by Ed Nelson
Mary, Mary
By Ed &Carol Nelson
This is dedicated to the little girl on the book cover.
Also, the BHS and St. Joseph classes of 1962 just because.
“That is exactly how it happened, give or take a lie or two.”
James Garner as Wyatt Earp describing the gun fight at the OK Corral in the movie Sunset.
Copyright September 2019 by E. E. & C. F. Nelson
ISBN 978-1-73119-8-5
Eastern Shore Publishing
7545 Lovey Lane
Parsonsburg, MD 21849
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage retrieval systems without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Chapter: 1 Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Ricky had given me a box of business cards. They had my name and our home telephone number. When he asked me what title I would have on my card I didn’t know. He made one up, ‘Mary, Mary Jackson quite contrary.’ It was okay but I think my next one will say, ‘Princess Mary.’
When I showed it to my friend Patti at school she wanted one too. Her title would be, ‘Pretty Woman.’ Davie’s would be, ‘President of the World.’ I told him if he was going to be my boyfriend he would have to be, ‘Prince Davie.’ He told me he didn’t like girls yet but would become a Prince when he did.”
At school when I showed kids my new business card they started chanting Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow? They weren’t very nice about it as they ended it with, “it’s full of weeds.”
It made me so mad I cried at recess. Billy and some other boys stood in a circle around me. They kept asking me if my weeds were ready yet, or had they died. One boy asked if I had a brown thumb. I had to stand in the corner for saying one of those words that Mum used.
The next day they did it again. The four of them surrounded me and chanted Brown Thumb, Brown Thumb, Mary has a Brown Thumb. A teacher saw us and started towards us but someone fell off a swing and was crying so the teacher went to the crying girl. The boys wouldn’t stop so I got mad and punched Billy in the nose. It bled a lot and I got into more trouble.
I had to take a note home. My driver Jim told me that he was proud of me giving Billy a bloody nose. Billy wouldn’t be so quick to tease me in the future.
I think he is right but I’m still in trouble, maybe I should cry when I show Mum the note.
When I got home Mum took one look at me and wanted to know what was wrong. I told her about the boys saying I was contrary and that my garden would only grow weeds and called me Brown Thumb. Then Billy and the others stood in a circle and wouldn’t let me go so I punched him in the nose.
Mum wanted to know if it bled a lot. I told her the school had to give him another tee shirt as the one he wore was a mess. She then had me show her how I held my fist when I hit him.
I held my hand up with my thumb inside. She told me this was not the way to do it, I should always keep my thumb outside or I might break it. Also, it was better to hit with the heel of the hand than the fist. Less chance of getting hurt, and you could hit harder.
Then she told me that I was never to start a fight at school but I should always finish it. I asked how to do that.
“Always be the last one standing. Now the school wants me to tell you what you did was wrong. They want me to say don’t fight. What you really did wrong was put your thumb inside your fist, you might have hurt yourself.”
She took out a roll of quarters from her purse.
“If you have time, hold these while you hit someone.”
She showed me how to hold them. Also, I had to aim for the back of their head when I punched their nose. That way I would hit harder. I was to carry a roll of them in my purse. I told Mum my purse wasn’t big enough. She told me she would buy me a new one. Now I know why Mum always has a big purse.
She needed a lot of room for her quarters and weapon. I asked if mine would be big enough to carry a pistol. She told me not until I was older. I think she means around eleven or so.
My Mum knows so much. Billy better not try anything now.
After that Mum hugged me and told me enough. She was proud of me. The best way to win a fight was not to have to fight at all. Billy and his friends only used words. Words hurt your feelings, fists your body. My punishment for hitting Billy would be to come up with a way to stop his teasing without hitting him.
When she told me that I felt bad that I had hit him, I started to cry and Mummy hugged me real tight.
She also told me she would give some thought on how to make things better at school.
That was on Friday, Saturday I was going to a photo-shoot.
I’m so excited to get up this morning. I got dressed as fast as I could. Mrs. Hernandez made me go back to my room and change. I don’t know why socks have to match.
Mr. Baxter said I have to have my picture taken, “a real photo-shoot for a toothpaste commercial. I get to talk with Bucky Beaver about brushing your teeth with Ipana.
Mum had a charity meeting to go to and Mrs. Hernandez was busy, Dad has to work so he talked Ricky into taking me. We have so much more fun.
I know Ricky will let me get ice cream on the way home. Dad would say it would ruin my lunch but Ricky knows it won’t. Besides I knew there were going to be green beans.
We used my limo to go to the studio. I know it was my limo because the guards always used this one and it had the pictures I had drew in school taped to the back of the seat. It was really neat. I also had photographs of me and Mr. Wayne and Sinatra and a whole bunch of others. Ricky calls it my, ‘I love me wall.’
