by Mia Archer
I sighed as I finally accepted the resurrection. I looked down at my body and leaned over it. Touched it and an inventory screen popped up, but there was nothing there.
I stared for a long moment at that inventory screen that didn’t have any of the gold nuggets I’d been collecting for hours. Then there was a distant sound like a horn sounding and then being cut off. Quest text appeared in front of me to let me know I’d failed the quest.
Failed. The first fucking quest I came across in this fucking game. The quest given to players in the fucking starter zone so they could cut their teeth, and I’d failed it because that ass fuck tank had decided he was going to fuck with me.
All because I’d been looking for a group to play with. Motherfucker.
I sighed and hoofed it back towards the keep. Tower. Whatever the fuck it was. A couple of goblins got in my way on the way back, and I held out hope that maybe they might drop the gold ingots I’d needed for the quest, but there was no such luck. No, it looked like once the quest had been failed there was no way for me to start it over short of starting it over back where it began. Quest items certainly weren’t going to drop when I’d failed the fucking quest.
The nasty look I got from the woman as I reappeared in front of the keep said it all. She looked me up and down like I was scum, and I was feeling like it right about now. I was seriously wondering if I was cut out for this game if I couldn’t do something as simple as a starter zone quest.
“I see you don’t have the materials I asked for,” she said.
“Yeah, about that,” I said. “I ran into some real assholes and…”
“The price of failure is no reward,” she said. “Begone from my sight. You will find nothing here.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I groused. “I mean this is the starter zone. Aren’t you supposed to get on your knees and suck my cock because I’m a player?”
Well, my metaphorical cock considering I didn’t actually have a cock, for all that my player character was pretty butch.
Her slap didn’t quite knock me to the ground, but it was clear the woman didn’t appreciate my tone. Stars danced in front of my vision as I tried to get a handle on what’d just happened.
She’d hit me. On top of that it sounded like I’d just been shut out of all the questing in this area. Which meant I was going to have to go and find quests elsewhere. I’d heard this game could be brutal, but I’d never figured it would be brutal to the point that it’d send me into a fail state for not finishing one fucking quest.
Or maybe it was because I’d mouthed off to the quest giver. Yeah, I probably could’ve handled that a little better, but she’d been such a bitch!
I flipped the woman off as I headed off down the path away from the tower. Keep. Whatever the fuck it was. A sign on the other side of the keep told me I was heading for a town if I kept going in that direction.
I figured that meant I was probably heading for a starter town. Maybe I’d royally fucked things up in the starter zone, but if there was a starter town out there then maybe there’d be quest givers and players who were a little kinder to a noob.
Because so far kindness had been in short fucking supply. I took a deep breath. This game was supposed to be the most awesome thing to ever hit the video gaming community, damn it, and I was going to make the most of it.
I wasn’t going to let one bad experience get me down. It was on to adventure, and better times were ahead! It sure as hell was better than being at the Academy. At least I could make a difference in this game and maybe change my fate.
So I headed off down the path. The Yellow Brick road this path wasn’t. More like a dusty brown trail that looked like it’d turn to mud the instant a little bit of rain hit the place.
But I trudged on, because there was nothing for me in the starter zone.
The first indication that I was in the presence of other players having a little bit of fun with one another was laughter off in the distance. And we’re not talking the cruel laughter of, say, that prick tank who’d punched me and left me for dead surrounded by a bunch of fucking goblins.
It’d been a bit of a walk. Made all the more annoying whenever I was passed by players riding mounts that ranged from spectral ghost steeds to massive lions to even someone riding around on what looked like an elephant with enough tusks that it looked more like an ivory Cthulhu than an elephant. There were also a few of the obligatory raptor themed dinosaurs of various sizes.
I was finally here, though, and I was going to see what there was to see. At the very least I figured there had to be someone around here who could point me to another quest hub. It might be a little higher than my current level, but I’d have to make do since I’d shit the bed with the last quest hub.
I stepped into the main artery running through the town and found players gathered all around just… talking. Dueling. Having a good time and not actually playing the game.
I’d seen something like this before on an old role-playing server on some ancient MMO that people still played to this day, but I’d never seen behavior like this outside of a roleplaying server.
I guess there was something about having a game that was the next best thing to real life that made players more inclined to simply hang out. Even if they weren’t actually into role-playing.
As I watched I saw a mage dueling with a strange class I almost didn’t recognize. It was as though every time the mage tried to hit the person a shield of pure light came up between the attacks and the beautiful half elf woman being attacked, and then she slammed back at the mage with a weapon that seemed to be made of pure light.
My mouth watered. Both because of how hot that elf girl was, and because I was looking at higher level players delivering on the promise of what their class could do. I figured there was nothing to get someone excited about what kind of fun they could have in a game more than seeing other people having that fun after they’d been playing the game for a little while!
