She was right about everything. There was nothing healthy about the way he was living right now. But how could he explain to her how he felt? How could he tell her that the air inside the farmhouse felt toxic? How could he tell her that every time he set foot through the front door, he felt like he was going to suffocate?
He’d always felt confined here–that was nothing new–but with Walter gone now, he spent every waking second wondering what on earth they were still doing here.
How could he say that to his wife, though? Rebecca loved this place; to her it represented every passion and freedom she’d ever imagined.
How could he tell her that to him it represented a prison cell?
Yes, he missed his father. The weight of his absence bore down on Alec’s shoulders with crushing force. But that wasn’t the only thing keeping him down. He was also carrying the burden of a business that he’d never wanted for himself and now wanted even less. If it were up to him, he’d take his wife and leave this place and never look back, and he’d have no qualms about doing it.
But Rebecca would never want to leave the ranch. She was still as in love with it as the day she arrived here.
You still have friends and family and a business to run.
Her words replayed in his mind, finally prompting him to action. He rinsed out his coffee mug and placed it in the sink before he strode down the hallway to the office. Then he took a seat at the desk and reached for the phone, trying to muster the required enthusiasm.
“Hello?”
“Just the man I was looking for.”
Jeff chuckled. “What’s going on, bro?”
Alec explained Tommy’s idea for a group getaway to Las Vegas. “I know you have Stacey to worry about, so I was thinking maybe we could fly your mother in to watch her for a few days while we’re gone. She’s been wanting to come out again, anyway.”
“Alli and I were just talking about getting her out here,” his brother-in-law said. “That would work perfectly.”
Next Alec called Tommy’s other groomsman, Jake Stratham, and repeated the proposition to him. “Be the only actual bachelor at a bachelor party in Vegas?” Jake replied. “Hell, yes. When are we going?”
That was easy, Alec thought as he hung up the phone.
He and Rebecca always stayed at the Venetian when they went to Las Vegas, but Tommy said that Liz had her heart set on the Bellagio. He switched on the computer and went to the resort’s website, punching in the necessary information for the reservation.
Then he exited the site and typed in a different address–one he’d visited frequently in recent months. He’d already programmed the number into his cell phone, but he hadn’t yet found the courage to make the call. He stared at the monitor for a long time, once again hearing Rebecca’s words echo in his mind.
You can’t sit here and wallow in the past forever.
Well, that’s exactly what was going to happen until he made this call.
Alec waited a solid five minutes to talk himself out of it. When he didn’t, he picked up the phone and dialed the number listed on the screen.
*
Rather than heading straight home after she left the grocery store, Rebecca drove to her brother’s house. In reality it was more of a large cottage, tucked away on one of the historic streets in downtown Jackson.
Rebecca was thrilled for him when he bought it; he’d been saving for years to get his family out of the little apartment he’d rented since his bachelor days. The home featured a wrap-around porch and a fenced-in yard that would be a perfect playground for Stacey as she grew older.
She opened the gate that led into their yard, stepping through the soft snow and onto the porch. Before she could knock, Allison opened the door, balancing Stacey on one hip and a laundry basket on the other.
“Welcome to chaos.”
Rebecca chuckled as she entered the foyer. “You have a one-year old, Alli. Your life is going to be chaotic.”
“Somehow I’d hoped to be the exception,” Allison replied, weaving her way through the clutter in the living room. “Sorry about the mess.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s just me.”
Already Stacey was squirming and reaching for Rebecca. “Yes, I know you want Aunt Becky to hold you,” Allison said, grunting as she set the laundry basket on the floor. “Let her take her coat off first.”
Rebecca tossed her coat over the loveseat and immediately scooped up her niece. Stacey erupted in giggles when Rebecca kissed her tummy; then she snuggled contentedly in her arms as Rebecca settled onto the couch.
“You’re a natural born mother,” Allison added, taking a seat opposite them. “When is Stacey going to get a cousin to play with?”
It was Rebecca’s turn to grunt. “Not anytime soon. Last I checked, you have to have sex to get pregnant.”
Her friend winced. “Is it still that bad?”
“It’s not great,” she admitted, leaning back against the cushion. “This morning I tried to bring up the grief counselor again, but he shut me right down. It’s so frustrating.”
“I’ll bet,” Allison said, frowning as she folded her laundry. “Has he still been sleeping downstairs a lot?”
“Yeah. I usually find him down there at three in the morning with his head buried in a book.”
“Let’s face it, Bec. There are a lot worse things you could catch your husband doing at three in the morning.”
“That’s true,” she admitted. “He’s just…always so distant, you know? Even when he hugs me, it feels like he’s somewhere else.”
“But things were good in Scottsdale?”
Rebecca smiled. “Things were wonderful in Scottsdale. He was back to his old self. But the second we got home…”
When her voice trailed off, Allison gave a gentle nod. “At least you know it’s not you.”
“That doesn’t make it any easier, though. I feel like I can’t talk to him about anything right now, even if it has nothing to do with his father. I don’t think he’s even thought about the wedding yet, and we’re the ones hosting it. And I’ve only got another few weeks to get my application in if I want to start back to school in September.”
