by Mary Lindsey
That, more than the thing about ghosts, made me uneasy. What was he to me in past lives? What did he know about me?
He stood and stretched. “How about some breakfast? You could use some fuel after last night.”
As if on cue, my stomach rumbled. “We have some Pop-Tarts.”
He gave me a thumbs-up. “Perfect! The breakfast of champions. Get dressed, and I’ll meet you downstairs.”
I sat on my bed for a moment after he left, trying to grasp my new reality. Being nuts was easier.
EIGHT
I felt better after some milk and a strawberry Pop-Tart. Better, but still uneasy. I could tell Alden was waiting for me to lead the conversation, but I had so many questions, I didn’t know where to start.
I slid off my bar stool and unwrapped two more Pop-Tarts. “So, I guess you took me to the hospital while I was unconscious.”
Alden held his finger up while he finished chewing and swallowed. “No. I sewed the stitches.”
I slid my hand under my shirt and ran my fingers over the stitches. “You did it?”
He turned on his stool to face me. “It’s hard to explain that kind of injury to doctors. The wounds you have right now are pretty innocuous, but sometimes they’re not. Sometimes the Malevolent carve words into your skin. I’m trained to handle most of the types of injuries you’ll receive. Sutures are my least favorite. Fortunately, you only needed a few at the top of one of the scratches.”
“Sometimes they carve words in my skin?” I crumpled the foil pastry wrapper in my fist. “Carve words? And you’re trained to handle that? Trained by whom?” I dropped the balled-up wrapper on the counter.
“Calm down. When you have the full picture, it won’t be as scary.” He moved next to me and pulled the Pop-Tarts out of the toaster.
I carried my plate to the island and slid onto my stool. “Okay. Enlighten me, then, because it’s pretty freaking scary.”
He sat next to me and took a bite of his pastry. “We need to start at the beginning.”
“And where is that?”
“Soul-sharing. It’s the foundation of the system.” He took a few more bites and a gulp of milk.
No longer hungry, I placed my plate on the counter next to the sink. Embracing any part of this as a possibility was a terrible idea. I needed to get out of this, not find out how it worked.
Alden joined me and set his plate in the sink. “Your job is to serve as a conduit for Hindered resolutions. We have to soul-share in order for you to do that. Two souls in one body.”
“Whose body?”
He grabbed the Pop-Tart off my plate and took a big bite. “Yours.”
“No way.” I wadded up my napkin and threw it in the trash can. “Forget it.”
“Wait,” Alden said, crossing the kitchen in huge strides. “Please wait.” He touched my elbow and that funky soothing thing started.
I yanked my arm away. “Stop it. Whatever that is . . . stop it.”
He held his hands up and backed away. “It’s okay. I’m trying to help you, Lenzi. There’s a lot at stake here. A lot more than you being afraid of voices or getting some cuts from a Malevolent.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I understand your frustration. Your past-life amnesia makes this complicated for both of us. But we can get through this if you’ll just let me help you. Please.”
I leaned against the door frame. He was so sincere. There was something about him—something different from anyone I’d ever met. As much as I hated to admit it, Ghost Boy fascinated me.
“Okay,” I said. “Get on with it, but I want you to know, I don’t like this.”
He followed me into the living room and began strolling around checking out photos and memorabilia. His uninvited scrutiny made me feel naked. I never felt this self-conscious with Zak.
He picked up my framed third-grade class photo from the bookcase and smiled. Ugh. Why did he have to pick that one? That was the year I decided to give myself a haircut before picture day. My bangs stuck up like a science fair exhibit on the effect of static electricity.
“So cute,” he said.
I rolled my eyes.
He took a deep breath through his nose. “The house smells like you.”
I put my hands on my hips. “What does that mean?”
“You have a distinctive smell. I’ve known you so long, I’d recognize it anywhere.”
That was one step too far over the perv line. “Okay, I’ve heard enough.”
“No, calm down. It’s a compliment. You smell good. I’m not being weird. It’s part of the Protector-Speaker thing. Sorry.” He plopped down on the sofa. “Please sit down,” he said, patting the cushion next to him.
I strode to a chair on the opposite side of the coffee table and sat.
