by Willow Rose
CHAPTER 34
FORT LAUDERDALE, JANUARY 2010
J ulia hardly closed an eye all night. She tossed and turned for hours thinking about Lucas, wondering what he looked like and if she would ever get to see him for herself.
When the sun finally rose, she had just fallen asleep, but the rays of sunlight hit her through a crack in the curtain and woke her up. She gasped and sat up.
"Anna."
Andrew was still asleep as she jumped out and sneaked out of the bedroom. It was Sunday, so he could sleep in all he wanted to. Julia walked to Anna's bedroom, put an ear to the door, and listened. She wasn't awake yet.
Usually, Anna woke up at sunrise, so it couldn't be long. Julia thought about going in there and waiting, but her daughter needed sleep and Julia would feel awful if she accidentally woke her up. Instead, she decided to go downstairs and start making coffee. While the machine spurted the black substance out into the pot, Julia drummed her fingers on the kitchen table. She tried to sit still, but she couldn't. Instead, she decided to bake. Cooking always calmed her down, especially baking because of the kneading. Besides, Andrew and Anna loved to eat freshly baked bread for breakfast on the weekend. Beating the dough reminded Julia of her own childhood at the rez when her mother would bake and Julia would help her. She sighed as she prepared the bread and looked out the window onto the empty street. The neighborhood they lived in was nice, but also incredibly boring. There were never any kids playing in the streets, even though lived in a cul-de-sac. Where Julia grew up, there had been kids everywhere all the time. She had played outside all day. And they still did. When Julia, every now and then, sneaked off to visit her aunt, she would see them, playing ball, playing hide and go seek, or climbing the trees. She would have wished for Anna to have that in her life. Not to mention the closeness to her cousins.
But wait. She has that, doesn’t she? In that other place.
Julia chuckled and put the bread in the oven. It was still a little hard to cope with, the fact that Anna belonged to other worlds than here with her, but as she thought about it, it just gave her so many possibilities, didn't it? Here, she would get the good education and knowledge about the world and how it worked, while at the reservation with her grandmother, she would get knowledge of who she was, where she came from, along with the closeness of having her family, people who were like her, close by.
She was getting the best of both worlds, literally.
The sound of footsteps coming from upstairs, made her look up. "Anna."
She rushed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. The door to Anna's room was open and there was a light coming from the bathroom. Julia knocked on the door. "Anna? Honey? Is it you?"
"Yes, Mom,” she said.
Julia heard the toilet flush and the water run afterward. Then the door opened. Julia was about to explode with excitement. Anna looked at her with sleepy eyes. "I just woke up."
"I know. I’ve been waiting for you," Julia said. "So, tell me, what happened? Did you go back?"
Julia held her breath waiting for Anna's answer. Anna rubbed her eyes, then looked up with a smile.
"You did?" Julia pulled her closer in a warm embrace. "Oh, I am so glad. You have to tell me everything. You hear me? Everything."
CHAPTER 35
FORT LAUDERDALE, JANUARY 2010
T hey ate the bread and talked in the kitchen. Julia could feel that Anna was thrilled to finally be able to share everything with her mother. Julia sensed it and thought it had to have been tough on her when she was younger to have to keep all this to herself because every time she opened her mouth about any of this, she was told it was nonsense or just a dream. Why had they not wanted to listen to Igoshi?
Julia shook her head thinking about how many times the old woman had tried to talk to her about this. To think that Julia could have had conversations like these with her daughter a lot sooner…
Not only did Anna tell her about what had happened when she woke up in the hospital bed, she also continued—at her mother's request—to tell about Lucas and his childhood and all the memories she had of him when he was younger. All the weird stuff he would say or do, and—being such a boy as he was—how he had broken his leg climbing a fence with a friend once.
"He got in a lot of trouble with Nanna because of that," Anna said and took another bite of the bread. It was still warm and the butter melted on top of it. "He wasn't allowed to go there; Nanna had told him not to."
Her mother chuckled and sipped her coffee. That sounded like a real boy thing to do. She exhaled, thinking how wonderful it was to hear about these things, these memories, but also how badly she would have liked to have been there, to experience all this with her daughter, and especially her son.
Anna stopped talking.
"No, don't stop," Julia said. "Tell me more."
"I’m making you sad," she said.
"Oh, no, sweetie. I love hearing about it. It's just…well…you know."
Anna tilted her head. Her appearance was that of just a young girl, but her eyes had seen so much. Sometimes, Julia forgot how young she really was because she didn't act or speak much like an eight-year-old.
"You wanted to be there, didn't you?" she asked.
"Yes, yes. Of course. But, in a way, I am when you tell me about it; I get to know him when you speak of him. I like that."
Anna nodded. She wrinkled her forehead and suddenly looked twenty years older. "He misses you, you know. I don't think he remembers you; he was very young when you…" Anna stopped.
"When I died," Julia said. "You can say the word to me."
"When you died. He says often that he misses you, but I don't know if he remembers you. He is very jealous of me because I get to see you so often."