She paused and shook her head. “But I don’t dare bring it up. Not after everything I found out last summer.”
“Bec, that’s absurd. Just because Alec missed his chance to go to school doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t want you to finish. That’s not the way life works.”
“I know. It just seems like every little thing I say these days upsets him. I almost feel like it’s better not to say anything.” She gave a weary sigh. “I’m sorry. I must sound like a broken record.”
“Hey, that’s what friends are for. You always listen to me complain when your brother’s being a jerk.”
“Good point.” Rebecca laughed in spite of herself. “Alright, new topic. What did Katie say about the bachelorette party?”
Liz’s invitation for Rebecca to be one of her bridesmaids had come as a surprise, since it had taken a while for Liz to warm up to her. Now they got along fabulously, though, which was good considering that Liz’s maid-of-honor, her cousin Katie, was currently attending college in Pennsylvania. Katie was doing what she could from two-thousand miles away, but since Rebecca and Allison were right here in Jackson, they’d ended up taking over the bulk of the wedding planning.
“She said we should just go ahead with whatever our plans are and she’ll join us if she’s able to,” Allison replied. “Either way, she wants to take us all out for a night on the town before the wedding.”
“No complaints here,” Rebecca said, grinning when she noticed that Stacey’s eyelids were drooping. “So are you still thinking the new wine bar, then?”
“It seems like something Liz would like. Nice and quiet.” Allison reached for the newspaper and passed it to Rebecca. “I noticed they’ve got live jazz on Friday nights.”
Rebecca scanned the article, but her focus was diverted when she noticed an ad that was ci
rcled at the bottom of the page. “Husky puppies ready to take home,” she read aloud. “Are you guys buying a puppy?”
Her friend laughed. “I mentioned it to Jeff last night, but he thinks we should wait ‘til Stacey gets older.”
Rebecca grinned as she studied the photo of the adorable furry faces. “We always wanted a dog, but our apartment in Boston was too small…”
Her voice trailed off when an idea popped into her head. She set down the paper and glanced at her sister-in-law, who frowned back at her in confusion.
“What?” Allison asked. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
*
Alec smiled as he swung a leg over Shadow’s rump and lowered himself to the ground. Considering that they’d only broken him under saddle two months earlier, the colt was coming along beautifully. At this rate, he’d be happy to turn the horse over to Rebecca in the summer.
Tommy was locking the door to the office when Alec led the colt into the aisle. “How’s he doing?”
“Terrific,” Alec said, giving Shadow a hearty pat on the neck. “I couldn’t be happier with him.”
“I’m glad.” Tommy slid his keys into his pocket and started down the aisle. “Oh, I’m heading into town tonight. You need anything?”
“Nah, we’re all set. And by the way, we’re going to Vegas in March.”
Tommy stopped and turned back to him. “You talked to the guys?”
“Earlier today. Everybody’s in. I booked four rooms at the Bellagio and reserved our flights down there.”
His friend was visibly stunned. “Thank you, Alec. Let me know what we owe you.”
Alec shook his head. “You don’t owe me a dime.”
He pulled the saddle from Shadow’s back and entered the tack room before Tommy could object. Now that he no longer had the overhead of his father’s medical expenses, Alec had more money than he knew what to do with. He didn’t want to spend it frivolously, of course, but why not splurge a bit on his family and friends?
He’d already paid off Rebecca’s student loans and he’d been making triple payments on the balance of his business loan. He’d given Tommy another raise, as well, and he’d opened a savings account for whenever Rebecca was ready to pursue her doctorate degree. She didn’t know it yet, but she would never again have to apply for another student loan.
After returning Shadow to his stall, Alec switched off the barn lights and headed for the farmhouse. On a whim, he bypassed it and continued up the hill instead, entering the small aspen grove that contained the family plot. He dusted off the snow that covered his father’s headstone and studied the elegant inscription as he knelt beside it.
The sun was low in the sky, casting long shadows through the bare branches above his head. He studied the trees for a while before he glanced back at the farmhouse and noticed that the driveway was still empty.
She must have stopped at Jeff and Alli’s again.
She’d been spending a lot of time there lately–not that he blamed her. He wasn’t exactly the best company these days.
Alec sighed and dropped his head into his hands. In truth, he was dreading her return. He knew he’d have to tell her about the phone call he made this morning, and he still didn’t have the slightest clue how he was going to do it.
“I know you said you understood, Pop,” he said aloud. “But I don’t know if she will.”
A cold breeze whistled through the trees, making him shiver inside his coat. When he finally lifted his head, he was startled to see that it was dusk. The first stars were rising over the mountaintops, shining like little jewels against the lavender sky. Six months ago, Alec would have marveled at the sight.
Tonight, though, he felt nothing at all. He wasn’t sure if he’d felt anything–good or bad–since his father died. It was like that part of him had switched off and he couldn’t find a way to turn it back on. He walked around perpetually numb, seeing his surroundings with his eyes but feeling no connection to them in his heart.