We were at the studio and I had just slipped out of the makeup chair when this fat lady came in and told me that I didn’t have to worry that I would be safe now.
Ricky asked her what was going on. She identified herself as being with Los Angeles Child Protection and that since Mary didn’t have an adult over the age of eighteen with her she had to be protected by the State. They would take her and make certain that she had a nice room until proper arrangements could be made.
I told her that Ricky was emaciated. She and Ricky both had funny looks. Then Ricky laughed.
“Mary means I’m emancipated.”
“I don’t care. I know you are not eighteen and the law is very clear. Come with me kid.”
She grabbed my arm and pulled me. I pulled back. She then raised her hand like she was going to hit me. Ricky grabbed her hand and she couldn’t move it. He pulled her away from me.
He told her, “I think you need to leave right now.”
“I’m calling the police, you assaulted me.”
While she made her call Ricky gave me his little black book of phone numbers.
“Mary, call this number. It is the man from the State of California that was on the set at Bandits, he was the old storyteller. Let him know we need his help here. Then call Dad’s office and tell them we have an emergency and need him here or the State will take you away.
As I went to make the phone calls the fat lady came back. Ricky tried to talk to her some more. He showed her his United States Marshal ID. She refused to acknowledge that it had any bearing.
“I have called the Police young man and they will help me take this child to safety.”
Ricky must have made a mistake because the lady started screaming. I ran back to see what was going on. It was nothing she had just seen his pistol under his
shoulder in its holster. He always has it so I didn’t see the big deal.
He had even let me shoot it. He had to help me hold it as it is so heavy and it makes a really loud noise. I was going to tell her that I had shot it but she went to the phone. She can move really fast for a fat lady.
I went back to the office to make the phone calls. As I was going to the phone two policemen walked in. It took me a long time to make the calls but the policemen and Ricky were still talking when I got back.
They asked him if he had hit the fat lady.
“I stopped her hand in midair from slapping my sister.”
The policeman asked the studio people who were standing there if they saw it, they all did.
I listened and it seemed that the policemen didn’t want to take me away. They thought that Ricky was enough protection for me and that the fat lady was the one who should be charged with attempting to hit me. The fat lady wouldn’t budge. Oh, I think I just made a joke, the fat lady couldn’t budge.
Ricky asked me if I had made the phone calls he had asked for.
“I called them Ricky and since I had time I called everyone else.”
“Everyone else?”
“Everyone in your book, I told them that the fat lady was trying to take me away and she had the police with her.”
I don’t know why Ricky groaned, but he got the evilest grin I have ever seen except in the movie, ‘Over the Ohio’. He was really scary in that movie.
“Ladies and gentleman things are about to get interesting.”
The oldest policeman asked Ricky why.
“Apparently Mary has called among others an Associate Justice of the California Supreme Court, the head of Warner Brothers Studio, the Mayor of Los Angeles, the Governors of the States of California and Ohio, the Prime Ministers of Japan, Australia and New Zealand, the President of South Korea, the Royal Governor of Hong Kong, the President of the United States of America, and oh yes the Queen of England.”
The cops started laughing for some reason. The fat lady got really red in the face.
She started to say something but I stamped my foot really hard.
I told her, “You are a mean person and should be nice to people.”
“Ricky, the operators wouldn’t let me make any overseas calls but the White House was very nice to me. I told them the secret code you had written in your book. They put me through to a guy who let me talk to the President. He said he would get us help.”
A bunch of things started happening. First of all, Daddy walked through the door and he didn’t look happy. The phones in the office started ringing like crazy. Ricky talked to them while Daddy shouted at the fat lady.
Ricky told the fat lady the phone was for her. It was the Governor of California. As she was standing there saying, “Yes Sir; Yes Sir” many times a big man came into the office along with a policeman who had a bunch of stars on his collars.
I listened and found out it was the Mayor of Los Angeles and the Chief of Police.
As they were all talking or shouting at each other I went back to the studio photographer and asked him if he had pictures of all this. He did. He even had a picture of her trying to slap me.
I asked for copies as I could sell them to the scandal sheets. He agreed to share them but wanted some of the money. Since he had the pictures he would get half. We exchanged business cards.
When everything settled down Daddy told everyone that I had a photoshoot to finish and would they all please leave.
Most of them did, the police took the fat lady out. They were taking her to the police station because Daddy was charging her. I don’t know how he could put her on a credit card.
I heard one of the policemen tell Daddy this was the most fun they had in years. The fat lady was a real pain and the department hated getting calls to help her ‘save’ children.
The mayor talked to Daddy a lot. He kept saying that the city was not responsible for what she had done. Daddy asked if she was a city employee.”
“Yes, but we are not responsible for her actions.”
“I wonder what the Judge will have to say.”
“You’re taking us to court?”
“Are you willing to settle right now?”
