by C. M. Steele
I was right outside the door to his downtown office when I saw Rosa. She was a sweet lady and was truly kind to me. When I was home without Luciano, she and I would talk about him and she would teach me how to cook. I wasn’t a bad cook, but I wasn’t used to their fancy expensive tastes. When I was leaving him, all she could say was that I shouldn’t leave him and to give it time. She didn’t know that he was disgusted with me.
“Signora Rossi, it is so good to see you. Signore Rossi is not doing so well. He has not left the house in almost two months. Only once he left the house. I came to drop these off here, per his request.”
I looked down at the manila envelope and my heart broke. This was it. It was our divorce papers ready for my signature. “He signed them.” I couldn’t deal with this. I had to walk away before the tears came.
If he could drag his feet to sign the papers, he could wait a few days until I was ready to sign. When I got home, I made a cup of tea and spoke to the baby and resigned myself to a lifetime without Luciano.
The next day I woke to a pounding on my door. I was groggy and went to it with only my robe on and my hair all disheveled. I was barely wiping the sleep out of my eyes when I opened it to see none other than Luciano.
“Amber.” He said my name in a whisper, as though it was precious. I looked at the man before me and it was not the same strapping man I knew. He was haggard and so much thinner. I am surprised, considering he dumped me cold.
“Luciano.” I said it with no feeling, letting him know that he could not break me. I was full of it, I had to be strong. I couldn’t breakdown and beg him. Why did he have to come now? He signed the papers. What else could he want? I was coping, okay not very well, but I was trying.
“You look beautiful, Amber.” He looked down at my swollen belly, I knew he felt the agony of that night. It was something that would live with me forever.
“Why are you here? I haven’t heard from or seen you since you abandoned me at the hospital.”
“Abandoned you? You are the one who asked for a divorce. I had no choice but to walk away. What the hell was I supposed to do? Just pretend that the woman I love didn’t get brutalized in front of me.” I interrupted whatever he was going to say because he was just going to spit out bullshit.
“You could have fought for me. You didn’t love me. If you did, you wouldn’t have walked away. The thought that I had been ruined was too much for you.”
“Damn right it was too much for me. I sat by and watched that bastard steal the light from your eyes, and I couldn’t even protect you. I didn’t deserve you. You deserve someone who won’t put you in harm’s way. I tried to do what was right and give you what I took and that was your freedom.”
“Since when did you start to care about that? You got mad when I wanted to leave our first night together, and yet this happens and you didn’t fight for me. What, you didn’t want damaged goods?”
“Who the fuck said that? I never did, Amber. You think that it was easy? Do you think that I wanted to lose the only person who meant the world to me? I almost lost you that night. You being my wife put you in that position.”
“Luciano, you don’t want to be with me. You say that, but I heard you. I know you don’t want damaged goods and in your eyes that is all I am. Please leave.”
“I can’t. I tried to stay away, but I need you, Cara.”
He got down on his knees and kissed my hands and looked into my eyes.
“You have to come back to me. I have missed you so much. I know you do not love me, but I have loved you since the moment we met. I don’t care if you are having his baby. I will do everything in my power to make sure we teach him or her right and I will raise the baby as my own if you come back. Please. I shouldn’t be here because you deserve better than a man who can’t protect you, but I can’t stay away.”
“Cara, I am trying to go straight and clean to be the man you can respect and one day love. Rosa told me about seeing you yesterday, and I hoped that what she had told me had been true, but I guess it was just her wishful thinking.”
“What did she tell you?”
“She said that you thought the papers I asked her to take to the law offices were our divorce papers and to her you seemed to be very upset saying ‘he signed them’ and you left so abruptly. Since you asked for the divorce, I thought you would be jumping up and down, impatiently waiting for them to be finalized. So when she told me about your encounter, I had to know, I hoped that you cared enough to try again, something I didn’t think was possible.”
“Luciano, you left me in the hospital after telling your father you were letting me leave you because Enzo raped me. What the hell else was I supposed to do? Watch you hate me because I could be carrying another man’s child inside of me. Live with your inability to touch me because someone else had.” I walked back to the couch and turned to face him. He looked so big in my apartment, and I wanted nothing more than to run into his arms.
