by Jodie Larson
Jenny gives me the signal and I sling the guitar over my shoulders. Adjusting the mic to the right height as I sit on the stool, I take the moment to look out at the audience. Not many people around tonight; several tables in front with laughing groups of girls, a few pool players off to the side, then the usual patrons gathered around the bar, being anti-social. Quinn managed to find someone else to talk to. Two people, actually. The guy is hunched over a beer, not joining in the conversation with his hat pulled low on his brow. The other girl is animatedly talking with Quinn, throwing her hands around while telling her story.
Wait. I know that girl. Tall, thin, brown hair, loves to talk with her hands…
Lizzie.
Which means…
Oh, shit.
He hasn’t looked at the stage yet, still peeling the label off his beer at the corner of the bar. I don’t know if Quinn told him I’m singing or not. More importantly, I don’t know if this is a set-up out of Quinn’s book. From my understanding, she helped Adrienne pull something similar with Kade. I’m sure those two had a prayer of getting back together. The damage I’ve caused, the pain and heartbreak to this man may be irreparable.
One way to find out.
At the last minute, I switch the song to “Back to December” by Taylor Swift. Neither time I left him was in December, but the meaning of the words conveys everything in my heart right now.
When I get to the chorus, Myles looks up, a look of confusion marring his face at first. It’s hard to see with the spotlight casting glares everywhere I look. Probably better. If I look at his face, it’ll hurt more. This way I can sing my apology, pour my soul into the lyrics, my note of the past.
Once I strum the last chord, a round of applause sounds, along with a few catcalls. I thank the audience and leave to put away my guitar, adamant on finding Myles.
“You were amazing,” Lizzie says when I finally make it over to them.
“Yeah, totally blew everyone away.” Quinn sways in her seat, tilting off-balance as she waves her hands around. I look from the bottle to Quinn and realize she may need a ride home.
“Thanks,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. Myles hasn’t looked my way, nor has he acknowledged my presence. Fuck this. I know I screwed up, but we need to talk about it
Lizzie takes notice and urges Quinn to follow her to the bathroom. When they’re out of earshot, I plop down on the stool next to Myles.
“Hey.”
He doesn’t make a sound. Only continues tearing the label into pieces.
Putting my palm against his cheek, I gently coax him to look at me. “I’m sorry.”
His eyes are hard, steely, but not cold. There’s still a warmth to them, giving me hope that maybe we can solve this.
“Save it for someone else.”
Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting.
“Excuse me?” He wants to play hardball, fine. Two can play at that.
A sneer pulls a corner of his lip up. “You heard me. Don’t fucking apologize to me for leaving. Again. The first time was your fault. This one’s on me. I should have known better than to trust you again.”
“You didn’t exactly come running after me either time, so how much did you really love me? Just enough to let me go?”
Those steely eyes swing to mine. “You’ve got some fucking nerve accusing me of not loving enough. Part of loving someone is to stick around, even when things get bad. And what do you do? Run, like a coward. Yet here I am, stuck in limbo because I’m in love with a girl who can’t commit to me.”
He’s still in love with me? Hope blossoms in my chest. Maybe we can work this out after all.
“I am committed to you. Please, let me explain.”
“Save it. The time for explaining is gone. You’ve disappeared, ignored my calls, effectively cut me out of your life. And for what? Because you were off the tour?”
My heart sinks. “So you knew?”
His laugh is hollow, very unlike him. “Yeah, I knew. They told me you were a distraction. I told them to fuck off. When they said they weren’t going to renew your contract after the tour, do you know what my decision was?” I shake my head. “I was going to leave it all. Drop the band, the money, the label, everything. For you. Because if I didn’t have you, nothing mattered. I could always make music. It’s a part of me, just like you were. But there’s only one you, and you were all I wanted.”
Pretty sure my heart is lodged in my throat. He was going to give up everything, sacrifice his career for me. How can he say the sweetest things and expect me not to react?
