by Vicki Green
I’m quiet in the car on the way home, my mind migrating in various directions. I look down when I feel his hand on mine. Looking over at him, I see the worried look in his eyes, on his face. I give him a smile and squeeze his hand. I’ve never known anyone like him. Someone who actually cares for me this much. Loves me. He looks front, watching the road, and I watch him. I still don’t know that much about him, not really. He works undercover, works as a physical therapist. He exudes bad-boy, mysterious, and God is he sexy, but in reality, is the sweetest, most caring man. There’s still so much I don’t know about him, so much I want to learn.
He nears the driveway and reaches up, pressing the button to raise the garage door. Pulling into the driveway and into the garage with smoothness, like he’s done this a million times. We get out and as soon as we walk inside and I start to walk towards my bedroom to change clothes, the doorbell rings.
“Go change,” he says as he takes my hands, leaning in to kiss me. “I’ll get that.”
I seriously don’t know what I would have done without him through all of this. He spent last night helping me go over the house then went and got bags of ice and this morning put them in a large cooler on the deck so people would have it for their drinks. I even found a vegetable tray and dip already prepared in the fridge this morning when I was getting a glass of orange juice. He must have done that last night after he told me to take a nice relaxing bath. He told me I looked tired and needed some time alone, even though I’d have much preferred he joined me. We’ve not made love since before Dad passed and to say I’m feeling the effects of that would be a huge understatement. How we’ve refrained is beyond me except knowing it’s not the right time.
Time.
I’ve learned even more how short time truly is here on earth. We spend our days doing our mundane things. Work. Eat. Drink. Sleep. Repeat. Things happen so quickly and blow you out of the water when you least expect them. Car wreck. Dementia. There are so many illnesses, diseases, natural disasters. So many things that play havoc in our lives and to those you love and care about. The phrases “life is short” and “live for today” pushes through my mind as I change into nice dress pants and a silky blouse. Things I’ve heard over the years but really never gave much thought to, not really understanding the meaning. I’ve been through the deaths of Mom and Bobby, but I guess having Dad still here helped me get through it, kept me grounded, and get back to my normal life, and push my aspirations.
The doorbell rings again as I smooth my hands down my blouse, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I don’t look different. Does one really change in that way when they’ve just laid someone they love to rest? I feel different. Tired. Grief. Alone. How can I be around so many people and still feel alone? How can I feel this way when Dax gives me nothing but attention and care, giving me strength? It doesn’t make sense. I guess nothing does right now.
Surprisingly, the day is filled with laughter, tears, and so many memories. I introduced Dax to everyone who stopped by. Each person brought large dishes, more food than an army could eat in a week. It all filled me with such emotion, unrealistic to what I’d felt just an hour before.
By early evening, everyone had left. Brooke and Dax helped clean up, my fridge now overloaded with leftovers. “I’ve never seen so many casseroles in one place. Oh!” She spins around with a shit-eating grin. “There’s that one time. Remember at Paul and Frank’s apartment in college?” She leans back against the counter, wringing the dish rag in her hand. “Now, that was a night to remember.” I laugh but as I look up from wiping off the table, Dax is glaring at me. His eyebrows are lowered, anger written over his face. Tilting my head, I raise my brows in confusion. “Oh relax, Tarzan.” I look over at Brooke as she starts drying off the counter. Dax slowly moves his eyes from mine to hers, not looking very happy. She laughs. “She was the DD and behaved very appropriately.” He’s staring a hole into her as she keeps smiling while working on the counter, a little too eagerly. It was quiet the rest of the time while we cleaned, Dax opting to go out onto the deck to remove any leftover beers, soda, or bottle waters from the cooler then dumping any ice left. By the time Brooke left, I find myself exhausted and also feel a bit relieved it’s all over. With everything being so final today, it totally did me in emotionally. Dax has been unusually quiet since Brooke’s little trip down memory lane.
