by Sumida, Amy
“Later, I can't do this right now.” I nudged the horse’s flanks and we sped off back toward Valaskjάlf.
I don’t even remember the journey back. It was a good thing the horse knew the way or I would’ve got myself hopelessly lost. Lost in Asgard, that would have been perfect. As it was, the trees became a blur through the veil of my tears and it was all I could do to hold on.
I didn’t even know why I was crying. I guess I was scared mostly and that was one emotion I hated giving in to. So I clung to the horse and let the wind pull the tears away, trying desperately to ignore my fear that Odin may be right, that I was Sabine, and the smaller fear that he was wrong. I closed my eyes tight and tried my best to not go insane.
Of all the things I'd been through on this crazy path I'd chosen, this better not be the one that broke the Godhunter's back. I'd been nearly sacrificed to Ku, whipped by the Goddess of Love, bit and possessed by the Vampire God, chewed and clawed by four werewolves(one of which I was currently in love with), challenged by the Wolf God, nearly turned into a vampire, abducted by Loki, sliced by Sif, betrayed by Thor, misled by Demeter, thrown to the lions by Nyavirezi, almost consumed by my own magic, and bit again by Blue. Oh and healed too many times to count by Teharon. I couldn't let a little thing like the possibility of me being Odin's dead wife, throw me for a loop.
When I finally arrived back at Valaskjάlf, amazingly in one piece, I handed my mare over to one of the grooms and rushed into the Hall. I went straight to my bedroom and started packing. I was about ready to go when Odin walked in.
Panic shot through me, hot needles of anxiety dancing down my arms. I needed to get away from him. I needed to get away from Valaskjάlf, the place perpetuated craziness. What if he pulled a Blue and tried to keep me there? I really didn't want to fight Odin.
“You don’t have to leave,” his voice was a whisper of sound.
“Yes, I do,” I faced him reluctantly. “This is too much, I need some space, somewhere to feel safe so I can think this through. I need to go home.”
“I never said you were Sabine.”
“You didn’t have to,” I shook my head. “Are you going to deny it’s what you believe?”
Odin sighed deeply, his whole body shaking with it, “No. I can feel her in you.”
“I’m not Sabine,” I sank to my knees and covered my face with my hands.
“No, you’re not,” Odin knelt before me and pulled my hands down. “You’re Vervain Lavine; witch, Godhunter, Tima of the Intare, and Rouva of the Froekn. There are many parts that make up your whole and I believe that Sabine’s spirit is one of them. She lives in you. You are not her exactly but she is inside you. I don’t know what to label it, if it’s reincarnation or if it’s genetic memory. Whatever it is, I do know that you have my wife inside you. She’s so strong within you that even Vali recognized her. Take all the time you want, I don’t want you to feel pressured by me. I already told you, I just want to be able to be near you, spend some time with you. It’s enough for me to know that she lives again.”
“I don’t know,” I stood back up. “The witch in me says anything is possible but the woman in me is having a little trouble with it.”
“Go home then,” Odin swallowed hard. “Take some time to think but remember, I need you here. Don’t abandon me, Vervain, please.”
“I won’t,” I tried to smile at him reassuringly but I’m pretty sure it fell short.
Odin nodded and stood up to escort me to Valaskjάlf’s tracing room. As we walked through his home, little things started to seem more familiar, to give me a sort of déjà vu. I had to make an effort to control my breathing, it was starting to come faster and I didn't want to hyperventilate in front of Odin.
We made it to the room without incident though and he gave me the chant that I could use to bring me back to that room instead of Valhalla’s. I nodded and started to speak the chant that would take me home. Just before I was swept into the Aether, I heard Odin say one last thing.
“Welcome back to the beginning.”
Chapter Ten
Trevor was watching TV with Nick and Kirill when I traced in. He leaped up in surprise, earning a disgruntled hiss from Nick. Kirill just raised an eyebrow at me, ever the cool cat. I smiled and dropped my bags so I could give Nick a good rub.