“I didn’t want you to sacrifice yourself for me. That’s what I was trying to avoid. I knew you loved your job and I was getting in the way. It was easier if I wasn’t around.”
“Easier?” He laughs again. “This has been the shittiest two weeks of my life. Even worse than the first time you left. You know why?”
“Because you couldn’t trust me?” A tear slowly trails down my cheek.
Myles’ face hardens for a brief second before pain flashes in his eyes.
“Because I remembered what we had and still wanted you more than before. You’re the song in my heart, the lyrics of my life. Every note I play is for you. And time after time you keep shoving them back in my face. So I’ve decided something has to give. Either I need to let you go, or embrace all that you are and chase after you.”
I look around. “Is that why you’re getting drunk at a bar? To forget me?”
He doesn’t say anything or make a move to comfort me. This should be a sign for me to walk away and leave him be. If he wanted me back, he knew how to get me. Yet he’s chosen to drink himself into oblivion rather than find his one true love, as he calls me.
“I see. Well, there’s my answer.” He stays quiet, still studying my face, reading me like a book. It’s time for this book to close.
Before I can leave, he grabs my arm. A shock travels through my blood, putting my heart back into my chest with an amplified rhythm.
“Just tell me one thing.” He licks his lips, a slow smile forming on them. “Why do you love me?”
Sitting back down, I mimic his smile. Once upon a time he asked me the same question. And my answer hasn’t changed.
“Well there’s this,” I say, running my fingers through his hair before running them over his forehead.
“Hmm, this seems familiar.” Myles gives up on the bottle and turns his attention to me.
“Then there’s this.” I drag a fingertip along his lips, laughing when he puckers and kisses it.
“And do I need to explain this?” Pressing my palm flat against his chest, the steady beat of his heart thumps against my skin, my own heart matching his.
“No, but humor me.” The same words were spoken long ago. He remembers, too. How can you be rid of a love with so much history together? Everything in our past involved each other, our present collided, and I can’t imagine a future without him.
“I love everything that’s inside you, mind, body, and soul.”
“Think I remember what happened next.” A spark lights his eyes, desire and love swirling together as my breathing falters.
“Yeah, me too.”
“Come back to my place. I won’t go home without you. Not again.”
There’s so much that’s unresolved, but I can’t stay away. Not anymore. Myles is the air I breathe and without him, I’ll suffocate. He’s right. I can’t go home without him. Never again.
Throwing my car in park, we race to the front door of his house. Myles hasn’t stopped touching me since we left The Warehouse, which made for a very interesting car ride. I’m surprised a cop didn’t stop us since my car was all over the road. It’s hard to drive when Myles has his hand down my pants, driving me crazy while simultaneously trying not to kill us.
The instant the door shuts, Myles pounces, stripping off my clothes until they’re scattered across the floor. His clothes join mine in a trail to his bedroom. With a small push, I fall to the bed, op
ening my legs and body to him, the man I love. He crawls over me, nipping and sucking the skin on my inner thighs.
“This pussy is mine.” He laps at his possession, pinning my body down, making it impossible to move. White hot flames flick my skin as he teases me with his tongue, knowing exactly how to play my body. Not able to control my hands, I grab his thick hair, slightly tugging his head so he knows I need him. I need his tongue on me, in me, making me come.
The first wave rolls through me, trying to douse the flames burning inside. They only add fuel to the fire. Every touch, every flick of his tongue has my body craving more. I need him. Now.
“Fuck me, Myles.” He doesn’t hesitate, sinking deep inside me. My walls pulse around him, from aftershocks or possibly a new orgasm. It’s hard to say when he’s filling every inch of me. I claw at his back, pulling him closer as he lifts my legs higher, thrusting deeper still.
All of a sudden, he stills, his frantic breaths beating against my face.
“What? Why’d you stop?”
He brushes the hair away from my face, settling between my legs until he’s practically laying his full weight on me.
