by K. L. Donn
“I missed this,” her voice was wistful. “The snow, the mountain air. I missed it.” He watched as she leaned her forehead against the cool glass of the window, eyes closed as they drove the thirty minutes home.
Watching Pepper gave him the chance to see her, the real her. She’d lost weight in the month since everything had gone down. Her eyes had sunken in a bit, and he was willing to bet she hadn’t been sleeping since she woke up. Her tanned skin, even though still dark, looked pale.
It had been only a few minutes into the drive before she slumped into the window, asleep before they even left town.
“You think she has nightmares?” he asked Nick quietly.
Nodding his head, he replied, “And I think she hasn’t been eating, either.”
“Shit.”
If they were right, and she hadn’t been taking care of herself, she may be back in the hospital sooner than any of them would like. They would have to quiz her friend on what her habits had been since she came to.
He knew the lack of proper nutrition while in the hospital probably contributed to her paleness and some of the weight loss, but he felt like there was more going on.
Pepper hadn’t meant to fall asleep, she just wanted everything to go back to what it was. To have Nick and Ace loving her, Roxie running wild in the snow. She wanted the happiness she’d felt before.
Before things had gone to hell again.
When her head had touched the chilly window, exhaustion swamped her. For the first time since waking up in a strange room with a dog on her feet and strange men asking if she was okay, she had felt safe. She had felt home.
As the vehicle slowed to a crawl, she knew they must be getting to the curve in Nick’s driveway. Stretching, she opened her eyes to see what had last been a demolished cabin, rebuilt. Bigger. They had to have added at least one more room on.
“Wow.” She was in awe. “How did you manage this so quickly?” She worked at a construction company, and they couldn’t build that fast in the city, let alone on a snowy mountain.
“We haven’t had much to do,” Ace answered her.
“Lots of friends from town have been helping out, as well,” Nick told her as he stopped the vehicle.
“You added another room?” She was still in shock at the progress.
“Yeah,” was all that was said.
Stepping down from her seat after Ace opened the door, she got light-headed, having to catch herself on the door frame and Ace’s arm as he helped her.
“You alright?” Everyone kept asking her that.
“I’m fine,” she mumbled, not wanting to admit that she had trouble keeping anything down.
“When’s the last time you ate?” Nick asked, coming around the front of the vehicle. “Or slept a solid eight hours?”
Before she could answer, Tami pulled in beside them. “Cool digs!” she called from the open window. “The answer to the first question, boys, is yesterday morning and the second, well, when’s the last time she slept here?”
“Tami,” Pepper hissed at her best friend. She could kill her.
Of all the scenarios she pictured when she showed up back in Golden, she hadn’t expected to have to confess all her darkest secrets. Admitting that every time she ate something that crunched, she cringed and vomited, reminding her of Alex’s crunching bones. Or that the color red reminded her of the amount of blood she’d seen spilt all over the mouth of that cave before she’d passed out from fear. And let’s not forget how hearing water boil made her think of him choking on his own blood as he’d died.
She was a hot, damn mess, and there was nothing anyone could do for her. She had to work through it on her own.
The day after she’d woken up, a psychiatrist had spent the entire afternoon with her. They’d talked about what she’d seen, done, heard. The things that scared her most, and what she feared for the future. After listening to the woman speak with her and truly listen to what Pepper had to say, the way she explained the meaning of her nightmares, she had told Pepper that she had to find inner peace with her guilt over his death. She needed to understand that Alex’s choices led to his own death. That while tragic, Pepper was forced to lead him into that cave. She wasn’t at fault. Her conscience would have to guide her as she navigated the self-hatred train.
“Pepper,” Nick called to her softly, a hand on her arm. “Let’s get you inside,” he instructed when she met his eyes.
“Yeah, sure.” She was distracted as Tami talked and asked questions. Distracting both men as she worked through her mind.
“Don’t you get bored? Way out here away from civilization?” Tami chattered on as Pepper heard the tell-tale bark come from Ace opening the door.
She witnessed the minute Roxie spotted her, and the beautiful animal’s eyes lit up with excitement as she bound her way down the steps, knocking Pepper to her ass in a puff of snow. Roxie’s body wiggled as she tried to lick every piece of visible skin.
“Roxie,” she sighed when the dog finally calmed down enough that she could wrap her arms around her. Her whining remained, though, and she loved every second of it.
“Damn. I think I’ve been replaced.” Tami pouted. But Pepper could hear the happiness in her friend’s voice.
As she finally got to her feet, Pepper followed everyone inside, Roxie sticking close to her as she moved. Seeing the house stripped down to its bare bones was shocking. There was a piece of plywood over the floor in the dining room from where the second bomb had gone off.
“Where’s Jake?” She didn’t remember getting any information about him. “Alex said…” Her throat tightened up as she fought to say the words.
“I’m just fine, missy.” The man came from somewhere in the back of the house.
“Jake!” she yelled, running to him and wrapping her arms firmly around his neck as he held her.
“Missed you too, kiddo.” He laughed at her exuberance.
“I’m so sorry you were hurt.” Her heart was in her throat.
