by Vivien Dean
“Doesn’t she care that I live so far away?”
“Nah, she’s already planning a trip to Florida. According to her, it’s my turn to come to you.”
“I’m going to like your mom,” he said with a laugh.
I thought so, too. “I haven’t told anyone else yet, though. And I don’t know if I’m ready to bring it up at work.” People there would be a lot more judgmental. “My brothers might not be so bad if Mom and Dad are on my side. I just hope I don’t send Lisa into labor from the announcement.”
“You don’t have to think about any of that right now. You took a step. A big one. That’s what you focus on. That’s how progress is made. One step at a time.”
“Is that one of your mantras from physical therapy?”
“Actually, it’s something my dad always told us growing up.” His voice grew wistful. “I held onto it after the accident, though. It helped.”
We talked for another half hour, stopping only when a knock came at my door. “Hang on,” I said to Fisher. I bounced out of bed and opened the door to Dad. “Yeah?”
“You’re on deck. Your mother wants her numbers.”
“I heard that,” Fisher said. “I’ll let you go.” He yawned loudly. “I’m dead on my feet anyway. My body is all messed up on time zones.”
“Want me to call you if we win anything on your ticket?” I asked.
I could hear his smile all the way from Florida. “We already have.”
Chapter 12
I had a very specific post planned for today. I was going to talk about Tuesday and the hours I spent with a certain extraordinary man who’s been my rock in recent weeks. He’s sweet and supportive and smart and did I mention sexy as hell? Just thinking about him makes my toes curl. And he’s completely clueless about his own charm. For some unexplainable reason, he thinks he’s the lucky one when I know for a fact that I get that honor. I even bought him a lottery ticket to prove it.
But today’s post isn’t going to be about our date, amazing as it was. It’s about continuing education. Because just when you think you’ve got yourself sorted out, life comes along to remind you that there’s always something else to be learned.
Something else happened on Tuesday. I got a phone call from my boss, telling me what a fantastic job I’d done with our current project. As a reward, he offered me a promotion. More money, more responsibility, less traveling. I didn’t even think about it. I turned it down. “What?!?” I can hear you guys screaming. “Are you insane?!?” In that moment, I didn’t think I was. While my traveling would be cut drastically, I would still have to relocate to accept the position. I would have to move to a city where I knew nobody, where I had no family. For me, that was a deal-breaker.
I wasn’t completely thrilled I had to turn down a great job offer, but I didn’t think too much about it once I headed home. That changed when Mr. Extraordinary called me with some fantastic news. He’d confronted his greatest fear and come out the other side stronger for it. According to him, it was because of witnessing my bravery.
He’s wrong. I can’t count how many ways he’s wrong, but there’s a lot. The truth is, I feel like a fraud because I chose fear over a great opportunity.
I’m terrified of being alone. I don’t mean single. I mean cut off from all the people I know. I’ve never admitted that on the blog. Mr. Extraordinary knows, but he didn’t hold it against me when I told him my decision about the promotion. But I do. I resent that I turned down an excellent offer because that terror has such control over me. How can I let Mr. Extraordinary have such faith in me when I don’t seem to have the same faith in myself?
His terror was just as debilitating, and he overcame it last night. He took a risk laying himself bare, and it paid off. It doesn’t always. We both recognize that. But this time, it did.
After we hung up, I spent a long time thinking about what he did. I looked through old posts, seeing all the ways I’d taken risks since it started. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished.
But let’s face it. The blog isn’t a risk for me anymore. It’s a haven. Like my family and friends are havens. They protect me from the worst things that it seems can hurt me.
A new job isn’t going to hurt me. It’ll challenge me. It would give me financial security and propel me into a better career. It would bring me closer to Mr. Extraordinary and make a future for us way more real. All I have to do is stop using my fear of being alone as an excuse not to try.
So this morning, I called my boss and asked if I could change my mind. He said yes.
It’ll take a month to make the transition. My family probably won’t be thrilled. My dad definitely won’t. I’ll be sucking down antacids like candy to deal with my nerves, but damn it, I’m doing it. Because Mr. Extraordinary reminded me progress only happens one step at a time.
California, here I come.
I read Fisher’s post over lunch, then read it again because it all seemed unreal. He was taking the promotion. Because of me? Partially, at least, but more because of him. This was what he did. He saw an obstacle, and he found a way to get over it. Not around. Fisher was not one for shortcuts.
We would be living in the same state. One of the job’s pros had been the future he thought he could build with me.
I needed to talk to him.
Work didn’t let me.
The best I could manage was a hastily written text in between patients mid-afternoon.
Call tonight?
I saw his message when my shift ended, telling me to ring whenever I was available. In the hospital parking lot, I called him on Skype. I wanted to see him for this conversation.
He picked up on the second ring.
“I’ve never seen you in your scrubs before.” He stretched as if he could see down the length of my body. “I’ll be having dreams about you and me playing doctor tonight, for sure.”
“You changed your mind about the job.”
Fisher settled back in his seat. I didn’t recognize the background. It wasn’t his apartment, but it didn’t look like a work environment, either. “You saw the post.”
