He stopped his musing and continued reading. "Went to community college, did hospitality management for three years, and worked for Hillman International for six months.
His breath stopped when he saw the name Hillman. Oliver Hillman. "Married Oliver Hillman; became Haley Hillman."
His Haley had been married to his father's friend? The age gap was almost repulsive. Wasn't Hillman close to eighty? Was she still married to him? Was he going to meet Haley face to face in a short while? The thought almost scared him. Just then, his eyes picked up the words, "Haley Hillman, deceased."
His heart stopped beating. He was sure he wasn't breathing.
"No," he moaned as the words on the screen started running together in a blurry muddle. "Car crash." He looked at the date—four years ago.
He put his hand in his head, an irrational urge to cry overtaking him. Haley was dead.
How could it be that he hadn't been aware that she was no longer in the land of the living? How come something didn't alert him? He had loved her so much that he thought that...
He groaned, the sound escaping his lips before he could stop it.
"Jayce, is everything all right?" Abigail looked at him with concern from the doorway.
"Huh?" Jayce asked.
"You made a sound." Abigail frowned at him. "Like a wounded animal or something."
"Haley is dead," Jayce said flatly. His eyes were stinging. He didn't want Abigail to see him like this. He got up. "I am going to take the rest of the day off."
He inhaled roughly.
Abigail looked at him with sympathy. "Jayce..."
"I will be fine," Jayce said huskily. "I am just a little shocked right now. I just need time." He grabbed his car keys from the desk and headed through the door. He felt so down he could barely swallow past the lump in his throat.
When he reached outside building his footsteps faltered. It was raining. He stood in the downpour for what felt like hours. When he got into his car, he realized that he was wet and his eyes were blood red.
*****
"Jayce, seriously," Logan said impatiently, "I don't get it. It's been one whole week since you found out about Haley's death. You've been moping around the place like a dark specter. You missed practice last week."
"I had to convince him to come by today," Melody said. "It's a mystery why he is taking it so hard; Haley was fourteen years ago. There is a new person in your life. I can understand taking a day of coming to grips with your loss but a whole week?" Melody shook her head. "Pathetic."
"Leave him alone to grieve," Carson said sympathetically. "At least this time he is working out instead of eating obsessively like the last time she left him."
"And it shows," Ruby piped up. "You are looking really good, Jay."
Jayce grunted. "Thanks, I guess. I can't have my closure now and it sucks. I suck. The world sucks. Practice sucks. You guys suck."
"Fourteen years and you still want closure?" Melody closed her laptop. "You are one unique man. I pity Abigail. Don't let this interfere with your here and now, Jayce. You have always searched for reasons to alienate women from your life. Don't let this one slip away, you hear me!" She got up. "Have a good practice, guys."
Ruby got up too. "For your party, Jayce, I contacted Bobby James. He can't make it. Are you sure that you don't want Greenwald?"
"Absolutely sure," Jayce snarled. "That man was a terrible father. You know, I asked him about Haley and he said he didn't know where she was. Bet he doesn't know that she is dead, and he is sitting around in self-righteous confidence that she will come back when she is reformed. He doesn't even know that his daughter is dead."
Ruby raised her eyebrows. "Okay, so no Greenwald then. Let's see. Do you like Pastor Forbes? Would you mind him filling in for the blessing?"
"Fine." Jayce shrugged. "Right now, I am not caring. I don't need a pastor. Carson can do the blessing."
Ruby quirked her brow and looked at Carson, who nodded.
"Okay, then. I'll need to see the space I am working with."
"Abigail will show you around," Jayce said. "Just call the office."
Ruby smiled. "Okay, cool. I'll get to meet Abigail. She must be a paragon of virtue, sitting around and watching you feeling down about a woman you haven't seen in fourteen years. I have to do some damage control for you."
When she left the guys were silent until Ian said, "You have got to stop acting like this if you like Abigail, and if you are as serious about her as you say you are."