Slipping into my silky camisole and putting on a robe, I walk to the living room, stopping suddenly behind the couch, finding him sitting on the recliner and playing his guitar softly. He looks sad as he plays what sounds like a melancholy melody. Placing my hands on the back of the couch, I listen intently, tears welling in my eyes. He doesn’t seem to know I’m here, lost in his own world. When he gets through the song, his fingers stop strumming, and he looks up slowly, his eyes zeroing in on mine. He tilts his head, sadness pouring from his eyes. I feel a tear slide down my cheek as I walk around the couch and bend down at his feet, sitting on my legs. My hand finds its way onto his leg as the other cups his face. No words are spoken as we stare into each other’s eyes. His lips part as his eyes close, briefly, when I run my thumb over the soft skin of his cheek.
“You’re crying,” he whispers as his eyes search mine.
My heart is racing, sadness and the feeling of being forsaken fill me. “You left me,” I whisper, wanting him, needing him so badly.
His hands cup my face, his head shaking sadly. The look of despair deepens on his features. “No.” His voice breaks from his own emotions. “I’ll never leave you.” He leans down and captures my mouth, my hand moving up his chest and around his neck, grabbing hold as my fingers slide up his short hair. Tilting his head, he deepens the kiss as I move into a kneeling position, not able to get close enough.
“I….” I stammer, my heart beating wildly for another reason. “I need….”
There’s no more words, only need and want, as he stands, lifting me into his arms, and we continue the barrage and bruising each other’s lips. My mind is lost in him, my body his. I feel the softness of the carpet on the soles of my feet and my robe slipping off my bare shoulders. The thin straps of my camisole are removed from me in a frenzy, the silky fabric falling off my body as our tongues tangle and I moan into his mouth. He lifts me back into his arms and soon I feel the mattress beneath me. His mouth leaves mine for an instant, and I pull him back to me desperately. Then I feel his soft skin against mine, the defined ridges of his sculpted body, and my legs spread immediately, allowing his rock hard cock to move inside me so quickly we both cry out in relief. He leans up and stills – the feeling of him so deep inside me makes me quiver. Opening my eyes, I look up at him. His eyes are closed, lips parted as he struggles to hold himself up, his arms shaking slightly beside me.
He looks at me, his eyes full of love as he leans down, pulling out then thrusting back into me. “I never meant to make you cry,” he whispers in my ear. He kisses my lobe then starts moving in and out of me, the pace settling into more of a gentle nature when I want more fierce and frantic. Yet, his tenderness overwhelms me, his love consuming. I move my hands up and down his back, my fingernails skimming his skin. He shivers with my touch. “I was so jealous,” his whispers change to rough and low words in my ear. He continues to move, my legs interlocking around his slim waist as I meet his every movement. His fingers thread through my hair, and I close my eyes from all the passion and feelings surging through me. Opening my eyes, I’m shocked at his words. The anger I’d seen before has dissipated, changing to compassion, love, and sorrowfulness. “I was feeling things I had no right to feel. Anger overtook me and that wasn’t fair. I wouldn’t allow that, especially during this difficult time for you.” His fingers massaged my scalp and the burning of an impending orgasm begins to crest. It’s too fast but it’s been too long. He’s making it so hard to have an intelligent conversation. “You are mine and just the thought of someone else touching you, being anywhere near you, and having any kind of feelings for you, almost drove me mad.”
His words are too much. Knowing that he felt this way, loves me so much it would anger him to have someone else be near me, causes the fire burning inside me to multiply making it more difficult to keep it at bay. Moving my arm from around his back, I reach up and cup his face, my brows lower as I become reverent. “I’m yours,” I whisper, hoping he’ll truly believe my words. “I don’t want nor need anyone else. You had my heart and now you have my soul. I’m yours for however long you wish to have me.”