“Nah, Pepper. Comes with helping loved ones. You can’t blame yourself for that dipshit’s choices. He was the evil one, not you.” It was like he read her mind.
“She needs to eat,” Tami supplied helpfully.
“Shut up, big mouth.”
“What? You do. Yeesh. But it can’t be red, crunch, or boil. That’s a sure-fire way to never get her to eat again. Learnt that one the hard way,” Tami muttered.
“Dammit, Tami, shut up.” She was getting seriously angry now.
“What?” Nick growled, obviously catching on to something.
Taking a deep breath, she stepped back from Jake. Looking between Nick and Ace, she told them, “It brings it all back,” her words were low, “to the cave.”
She couldn’t watch as they processed her words. If they understood what she was saying, she worried they’d think her some kind of freak to even think of those things.
“Baby, come here.” Ace pulled her to him before she could move. “I can’t say I get what you’re thinking, but you have to know we’re here for you. Whatever it is, we will help. There are no conditions to our love for you.”
She heard all his words, but only one stuck. “Love?”
“All-encompassing, obsessive, love,” Nick confirmed as he took his place at her back. Squished between them. Right where she belonged.
The wind howled through the main fireplace as Pepper quietly pulled on her boots and coat. Nick and Ace had gone to bed hours ago, but she hadn’t been able to sleep. Watching out the window seat, she stared at the space where she’d first seen Alex as everything went to hell.
Jake had taken Tami home with him so she didn’t have to sleep on the floor since there wasn’t more than basic furniture yet. At first, Pepper had been nervous about her men having expectations she wasn’t ready for as they climbed into bed that night. She shouldn’t have been shocked when all they wanted to do was hold her and assure themselves she was real and actually back with them.
When she’d go
tten too restless to stay in bed without waking them, she and Roxie had taken refuge in their seat by the window.
It occurred to her that in order to move forward with her life, to have the love and happiness she craved, she needed closure. And so, the idea to go where her old nightmare ended and the new one began was born.
Gripping a flashlight in one hand and the switch blade Jake had given her in the other, they set out to find peace. Most of the snow she’d watched fall had melted away to nothing more than wet puddles as spring-like weather began to make itself known. The further they walked, the less sure she was they were even going in the right direction.
When Roxie ran ahead of her, she followed, hoping the dog remembered the way when Pepper wasn’t so sure herself. As soon as they reached the incline, she knew they were on the right path. The hike seemed steeper than the last time she ran it. Could be that this go around, she wasn’t running for her life.
Reaching the first platform of caves, she stopped, frozen, afraid to go further, but not willing to go back. Her eyes roamed the trees hiding more caverns and wild animals. Suddenly, she felt incredibly stupid for coming out so late and all by herself to find peace.
Her gaze landed back on Roxie sitting at the open mouth of a cave. Pointing the flashlight towards the dog, she slowly walked forward. Her steps faltered when she saw the dark stain glaring at her on the rock floor.
Alex’s screams still echoed in the enclosed space as she walked around the remains of their horrific encounter. Seeing the cave with fresh eyes, she didn’t know how she had survived. How the cougar's lust for blood hadn’t made them turn on her. She remembered the space being bigger, deeper. More ominous. However, it couldn’t be more than twenty feet all the way around. Sitting in the same spot against the back wall as she did that fateful night, Roxie at her side, everything came back as if it were happening again.
His threats as he spotted her.
The evil in his eyes. Menace pouring from him like cologne.
Things could have been so different that day. If only she’d stayed and waited for Nick and Ace to come back after that first explosion. She could have taken every hit he delivered upon her. She could have stuck through it. He could still be alive if fear hadn’t controlled her.
Being logical was something she prided herself on; unfortunately, that day, she lacked any logic or wisdom. Fight or flight had been in control.
Closing her eyes, Pepper tried to remember every moment of that day, every tiny detail she missed then but might remember now. She had to understand why he wanted her so badly. As far as she’d been told, there was no evidence to even suggest he was obsessed with her. Nothing leading investigators to believe she was a victim in a long line of women he’d tortured.
She was it.
Which made it that much more frustrating as she tried to picture that day in her mind again.
“Come on out, Pepper,” Alex yelled as she and Roxie ran. “I only want to mark you up a little bit.” He’d said that so faintly, she had barely heard him. “Maybe carve my name into your chest so those men know you belong to someone already. I’d love to fuck your unconscious body as they watch. Knowing you would be helpless to even say no gets me harder than when you fight back.”
She wanted to puke at his words.
“Come on, Pepper.” The hiss of his words felt like they were right over her shoulder. She pushed her legs harder, moved faster. “I know you like the dirty talk.” His voice was like oil, smooth, yet full of slime.
Stumbling over a log covered by the snow, she took a moment to catch her breath when his next words slithered up her spine. “I want you, Pepper. I’ve never had this obsession before. You’ll be my first. I’ll whip you into the perfect sub. Leave beautiful scars across you perfect ass as I take you. You’ll bleed for me, Pepper.”
Those words. They made her sick. He was sick.