“I loved you so much. I fought for you when he was violating me. I didn’t want you to see me ruined.”
“You were never ruined, Cara. I thought he broke you, and I didn’t know how I could make it better. Don’t you blame me for what he did to you? I should have taken him out long before then. He was right, it was my fault. I lost you because of my weakness for my family, but you were my family and were supposed to be my number one priority. I fucked up so bad, I didn’t know how to make it right. He hurt you to hurt me. You cannot understand the guilt I feel about it. You were mine to protect and I failed you.” I watched a man who took no prisoners, a straight thug, one of the most dangerous men breakdown and cry. He tried to hide the tears by pretending to look out the window, but I could see them glistening on his cheek.
“No, Luciano, it wasn’t your fault. He had it planned out so well. Why did it take you so long to come to me?”
“I was trying to do right by you. I stayed away from you because it was easier to stay away than to watch you move on. I may have sent my men to look after you, but I never asked for a report. The only time they were to contact me was if you were in trouble. Rosa’s words led me to believe that maybe you missed me, too. I finally contacted them for a report, and I have to say I was not happy about a lot of it, but that is what I get for letting you go.”
“I thought you were probably out looking for the new Mrs. Rossi. I was afraid to see you with another woman when I was out.” He shook his head at me.
“You are irreplaceable.” I wanted to forgive him, but I needed more.
“How come you never told me you loved me before?” My tears rested in my eyes ready to break free and right on cue he took me into his arms. “Ti amo, amoré mia. I love you so much, my Amber.”
“Cara, I have told you I loved you so many times, but I could not say ‘I love you’ in English because I didn’t think you loved me and truthfully, I was scared. A big part of me was grateful that you hadn’t learned Italian yet.” I was shocked that he was telling me the truth. He had told me those words so often. The first time at our wedding.
“The first time I told you was on our wedding day. Then you asked me what it meant and I avoided answering you, then my mom warned me of the danger of my love for you could cause you.”
“I remember. I am so sorry. If I had tried harder to learn the language, I would have never told you I wanted a divorce until you told me yourself that you no longer wanted me.”
Chapter 12
“I will never stop wanting you.” I got closer to her, it was getting harder to stay away from her. I wanted to own her lips again. What I felt for her could not be described. I ached in my very soul these last two months. I tried to drown my sorrows in a bottle, but that didn’t work.
“In the hospital I heard you tell your father that you were going to let me go, and well, I wanted to do it before you broke my heart. I didn’t want a divorce. I still don’t.” When she looked at me so sad, I captured her lips. Our kiss was one that could set the house on fire. I put all my love
into that kiss. I wanted her to know that I missed her with everything in me.
I carried her to the nearest bedroom. I needed to be in my wife. I tore off the robe she was wearing, I needed her bad. I looked at her slightly swollen belly and all I thought of was she was sexy as hell pregnant. Next time it will be our child in there. My wife was with me all the way, she was tearing at my clothes. My buttons on my shirt were strewn about the floor. I had to push her hands away from my pants. I would be done before we even got started. I took the rest of them off myself. I climbed back on the bed, opened her legs wide, and tested her desire with my cock. As I rubbed her folds she coated my cock with her need. I looked into her eyes and had to tell her what was in my heart.
“You are so perfect, Amber. I love you.”
I took her lips and I entered her slowly, taking care not to touch the small mound and harm her. I needed to talk to the doctor about sex and the baby. Her walls were as tight as I remembered. She hugged and caressed my cock. We hadn’t lost that perfect magic we had when we made love. Our interlude hadn’t lasted long, we came in record time. I quickly pulled off and rolled her on top of me to protect the baby. It had been a long time for me. I could not even jerk off because she was all I could think about and my broken heart outweighed my desire.
“Cara, please come home.”
“I have waited forever to hear those words.” She hugged me tight then got off the bed and wrapped the robe back around herself. I looked at her curvaceous body and felt sad that I had lost these two months with her. Her belly was large for being two months, I hoped there was not two in there. There was only so much I could take. I was already trying to be man enough to accept the bastard impregnated my wife.
“By the way, I am three months pregnant.” She giggled as my jaw dropped. The bastard didn’t win. My wife was carrying my baby.