“I don’t want to fuck you.”
Is he joking right now? I’m on the verge of another orgasm and he wants to stop?
“I want you to.”
“No.” Myles kisses my lips and starts again, this time slower, moving his hips in all directions. “We’ve done fast and hard. This time it needs to be different. I want you to feel me everywhere at once.”
Somehow he’s able to do it with a few simple moves. I can’t focus on any one thing that’s happening inside my body. He’s torturing me with his skilled cock, caressing my body with his hands, and worshipping my mouth with his. All my synapses are firing at once, leaving me dizzy and beyond excited.
“I want you like this, pliable in my hands, molding to my body.” Twisting his hips, he hits a new spot, lighting it on fire. “Feel that? I want you to remember what we have, remember how good we fit the next time you think about leaving me. After today, it’ll be a distant memory.” The tempo changes, speeding up. He’s getting close. The benefit of knowing your lover inside and out is reading their body.
Myles presses this thumb to my clit, launching me into an incoherent slur of words and screams. Within seconds, he follows suit, my name rolling off his tongue with praise. Sweat slicks our skin as we cling to each other, refusing to move. The room slowly comes back into focus as the stars leave my eyes. When I look up, Myles’ smiling face greets me first.
“Stay with me. We’ll figure this out. I can’t lose you again.”
His heartfelt words cling to my chest, breathing new life into what I thought was a dead soul. Reaching up, I stroke his cheek and wrap my hand around the back of his neck, pulling him closer.
“I can’t lose you either.” Our lips touch, gently moving against each other. Not possessively, but passionately. Sealing our promise.
Myles rolls off but doesn’t go far as he pulls me to his side. I run my fingers over the hard plains of his chest, tracing each muscle as it tightens then releases.
“I’m sorry,” I say as soft as I can.
He turns his focus to me with a sad smile. “I know.”
“Do you think you can ever trust me again? Not that I expect you to, but one day, I’d like to earn it back.”
Myles stares at me for a long minute, not moving or blinking. I don’t know what he’s looking for in my eyes, but he must see his answer because he sits up suddenly, leaving me naked on the bed.
“Want to know how you can do that?” I nod. “I just thought of a way that we can be together and still go on tour.”
I raise a brow in question. How in the hell is he going to pull that off when Linda and Don don’t want me there? To get his trust and love back, I’ll do practically anything he asks.
Searching his face, he gives away nothing. What is he up to?
“Should I be scared?”
Jumping on the bed, he kneels over me and melts my worries away with his tongue, twirling inside my mouth, effectively tossing all thoughts from my head.
“Trust me. I know what to do.”
Tatum’s practically bouncing in the elevator next to me, squeezing my hand as we get closer to our floor.
“What if this doesn’t work?” She nervously bites her lower lip. I free it with my mouth and pin her against the wall with my hips. That ought to shut her up.
“It will. They won’t have a choice.”
Stupefied, she smiles and nods. God, I could kiss her like that all day in this elevator. Maybe we’ll save that as a celebration for later, though I’m sure the building management may not like one of their elevators being out of service for hours.
The doors open and we walk down the hall, finding Linda’s office at the end. All eyes swing to us as we walk in. Don called an emergency meeting after I failed to appear for our studio recording session.
“Where the fuck have you been? Don’t you know there’s this thing called a phone?” Don can suck my dick. He has no right to talk to me that way, considering he’s part of the reason why I had to leave in the first place.
“Fuck off. I’m here, aren’t I?”
Linda’s gaze swings to Tatum, who shrinks beside me. With a reassuring squeeze, she straightens up to her full height and smiles at everyone.
“No offense, but what’s she doing here? I thought we made ourselves perfectly clear.”
“You did,” I say, grabbing a chair next to Kade. Tatum tries to stay standing, but I pull her into my lap, locking my arms around her so she can’t escape.
“Do we have a problem?”