Crawling closer to the stain on the ground a few feet away, Pepper sat on her knees. “I’ll pray for you, Alex. For your soul to find peace. For you to make amends with your choices.” Closing her eyes briefly, she said, “Alex, I forgive you for hurting me. I forgive what you did. But after this moment, I will not think of you again. You will be banished from my thoughts and life.” Taking a deep breath, she finished, “May peace be with you, Alex.”
Getting to her feet, she left. Her back to the cave. She was done.
Free.
Chapter Sixteen
Rolling over, Nick reached his hand out to bring Pepper to his chest. Instead, it landed on a hard, muscled back. Opening his eyes one at a time, he looked around the room, nearly blinded by sunlight. She was nowhere to be found.
“Ace!” he yelled, jumping from bed. “Pepper’s gone.”
Rushing from the room, he heard a thud as Ace got up, stopping short when he saw her and Roxie curled up on the window seat sound asleep.
Just as his heart rate was returning back to normal, Ace collided with his back, making them both tumble to the floor, knocking over a small table as they went.
Before either of them could move, they heard a thud and watched as Pepper dropped to the ground and crawled into the corner by the fireplace. A wild look crossed her eyes as she scanned around for danger.
“Shit,” Ace cursed, both of them rushing to her side.
“Pepper?” he called quietly, placing a hand on her knee. Her entire body vibrated with fear.
“Come back to us, baby,” Ace murmured, rubbing his hand through her hair.
It took a few minutes of them speaking gently to her, assuring her she was safe before she gave a shuddering breath and looked up to them. Tear marks tracked down her cheeks, and her pupils were dilated.
His first thought was PTSD—Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d seen it in an assault victim.
“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked her, holding out a hand for her to take. Ace took her other one as they helped her to her feet.
“You startled me is all.” Her cheeks flamed with embarrassment.
“Nothing to be embarrassed about,” Ace consoled her, wiping the few remaining tears from her face.
They led her to the half-finished kitchen, sitting her on a stool as Nick let Roxie outside, leaving the door partially open so she could come back in. “You want some tea?” he asked her, thinking she needed something to calm her and not the jolt caffeine would cause.
“Yes, please.” Her voice was still low, and she struggled to look up at them.
As he set the kettle to boil, he leaned back against the counter, watching her, unsure of how to ask her what he was thinking. She spoke before he could. “I don’t have it.”
He and Ace had shared a look before he asked, “Have what?”
“PTSD.”
“No one said you did.”
“But you’re thinking it,” she countered.
“I was. I was wondering why your first reaction was to hide. What the wild look in your eye meant.” He refused to lie to her.
“I was having a nightmare,” she explained.
Leaning towards her, his forearms resting on the island counter top. “About what?”
Pepper’s eyes shyly met his as she answered. “The first time he hit me. I hid in the bathroom. He pounded on the door for so long, I thought it would break down.” The kettle whistled, and while she finished telling them her story, he poured the water. “When you guys knocked the table over, he was pounding in my nightmare.”
He knew the effect nightmares could have on a person, so he understood how she must have felt being trapped in one. He would still worry about PTSD, though.
“Why did you knock over the table?” she asked them.
“Nick was up in arms about you not being in bed this morning. Went a little nuts, stopped too fast, and I collided with his back. The table is a casualty.” Ace tried to joke with her, getting the smallest smile as she listened.
“Oh. Sorry about that. I couldn’t sleep last night, so I left the bed. Then
I got this stupid idea of going back to the cave– “
“Tell me you didn’t,” Nick barked at her, his voice sharper than he intended.
Her eyes narrowed as she answered him. “I did. Roxie was with me, and I had the switchblade Jake gave me. It was something I had to do alone, Nick.”
“I don’t doubt that, but you should have waited ‘til daylight,” he snapped back, angry as hell she’d risked her life like that.
“If you would shut up and listen to me, you’d know I would have said I should have waited.” Her cheeks flushed, and her chest rose and fell with each inhale of breath as she spoke. He was oddly turned on as fire shot from her eyes.
“You don’t know what’s out there,” his voice was low, husky. He was having a hard time controlling his enraged lust.
“I know that, Nick.” She spat out his name, standing as she spoke.
“So, why’d you do it?” Ace asked from behind her. Her fire turned him on every bit as much as Nick.
“Because I wanted it to be over. I wanted the guilt gone. I wanted to move on. And I can’t do that with his death hanging over my head.” Her words grew more hushed as she explained.
Nick’s anger vanished a little more with each word she spoke until she was standing right in front of him, her hands on his bare chest. Her eyes glazed over with her need.
“You once promised to make me feel nothing but good. Make me feel, Nick.” He closed his eyes to try and control himself. “Make me yours, Ace.” Her husky demand was their undoing.
Pepper’s words sparked an intensity in them both she’d never seen before. Nick’s hands went to her hips as his mouth crashed down onto hers. His kiss was electric, fiery. Branding. Her spine tingled with his possession.
She felt Ace’s hands band around her waist, holding her to him like he loved to do. In his arms, she knew nothing bad would touch her. His body always folded around her, protecting without needing to. When he pulled her shirt up, the blast of cold air had her already sensitive nipples hard as ice.