"Is she a Christian?" Carson asked, rubbing his chin. "I mean, what sort of relationship does she have with God?"
"No, better yet," Ian asked, "is she the loyal, honest type of person? And does she really like you?"
"I think if Jayce likes her there must be some good qualities there," Aaron said. "She seemed like a very nice person when we met her at the Natural Life festival."
"Oh, she likes him," Xavier said in reply to Ian. "When we saw her at the restaurant she couldn't take her eyes off him and here he is screwing it up with his Haley obsession. Haley is dead. Move on."
"That's cold," Jayce said and then it dawned on him suddenly, while the guys were talking that Abigail had practically pre-empted this conversation. It made him feel strange.
He looked at Logan. He hadn't said anything about her yet. Would he ask if she read? That's what Abigail had said he would say.
He waited in anticipation for Logan to speak.
Logan raised his eyebrows. "What? You want my opinion on Abigail? She looks good physically. The questions are, is she intelligent, and can she hold a good conversation and does she read because let me tell you..."
Jayce started laughing.
"What?" Everybody asked, looking at Jayce strangely.
"You won't believe this," Jayce said, "and this may spook you, but Abigail said exactly the same thing about you guys. Every one of you…your response to meeting her. It was eerily accurate. At the time I felt weirded out by it."
"She did?" Logan asked.
"Yes." Jayce nodded, and then he frowned. "She did. Are you sure that you have never met her before? He looked at the guys. "Think."
"Nope," Carson said. "I would remember if I had."
"She did seem familiar to me," Xavier said, "but then again, I think it was more of a feeling, not an actual meeting her kind of thing. Sorry."
"You know what I like about her?" Ian said. "She will help you get over this Haley depression. I only hope she sticks around while you grieve."
"I understand his grief," Aaron said. "I liked Haley; she was my friend too. She was funny and outgoing and extremely kind and jovial. You remember, guys. She and Jayce complemented each other. We always thought that you two would get married before Carson and Alice."
"She was a friend to all of us and yes she was great," Logan said, "but life went on, she left without telling any of us goodbye. That showed that she wanted us out of her life and you know what, there is nothing wrong with that; life has a way of going that way. As Jayce said, she went to school, got married to that old geezer Oliver Hillman, and didn't look back. It is pointless to have a Haley memorial; she might not have even remembered us. Are we going to practice or what? Tomorrow I will start working at my big case with a new paralegal."
"What happened to the old one?" Ian asked.
"Food poisoning," Logan grimaced, "so I am getting a replacement from the agency. I hate temps, especially in the middle of a case. Argh." He groaned. "And my temp's name is Barbie. I kid you not. That's her legal name. It's not short for Barbara or even barbwire. Even the doll had a full name but no, my temp's actual name is Barbie."
Even Jayce was roused out of his despondency to have a chuckle at that.
"She probably looks like a doll," Carson said.
"Probably," Logan shrugged. "If she can't do the work, though, I am sending Barbie back."
Chapter Thirteen
Abigail waited patiently at Jayce's gate for Ruby. She had taken the afternoon to show Ruby ar
ound the house for the party. Jayce hadn't minded. He didn't mind many things these days since he found out that Haley died.
It made her feel guilty and mean and totally helpless to see him looking so miserable over her own staged death. She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. Jayce had handed her his car keys silently. It was as if he was barely existing.
Ruby drove up and blew her horn. When she got out of the car, she smiled and waved to Abigail.
"It's lovely to meet you, Abigail," Ruby said briskly. "I haven't been here since Jayce bought the place. I've been extremely busy with Mommy duties and all that."
Abigail smiled politely. "How is that going?"
"Great!" Ruby said. "I love every single moment of every single day with my baby girl. I would have brought her with me now but my mom is in town."
Abigail showed her around, and they were standing by the pool area when Ruby looked at her admiringly. "You really know how to decorate a place. I mean, you have good taste."