Julia chuckled. "Well, I’m jealous of you too. I’d like to see him, but that just wasn't meant to be…I guess." She paused and gazed at her hands. "Tell me, how did we die? You said it was a car accident? What happened?"
"Dad had a speaking thing in Georgia. You went in the car and were gone all week. There was an accident. You hit a tree."
"And when was this again?"
"I was five."
"So, three years ago, huh?"
"Yes. I thought I had lost you both here and…there, but when I got back, when I woke up here, the nanny called you and you were both alive."
Julia went quiet. The memories of that awful night overwhelmed her. "The conference. The accident, and then the nanny called and said you were inconsolable…and…"
Oh, God. Oh, God. You're a terrible, terrible mother. Your daughter went through the shock of her lifetime, losing her parents, and you didn't even take it seriously. When you got back, you told her she was being silly and clingy and pushed her away. Oh, my God. You yelled at her when she asked about that bump on your forehead. Just because you were worried about what would happen with Andrew.
Julia bit her lip. They had been lucky, everyone said. She hadn't seen it that way since all she could think about was how she felt guilty about what had happened. Now, she knew more than ever how lucky she had actually been.
Anna picked up her bread and took another bite while Julia tried to process all this new information. So many times in Anna's childhood, she had said things or done things that made Julia react with anger when she should have in fact been listening, shouldn't she?
"I'm done," Anna said and got up. "I'm gonna go play with my American Girl doll."
Anna got up and walked to the door. Julia looked at her, then said:
"Say, has Nanna ever talked to you about anything dangerous, about anything or anyone evil trying to…" she stopped herself when she realized she had no idea what it was that Igoshi had tried to warn her about back then, for the simple reason that she wouldn't hear. Now, she wished she could go back and listen to every word that old woman said and ask her a thousand questions.
Anna shook her head. "No." Then she left.
CHAPTER 36
FORT LAUDERDALE, FEBRUARY 2010
>
Her mother was coming over. She had called this afternoon while Mia was in the middle of her shift at the hospital and announced her arrival for dinner that same night. Mia had just returned after her leave after claiming that girl had flickered—which she still believed she did, but never spoke about to her colleagues anymore—and wanted to prove herself as stable as possible. It was hard when knowing her mother was on her way. Mia growled. It was so typical her mother to do this. She would announce her arrival with short notice, then when she got there, she’d criticize everything about Mia's life. She would begin with the fact that she had to work since her mother never had to work a day in her life. Then she’d move on to the mess in her house, the fact that she never gave her any grandchildren, and not to mention her husband, Joe, and his sizable figure. Then, after a couple of remarks during dinner about Mia's weight and her cooking, she would finally leave, slightly tipsy after four glasses of wine Mia couldn't afford, announcing that it had been wonderful and that they really should do this more often.
Needless to say, both Mia and Joe hated her visits and she knew he was going to get mad at her once he found out. She had thought about calling him and warning him, but she didn't want to give him time to come up with some lame excuse so he wouldn't be there. It was selfish, but she needed him as her backup. When he was there, her mother only picked on her half the time. It was as simple as that. Besides, she liked to laugh about it with him afterward.
Mia rushed to Publix and stocked up on groceries she couldn't afford either, and then hurried back to the house to begin preparing dinner. As she stood in the kitchen with all the groceries spread out, she looked at the clock. One hour was all she had till she would arrive. One hour to cook a meal worthy of a queen and clean the house.
Why don't you just leave it, she'll critique it anyway. No matter how much you try. It's just her nature.
That was what Joe was going to say when he came home. He never understood Mia's desire to try and please her mother. Mia didn't quite understand it either. What forced her to feel like she had to go through all this when the woman hardly gave her any warning? She had tried to put it into words, but it had made no sense. You had to be Patricia Green's daughter to understand. Besides, there was no time to try and come up with excuses.
Mia peeled the potatoes, then rubbed the lamb shank with garlic, salt, and rosemary like she had seen on some cooking show. She tossed a salad together with feta cheese and olives, while the lamb went into the oven.
Mia grabbed a broom and ran through the house with it, removing both dust from the fans and sweeping the floors. Dust flew everywhere and made Mia sneeze. She scrubbed the toilet clean and all the surfaces of the house, mirrors and tables, even door handles, then ran to the kitchen, grabbed the plates, and started to set the table. With everything she did, every movement, she could hear her mother's voice in the back of her head.
"It's too much…It's too little…Lamb again, huh? How…easy…think it had enough garlic, do you? Think I'm a vampire, do you?" and then the laughter. That unstoppable laughter that she could always hear even when she wasn't there yet. That phony laughter that sounded like she was happy to people that didn't know her, but to Mia…well, she heard the reproach in every single chuckle.
Mia shuddered thinking about it, and then hurried back to the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Mia looked at her watch. There were still fifteen minutes?
She's early? I'll be…
Mia's mother usually was right on time. If she arrived early, she would sit in the driveway, in her car and wait for the time to be just right.
And where is Joe? Joe was usually home at this time. Did he somehow know she was coming and stayed away? Could he have a sixth sense of some sort?
The doorbell rang again. Mia took off the apron and threw it, while her mother’s voice yelled in her head:
Don't just throw it like that.