What was it going to take for him to feel alive again?
He knew that his behavior wasn’t fair to Rebecca. He knew that keeping himself closed off was hurting her. But opening up to her–telling her how he truly felt–would probably hurt her more. It would reveal the entire spectrum of his faults, and he wasn’t ready to risk it yet.
The only way he could continue to be strong for her was through his silent attempt at self-preservation…even though that was the very thing that was distancing him from her, too.
He was so deep in thought that he literally jumped when something warm and wet attacked his ear. Seconds later the attack moved to his face, and he couldn’t help but laugh as he pulled the unknown assailant off of him. The culprit was none other than a puppy; a tiny black and white husky with ice blue eyes and a coat as soft as down feathers.
“Well, hello,” he said, chuckling again as the puppy squirmed in his arms. “Where did you come from?”
He heard footsteps in the snow and turned to see his wife approaching them. “Hi,” she greeted.
“Hi. Is this the newest member of our family?”
Rebecca shrugged. “That’s up to you,” she said as she knelt beside him. “I thought I’d surprise you and see what you thought.”
“I’m definitely surprised. Where’d you get her?”
“A breeder in town.”
He grinned when the puppy playfully chewed on the side of his hand. “We haven’t had dogs on the ranch since I was a kid.”
Rebecca was silent for a moment. “I thought it’d be nice to have her in the farmhouse with us. You’ve been saying how empty it feels. Maybe she can bring some energy back into the place.”
Alec studied her eyes, noting her hopeful expression, before he leaned closer to give her a kiss. “She’s beautiful, Bec,” he said, turning his gaze back to the puppy. “Thank you so much.”
He released the dog and she scampered off, bounding through the snow in a bouncy blur. “They’ve been calling her Dakota,” Rebecca added. “I kind of like it.”
“I like it, too,” he agreed, smiling when the puppy started chasing her tail. “Dakota it is.”
Chapter 11
Tommy parked in front of Jackson Hole High School and killed the engine, waiting for the last few students to filter through the doorways. He didn’t often visit Liz at work, as he was rarely in town this time of day. But since he’d just picked up a truckload of feed at the supply store and the high school was nearby, he figured he’d swing by and surprise her.
The corridors were empty as he made his way up the stairs and down the hallway to room 305. He peeked into the classroom to make sure it was unoccupied before he pushed open the door and stepped inside. Liz was sitting at her desk, making notes in a massive textbook, and when she glanced up her face split in a beaming smile.
“Hi,” she greeted, immediately sliding her glasses off. “What are you doing here?”
He shrugged. “Do I need an excuse to see my fiancée?”
She rose from her chair and wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her tiptoes to give him a kiss. “What a nice surprise. Were you at the feed store?”
“Yeah. And I need to get back before it gets dark.” He pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “I just wanted to see you.”
Liz leaned into him again, resting her cheek on his chest, and he smiled as he kissed the top of her head. Even now, a year and a half later, he still couldn’t figure out why she’d chosen him.
“I’ve missed you this week,” she whispered.
“I’ve missed you, too. Why don’t you come stay with me this weekend?”
She lifted her face. “You’re sure I won’t be in the way?”
He gave her a pointed look. “You’re never in the way. And you’re going to be living there soon, in case you forgot.”
Liz locked the door to her classroom and they walked hand-in-hand towards the parking lot. “By the way,” Tommy said when they reached her car, “you know how we’ve
been talking about going to Vegas?”
“Yeah.”
“How would you feel about going with the whole bridal party?”
“What do you mean?”
“You and me, Bec and Alec, Jeff and Alli, Jake, and your cousin if she can make it.”
Her eyes lit up. “That would be amazing. But would it work? I mean, we all have such different schedules–”
“It’s all sorted out. Alec booked everything yesterday. We’re going to fly down on my birthday and stay two nights at the Bellagio.”
Tommy chuckled when she squealed and threw her arms around his neck. He loved that all of their friends thought that Liz was so shy and conservative. In some ways, he supposed that she was. But there was a whole other side to her, too–the side that only he got to see–and he loved the Liz that no one else knew.
He loved the way she’d show up at his cabin on Friday afternoons, the perfect portrait of a small-town schoolteacher with her hair in a bun and her blouse tucked into her skirt. He loved the way she’d kick off her heels, pour herself a glass of wine, and settle onto his couch, like she’d already lived there for ages. He loved when she’d get a little tipsy and start giggling at everything he said, even when he wasn’t trying to be funny.
Most of all, he loved when she’d finally let down her hair and send him her come and get me grin…the grin that was reserved only for him.
“So what are you thinking, then?” she asked.
“We’ve got time to figure it out,” he replied, leaning against the hood of her car. “But maybe we could all have dinner together when we get in. On Saturday the guys will probably want to take me out.”
“Which will leave me with Rebecca and Alli,” Liz finished with a shake of her head. “Those two in Vegas. I can’t even imagine what they’re going to drag me into.”
“Nothing you don’t want to be dragged into. I’m sure they can keep it low-key if that’s what you want.”
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