“So you found all the traitors?” Trevor hugged me tight and rubbed his face against mine. “They didn’t stand a chance against my Lady Huntress.”
“No, I had some problems,” I inhaled his spicy scent and sighed. I was home. This was real, Trevor and I, his arms around me while we stood in our home. This wasn’t some make believe world where women reincarnated and gods loved them so much, they mourned for centuries.
“Do you have to go back?” Trevor was already carrying me down the hallway toward the bedroom.
“Hi, Kirill,” I said over Trevor's shoulder. “How are you?”
“I'm fine, Tima,” he laughed a little, which for Kirill was the equivalent of a belly chortle. “Go enjoy your mate, I'll watch TV with Nick.”
“I'll talk with you later,” I called as Trevor closed the bedroom door.
“You haven't answered,” Trevor put me down and looked me in the eyes.
“I should. Go back, that is.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling the tension in his muscles and knowing it mirrored my own. I felt like I’d been gone months, surrounded by strangers and far away from home.
“What happened?” He sat on the edge of the bed, keeping his hands around my waist.
“I’ll explain in bed,” I kissed him gently, feeling the wolf rise up within me to greet him. “I just really need to be in bed with you right now.”
“Okay, Minn Elska,” he turned, switching positions with me, so that I was on the edge of the bed as he stripped. Slowly, tantalizingly, he undressed me too, then pulled back the covers so we could climb in. The hum of the air conditioner lulled the tension from me and I relaxed into Trevor.
“Odin thinks I’m his dead wife reincarnated,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry… what?” Trevor pulled back sharply.
“He thinks I’m Sabine,” I looked up at him and shook my head. “Things are so strange between us that he’s actually got me wondering if he’s right.”
“What the hell has been going on over there?” He pushed my hair back, to look at my face. “You’re Vervain, and there’s no such thing as reincarnation.”
“Are you sure?”
“Vervain, you’ve seen the spirits of the dead walking through Valhalla.”
I digested that carefully. “But Odin’s fallen Vikings are bound to him from life. Maybe they don’t reincarnate because he doesn’t allow them to move on.”
“Maybe,” Trevor frowned. “Do you want to believe it?”
“Of course not,” I bit my lip. “It’s just that I feel and do the strangest things around him. You know about Sabine’s tarot deck that he gave me for Yule but what I didn’t tell you, was when I read them for him I called him sweet raven. It just seemed natural. He looked at me with such complete shock at the time but I just figured I’d read somewhere that he shifts into a raven, so I must’ve subconsciously made the connection.”
Trevor’s jaw clenched. “What else?”
“I’ve had visions of him before he gave up his eye.”
“You’ve seen Odin whole?” He sat up. “He hasn’t been whole since…”
“Since Sabine?” I felt my heart start pounding rapidly. “Is this crazy? I say strange things around him and I feel…”
“What do you feel?” Trevor searched my eyes frantically. “Do you care for him? Love him?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “I feel attracted to him. It doesn’t matter, even if it’s true, even if I am Sabine or I have a piece of her inside me, or whatever, I love you, nothing changes that.”
A shudder went through his body and he dragged me hard against him. I settled against his chest and felt the part of him that lived inside me, rise up
to snuggle too. Everything was clear when Trevor held me. I didn’t want anyone else; I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I just wanted this; the strong beat of his Froekn heart beneath my ear, the spicy musk of him in my nose, and his thick arms around me. This was heaven.
Then a picture of Odin’s naked body above mine, flashed through my head and I flinched. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed away the intrusion but part of me whispered that a love that could outlast death was a rare gift.
Well, what about my werewolf love, wasn’t that a rare gift too? I couldn’t make the choice because either way I’d lose, so my only option was to stick with Trevor. Trevor needed me; there really wasn’t a choice to be made when I thought about that. Yet some part of me clenched in pain and withered at my decision.
“It was Odin,” Trevor whispered into my hair.
“What was, honey-eyes?”
“The man in my nightmares,” he swallowed hard and met my eyes. “The man that said you loved him first. It must have been Odin.”