"Thanks." Abigail shrugged. "I have always had a thing for design."
"Do you have a thing for Jayce?" Ruby asked slyly. "Because I know he has a thing for you."
Abigail shrugged. "He's cool."
Ruby looked deflated. "So you don't like him?"
"I do." Abigail frowned. "Why?"
"Well, he has been slumping around the place since he found out that Haley died. I hope that's not a turn-off for you," Ruby said quickly. "Please, don't worry about it. I can assure you this will pass. Jayce is a bit more complicated than others in the way he handles emotions. He is a nice guy—a real catch. I mean, even this grieving thing, when it passes will show you that Jayce is totally committed and loyal and caring and..."
Abigail laughed. "Sold. I get it. I have been working with him for the past two months. I know he is a total package."
"And he likes you," Ruby said, still in salesman mode. "You know, I kind of understand how he feels."
"You do?" Abigail asked interestedly.
"Yes, I do." Ruby sat down on one of the lounge chairs and indicated to Abigail to sit beside her. When Abby sat down she said wistfully, "I had a relationship before Ian. Great guy, but circumstances tore us apart and somewhere along the line we married other people, and then he came back into my life as the pastor of my church. To cut a long story short, it wasn't easy dealing with the residual feelings that we hadn't dealt with from back in the day, and now Jayce will never get that chance to with Haley. By the way, you should come by to Cedar Hill. Hasn't Jayce invited you yet?"
Abigail nodded. "He has. I tell him no every time. I go to a different church…Bramwell. It's walking distance from where I live; besides, I don't really want to meet your pastor and his wife."
"Oh," Ruby said interestedly. "You know Pastor Greenwald?"
Abigail nodded. "Yes. He's a huge man with an even bigger voice, isn't he?"
Ruby nodded. "Ironically, he's Haley's father, or should I say was." Ruby stretched and sighed. "Sister Greenwald had not come to join him in Jamaica for close to a year but now she is here. It was a rumored that they had split up, but I try not to listen to rumors. Most times they are wrong. The first lady is here now and she is a lovely lady. She teaches the tiny tots and the kids love her."
Ruby frowned. "It's weird, you know, nobody has ever heard the pastor or the first lady talk about their children or grandchildren. Pastor Greenwald is well loved at the church. He's a fire and brimstone and strict living kind of guy. He and the first lady complement each other well.
"Some persons say he is the best thing that has ever happened to the congregation. He rules with an iron fist. He hates the Band, though. Especially Jayce. No wait, I shouldn't say hate, but there is some strong animosity there."
Abigail was hanging onto Ruby's every word; that shocked Abigail. She had avoided all talk about her family so far, but had been quite stunned earlier this year when she heard that her father was the main pastor for Cedar Hill. It was as if circumstances were conspiring to bring the players from her past life together: her ex-husband, her father, and Jayce.
Abigail was having none of it. Haley was dead and would stay that way. She couldn't resurrect her now. She was safer living on the outskirts of all their lives.
Except that she really wasn't living on the outskirts, was she? She was sitting in Jayce's backyard, having a chat about her family and her old church with Ian's wife. That was more involved than she had bargained for.
Over the years, she had successfully tried to wipe her family from her mind. It had been remarkably easy to do, easier than wiping Jayce or her friends from her mind. After her aunt died, eight years ago, she had been effectively cut off from all familial contact and she had forced herself not to care.
While Ruby ruminated about her church and its merits, Abby thought about seeing her father face to face again. The last time she saw him he was full of wrath and raining blows all over her body.
For years after that, she had dreamed of exacting revenge on him. It had fueled her through college. It was because of him that she had married Oliver Hillman, the older businessman who had promised to fulfill all her material dreams. She had wanted to one day rub her father's face in it. She had wanted him to see that she had made it in the world.
The old feelings of bitterness rose to the fore again and she gasped when Ruby gently shook her. She blinked owlishly and focused on Ruby's concerned face.