I shake my head. My shit-eating smile, as Tatum calls it, is in full effect. “We? No, no problem. You, well, that’s a different story.”
Linda and Don give each other confused looks. “Explain.”
Leaning forward, I kiss Tatum’s shoulder and reach my left hand out, pressing it against the table. Tatum follows suit. The room quiets instantly. I’m not even sure anyone is breathing.
“Here’s the thing. Your little scheme of parading me around as the playboy won’t work anymore. It’s not going to happen, so you better fix your story. And my wife comes with me whenever and wherever I want.”
Pink colors Tatum’s cheeks. It’s fucking adorable. Heat radiates off her body, but I keep my right arm locked around her waist. She’s not getting away.
“This offer is a take-it-or-leave-it. My wife stays on the tour with us, or I go. Those are your choices.”
“Wife? When the fuck did this happen?” You can almost see the wheels turning in Brecken’s head as he stares wide-eyed at us.
“Two days ago. We flew to Vegas and got hitched.”
“And you didn’t tell anyone?” Brecken’s still stupefied, which is almost a double bonus.
“That’s called eloping. We knew what we wanted and couldn’t wait anymore.”
Pax and Kade both look to each other. A knowing glance passes and they smile at the two of us.
“Looks like Tatum’s back on the tour.”
Linda stands, bracing her hands against the table. “Listen, you don’t dictate to us who’s going to be on your tour. That’s for us to decide. Melissa was doing just fine and the studio has decided to keep her.”
“That’s fine,” I say. “I never said Tatum had to be added to the tour. However, she will be with the tour, even if she’s not performing. I won’t go anywhere without her.”
This time, Don stands, showing a different smile than the one Linda’s sporting. “Technically, in your contract it states that spouses have the ability to tour with you, so I don’t see any reason why she can’t be there with you.”
Now he chooses to stick up for us. I’m the one who remembered the stipulation Kade put into our contracts. Who knew it’d come in handy for someone else.
With a huff, Linda sits back in her chair, tenting her fingers in front of her mouth. “Guess I have no choice. Welcome ba
ck to the tour.”
Tatum releases my hand, nail marks scored along the back of it. She’s damn lucky she didn’t draw blood. I’ll have to punish her later for that. Is it a punishment if we both enjoy it?
Yes, it still is.
Talk resumes back to business as Don and Linda go over their vision for the new album. Tatum stays in my lap, leaning against my chest as I play with the ring on her finger.
Best decision I ever made. At first she was shocked when I suggested we elope. But on the plane ride there, she warmed up to the idea. It was perfect. She never has to run because we know everything will be okay when we’re together.
At the beginning of this tour, I thought I had everything I wanted: fame, money, success, and freedom. I was wrong. Tatum was missing, even though I tried like hell to block her from my memory.
She is the notes of my past, the music of my present, and the lyrics of my future. As long as we have each other, we’ll always be in harmony.
The end.
Thank you everyone for reading this book. Myles was a special man in Serenading the Shadows. An asshole, sure, but there was a story there. One that needed to be told. And with my friend Andrea’s urging, this book was born. It was something different for me. It’s the first time I’ve sat down to write a book and publish it shortly after. The others were a few years in the making, but I couldn’t be prouder of this book. It’s an amazing story of redemption and lost love finding itself again. And like any book, it can’t be possible without help.
To my husband, thank you for letting me sit like a lump on our couch until late in the night (or early in the morning) to write this book as it flowed out of my brain. Your patience and understanding is appreciated beyond words. Every book gets better because you believe in me and you always make sure I know how proud you are of this journey I’ve decided to take us on.
Andrea – You are my sounding board, the believer in me when I don’t (or can’t). Without you, I wouldn’t be writing this right now. Myles needed a story, you were right. Your belief in me pushed me through the tough times where I wanted to give up. Then we’d talk through my block and renewed my dedication to this book. I’m so glad you’re in my life because without you, I know I’d be lost. #MrsKadeEvans