I shivered as I remembered his nightmares. It was all too much to be coincidental. I was never one for self delusion, it got you nowhere. So I faced the fact that there was some truth to Odin’s claims. Sabine’s cards had been filled with a magic that recognized me and welcomed me. That alone was some heavy proof for me. Magical tools know their users and that tool in particular had been warded. Wards which had dropped in submission to me. I’d pushed aside the strangeness before but I couldn’t keep denying it in light of everything else.
“Maybe she was an ancestor of mine,” I looked to Trevor for support but his eyes were filled with fear.
“I don’t think so, Minn Elska,” he kissed me gently.
“Okay, well I’ll just finish this business with Odin, and then I’ll stay away from him.”
“You will?” Trevor caught my gaze again. “You’d give up a lover you’ve been separated from for centuries for me? A lover who you shared a bond with that’s so strong, you recognized him even though you’re in another body? A lover you married and stayed with until the day you died?”
That last part stung and I tried not to let his bitterness overwhelm me but a small part of me wondered if this was why I'd denied Trevor. Was this what I'd been waiting for?
“If it’s true, I’ve already had a lifetime with him. I’ve only just begun to love you,” I stroked his face and wiped away the tears that were suddenly flowing down his cheeks. “Let’s forget about Odin for a little while.”
I didn't think it was possible but when Trevor lowered his lips to mine, I really did forget.
Chapter Eleven
Why did you always run out of ice cream right when you needed it? I shook my head as I reached for the Chocolate Crackle. I already had Trevor's Rocky Road and Kirill's Pistachio gelato. My freezer was gonna be full, well maybe not for long. We were gonna watch a marathon of The Mentalist when I got home. It started at 7pm, so I had about a half an hour. I'd better hurry or I was gonna miss some snarky but brilliant comment of Mr. Jane's.
“That's a lot of ice cream.”
No. No fucking way. I turned around and yep, there he was. Loki. Looking all gorgeous in his gorgeousness. Oh how I hated him. Dirty blonde hair, sinfully beautiful face, perfectly muscled body, and those purple eyes. Freakin' purple, god damn it! You think you've seen purple eyes? Elizabeth Taylor, you say? Oh no, no, no, Loki's eyes are true purple, like iris flowers in the sun. I wanted to smack the handsome right off his face. Why were bad guys so much badder when they were hot?
I walked calmly around my shopping cart as I slanted a glance left and right, to make sure no one was looking. He was smiling brightly at me when I punched him in the face and sent him to the floor. He laid there in shock, fingering his bleeding nose for a few moments before he started to laugh. Then he wiped his nose, got to his feet and shrugged.
“Yeah, okay, I guess I deserved that.”
What the fuck? So not what I was expecting. What was Loki up to now? I narrowed my eyes on him but he only laughed some more. I thought about punching him again but as my fist clenched and my arm swung back, he stopped laughing and held up his hands.
“Whoa there, I come in peace.”
“You what? Do you even know what that word means?”
“Come?” He grinned boyishly.
“No, peace, you pervert.” I concentrated harder on him, something was different.
Then I realized what it was. My love magic had previously hid from him, declaring in no uncertain terms, his unworthiness of our gift. Now the butterflies were calm. Not fluttering around in happiness, but not hiding either. Neutral, when I was feeling anything but.
“Look,” he frowned and ran a hand through his hair. “I may not have behaved as I should.”
“You may not have what?” Was he fucking kidding? “You stole from me, tried to blackmail me with said stolen property, threatened to rape me as a giant sabertooth tiger, forced me to fight a woman to the death, and destroyed my relationship with Thor. All of this even though we shared a sort of family tie and one which would have killed your grandson if any of your actions had resulted in my death. Which part of all that do you believe was not behaving as you should?”
“Well, when you say it like that...” he grinned.
“Why are you here, Loki?”
“Sure, okay,” he wiped a lingering drop of blood off his nose and took my cart. “Come on, let's make sure your ice cream doesn't melt.”
