by Willow Rose
There is no such thing as just a dream.
He spoke to Julia often when he was alone. He would ask her for advice, crying, missing her painfully, not knowing how to drag himself up from the hole he was in. He felt stuck. He had been out of a job for six years and, even though he applied for jobs as soon as he found one, he was usually not even asked to come in for an interview. Even if he did, they'd tell him a lot had happened in six years and that he was out of touch. Most months, there weren't even any jobs to apply for. The recession hadn't made it any better.
Luckily, the people on the reservation took good care of them and always made sure they had enough food. Cora had told him she could get him work at the casino or one of the smoke shops that they ran, but he couldn't get himself to accept. He couldn't work in any of those places and still look at himself in the mirror.
Meanwhile, Anna spent a lot of time with her cousins and especially her aunt at the reservation. Andrew figured it was good for her to learn about her culture, even if he wasn't convinced all the time. There were days when he worried they were just filling her head with nonsense and superstition. Being thirteen years old, Anna was very susceptible to whatever they told her. But whenever Andrew thought about leaving the rez again and taking her back into the world, he realized he had no money, and no money meant you couldn't do anything out there. You couldn't survive.
Andrew had found an old bottle of whiskey in the back of his mother's cabinet and was staring at it while thinking about all these things, how the past six years had turned everything upside down for him. His fingers touched the sides of the bottle, almost caressing it, curious as to what would happen if he popped the lid, convinced that his pain would go away if he did.
Just let go, Andrew. Why fight it? You know you will drink it at some point. Numb the pain.
When the front door opened, he put it away, once again thrilled that the lid was still on and he hadn't given in to the temptation.
"Hi, Dad."
It was Anna. His wonderful daughter, his one and all. She entered the kitchen where he was sitting, pretending to be staring out the window and not at a bottle he had recently hidden from her sight.
"Hi, baby. How was your day?"
She rolled her eyes. "Have you been sitting there all day? Again? You really should go out and get some sun. Your skin is all gray."
Andrew sighed. He avoided her glance. "Maybe tomorrow, baby. Maybe tomorrow."
CHAPTER 59
HOLLYWOOD RESERVATION, APRIL 2016
A nna went out the back door and met her cousin Tim behind his house. They grabbed their bikes and rode them to the forest where the others were waiting.
"Here you go," Tim said and handed her a beer from his backpack. He opened it for her and dropped the cap on the ground.
Anna drank from the bottle. She sat down on the ground next to Tim. Most of the kids there were all her cousins or relatives somehow.
Tim handed her a cigarette that he had smoked a little first. She took it, took a deep drag, then blew out the smoke.
"So, how are things with your old man?" Tim asked.
Anna shook her head and sipped her beer.
"That bad still, huh?"
"He just sits there," Anna said. "All day long. He’s there when I leave in the morning and still in the same spot when I get back."
Another of her cousins, Steve, chuckled. "Same with my old man. Except he is usually asleep when I come home, you know after seven hours of drinking."
They all laughed, recognizing the picture.
"Well, at least he isn't drunk," Anna said and smoked her cigarette. "He's just…well…depressed, I guess."
"It was the same with my dad," Tim said. "First, he lost his job, then he was just depressed, my mother said, and soon he found a bottle and started to drink."
"It's the same story for all of us," Polly, who was one of the rare black Indians at the rez, sitting across from Anna, said. "All of us here. For some of us, it's even both of our parents."
Anna nodded and smoked. She thought about her dad and wondered if that was just it for him and if she could live with that? She knew he had a bottle of some kind of alcohol in the cabinet that he took out every now and then and just stared at, like it held the secrets to getting better, but also all the curses. She had seen him through the kitchen window when coming home from school. She knew he still hadn't opened the lid but wondered if he would one of these days.
Anna was happy to be at the reservation; she had many friends and loved hanging out at Aunt Cora's place. She could talk to her about so many things, even her traveling, which she barely ever mentioned to anyone anymore, especially not her dad since she could tell he always became distant and wrinkled his forehead in a way that was unpleasant for the both of them. She didn't want to trouble him with it or worry him.
Right after losing her mother, Anna had looked for her. Night after night, she had traveled between the worlds searching for her. She had seen things and worlds so strange it made no sense even trying to explain them. Wondrous places, but dark places too that she never wanted to return to. Parallel worlds where only darkness and anger seemed to exist, where she felt nothing but fear and anxiety the whole time she spent there.
But her mother hadn't been in any of those places. Not in the wonderful or in the dark ones. So, soon, she had returned to focus on her life with Igoshi and Lucas, realizing she had to enjoy every moment she could with her grandmother and not waste it traveling to other places.
She had grown to enjoy her time in that world more than the one here, with her dad. It was tough on her to see him like that and often she asked Igoshi for help, but all she could say was:
"If he doesn't want to pull out of it, you can't do anything. He is stuck in the pain of losing his loved one and a part of him doesn’t want to leave. This part thinks he deserves to stay in the pain."
"But that must mean there is another part that does want to leave?" Anna had asked.