His beautiful face relaxes in relief. He kisses me gently then whispers words against my lips. “Mia per sempre.” Kissing me harder he looks into my eyes, seriousness overtaking him. “Mine forever.”
I search his eyes, not knowing what I’m looking for. His words speak volumes, finally knowing the meaning has filled me completely, taken my heart and thrown away the key for anyone else to unlock. We kiss demandingly, urgently. His hand leaves my face and cups my breast, enlisting more sensations throughout my body. I’m so close, but I’ve been trying desperately to savor this moment in time, make it last longer, but I’m afraid it’s too overpowering. Digging my heels into his firm bottom, I push against it as I begin to shake, my muscles constricting around his length. Those all too well sparks swirl in my stomach, making their way up and down my body, simultaneously, curling my toes.
“DAX!” I scream as my vision blurs into haziness, my fingernails digging into the skin of his back while the rush moves through me. Even though he’s unclear, my emotions cause tears as I whisper, “I love you.”
Arching his back, his eyes close as he yells my name, still moving in and out of me quickly, frantically, feeling his wetness move inside me with his own release. He looks down at me, his body giving its own shudders. His eyes widen. His brows crease as tears flow down his face freely. Leaning down, he kisses me hard then becomes gentle, tender, adoringly. “Mia per sempre, my love,” he whispers. “Do you know how long I’ve longed to hear those words?” I reach up and wipe away some of the tears from his cheek and down his jaw. “Do you know that I am now complete as long as I know you feel that way?” I shake my head slightly, in awe of his words, his feelings for me. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?” My own tears leave my eyes but they are no longer of sorrow, of grief, but filled with love and happiness. He touches my lips with his but doesn’t move to kiss me. “Do you know I’d die for you? Go up against the pits of hell for you?” he whispers against them. My gaze is stuck on his eyes as his words hit me hard. The sound of my heart fills my ears, and I can feel the pounding in my chest. Never has anyone cared for me so much, given me their heart so freely, so completely. Never have I wanted anyone more, love them with my entire being, and wanted them so badly.
My lips press firmer against his as I pepper them with kisses telling him over and over, “I love you. I love you.” The words I couldn’t speak before, flow freely now, as if my guarded heart has opened. As we begin to kiss in earnest, I feel him grow inside me.
“I think you might have a little trouble walking tomorrow,” he murmurs as he starts moving. I smile against his mouth, my hands moving around him as I prepare for round two.
27
After that night, filled with promises of undying love, Saige started her journey of healing. Within the first month she was back working at the ICU and twelve hour shifts, explaining to me that it helps her get back into a normal routine. The hard part is missing her every twelve hour shift she works. I’ve kept my apartment, out of fear of making it even easier to target Saige. I’m careful when I go to her house, always taking alternate routes. Most of the time, I’m gone before she wakes. Damn, I wish I could have her in my arms in the mornings and make love to her while still in her sleepy state. But I’m a patient man. I’ve had to be for over two years. It’s like my dream came true and that is something I’ll never forsake.
But the normalcy didn’t last long.
Two months later, I received another text that the perpetrator was up to his sick games, again. He needs to be stopped. I’d not given the news to Saige that I needed to go out of town again in the morning, not wanting to spoil the night. But I thought about it all day as I tended to patients at the nursing home, hating myself for keeping something from her. I’ve sworn to myself when this is all over I’ll never keep anything from her again. Ever. The day was long but it always is when I’m away from her. She got off a twelve hour shift this morning, but I’d already left for work by the time she’d gotten home.
Home.
If my life wasn’t full of danger, I’d beg to move in with her as I know she’ll never give up her family’s house. And she shouldn’t. There are too many memories there for her, ones she’s now letting herself remember and be happy, and I would never consider asking her to leave to find a house of our own. As long as I’m with her, hell, I don’t care where we live. As fate would have it, my living nightmare continues so I must be satisfied with how things are – for now.
