“’Morning Ri. Catch any mice today?” Allie stopped briefly to scratch the orange tabby on the head then went back to sorting dirty clothes from clean, and mostly clean. “I’ve got a busy day today, how about you?”
The cat purred loudly watching with apparent interest as Allie heaved a pile of laundry into a bin and shoved it closer to the door. “Lots of important napping on the agenda today? Yeah, it must be tough to be a cat.”
She pawed through her clean clothes, making a new mess to replace the one she’d just picked up. “Gods! I feel like I’m going on a first date, not out to meet someone I know doesn’t care what I wear.”
Ri was unimpressed as Allie chose and discarded a half dozen options before deciding on a sundress that Liz had gotten her several years before. She’d never actually worn it because she never wore dresses, preferring jeans and tshirts or sweaters most of the time, but the weather was nice and Syndra had always sworn she’d look great in the dress. It was modest enough for Allie to be comfortable in it but the cut showed off her figure far more than her usual attire, and the deep blue matched her eyes. “Yeah Ri, I can’t believe I’m this worried about what I’m wearing today either.”
Allie sighed and almost put the dress back but checked the impulse. And despite how exposed and undressed it made her feel she left her bra on the bed. Elven women didn’t wear them and she knew Jess liked her better without it. She felt slightly foolish for even caring about that, yet despite the discussion the night before and his reassurance she still had a hard time believing that he really wanted to be with her that badly. Seeing him again, now, she found herself worrying that he wouldn’t feel as strongly in person as he did in his head.
Pulling the dress on she took a moment to get everything adjusted and then walked over to her mirror. She had to admit, grudgingly, that she did look very nice. The dress fit well and her dark blond hair – for once freed of its usual pony tail – hung loose around her face and cascaded down her back. Turning from the mirror and ignoring the unaccustomed movement of her unconfined chest she headed down to get some breakfast.
She found her cousin already in the kitchen toasting an English Muffin. Allie mumbled good morning and headed straight over for the coffee.
“Well I’m glad to see you finally wearing that dress,” Liz said approvingly. “I only bought it for your birthday years ago.”
“Thanks Liz, it looks really nice right?” Allie said suddenly uncertain.
Liz gave her a disbelieving look, “It looks wonderful on you.” And then frowning “You are supposed to wear a bra with it though. You really aren’t small enough to get away with not wearing one.”
Allie blushed, “Yeah well. I’m not.”
“You’re not? What do you mean you’re not?”
“I mean I’m not. You know elves don’t wear them.”
Liz’s eyes narrowed and Allie regretted mentioning elves. “Uh-huh. And humans do. And you aren’t an elf, so….oh, I get it. You’re going to see him today aren’t you?”
“He has a name Liz,” Allie said, busying herself choosing a coffee cup and getting the milk out of the fridge.
“I really thought you were over all of that. You haven’t seen him in weeks,” Liz’s voice was thick with disapproval now.
“You know it’s not that simple-“Allie protested.
“Because you have that psychic bond thing? Well why not just undo the spell?” Liz said dismissively.
“Because I…” because I love him Allie thought but found herself afraid to admit that to her cousin, “because I don’t know how.”
“Yes, but you read Grandmother’s book – that’s where you learned how to do whatever it is you did to get into this mess in the first place, right?”
Allie looked down, pretending to be busy adding milk to her coffee. “I wouldn’t call it a mess, exactly, it’s just really complicated.”
“Do you want to have this, this, magical thing where you’re stuck in his head?” Liz said in disbelief.
“Well no. I mean, I don’t know. At the time…” Allie stammered.
“Oh I know, I know. It was an emergency, and honey no one judges you for doing what you had to do to save yourself in the moment. But don’t you owe it to yourself and to,” Liz sniffed slightly, “and to him to fix it now? What happens when you get old and die? Or just get old and he loses interest?”
Liz’s words hurt and Allie struggled not to let it show, “I don’t know. I guess I hadn’t thought about it.”
“Exactly. But now you need to think about it. If you can’t fix it I’m sure someone else can, but you read Grandmother’s book – you did this to begin with – you can find a way to undo it,” Liz spoke with certainty as she fixed her breakfast. “You should make it a priority.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea to use anything else from that book,” Allie muttered, shivering as she remembered some of what had been in her Grandmother’s grimoire.
“Don’t be a child. I know some of it was distasteful-“
“Distasteful!” Allie interjected, offended at her cousin’s casual assessment of the spells that had led to innocent girls being tortured and murdered.
“I’m trying to be polite. Anyway, my point is some of it may have been bad but it can’t all have been. And even if it was, why can’t you use what you know to reverse engineer what you did and fix it?” Liz sounded so confident that Allie felt her own hesitance wavering. She knew the book had contained some horrific magic, things that could never be shared, which is why she had made the choice to burn the book. But…but maybe Liz had a point. She had no idea what would happen to Jess if she died. Would he die to? The thought made her stomach turn; she did not want to think that in saving herself she had condemned him to an early death.