"You'd think, wouldn't you?"
So, she was still waiting for him to choose sides, to show her he wanted more out of life than simply sitting there waiting for it to be over. But it had been six years now and so far nothing had happened. Anna snuck out almost every night to hang with her cousins, and he never even noticed. Most of the kids at the rez drank and smoked, and there really wasn’t anything else to do. Anna had realized she liked how the beer made her feel, how it made her forget all the bad things like her mother's death. Hanging out with the other kids got her out of the house, where time stood still. She couldn't stand being there for even a minute. It was so quiet there it made her want to scream. At least here with the others, there was life. People were talking to her and they were even laughing. She missed laughing. She missed having laughter in her home.
CHAPTER 60
FLORIDA KEYS, APRIL 2016
I t didn't take E.T. long to track them down. Once she found out the picture was taken in one of the keys, they went down there and stayed at Marathon Key while asking around. Soon, someone told them there was a young girl looking a lot like the one in the picture and matching her description who went to the high school right there in the same town.
As soon as they found the school, they parked the car outside and waited for classes to be done. They spotted her on her way out and observed her as she walked with her friends to the school bus and got on.
E.T. noted the number of the bus and they followed it in the car, keeping a safe distance, but close enough to see the girl get out and onto a small dock, where a little boy Gubba recognized as her brother, waited. They walked onto the boat where an old lady greeted them lovingly. They then were transported by boat to an island in the Atlantic Ocean. E.T. kept an eye on the ferry in her binoculars, following it till she couldn't see it anymore.
"The boat takes them to Pelican Key," she said. "That must be where they’ve been hiding all this time. All this time when we were looking around Miami." She turned to glance at Gubba. "It is her, right?"
"It's her, all right," Gubba said.
"Good. Really good."
E.T. started the car and they drove off. Gubba looked at her, perplexed. "So that's it? We finally found her and you're taking off?"
"She's on that island; we have to wait."
Gubba shook his head. This woman was too much. "Why? We’ve been waiting for so long; why not just take the boat out there and grab the girl? Get it over with in a jiffy, like you always say?"
"She's with her grandmother," E.T. said.
"So? Isn't a grandmother just some old lady?"
E.T. growled at him. "I just don't want to risk anything, Gubba, all right? This needs to be done right. We'll get to her tomorrow when she goes off to school again. We’ve waited this long. We can wait another day."
Gubba sighed and rubbed his eyes under the sunglasses. The sun was hurting his blisters through the open window in the car. He looked at himself in the mirror. His skin was better, but it was like it never really healed completely. He still looked like a monster. All Gubba could think of was his mother. He was getting more and more obsessed with her, now that he had found a way to get to her, while she thought she was safe and sound in her bed, dreaming. He had been going there every night, finding her, tormenting her for what she did to him, creating all sorts of nightmares, filling her with terror. He wanted her to fear him. Like he wanted the entire city of Bushlake to fear him, to shiver at the mention of his name. If he got the girl and used her, then he would be able to get back there, not only in people's dreams. Through her, he could get to everyone that had hurt him and they would have no idea what hit them. Who would ever suspect a little girl of anything bad?
E.T. drove back to Marathon Key and parked the car in front of a diner. She grinned at Gubba, then punched his shoulder. "We found her, Gubba. We finally found her. Remember, this time you bring her to me. Don't try and get into her mind again. We have trained for this, remember? Once you bring her to me, I'll deal with her."
"I know. I know," Gubba said.
E.T. squealed with excitement. "She's our ticket, Gubba. She's our ticket back."
Gubba looked at E.T. "I thought she was my ticket," he said.
"Yes, yes, of course. Your ticket back. Of course."
CHAPTER 61
FLORIDA KEYS, APRIL 2016
T he wheels squeaked when the school bus stopped. Lucas had already left on the bus that took him to the elementary school. Anna felt relieved to be off the island, away from her grandmother’s protective eyes. She turned and waved at her standing on the ferry boat. Anna had turned the music up high in her ear buds, trying to block everything out, even her thoughts.
They had been arguing this morning. One of the girls in her class was having a sleepover for a few girls this coming weekend and Anna desperately wanted to go.
"No,” Igoshi had said even before Anna had finished the sentence.
"Don’t do that thing where you answer before you even hear everything,” Anna said. "Her parents will be there. It's perfectly safe."
Igoshi wouldn't budge. It was the same every time Anna tried to get just a little of what all the other kids had. A little thing called freedom.
"No. You can't."
Anna groaned, annoyed. "Why?"
"Because you're hiding, because…"
"I'm in danger blah, blah, blah, I know. Beli-i-e-eve me, I know."
"Don't take that tone with me, Anna," Igoshi said. "I am doing this for you. We live here far away from our family to protect you. I work every day at this place, taking care of rude people from all over the world who come here and think they can treat me like dirt. I do it. I do it for you."
Anna crossed her arms. "So, you're saying that I have made your life miserable. Well, I am ve-ry sorry. Wasn't really my choice to make, but hey, I am sorry I have destroyed your life."
