“Not exactly, but I know the story.”
My curiosity is piqued. How is it that he knows and I do not? “Aimar Rousseau...the wolf Marquis accuses me of sharing similarities with?”
“The same one.”
“What about him?”
Alexis’ refusal to meet my gaze has me wondering even more what could be troubling him. “The legend goes that Aimar, and his brother, Didier, both bonded with a werewolf girl from a neighboring pack. We both know members of the same bloodline, bonding with a single individual is very rare, hasn’t happened in hundreds of years, but we’re the living proof it does happen. Especially with a set of identical twins.” At my nod, he continues by adding, “Well, these brothers were very close their entire lives. They were the example of the pack, sharing an unbreakable link, which was seen as a perfect example of what a family should be to many. They fought and defended our ancestral lands together. They warred and protected as one, always for the greater good. However, once they laid eyes on this girl, things changed, and quickly. During the bonding process, their blood ties dissolved, and in the aftermath of their growing rivalry, they were more enemies than members of the same family. Aimar became so competitive and overprotective of the maiden he so desired as mate, he challenged his younger brother for the right to claim her.”
Already, I’m apprehensive about what this story will prove. “Challenged his own brother?”
“That’s right. In a fit of rage, Aimar, who was tired of competing with his brother for the girl’s affections, decided to end things once and for all. Didier, not to be undone, accepted the challenge. In what has been described as a brutal battle between brothers, Aimar injured Didier to a degree the younger werewolf could not recover and died in the girl’s arms. Turns out the girl preferred the younger wolf and Aimar, overcome with jealousy, not only killed his brother but lost all sense of pride. In the end, he not only ripped the pack apart with his actions, but he succumbed to the guilt he carried with him after the senseless slaying on his younger brother.”
“What do you mean by succumbed?”
“Guilt, shame, regret sent him to attack an enemy pack of man-eaters knowing he was not only outnumbered but outmatched. Word was sent to the alpha later of his son’s demise.”
Alexis’ worries are not completely unfounded, I realize. Unwilling or not to see things from his perspective, I have to admit his concerns have merits. One has to only look at what the bonding is doing to the two of us to understand. It’s ripping us apart, this unseen force—so powerful, it changes lives without any consent.
“Alexis...” I trail off because I don’t know quite what to say. We have reached a point where we have to deeply analyze our predicament in every angle possible. It can’t be avoided.
“Aimar was a grand wolf, strong-willed to a fault, yes, but honorable and decent. They say he was the pride of any alpha, a dominant son with enough qualities to fulfill his duties as the successor to the throne and more, but he had one weakness.”
I gape at Alexis, thoughts swirling inside my head as I try to make sense of not only his doubts but now my own as well. Before, I accepted my curse was my one and true weakness, but now I’m not so sure. What if Marjorie has taken its place? I’d like to think I’m strong of mind, but my impulsiveness sometimes takes precedence.
“You asked me earlier what’s bothering me. I’ll be honest with you. I’m scared this bond will force us into a predicament like Aimar and Didier’s. In the end, neither of them claimed the girl. One lost his life. Aimar lost everything else.” He finds it in himself to look at me, finally. “Kyran, what if things get out of hand with us? What will that do to our family? To Marjorie? To each other?”
“That’s not going to happen. I’ll never let it get to that extent.” I have to make sure not to ever raise a hand to my own flesh and blood with the intent to kill or take claim of Marjorie. If I can’t have both, then I’ll have neither. I’d rather give them both up than have my family or Marjorie be harmed by our actions or any decision I make.
His right hand falls on my shoulder, his fingers gently digging into my shirt. “Don’t you see? It’s already out of hand. How many times have we argued? Fought?”
Marquis had compared Aimar and me for a reason. Dominant, obstinate, and maybe even a little careless in the decisions we made. It sounds like we have a lot in common. I’ve ruined enough lives as it is. I got my parents killed. Samantha also paid with her life for my indiscretions, and I’ll be damned if I continue to screw up, putting my family in more danger as well as other innocent people.
“Alexis, I’d never challenge you for Marjorie. I’ve told you before...the choice has always been hers...and although she prefers me...it doesn’t mean her choice will be the same.” Following his example, I place my right hand on his shoulder. “Besides, you’re my better half. What would I do without you? You’re everything I’m not, as annoying as this can turn out to be sometimes, you fill the void I leave behind.”
In our twenty-one years I have spent more times finding ways to avoid Alexis than trying to get along. I regret it now because I can see the last thing he wants is for this wedge between us to continue growing. No matter what I do, he’s always been there for me, sharing my pain, my ups, as well as my downs. “I can see where the comparison comes from, but I’m not Aimar and you are not Didier. We may be living a similar situation, but I won’t let myself forget who you are and what you mean to me. This is something I always want you to remember, Alexis.”
For the first time in my life, I show my affection for Alexis in a physical way, pulling him in for a hug, which has been delayed for far too long. He returns the embrace amiably, wrapping his arms around me with the same intensity.
