't quit!” she said. “Sheldon is on my team! And when you're on a team, you can't quit! It's not fair!”
The nanna looked puzzled for a second.
Then she did a little frown and shook her head.
“Oh my. No,” she said. “I'm sorry, dear. But there are no teams on an egg hunt. An egg hunt is an individual competition.”
May did not like that answer.
She pulled on the nanna's arm some more.
“But … but … Sheldon has to help me! He has to! He—”
The nanna interrupted her.
“If you don't let go of my arm, I'm going to give you a swat, dear,” she said.
May quick let go.
The nanna smoothed herself and walked on.
Sheldon laughed real loud.
“I like that nanna,” he said.
I smiled.
“I like that nanna, too,” I said.
I nudged him with my elbow.
“Maybe someday she will be your nanna-in-law.”
Sheldon did a loud hoot.
After that, we did a high five, and a low five, and a medium five. Then I scooted over so he could share my tree stump.
Lucille spotted us there.
Her whole face lighted up when she saw Sheldon.
“Shelsie! Shelsie! I've been looking for you! Where's your basket?” she asked. “Did you find the golden egg yet? Huh? Did you, Shelsie? Did you?”
Sheldon's face went funny.
“Um, well … my magic-egg shirt didn't work out that good, Lucille,” he said. “I kept finding the eggs. But May kept swooping them. And so now I'm just sort of … well, you know …”
May butted her head in.
“QUITTING!” she hollered. “He's quitting, Lucille! Tell him he can't quit! Tell him right now!”
Lucille raised her eyebrows.
“You're quitting, Shelsie? Why are you quitting? You have to find the golden egg, remember?” she said. “If you don't find the golden egg, I will have to swim in my pool with someone I don't actually care for.”
She started to get annoyed.
“Think of me, Sheldon! You have to think of me!” she said. “Don't you know anything about being a boyfriend? Boyfriends do not let their girlfriends swim with people they don't care for!”
Sheldon didn't answer.
Lucille's face got madder.
Sweat came on her head and lip.
“Well, for goodness' sake! Don't just sit there, Sheldon! Go find that egg!” she snapped.
Then she wiped her sweat on her expensive dress sleeve. And she stomped away.
Sheldon watched her go.
Finally he turned and looked at me.
“My little lamb did not actually handle that well,” he said kind of quiet.
He paused a second.
“Also, she turned into a sweaty drip-ball,” he added.
Just then, May stuck her head in between us.
“Come on, Sheldon! You heard what Lucille told you!” she said. “You have to find the golden egg! Come on! Find it right now!”
Then she grabbed his arm and tried to pull him up. But Sheldon did not budge himself.
He shook her off like she was a bug.
I admire that style.
After that, both of us sat there until the hunt was almost over. And then we started walking back to the picnic tables.
Only too bad for me.
Because I forgot to pick up my hugie big feet. And I fell down in the grass again.
And that's when it happened!
I saw something gleamy!
It was gleaming right in my eyes, I mean!
I blinked and looked again.
Then I quick tried to cover my mouth with my paw mitt.
But the words came rushing right out of my lips.
“THE GOLDEN EGG! THE GOLDEN EGG! I SEE THE GOLDEN EGG!
”
May and Sheldon looked down and saw it, too.
For a second, all of us stood there real frozen.
And then …
OOMPHFF!
FOOMFF!
PHIFFOOPHFF!
We all dived for it at once!
And …
SLAP!
SLAP!
SLAP!
We piled our hands on top!
“I'VE GOT IT!”
“I'VE GOT IT!”
“I'VE GOT IT!” we shouted.
Then suddenly, all of us got very silent. And we stared and stared at our hand pile.
My heart started to pound.
I stared some more.
Then my mouth fell open. And I did a loud gasp.
BECAUSE THE EGG WAS UNDER MY GIANT PAW MITT, THAT'S WHY!
“OH MY GOSH! I really do got it!” I hollered.
Sheldon frowned.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
He wiggled his fingers to locate himself.
“Shoot,” he said. “I was hoping that big paw was mine.”
I looked odd at him.
That was a joke, I hope.
“Well, at least you beat May,” I said real happy. “Beating May is still good, Sheldon.”
Then, KABOOM!
May exploded like a firecracker!
She yanked her hand off the top of the pile. And she slapped it on the ground.
“HE DID NOT BEAT ME, JUNIE JONES! Sheldon has zero eggs and I have six! How can you say he beat me, you big dumb bunny?” she yelled.
That's when I exploded, too.
“I AM NOT A DUMB BUNNY, MAY!” I shouted back. “I am the celebrity of this whole entire occasion! Plus you didn't even find one single egg on your own! And so I will show you how Sheldon can beat you! I will show you right exactly now, in fact!”
Then—without even thinking about it—I quick slid my paw mitt off of the golden egg! And I let Sheldon's hand drop on top!
“THERE! HA! SEE, MAY? SEE? Now Sheldon has the golden egg! And you don't! And the golden egg is the winner of this whole event!” I said.
May's eyes got as big as bowls.
Sheldon's eyes got big, too.
He grabbed the egg in both his hands. And he jumped up like a rocket.
May slumped her face in the grass.
Then TWEET! TWEET! TWEET!
The nanna blew the whistle.
And that was that.
The egg hunt was over.
I quit writing and thought about the party.
May didn't win the most eggs.
’Cause guess who did!
My friend José, that's who!