“No. It will be hard for us to do it in that chair. The sofa will work much better.”
I stood. “That’s it. We’re done.”
“Whoa. Okay. You stay over there, and I’ll stay here. I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about keeping you alive.” He leaned forward, voice quiet and calm. “I want you to share your body with my soul, nothing else.” Those strange eyes of his were mesmerizing. “Please. Let me show you, then all of this will make sense.” He stood and held his hand out to me. “If you touch me, it will be easier. It’s . . . uncomfortable without contact.”
I put my hand in his. “Let’s get this over with, Ghost Boy.”
“Okay, I’ll consider that consent.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I studied him as his brow furrowed in concentration. His hair was blond, but his long eyelashes were almost black. Why was it that guys always got the Maybelline lashes? He opened his eyes and focused on my face.
“Out,” he whispered.
I watched his eyes glaze over, and my stomach churned. Almost immediately, it felt like my insides were being ripped apart. I screamed. The fear was as bad as the pain, and the pain was intense. It felt like hot water pouring into my body, beginning with my chest and radiating all the way out into my toes and fingertips. I kept screaming, but I couldn’t hear it.
Stop it, Lenzi! Relax. The hard part is over, he assured me. Listen to me. I’m in. It will stop hurting now. Stop!
It sounded like he was talking from inside my head, which was impossible, of course, because he was standing right in front of me. I stared at him. He was right: the pain was gone.
See? It’s okay now. I’m in, and you’re fine. You’ll get used to it.
His mouth hadn’t moved. The voice really was inside my head. My panic rose again. Shoving his shoulder caused no reaction. He looked like a standing corpse.
I’m not there, Lenzi. That’s just an empty shell. I’m in your body.
It felt claustrophobic, like I was too full and there wasn’t enough room for me.
You’re okay. Relax and just get used to it.
I stood panting in the middle of the room. “I’m freaking out, Alden. I don’t like this.”
It gets easier. You’re not in danger.
It wasn’t like he was just a little voice in my head—he was a complete presence throughout my being. It felt like I was being consumed. “Alden, I can’t take it anymore. Please. You’ve got to get out.”
Okay. I’ll leave your body now. It will be easier if you touch me.
I put my hands on his shoulders.
Out, I heard him command his soul.
There was a distinct ripping sensation throughout my entire body. I dug my fingers into his shoulder and hung on.
His glazed gray eyes came to life as he drew a deep breath and smiled.
I released my death grip on his shoulder and backed away. I hadn’t expected it to be so intense—in fact, I hadn’t truly believed it was possible at all. I slumped onto the sofa and stared at him. He stood still as if he were afraid to move for fear I’d bolt.
His voice was soft and gentle. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
I took a deep shaky breath and nodded. “I’m fine.�
�
He sat down right where he was in the middle of the floor, and we stared at each other for what felt like forever. “Do you have any questions for me?”
I laughed. Totally lost it and flew into a giggling fit. I’m not sure why that question set me off. Perhaps it was because he was so sincere. It could have been a post-trauma adrenaline rush. Or maybe it was because my reality was crazier than any nuthouse diagnosis. Crazier than Dad.
After a moment, he smiled and then laughed too.
I patted the sofa cushion next to me and repeated his words. “It will be hard for us to do it in that chair. The sofa will work much better.”
He joined me on the sofa, and we laughed until my sides hurt.
“Do I have any questions?” I said, wiping a tear away. “About a billion.”
He leaned back with his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. “Shoot.”
“Is this what my dad had? Did he hear ghosts too?”
“No. Your dad was not a Speaker. He was really sick.” He opened his eyes and looked into mine. “It’s totally unrelated. You are not like your dad. You’re supposed to hear voices. It’s your job.”
“It’s a weird job.”
“It’s a wonderful job,” he said, closing his eyes again.
As turned off as I was by the prospect of talking to ghosts, I still found myself drawn to Alden more than anyone I’d ever met. A strange pang of familiarity shot through me as I scanned his long body. It was like my memories of him were right at the tip of my brain, just out of reach. I bit my lip. “Um . . . in our past lives . . . were we . . . What was our relationship?”