“I hold a lot of respect for you, Alexis. I apologize for not ever letting you know just how much. I’ve been an inconsiderate jerk to you and I’m deeply sorry. No one will ever understand what I’ve been through more than you, and even when you have shared in my pain and suffering, not once have you used what you know against me. Thank you.” I’m not one for displays of affection and sentimentalities, but I feel as if Alexis and I both need this.
He absorbs my words in silence for a moment, his grip tightening. “Have I ever told you you’re my favorite brother?”
I jerk back, smiling as I catch the look of amusement on his face. “What?”
Alexis’ arms drops, but his gaze twinkles with suppressed tears. “No one could have put it better than you. I’m the good, you’re the bad. You’re serious enough for the both of us and I make up for it with my immature humor. But in the end, no one can understand either of us better than we do each other. In spite of how you push me away, I’ve never gone too far because in the end, I know you need me. Don’t think I haven’t caught you smiling at my antics when you think I’m not looking. Or how you always include me in your plans.” He pauses, his gray eyes full of sincerity, as he adds, “It’s a love-hate relationship we have, but we got each other’s backs and it’s all that matters. I don’t know what’s going to happen between the three of us, but I don’t want to end up like Aimar or Didier. I love you too much and I’d rather leave than allow things escalate.”
“It’s not,” I assure him, my voice steady. “I won’t let it.” Because of the bond, I can’t put Alexis before Marjorie, but neither can I put her in front of him. They are both equals, in different ways and I’d gladly give my life for either of them.
“I won’t allow it either,” he says, sounding more at ease now that we’ve finally cleared the air. We should have talked things over sooner, perhaps when we first were awe-struck by Marjorie, but pride got in the way. More often than not, it was mine, but we need to reevaluate what matters and what doesn’t and prioritize those at the top before the rest. “You should go to her.” He points to the end of the hall over his left shoulder. “She’s restless.”
I sense Marjorie’s unsettled state. She keeps tossing and turning on my bed, so I know she’s not asleep yet.
“I’ll see you in a little bit.”
Alexis gives my forearms a squeeze, stepping back a moment later to watch as I stroll down the hall to my bedroom where Marjorie has taken refuge for most of the night. I can sense her anxiety even from afar. She must be deep in thought, her mind wandering. As I walk up to the door and knock, my mind begins to do a bit of wandering, too. There’s so much inside. So much doubt. So many unanswered questions, but even now my only priority has to be to help Marjorie settle down.
Her voice calls for me to enter so I open the door. “You’re restless.” I saunter in, using my left elbow to close the door. “I would ask why, but I can pretty much guess the answer.”
“I just have a lot on my mind.” She looks overwhelmed with concern, but she tries to detract from it by fidgeting with the comforter. She doesn’t fool me though. “Are you restless too?”
My lips curve up slightly. It’s the best attempt at a smile I’ve made all day. “Always.”
Her hazel eyes turn mischievous suddenly. “Didn’t you used to run on nights like these?”
A memory enters my thoughts, one of a scared Marjorie monster hunting in the middle of the night with nothing to protect herself with but a bat. In spite of the seriousness surrounding us, a laugh eases out of me.
“Yes, well, I don’t really see the point of it since you’re here.”
“Are you saying you used to jog, as you put it back then, in hopes of running into me?”
From the very first moment I saw her, I knew I was in trouble and the allure of seeing her had become too much for me to avoid. More often than not, I indulged in a late night run, hoping to have the opportunity to see her.
“I was on the prowl for a very special prey.”
“Well, you’re here. Maybe you did find what you were looking for.”
I stride toward the bed. “I shouldn’t be here, really.”
“No, you shouldn’t,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.
“It’s okay. They know I’m here.” I take a seat near her feet. “It’s not like I can hide from them anyway.”
Marjorie settles back on the bed, her head resting on the headboard. “You look like you have something to say.”
Our eyes connect and I find myself smiling. “I may have something on my mind. Or something I want to share.”
In response, Marjorie lifts the comforter aside and pats the mattress, inviting me to join her on the bed. “Why don’t you share?”
As tempted as I am, I know it’s not a very wise idea. “I think I’m perfectly harmless right here.”
“You came all this way...you might as well allow me the pleasure of a midnight cuddle.” She really doesn’t make it easy for me.
I’m resistant to the temptation, but I don’t know how many more peaceful moments I’ll be able to share with Marjorie. I can’t allow for this one to slip by. I climb in next to her. As soon as I’m comfortably lying on the bed, I draw her to me, seeking the warmth her body brings. She complies, resting her head on my chest, her injured leg reposing over my own.
“I feel conflicted. I know you have made up your mind. Like it or not I respect that. Even though I wish I could wash away your doubts about us, I understand how you feel. But is it selfish of me not wanting to let you go?” I ask.
“No. If I were you, I wouldn't want to let go either.”
“Alexis is really hounding me to convince you to stay. He doesn’t understand that if you stay, you will never be sure what kept you here.”
She grows stiff next to me. “Do you get it?”
A long, exhausted sigh escapes my lips. “Unfortunately, I do.”
“Also, I'm not so happy about this being a three way relationship.”