“Alri-i-i-ght,” I blinked and followed.
“You're in danger,” he pushed my cart up to the checkout line.
“Yeah? Must be Monday,” I smirked.
“I'm serious,” Loki's faced shifted from confusion to frustration and then finally into determination. “I've done you wrong and I want to make up for it. Now I have some information,” he quieted when we reached the checkout girl. She rang me up and he paid. He paid for my ice cream. What fresh hell was this?
“What information?” I prompted as he carried my groceries out to my car.
“You're being hunted.”
“Uh huh, been there, done that. Got a boyfriend out of it.” I glanced at a man loitering near the Subway. “Does this have anything to do with me being followed by vampires?”
“What?” He looked over to the man I indicated and frowned. “No, I didn't know about the vampires. You don't think his standing there is just a coincidence?”
“Well, since this is the second one I've seen just standing around watching me,” I took the bag from him and put it in the cooler in my trunk, “not so much.”
“Interesting,” he frowned, “but no. I'm talking about Demeter.”
“Fuck that bitch,” I growled. “Let her find me, I'll take her damn magic too.”
“Wow,” he laughed. “I thought I was the only one you hated so vehemently.”
“Nope,” I looked him over critically, “nothing special about you.”
“No need to be nasty,” he grimaced. “I'm trying to help you.”
“Okay, then help,” I slammed the car trunk. “Where is she?”
“I don't know,” he sighed.
“So you came to tell me that a woman the Froekn and I are already hunting, is after me?”
“Yes,” his shoulders sagged.
“Gee, thanks, you've been ever so helpful.” I started to get into my car but he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. I almost punched him again.
“Be careful, Godhunter,” his eyes looked earnest enough. “She's watching you, waiting for the right time to strike.”
“Ooooohhh, I'm so scared,” I flung my purse in the Jaguar. “I know she's after me, Loki. I know she's a fucking monster and a maniac. What I don't know is where she is so I can fucking kill her and perhaps stop using the F word so fucking much. Now, unless you're gonna hand me some coordinates, you're absolutely useless.”
“Well I did buy you ice cream.”
“Thanks for the ice cream, Loki.”
He stepped back and nodded. I fel
t a little bad when I saw the sad look on his face but come on, this guy had messed my life up. He deserved a little mean talk. He smiled sadly at me as he started to trace away. Before he disappeared completely, he said one last thing.
“Keep those you love close.”
Chapter Twelve
It started as soon as I exited the tracing room of Pride Palace.
“Tima, I was talking to this girl and she was all into me. I was right about to get her number when Al fucking stole her!”
“Tima, I was ready to make a kill when Isaac jumped in and took it from me. Then he ran off with the antelope and wouldn't share. Then he left its head in my bed!”
“Tima, I was lifting in the weight room and I moved to another machine, after I cleaned all the sweat off the last machine and while I was gone, Evan used the machine but he didn't wipe it off. It's fucking disgusting! Then I got blamed for it and everyone thinks I'm a gross, sweat-leaving bastard.”
“Okay, okay,” I held up my hands. Sweet stinkin' werelions! I leave them for a week and they go nuts. “We need to have some order to this whole mediating thing. Let's go sit down in the common room and you can line up and tell me your grievances.”
They stopped shoving each other for a second, thought about it, then nodded and started heading in the direction of the common room. I sighed and followed with Kirill at my back. Darius separated from the group and came over to escort me. He rubbed his forehead to mine in greeting and then offered me an arm.
“Why, thank you,” I took it and then stopped in my tracks. “What is that?” I pointed to a big fish bowl sitting on a pedestal near the tracing point wall. It looked like it was full of condoms.
“Well, you want us to be safe, right?” He grinned big and unapologetically.
“Definitely but come on,” I waved at the ridiculous display of testosterone. “Must we have it in such an obvious place? Can't you move it to the common room? Put it somewhere more discreet?”
“Then we may not remember to take some,” he shrugged, “but if that is your wish...”