Liz walked over carrying her breakfast and gave Allie a one-armed hug. “I’m not trying to upset you honey, you know that. I just don’t want to see you get your heart broken over someone who can’t ever really commit to you.”
Allie thought of Jess’s obsessive single-minded interest in her and shook her head slightly, “I don’t think that‘s a problem Liz.”
“With elves it’s always a problem,” Liz said sagely. “And let’s be honest you don’t have very much dating experience.”
“By which you mean I don’t have any,” Allie said, laughing.
Liz laughed too, sitting down at the long kitchen table. “You’ve always been so shy with men Allie. There I was going out on dates and going through boyfriends like tissue and you were always home reading or helping Grandmother with the store or with one of her spells. I suppose I just thought after all this time none of that interested you.”
Allie brought her coffee over and sat down with Liz, looking out the window at the sun through the trees. “For a long time it didn’t. When we were in school, I always felt like, I don’t know, like I didn’t understand what the big deal was. Later I started to feel attracted to people, but it just never worked out right, you know? Either they weren’t interested in me or they were only interested in getting into my pants-“
“And that isn’t what’s going on with him?” Liz said skeptically.
“His name is Jessilaen Liz and no it isn’t just sex,” Allie said earnestly. Liz actually blushed, looking away. “But even if it was, I don’t know how to explain this, but I kind of don’t care.”
“Allie!”
“I don’t Liz. I feel like my whole life is going by and I’m not really living it. I’m just watching it happen.”
Liz was silent for a minute, chewing. “Is this because of what happened to you? When you were hurt, before?”
Allie hesitated. “I don’t know. Maybe? That’s part of it I guess, but Syndra dying is part of it too. And Jess is special to me Liz. I really like him; he makes me happy. But more than that I just want to feel like I’m having some fun once in a while.”
Liz nodded thoughtfully, “I can understand that. I mean you’ve always been the one waiting at home fo
r me when I go out – I guess I’ve just gotten used to you being a certain way. Being my little Allie who makes me feel better when I have an awful breakup and needs my advice about what car to buy. Maybe that sounds silly but it’s hard for me to think of you differently. And I can’t pretend I like seeing you acting more like them – like the elves. I just don’t see anything good in the way they do things.”
“I guess we’ve both gotten used to each other a certain way Liz. We grew up more like sisters than cousins. But I have to live my own life,” Allie said.
“I know you do,” Liz replied. “I just want to see you make good decisions. I want to see you be happy Allie.”
“Yeah, well, me too,” Allie smiled and then spontaneously got up and gave her cousin a real hug, before putting her coffee cup in the sink and heading out the door.
************************************
Allie was certainly happy to see Jess again, but she hadn’t expected to be ushered right to his private quarters and into bed. Allie had pulled her car up to the Outpost with a mix of excitement and trepidation a little more than an hour ago and almost before she knew what was happening had found herself swept up to Jess’s room, caught up in his emotional and physical need. It was overwhelming. Not that I didn’t enjoyed it, Allie thought resting her cheek against his chest and listening to his heartbeat, but a little conversation first would have been nice.
“Did you say something, love?” Jess asked, stroking her hair. Allie flushed and then bit her lip, realizing that the physical contact had strengthened their connection to a point where he could almost hear her thoughts the way she heard his. It was a little frightening, and then she felt ashamed to feel that way when she so often listened in on him, unintentional as it usually was.
“No, nothing,” she said, hoping he’d believe it. She traced his collarbone with her fingers, his skin smooth beneath her touch. His hair fell in golden waves down around his face and chest and Allie tangled her hand in it, enjoying the sensation. She realized she had never seen him with his hair out of the braid that was part of the Elven Guard’s uniform and she found herself idly wondering if his hair was longer than hers. “I forgot that being this close to you makes our connection, in our heads closer.”
“I like it,” he said, caressing her arm. “I like feeling like you are always with me, like we are never really apart. I have missed you terribly.”
He pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head. She closed her eyes and tried to block him out, not wanting him to hear what she was thinking. She knew that he had not been with anyone else since he had seen her last, something that was unheard of among the elves who celebrated every opportunity to enjoy the sensual pleasures of life. She had not asked him to abstain, and had refused to accept his promise to the same effect before he had left, but she could not deny that it made her happy to know that he wasn’t with anyone else. And not just because she would be aware of it while it was going on through their bond, but because she had enough human culture ingrained in her upbringing to think monogamy was the best option, even if she knew it made him desperately miserable because they were apart so much of the time. It made her feel petty and immature, especially since she couldn’t help but be annoyed at getting tumbled into bed right away when he did see her again after weeks apart. She knew that she was putting him in an untenable position and found herself considering what Liz had said earlier. Maybe I should consider trying to break the bond I forged…
“I am so glad you are here now Allie. I have wanted to go and see you, but I could not get permission to take the time. I was starting to worry that you had forgotten me until you spoke into my mind last night.”
…or maybe not. Allie winced. “I could never forget you. And I’ve missed you too you know. But I hadn’t heard anything from you so I wasn’t sure what was going on.”
He moved, forcing her to pull back slightly until she was looking into his eyes, “Did you not know from my thoughts I was back here?”