“Neither are we. If we don’t find a way to cope with it, Alexis and I will definitely end up killing each other,” I tease, though it doesn’t sound as amusing as I intended.
“Kyran, have you ever been in love before?” The mood turns serious once again. The time has arrived to reveal yet another secret I’ve kept to myself. I have always known honesty is the best policy, but Samantha is a delicate subject for the both of us.
When it comes to Samantha, we haven’t crossed much ground. It’s not easy for me to bring up this particular dark memory. Although she was a person I cherished, it’s what happened to her because of me, what I resent the most.
Marjorie has never asked, but I sense she’s curious as to how deep my relationship with Samantha actually was. I have never elaborated. Maybe I should clear her doubts once and for all.
“Yes,” I reply in a whisper.
Resting on her elbow, she pulls herself up, gazing down at me in bewilderment.
“Samantha was my first love,” I admit.
“She was?”
My arm keeps her secured to me. I don’t want her to leave. There’s something she needs to understand, before she comes to other conclusions.
“It was innocent back then. She had been the first person outside of my family circle, I ever got close to. More than the girl I had a crush on, she was my friend. Someone I could talk to. Someone I shared a common like with. It’s different with you.”
“How is it different?”
“Everything about our relationship is different. I cared for Samantha, loved her. But you mean the world to me. You’re everything I never knew I wanted. Up until I met you, I didn’t care for finding my significant other—the one person who I’d spend the rest of my immortal life with. And now you’re here, and I’m one step away from losing you, and I feel like the weight of the world is crushing me. The sole thought of living without you in my life after I’ve made peace with the fact that I love you is killing me, Marjorie.”
She breaks eye contact with me by burying her face in my chest. “So, you know the difference?”
“I love you with a passion that makes me weak. I love and respect you to the point of putting your needs ahead of mine. And I will tell you something else...”
“What?” She meets my gaze, waiting in anticipation of what I have to say.
“I even hate you a little for it.”
“I don’t understand.” I can easily read the confusion on her face. She’s not sure of what to make of my confession.
“I’m used to being in control of my life to some extent. But with you, everything has changed. I feel like you have full control over me even when I know that’s not the case. I’m at your mercy and you don’t even know it. You may think I’m the most dangerous creature in this room, but from my point of view, that’s not the case. You can hurt me as much as I can you.”
Marjorie’s expression softens as she reaches to touch the side of my face. “Kyran, my decision to leave is not some attempt at getting back at you over what we discussed earlier. I want you to know that.”
How can she think I’d even believe for a second she’s trying to get back at me for anything? I guess I haven’t been doing a very convincing job at making sure she understands I’ll stand by her no matter what she decides.
Allowing my impulses to take over, I react by pushing down on the mattress so her body is pinned under my own. Grabbing on to her wrists, I secure them above her head, on either side.
“I know.” This position does very little to calm my desire for her. If anything it puts us both in a very difficult predicament. It’s hard to resist her. I fight the need to get more physical than I can, but I’m of flesh and blood too. And Marjorie, she’s beautiful in every way. I’m just surprised we have been able to hold off for as long as we have, though I’m sure she can see how much she affects me.
“Kyran...”
It’s my worst nightmare, I realize. Being this close to her and unable to touch her, to show her on a physical scale what she means to me. It takes an enormous amount of restraint to hold back.
“You should get some rest. We have a busy day ahead of us.” Do I see disappointment in her eyes? She really does make things harder on me. How can I walk away knowing she wants this as much as
I do. It’s total madness, the pull between us. It constantly tests our wills and each and every time, it gets harder to deny ourselves.
It’s wise to leave now, I rationalize, but I don’t want to leave yet. At least not without tasting her lips, one more time. Acting on impulse, I press my lips against her delicately smooth skin, planting kisses as I work my way up to her chin, cheek, nose, brow, and finally settling on her mouth. It’s a quick and chaste kiss, but it affects me more than I would have liked.
My muscles pull taught as every breath I take becomes labored. I struggle with the desire to continue and the responsibility of holding off for both our sakes. A rapid rise in body temperature warns me it’s time to cool things down before they get out of hand.
“Good night, Marjorie,” I whisper against her lips, then release her wrists and move to the side. I lay on the bed next to her, helping Marjorie on to her side so her back is firmly pressed against my chest. We spoon.
I’m torturing myself. I know, but as long as I can control myself, I see no point in denying us pleasure, no matter how small that may be.
This is as intimate as we can get for now and even though it’s far from satisfying, I’ll take this small measure of comfort over hurting her any time.
“Get some rest,” I say against her ear. My left hand comes up to caress the side of her face, my finger gliding over her cheek until she relaxes against me. In a matter of moments, she’s fallen asleep. I listen to the sound of her breathing.
Once it becomes shallow, I push myself up on one elbow to plant a kiss on the side of her face. I’d rather spend the rest of the night cuddled next to her, but I have duties to take care of.
As hesitant as I am, I push the comforter aside and slide off the bed. Downstairs the rest of the clan, as well as Bray and his wolves, are waiting for me. So I make my way out of the bedroom and into the hall as quickly and quietly as possible.
Chapter Six
Blood Moon Page 4