“Damn,” I breathed, taking it all in and feeling impressed all over again.
Seeing the game world and feeling how real it was had been impressive, but it was nothing compared to seeing other people living and interacting in that game world! It made me want to be a part of it, for all that I was a solo noob for now. For all that I’d had a pretty shitty experience so far.
I looked around and decided that a large building in the center of the main thoroughfare, there weren’t all that many buildings to begin with since there was an even larger city that I could see rising in the distance with massive imposing walls, would be my best bet. If I didn’t miss my guess then that was an inn, and where there was an inn there were other players I could talk with and maybe some NPCs I could get a quest from!
I stepped up to the entrance and found myself staring at a singularly enchanting human girl waiting just on the outside. She gave me a wink as I walked past.
“Hey there,” she said, her voice oozing sultry sexuality. “What would you say to taking a load off your weary feet? See if we can find a way to make you feel a little better after your long walk?”
Okay then. I definitely wasn’t used to a girl giving me that kind of attention. I mean I knew exactly what she was talking about when she said she wanted to make me feel better, but I looked down at my clothes and my appearance and thought about how long it’d been since a girl had talked to me like that.
I didn’t look like anything special in these noob rags that were good and dusty from my time on the road. There were people walking around in some pretty badass armor, and mine was far from that.
“Um, I don’t know if you’re seeing things wrong or something, but…”
“Oh I’m not seeing anything wrong at all,” she said. “You’re coming from the starter zone, right? Well I could show you some fun if you were willing to maybe share a little bit of the gold boon you got for defeating those goblins.”
I stared at her and blinked a couple of times, and then laughed when I realized what she was
getting at. There must’ve been some sort of reward players got for finishing the questline in the starter area, and clearly she was expecting me to have that reward and be willing to share some of it for a little in game companionship.
Boy was she barking up the wrong fucking tree! That did answer the question of whether or not players could do that sort of thing in this game though.
“The world’s oldest profession showing up in a cutting edge VRMMO,” I said, laughing and shaking my head. “Who woulda thunk it?”
The girl’s smile faltered, but only for a moment. Then she was all smiles again, and moving in on me. I have to admit she got my attention. I also wondered what it was about me that made her think I’d be interested in the ladies.
Maybe it was the butch appearance. Either way, I was very quickly discovering that everything down between my legs worked just as well in the virtual world as it did in the real world.
Maybe more so. I’d have to look down there and check out my equipment, though from the way her eyes went wide as she pressed against me and her hand moved down to rub against me she was liking what she found there.
“Come on,” she said. “You know you have a little bit of gold that’s weighing you down. Why don’t you get a feel for just how immersive this game can be?”
I licked my lips. Looked the girl up and down. It’d been awhile. Like we’re talking at least two years since I started at the Academy, and this girl was enticing, even if I did wonder why the hell some rich girl who could afford getting into this game early would be selling herself like this.
Maybe she got off on it. Who was I to judge?
She wore an outfit that looked like it was medieval peasant chic. Her blouse was low cut, and there were a couple of buttons undone. She wore a dress that was surprisingly tight, and her body felt so nice and so warm pressed against me.
My eyes rolled into the back of my head, and I found myself thinking about how nice it’d be to share just a moment with a fellow traveler in the game world. With the way she was pressing against me I figured it couldn’t hurt, though I didn’t know how I was going to do anything since I didn’t have any gold to my name.
Right, because I hadn’t actually completed the quest she was talking about.
“Uh, yeah,” I said, grinning a goofy grin as she manipulated the one pleasure center that’d been with all living creatures for billions of years before video game designers started pinging the dopamine centers of the brain with their addictive simulations. “There’s just one little problem with that plan, though it does sound fun. I didn’t complete the starter quest.”
The change was immediate. It would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so frustrating having her putting on the brakes so fast. Her hand pulled away.
“You what?” she said.
“I didn’t do the starter quest,” I said. “I don’t have whatever gold you’re talking about. It sounds like it would’ve been fun, but I failed the quest.”
She made a disgusted noise. “I should’ve known a fucking noob like you would’ve had trouble. What kind of fucking idiot fails the starter quest?”
I opened my mouth and was about to tell her I was the kind of fucking idiot who did that, but then decided it’d be simpler to make a rude gesture instead. And unlike when I’d made the rude gestures at those assholes going after the goblins, I could be sure she saw it. Her eyes went wide.
Also? There was a hint of movement I caught out of the corner of my eye. On the other side of the inn entrance I found myself looking at someone who’d been standing so still I hadn’t noticed the way he blended into the background.
Or maybe he had an ability that allowed him to blend into the background. I hadn’t gotten my own stealth abilities yet, but I suddenly got the feeling I was looking at a Bladedancer who was a much higher level than yours truly, and that meant it was time to get the hell out of here.