"I didn't say that," Igoshi said.
"But you meant it."
Igoshi didn't answer. She stood, her back turned to Anna, making her lunch. Anna felt like screaming at her, but she knew it was no use. This was never going to change, was it? She would have to live like this even when she was twenty-five, wouldn't she? Living in fear, constantly afraid to leave the island, never having any fun, never being allowed to be young. At her dad's place, she could at least sneak out at night. She couldn't do that here since they lived on an island and the boat didn't sail at night. Besides, Igoshi seemed to be keeping an eye on her night and day and she would stop her before she even got out of the bungalow.
“It's not fair," she said. “I've never had a sleepover. I've never even been to a friend’s house. I need to have a life, you know."
Igoshi had turned and looked her in the eyes, handing her the lunch pack. "You have life. You are alive. But only because we have been careful."
"Oh, my God. It was six years ago. And so far away. It was in Fort Lauderdale, for crying out loud. Why would this guy come here for me, all the way down here? What would he gain from that? It's sick, Grandma. It's paranoia."
Igoshi cleared her throat. "You're not going and that's all there is to say about that. Now, let's go. I don't want you to miss the bus."
Anna had explained to her that she really didn't need to come along every morning. She was thirteen years old and perfectly capable of taking the ferry to the bus herself. It was embarrassing that her grandmother always followed her everywhere and picked her up every day.
But still, Igoshi insisted on tagging along. Anna wasn’t free until she got on the bus and it drove off, music playing loudly in her ears. She closed her eyes in her seat and leaned her head against the window while bumping away from her prison.
CHAPTER 62
FLORIDA KEYS, APRIL 2016
"So. Are you coming on Friday?"
Anna opened her eyes and looked up. It was Tina, her best friend who had just gotten on the bus. Anna didn't realize it was her stop already and took out the earbuds.
"What's that?"
Tina sank into the seat next to Anna. "I asked if you're coming on Friday. For the sleepover? My parents won't be home."
Anna sighed, then shook her head. "I'm sorry."
"You've got to be kidding me. What is it with that grandmother of yours? Is she going to keep you locked up forever? Like in a freakin' fairytale?"
"She's scared or something." Anna let out a sigh. She couldn't really explain it to Tina. "It's complicated."
"She never lets you do anything fun. It’s so unfair."
Anna nodded. "Tell me about it."
Tina sighed, annoyed, and leaned back in her seat. "I was really looking forward to this. It's not going to be any fun if you're not there. It was just going to be us three girls. You, me, and Nicole. Now it's just going to be me and Nicole and she’s kind of a drag if you ask me, but don't tell her I said that."
Anna chuckled. “I won't. I'm sorry."
“Well, it's not your fault."
"Feels like it is, though."
“No, she's just paranoid. Some parents—or grandparents—are like that. It's like they devote their lives to making their children miserable."
"Well…she's just being protective."
"Like there is ever anything to fear down here in nowhere land. It’s like the most boring place on earth. You know what?" she said, sounding strangely optimistic all of a sudden.
"No?"
"How about we make it up to you by doing something fun today instead? I promise your grandmother will never know."
"I like the way you think," Anna said.
She knew what Tina wanted to do. They had done it a couple of times before, skipping school, just taking off when the bus landed at the school. No one noticed and no one missed them all day. Last time, they had spent the entire day eating ice cream and shopping. Not that they could afford to buy anything, but looking and trying on clothes were just as fun.
"You with me?" Tina asked.
Anna nodded, her eyes gleaming with happiness. Right now, there was nothing she'd rather do
than get away from everything and just spend the day with Tina, her best friend. She didn't even care if her grandmother found out. She was so angry at her and at this entire situation, she no longer cared.
Tina leaned over and spoke with a whisper. "How about Key West?"
Anna widened her eyes. She had never been all the way down to Key West on her own.
"We could hitchhike. Lots of tourists wouldn't mind taking us along."
Anna nodded with a smile. It all sounded just the right amount of dangerous for her mood. Part of her wished her grandmother would know. She wanted to show her she could take care of herself. It was about time.
CHAPTER 63
FLORIDA KEYS, APRIL 2016
T ina took the lead. As they got off the bus, she sneaked around the corner of the school, Anna following her closely. They took off for the big road, where Tina stuck out her thumb and smiled at every car that passed them.
It took a lot longer than they had expected, but finally, someone stopped. Tina grabbed her backpack, and then looked at Anna.
"Come on."
Her heart in her throat, Anna followed her friend to the truck. Tina opened the door and peeked inside.
"You going to Key West?"
"Sure thing," a voice said from inside the car. "Hop in."
Tina looked at Anna and smiled. "Come on. Let's get in."
Anna stared at her friend as she jumped in the back seat, throwing her backpack in first. Anna stood frozen for a few seconds, debating whether to follow her or to run. She had a terrible feeling about this.
It's just your paranoid grandmother who filled you with fear and lies. This is your time to have some fun. Don’t let her ruin everything for you. You have the right to be young.