The mayor got a really mad look. He seemed to swell up like a frog. Then it was like he had a pin stuck in him.
“How much?”
“Since she only attempted and didn’t hit her, I think five thousand made out to Mary Jackson would settle the issue.”
Daddy saw me smile at this. I was thinking of all the dolls, toys, candy and clothes I could buy.
“Mary you get to keep one hundred dollars the rest goes into your savings.”
That’s still a lot of stuff. Why am I saving money, is Daddy scared he will lose his? I better ask Mum about that. She writes the checks so she will know if we have money problems. I hope we don’t have to sell my limo, I just had it decorated the way I wanted it.
Daddy had to get back to his meetings so Ricky rode home with me. The ice cream was really good. When we got home Mrs. Hernandez scolded Ricky for letting me have ice cream. I don’t know how she knew. Well, maybe there was some chocolate on my face and a little on my dress.
Ricky told her he was sorry about the ice cream but I don’t think he was. He hurried out of the room as he said he had to make some phone calls to explain what happened. I hope he calls the President before he sends the Army.
When he came back he said it was all okay. That Ike hadn’t called out the Army, he had sent the Marines. I think he was kidding me. That would have been neat for a tank to run over the fat lady’s car.
It was a good day, the photo-shoot was fun and I would make money on the other pictures. Mum says you should always send Thank You cards for a good time, I wonder if I should send the fat lady one?
When he got home Daddy told me some changes had been made with the guards. They now had written permission to take me places as guardians. If my driver had been inside the problems could have been avoided. Now there would be a lady guard and driver. The guard would go into places with me.
I hoped my new lady guard liked ice cream. I would teach her what flavors were best. She would learn.
As they say, I’m Mary, Mary quite contrary.
Chapter 2: How does your garden grow?
Jim my driver and Sally my new guard were taking me to school and I saw something strange out the car window. A car in the lane next to us had its window open and a guy was holding a puppy out the window. They were in the lane next to the curb.
He was sitting behind the driver. He tossed the puppy up into the air over the car towards the sidewalk.
I yelled, “Jim stop the car.”
He slammed on the brakes and moved over next to the sidewalk lane. I opened the car door and jumped out. Sally followed me, even though she didn’t know what was happening.
I ran back to where the puppy had landed. It was lying there. It looked like it had been knocked out. I picked it up and held it and it started to move. Soon it had wiggled around and started to lick my face.
Sally asked me what was going on. I told her about the guy tossing the puppy out the window. She thought that was terrible.
I held the puppy in my lap while they took me to school. It was friendly and wanted to play. I had to leave the girl puppy with them. I peeked.
Jim and Sally promised they would take care of the puppy while I was in school.
I told Patti who was my friend again about it. She told me I was a hero because I had saved the puppy. I told her I just had done what I thought was right and that it wasn’t a big deal. Now my brother Ricky was a real hero.
Then I remembered that Ricky always said that he had done what was right and it wasn’t a big deal. Well, he is a hero to me. Maybe I’m a hero to Patti. That seems silly.
Of course, she told some of the other kids. The teacher heard them so I had to tell the whole class about it. They thought the guy who tossed the puppy out the car window was
horrible. Maybe we should find him and toss him out a car window.
My teacher started to say something and then shook her head.
“Mary is our hero of the day. Now let’s get to work. And Mary being a hero doesn’t mean you can use those bad words you blame on your mother.”
I don’t use bad words all the time, just when people are mean like that tosser who threw the puppy out the window.
After school, I rushed out to the car to see how the puppy was doing. A bunch of the other kids followed me. Sally got out of the car holding the puppy. Everyone thought she was the cutest little thing. She was a baby German Shepard.
I let the kids hold her. She loved it and licked everyone on the face. She piddled on Billy so she was my favorite dog. Someone said, “PU dog pee,” and all of us moved away from Billy. He ran back into the school to wash off.
I told her she was a good girl. My good girl needed a name. I would have to think. The only dog like her that I knew was Rin-Tin-Tin. That sounded silly to me.
Sally told me that they had shown her to Mum and she said the dog had to go to the Veterinarian for a checkup and its shots. She would have to be fixed.
“What’s wrong with her? She looks fine to me.”
Sally replied, “I don’t think anything is wrong with her.”
“Then why is she going to be fixed, Daddy says if it isn’t broken don’t fix it.”
I don’t know why Jim and Sally started laughing, it wasn’t funny.
“Mary, you will have to ask your Mum about that.”
“Okay, but I’m worried I know when Daddy tried to fix the broken plumbing it got worse. I don’t want to make my puppy worse. Oh, and her name is Liz.”
“How did you pick Liz?”
“For Queen Elizabeth.”
“Oh.”
“I bet she will like that I named my dog after her.”
“I’m sure she will, but she probably will never hear about her.”
“Oh, I will tell her the next time we visit the Palace.”