“Well, I, yes, but,” Allie flushed, feeling like a child caught stealing cookies before dinner. “I mean I did know you were back but not that you wanted to see me and couldn’t.”
He frowned and she felt his confusion overwhelming her own embarrassment, making it hard to focus. “Do you not always hear my thoughts?”
“No,” she said, then shook her head slightly. “I mean yes, but it’s not like that. I’m…aware of you all the time and if you are especially upset or emotional it, kind of draws my attention. And if we are touching or very close then everything is stronger. But usually what you’re thinking is like, it’s like listening to someone talk in another room. I don’t hear what you’re thinking unless I focus on you and make the effort to reach across the connection.”
“I see. I had not realized,” he sounded thoughtful. “I thought you were always with me in a more direct way.”
She shook her head, running her hands across his chest. “No. I mean sometimes I’m there for just a moment and then I pull back,” her eyes jumped to his looking for a reaction, worried she’d said too much, “if you are feeling a strong emotion it gets my attention.”
“So,” he said, grabbing her hand and directing it lower, “I can get your attention if I’m focusing on an intense emotion?”
She felt herself blushing, flustered, thinking Again? Already? But out loud she said “You have my attention now.”
He smiled, rolling her over, “Good.”
***************************************
Allie still had her earlier conversation with Liz on her mind when she pulled back up to the house later that afternoon. It was easier to dwell on Liz’s question about whether she could break her spellbond with Jess than to think about the situation with Jess itself, which seemed untenable and also impossible to change. He wanted her to live with him and she didn’t want to give up her life – but she also didn’t want to stop seeing him. On the other hand she didn’t want their relationship to become nothing but a series of assignations between long separations either, and today’s visit had done nothing to reassure her on that front. She also couldn’t deny that seeing him had made her feel better than she’d felt in a long time and that the boost she got empathically from being with him - if she was brutally honest with herself from feeding on his emotions – was amazing. Despite the fact that her visit to the Outpost hadn’t changed anything she felt almost giddy as she pulled into her usual parking spot in front of the house. She had forgotten in the weeks they’d been apart how wonderful it felt to draw on his emotions for her own energy and strength and she had to admit it was tempting to think of accepting his offer just so she could always feel like she did now.
When she walked in the door of the house, still a bit euphoric, Liz was standing in the hallway with a stranger, gesturing towards the living room expansively and saying something about how much room there was. Her voice was unusually warm and bubbly for Liz, and it made Allie tense despite her own good mood. As soon as she saw the door opening Liz turned towards it; the expression on her face reminded Allie of when they’d been in high school and Liz had been trying to impress the other popular kids: fake and overeager.
“This is Shawn, he’s going to be moving in to fill the spare room,” Liz said smiling widely at the stranger. “He works with me at the theater – he’s an actor! – and his old roommate packed it in and moved back to regular earth, so he couldn’t keep up with the place he was at. And I said I had a room open, and viola, here he is.”
Liz sounded exuberant as she spoke, and Allie had to fight to keep her face neutral as her cousin fawned over the new arrival. Allie guessed he was in his mid-20’s. A bit under six feet with a medium build, brown eyes and brown hair that fell to just above his shoulders; he was wearing jeans and a black turtleneck, and oozed artist. His smile was friendly but there was something overly cheerful in his face that made Allie uneasy, although she thought perhaps he was merely putting on his stage persona to meet new people. She knew from the times
she’d gone with Liz to the theater that many of the actors were actually very insecure; after only a moment’s hesitation she extended her senses to read his emotions. Normally she wrestled with the ethics of using her ability to read people but since this person was going to be living with her this time felt justified. She found a mix of excitement, nervous tension, and fear, all of which could be explained by his own worry about fitting in with the established roommates.
“Well it was hard to resist,” Shawn said looking around in open curiosity, “after Lizzie told me about how tricked out this place was.”
Lizzie? Allie thought, amused, “Yeah, we do have all the electrical stuff most people don’t. We’ve even got a microwave.”
“A microwave? Really?” he looked suitably impressed at the mention of a bit of earth technology rarely found in the Bordertowns because of the difficulty keeping them running in the magical environment.
“Yeah,” Liz said eagerly, “Allie’s a witch and we have another roommate who’s away right now but he’s also good with magic and he helps out. They keep up with all the enchantments and they deal with any magical issues that come up.”
Shawn looked her over skeptically, “Really? I was kind of worried about being so far out in the woods – I mean you hear about some pretty dangerous stuff roaming around in the less settled areas. It’s good to know you guys have magical security, but, no offense, you don’t look like the sort to be out tackling fairy wolves or whatever.”
Fairy what? Allie wondered, but before she could ask what a fairy wolf was, if there even was such a thing, Liz was talking again, “Oh Allie’s not as young as she looks, she’s only half human you know, her mother wasn’t, er, she was an elf. And she’s not a really powerful witch but she’s very good at basic stuff and she knows all about the sorts of dangerous creatures we have to deal with.”
Lost in Mist and Shadow: A Between the Worlds Novel Page 5