“Of course, I saw it. Why didn’t you say anything last night?”
“Because I didn’t make up my mind until this morning.”
A man entered the room behind Fisher and came up behind him to peer over his shoulder at the phone. He was young and dark-skinned, with piercing black eyes. “Who’s this?”
“This is Noah,” Fisher replied. “Noah, this is Tanish. He’s an old friend.”
Tanish grinned. “So this is Mr. Extraordinary.” When I blushed, he laughed and clapped Fisher on the shoulder. “You’re right. He is adorable.”
Fisher rolled his eyes when Tanish moved away. “Sorry about that. He’s incorrigible.”
“You told him about me?”
“Only today. I took the day off, so I called Tanish to get his help on a plan of attack on how I spring the news on my family. Tanish is very familiar with how they work. He and I have been friends since second grade.”
“Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
“No,” he admitted. “I’m scared as hell. Tanish has spent half the day convincing me not to call my boss and tell him I changed my mind again.”
From the background, I heard, “Call him Flipper!”
In spite of getting thrown for a loop at someone in real life knowing about me, I smiled. “So why are you doing it?”
“Because I have to. I know it looks like I’m doing it for you, and sure, that’s a nice perk, but that’s not the driving reason. It’s an excellent job offer, Noah. The money’s insane. It fast tracks me to better jobs. There’s so much vacation time you’ll get sick of seeing me so often. Plus, I won’t have to share an office anymore. Considering I’ve been stuck with Ron the Human Trash Compactor for the past six months, that’s huge all on its own. If it was here in Orlando, I wouldn’t have hesitated saying yes. That right there is why I have to do it. Because literally the only reason I said no
was because I was scared. Your courage gave me the strength to face it.”
Part of me didn’t believe him, but it was the insecure part of me that spent most of its time overthinking everything. A bigger share understood Fisher meant every word. I made the deliberate choice to pay attention to the latter.
“Where’s the new job?” I asked.
“L.A.”
“Does that mean you have to give up taking pictures for the blog?”
“Only if I want to. Dez already reached out and volunteered her photography services if I’m in her neck of the woods.”
I totally believed she would, though I was a little surprised she was following his blog already. “You know she’s enamored with your ass, right?”
Fisher chuckled. “I’m not worried. She made it clear when you were getting the car the other day that the only interest she has in it is to kick it if I hurt you.”
My heart warmed. “She’s a good friend.”
Fisher leaned forward. “Are you okay with this? It’s not going to change anything if you are, but I don’t want you getting stuck in your head because you’re not telling me something.”
His concern was valid. My brain had been in overdrive every free moment I had after lunch. His moving had a whole host of implications that made me uncomfortable. The biggest of those, however, had been that he was doing this for me, and he’d already put that at ease. The rest was my usual anxious crap where I tried predicting the future only to discover I had no control over it anyway.
“If you’re okay, I’m okay,” I said.
Fisher’s sudden exhalation surprised me. I hadn’t realized he’d been so tense. “Good, because I wasn’t looking forward to having to do this without you. Regardless of what might happen between us romantically, you’re still my friend, Noah. I value that more than you could possibly know.”
My tone softened. “Oh, I know.” I’d been adrift before finding his blog. He’d given me more than strength. He’d given me a sense of direction, the path stretching out before me now warm and bright instead of the lonely desolation I’d had before. “I’m not letting you off the romantic hook any time soon, though. I have a third date to plan.”
The corner of his mouth tipped. “Why do you get to plan it?”
“Because you’re going to be buried in moving arrangements.”
“I don’t suppose you have any vacation time stored up so you could fly out and help.”
It wasn’t as easy as that, but if that’s what Fisher wanted, I’d start working extra doubles to make it happen. I might even start looking for jobs down in the L.A. area. Maybe it was time for me to strike out on my own, once and for all.
I drank in Fisher’s loving smile, the warmth in his eyes, and remembered every touch between us in the hours we’d shared.
I wouldn’t be on my own.
Because nothing was the same. Not Fisher. Not my family.
Not me.
And I was happy with that.
THE END
ABOUT VIVIEN DEAN
A four time EPPIE/EPIC eBook Award winner, Vivien Dean is an avowed geek—books, theater, film, you name it—who found her geek soulmate in a British expat with a propensity to dream. She spent two years rediscovering the world with him before he whisked her away to the UK to start a family. That was just the beginning of what has turned out to be her grandest adventure yet.
Vivien is a firm believer that love doesn’t care about gender, so her titles include both het and GLBT, erotic and sweet, as well as a wide variety of genres. In 2006, she teamed up with fellow erotic romance writer, Pepper Espinoza, to write together as Jamie Craig for five years. Currently, she resides in Northern California with her husband and two children.
For more information, visit viviendean.com.
ABOUT JMS BOOKS LLC
JMS Books LLC is a small queer press with competitive royalty rates publishing LGBT romance, erotic romance, and young adult fiction. Visit jms-books.com for our latest releases and submission guidelines!