That evening, I walk into the house, ready to spend some time with my girl and break the news to her that I’m leaving in the morning. My heart is heavy and guilt’s been eating at me all day. I’m ready to make it up to her, cook her a great dinner and pamper her when a delicious aroma hits me square on as I walk into the kitchen. The lights are off, candles aglow on the table. Place settings are set with a small bouquet of flowers setting in the middle, the candles surrounding it.
“Welcome home.”
My eyes snap to the doorway separating the kitchen and living room, Saige is leaning against the frame, her body coated in a silky red sexy dress and matching high heels strapped around her feet. Her ears are adorned with long diamond earrings, her eyes magnified with seductive smoky shadow, her lashes thick and long with black mascara. Those pouty lips I love so much are lathered in a matching red color. She’s looks as if she stepped right out of some glamour magazine. All men who would see her would fight and beg for her attention. My primal instinct snaps. She’s mine. She pushes away from the doorway, walking towards me seductively, those hips I long to hold while pushing deep inside her, sway as she comes nearer. My heart is racing, my hands itching to touch every inch of her as she stops before me. She raises a hand, using a long polished fingernail to stroke from my stomach up to my chest, those beautiful eyes looking up at me.
“Good day at work?”
I can’t tear my eyes away from her mouth, wanting to capture it with mine. I’m dumbfounded, shocked. Looking down at her, thoughts flood through me about how little I truly know her. This is a side of her I’ve not seen and as my hardened cock pushes against my jeans, anxious to be inside her, I’m finding I love it. I reach up, pushing my hand beneath her long hair and around the back of her neck as I lean down to take those lips with mine.
“Uh. Uh. Uh.” She smiles as she pushes against my chest. “Dinner first.” She leans up and kisses me, lightly, then stands down, takes my hand, and leads me over to a chair at the table. Pulling it out for me, I sit and watch as she sits down beside me, crossing her legs daintily. As she begins dishing food onto my plate then hers, I carefully adjust myself under the table. She’s seriously giving me blue balls. She smiles, raising a brow, as she puts her fork full of food into her mouth, her lips encasing it and pulling it out, slowly. I’m not gonna make it through dinner.
“Aren’t you hungry?”
“Um.” I clear my throat. “Starving.” I raise my brows in double meaning.
“Great.” She smiles, putting that damn fork with salad into her mouth. This is gonna be a long dinner.
Blue balls luckily dissipated. The dinner was amazing and the company superb. We talked about her work and mine and laughed about Darby’s antics and a few of my patients. Once we finished, I offered to clean up since she cooked, feeling grateful that our evening ended up being so relaxing. Wiping off my hands with the dish towel, I fold it and lay it on the counter, turning off lights as I make my way back to her bedroom. After all the guilt eating away at me all day for having to tell her
I’m leaving, I’m exhausted. This is something that I need to do but dread. I round the corner of her room and stop cold. The sight before me alerts every part of my body.
“I thought you’d never get done,” she whispers, lying on her side, the moonlight coming in from the slits of the blinds casting a glow across her naked body. She beckons me by crooking her finger. My cock twitches with anxiousness. I start to walk towards her, only stopping, my head thumping with the need to tell her before we go further.
“Saige.”
She moves, sitting up and then back on her legs, giving me an even better view of her beauty. I stare, unable to speak or think.
She tilts her head and crooks her finger at me again. I take another step. Fuck, I’m thinking with my cock instead of my heart. Taking a deep breath, trying to get ahold of myself, I walk over steadily and get on my knees before her. Placing my hands on her thighs, I rub her soft skin with my thumbs. “Saige.” Her faces changes from a seductive look to concern, in an instant. Reaching up, I cup her face. “I have to leave in the morning.” Her head shakes slightly as her eyebrows lower. “You know I don’t want to leave you but I have no choice,” I whisper, hoping in my heart she understands. She places her hands on my shoulders, and I can see in the dim light the glimmer of tears in her eyes.