Mia hurried to the door, angry and ready to tell her mother off.
She opened the door and said: "You're early. I didn't even have time to…"
The face—or should she say faces—that greeted her didn't belong to her mother. They belonged to an elderly lady with bad hair dye, small and skinny arms and legs, and a bulging stomach. Next to her stood a young man, skin so white Mia guessed he had to be an albino. The skin on his face was burned and blistered and he was hiding from the sun under the shade of a black umbrella.
"Sorry. I thought you were someone else. Can I help you?"
The old woman smiled. Her smile was almost toothless, her skin weathered and thick.
"We found someone you might know," the man with the umbrella said. He moved aside so she could see Joe lying on the pavement. He was bleeding from his forehead, moaning in pain.
"Joe!"
Mia stepped outside. She wanted to run to him, but the small lady with the skinny arms blocked her way. Their eyes met. "What happened to him?"
"It appears he hurt his head," the lady said.
"How? I don't understand?"
"Maybe if we go inside, I'll explain," the lady said. "Gubba can help him, right Gubba?"
The guy with the umbrella nodded, then walked to Joe and helped him get to his feet. Joe leaned himself on Gubba's shoulder as they walked past Mia. "But I'm…someone is…"
"It won't take long," the old lady said, then walked past Mia into her house. "We just need some information, an address, to be exact, of a mutual acquaintance. I’m sure it’ll be over in a jiffy.”
CHAPTER 37
FORT LAUDERDALE, MARCH 2010
A nna walked down the long hallway. It seemed to be endless. She had no idea what she was doing there or how she had even arrived in this place. She tried to run, but it was like the hallway kept going and got even longer the faster she ran, so she slowed down again. She stopped at a door. She didn't know why; she just knew she had to. Her hand turned the handle and she opened it. In the room was a bed. Someone was lying in the bed. There were monitors next to her, but they were turned off. The person on the bed didn't move.
With her heart in her throat, Anna moved closer and realized it was her mother. She felt a pinch in her heart and started to cry.
"Mom?"
Her mother didn't move. She was laying completely still, eyes staring into the sky, her skin gray and dry. As she moved closer, Anna spotted a fly crawling on her eyeball. Her mother didn't even blink. Anna shooed it away, then reached out her hand and touched her mother's skin. It felt cold.
Anna sobbed. Her hands were shaking.
"Mo-om? Wake up. Mo-om?"
Her mom didn't move. The eyes didn't look at her. "Please, Mom? Please, wake up and look at me," Anna cried.
She felt so helpless and looked around to see if she could find her father, but there was no one there, no one else in the room but her and her dead mother.
“Don't leave me, Mom. Don't leave me again."
Anna cried and sobbed and even screamed, but it didn't help. Her mother remained lifeless in the bed. Anna threw herself on top of her and kissed her, felt her, and tried to hug her.
"Don't leave me, Mommy."
She cried and begged her, then heard a sound that made her lift her head. Outside the window, she spotted a blackbird. It had landed on the windowsill outside the tall building and was pecking at the glass.
Crying, Anna walked to it and put her hand on the other side of the glass. The blackbird kept pecking and pecking and the sound soon became overwhelming for Anna. It felt like the bird was pecking at her own head. It was almost as if the bird was trying to get through the glass.
"Go away,” Anna said with a sniffle. She knocked on the glass.
The bird didn't move. It turned its head to the side and stared at her, its eye moving fast back and forth.
"Go away, stupid bird, go! Shush."
The bird didn't move. It kept staring at her, at Anna. Something about it made her bend down and look closer at it, look into its eye. As she did, someone looked back at her from inside the bird's
eye.
Anna gasped and recoiled. The bird pecked the window again, then made a loud noise before it spread its wings and took off.
Anna opened her eyes with a gasp. Slowly, she returned to the world of noisy kids, screaming and singing around her. Her friend Margie looked at her then laughed. "You fell asleep," she said.
Anna laughed and looked out the window of the school bus while it bounced off towards her stop.
Anna still couldn't shake the heavy unease the dream had left her with, as the bus stopped right in front of their house and she got out. She said goodbye to Margie and hurried to her door, slammed it open, and called out.
"Mo-oom? Mo-om?"
A face appeared in the hallway. Anna breathed relieved. She ran to her mother and threw herself into her arms.
"Hey, what's going on here?" her mother asked.
"Nothing. I'm just really happy to see you," Anna said while looking deep into her mother's eyes. “I’m just really happy.”
CHAPTER 38
FORT LAUDERDALE, MARCH 2010
T his was the month when Julia stopped eating. Andrew didn't notice till it was too late. He had been busy with his teaching and his books. Too busy to notice that his wife was wasting away, shrinking more every day that passed.
"I’m tired. I’ll go and lie down," she would say more and more often, and then he wouldn't see her for the rest of the day or night till he himself turned in. Anna was worried, though, and Andrew saw it in her eyes. One Saturday, when Andrew was in his office reading about the Saharawi People in Western Sahara and their struggles living under military occupation, Anna was suddenly standing in front of him.
He jumped. "Geez. Don't do that to me."