"You were gone far, like you were in a trance," Ruby said, miffed. "I can't believe I was so boring."
"No, it's not you," Abigail said hoarsely and then cleared her throat. "I was thinking about my family. I was a pastor's kid and I was reminiscing about the bad old days."
"You were a PK?" Ruby grinned. "Is it true that pastor's children are the worst?"
Abigail chuckled. "I don't know about being the worst. I do know that they are the most ogled. Living life from the front pew isn't easy. Living life at home isn't easy either, especially if your father is an avid perfectionist with other, older children who were not very exemplary."
"Ah," Ruby looked mollified that Abigail had not found her boring and she was settling back in her chair for more information.
Abigail groaned inwardly. She wanted to be friends with Ruby; she was easy to talk to and seemed like a genuinely nice person. She had offered her a snippet about her life and now she had to share even more. That was the issue with making friends. They expected information and communication. Communication would lead to trust and the next thing she would be letting down her guard and spilling her secrets.
She regretted giving Ruby the info she already had, and fretted that she would tell Jayce. She didn't want him putting any information about her together. Haley needed to rest in peace. Her feelings of bitterness toward her family needed to rest in peace. She had buried them; where this sudden onset of bitterness and anger came from, she didn't know.
Maybe it was when Ruby said the children at church loved her mother that a little part of her had melted. Her mother had been a good mother to her when she was a little girl. Something happened along the way to her, though.
Little by little, year by year, after her eldest sister left home, she became a shadow of her former self. She became meeker and weaker while her father became sterner and stronger.
Her mother had also been the one who told her to forget the family and move on with her life. Her mother had not contacted her when she had stayed with her aunt. She could imagine that her father would not care if she was dead or alive but her mother was another matter.
Her head started throbbing the pain sneaking its way over her left eye. "I am going to take a tablet," she said to Ruby faintly. "I have a headache."
"Poor you," Ruby said, picking up her stuff. "I have to go. I have a party in two hours. Will you be all right?"
"Sure," Abigail said. "I just need to sleep this off." She needed a dark place and place to rest from the myriad of thoughts and emotions that were pelting her.
She went to one
of Jayce's guest rooms. She had decorated the room in different shades of blue. She hurriedly drew the blinds, took two tablets for her headache, and stretched out on the bed. It felt so good to be on a proper bed, one that didn't have a wide sink in the middle.
She closed her eyes. The room was so quiet she could hear her own breathing. This was bliss, solitude, peace. The corrosive emotions that she had earlier dissipated and she drifted off to sleep.
*****
"Hey," Jayce said softly.
"Hey," Abigail blinked, coming awake fully. The side lamps were on and the room was bathed in light. Jayce was sitting beside her on the bed, propped up on the headboard and leafing through a large textbook with what looked like computer codes on the front.
"Oh my," Abby groaned. "What time is it?" Her belly rumbled at the same time.
"Nine o'clock," Jayce replied. "You snore. It's cute. Not like a big truck pulling up at the station kind of snore but little snuffling sounds."
Abigail grimaced and sat up. "I had a monster headache. I am so sorry I didn't come back with your car."
"No problem. The General swung by to check out the decor and the new system. He gave me a lift here." Jayce chuckled when her belly rumbled again. "I can make a sandwich for you."
"Thanks," Abigail said, heading for the bathroom.
Jayce put down the book and got up. He suddenly felt free from the dark, depressing thoughts that weighed him down all week.
It had been a comforting feeling to come home and find Abigail fast asleep in his guest room. He had like pottering around knowing that she was within physical reach.
He exhaled. It was time to join the land of the living; Haley was dead. He was alive.
*****
"I feel so embarrassed," Abigail said, sitting around the kitchen nook where Jayce had prepared a sandwich. "I was just going to take a nap and then come right back to the office."
A Past Refrain Page 10