“Yeah, nice chatting with you,” I said, stepping into the inn. “But I’m gonna check in here and see if there are any quests to be had.”
The girl made a rude gesture back at me, then looked at the Bladedancer who’d been coming for me. She sighed, and I figured I’d made the right choice as I stepped into the inn and found myself surrounded by a cacophony of players.
At least none of them were trying to kill me. That was an improvement over what I’d found in the game so far.
6
Naughty Inn
I looked around the place. It was pretty much what someone might expect when they think “fantasy inn.” Humanoid creatures of all sorts hung around the place, all players and NPCs, and from the first moment I walked in it was clear this place was here for a purpose that resembled the real world a little more than it resembled the game world.
People were here to hook up. There were elves and humans and other species of all combinations hanging off of each other. They were petting. Necking. It was a free for all of people doing anything and everything they could to attach as many parts of their bodies to as many bits of their partners’ bodies, sometimes there were multiple, as fast as they could.
“Holy shit,” I breathed. “This looks like a fucking in-game orgy!”
“Welcome to El’huin,” a feminine voice said from beside me.
I turned to find myself facing an adventurer who looked a little rough around the edges, but under it all she had the same slightly-too-attractive features every player character in this game had. A couple of scars here and there weren’t enough to cover up her casual beauty that could’ve only been cooked up in a character creation screen.
“Say what?” I asked.
The woman smiled, and there was something to that grin. “Call it an old joke from the people who made this game. You’re in the middle of the grandest joke that ever there was in a game like this!”
She chuckled, then took a deep pull of something that was bright green. Not the kind of drink you’d expect to find out in the real world, but then again if ever there was a place to have the kind of fun you couldn’t have in the real world then wasn’t a game like this it? It’s not like the rules of the real world held any sway around here.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
She laughed and shook her head. “Look at what everyone’s doing in here and tell me what you see.”
I turned and inspected the room around me, because I figured when a sexy warrior woman with a giant sword strapped to her back and a bunch of knives strapped about her person told you to take a look around then it was a good idea to humor her. Especially when she looked like she’d been in the drink.
“I see a bunch of people getting up close and personal,” I said with a shrug. “I mean it’s not like that’s anything new in a game like this, though I guess this is the first game where people don’t have to use creepy asterisks and emotes to get across all the naughty things they’re doing to each other.”
There were still stories passed down through generations of gamer lore about the ancient happenings in Goldshire on the old Moon Guard server in World of Warcraft. Stories that were passed from gamer to gamer in the same way that I imagined particularly scandalous and lascivious stories about ancient Roman emperors had been passed down among horny Latin students who didn’t have much of an outlet for those feelings through the middle ages outside of those totally accurate histories of how much better the parties had been back in antiquity.
“You’re right. This isn’t anything new in a game,” the woman said. “They built a pretty world that people can come and play in. The kind of place where people can forget what a shithole the world around them is, but they forget one important thing when they put this game together.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“They forgot to make it so you couldn’t fuck! Leave it to someone like that bitch Calixia to capitalize on that.”
The woman frowned for a moment as though she was staring at something. I turned to follow her gaze, but I couldn’t see whatever the fuck it was she was staring at. Then
she waved a hand like she was dismissing something from her personal interface that I couldn’t see.
Right. This was a game where people could totally have screens up that showed them various character statuses. I needed to remember that. She wasn’t crazy. We were just in a game world where real world rules didn’t quite apply.
“Fuck off you puritanical pieces of shit,” she growled. “I’ll damn well use whatever fucking language I want to use in this fucking game in public chat. You fuckers can’t make a XXX playground like this then get all high and mighty about my potty mouth!”
Okay then. I guess that answered what kind of notification she’d been looking at.
“Fuck?” I said.
I was treated to a notification of my own that told me I’d just used a word that’d been filtered out for players who wanted that sort of language filtered out so it didn’t damage their precious little rich boy and girl ears. I stared at that notification for a long moment and tried to parse what it meant.
“So they tell you you’re using language that some players might not approve of, but they don’t actually do anything to you for using that kind of language?” I said. “Like it’s just a notification with no consequence?”
“Oh you can turn the notifications off,” the woman said. “I just like to keep them on to remind myself what a bunch of flaming hypocrites made this game that’s consuming my life.”
She took another drink of the green stuff. Which seemed to glow as she took a pull. She smacked her lips and wiped the green glow away.
I stared out across the room. As I watched an adventurer got a little too up close and personal with an elf and squeezed her ass. I waited for her to turn around and slap him across the face, pretty much the kind of reaction I would’ve expected if this were happening in the real world, but that reaction never came.
No, she turned and giggled, then moved her hand down between his legs to grope at a bulge that was clearly growing there. Which wasn’t my cup of tea, but from the way her eyes went wide and she blushed and giggled she was enjoying the fuck out of her little groping game.