He sat up and stared directly into my eyes. “Our relationship varies. It’s dictated by your mood.”
My mood? “Have we ever been . . . ?” I looked down at my hands, which were folded in my lap. I could feel his eyes on me.
“The relationship is defined by the Speaker. The Protector has no say in it.” He got up and walked to the bookcase, keeping his back to me. “Sometimes we’re just business partners. A couple of times we got married. Occasionally, you were romantically involved with someone else.” His grip tightened on the bookshelf. “. . . Like you are in this cycle.”
His answer took me by surprise. “Did you ever get involved with someone else?”
He kept his back to me. “No.”
I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t date. “No?”
He turned and met my eyes directly. “I’m your Protector. Once you emerge, I’m here solely for you. I can’t let myself be distracted. If I don’t focus, you’ll be killed. My purpose is to protect the vessel. That’s the only reason I exist.”
His sudden intensity made my heart hammer in my ears. “That sucks.”
“Not at all.” He sat next to me on the sofa and smiled.
I returned his smile and leaned a little closer. “What do we do now?”
His gaze fell to my lips then returned to my eyes. He reached over, and for a moment, I thought he was going to pull me to him. Instead, he brushed my hair behind my shoulder. “I’ll teach you how to help the Hindered.”
“I don’t want to do that. It’s disturbing.”
“It’s not disturbing. It’s natural.”
“Natural?” I got up and began pacing. “What do you mean it’s natural? You’re like this minion who follows me around so that ghosts can’t shove my soul out of my body. You have no free will. You have to subject yourself to my mood? That’s what you said, isn’t it? That’s not natural.”
He looked so comfortable and confident, arms draped across the back of the sofa. “I have an inordinate amount of free will. I choose to be your Protector. I choose to let you lead. I choose to let you decide how to handle each particular lifetime.”
I stared at him openmouthed from across the coffee table. “How can a guy who can kick a bogeyman’s butt be such a wimp?”
“I’m anything but a wimp.” He leaned forward. “Let me show you. Let me in again, so that you can understand me better.”
“It hurts.”
He got up and crossed to me, taking my hands. “Lots of things hurt. You get used to the pain of accommodating another soul. Sometimes pain is good. It lets you know you’re alive. And the cool part? I can show you my memories.”
Maybe seeing his memories would trigger mine. “Why don’t I remember, Alden?”
He dropped my hands and shoved them in his pockets. “I don’t know.” He stared at the floor. “It’s probably related to your absence. Maybe being gone longer affects memory.” He met my gaze. “Please, Lenzi. Let me in again.”
I gnawed on my bottom lip, considering. “Can you show me things from past lives? Can you show me . . . me?”
“Absolutely.”
NINE
I couldn’t believe I’d actually agreed to let Alden put his soul in my body again, but I was too curious to pass up the chance to see myself in another life. I sat on the sofa and nervously gestured him over.
He lowered himself next to me, close but not touching. “If you just relax and trust me, it won’t hurt too much.”
“I bet you say that to all the girls,” I joked in a feeble attempt to mask my fear. He blushed and looked away.
“Oh, my gosh, Alden. Did I embarrass you?” His blush darkened, and I laughed. “I did! I embarrassed you!”
He glanced at me, then stared at the arm of the sofa. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. I don’t expect you to find double entendres in everything. You’re funny. It’s new.”
New? It was hard to accept the fact that he had known me in other lifetimes.
“What? Was I some boring loser or something?”
“No. Oh, no. Never boring, just intense. You took your job very seriously. You took the rules seriously. You were the best Speaker on the planet. No one could beat your record. Very few Malevolent made it through you unresolved.”
“What does that mean?”
“Heaven and Hell really exist, Lenzi. As long as the soul is Earth-bound, it isn’t too late for redemption. There’s hope until the last second.”
My insides churned like they were being dissolved and sucked down a drain. “Don’t tell me I was in charge of saving souls. That’s way out of my league.”
Alden took my hand, and the calming thing began immediately. “No, no. You were the best at pointing souls in the right direction, that’s all. You were amazing.”
I pulled my hand away. Amazing. I had been amazing. And now I was just . . . funny.
“Show me. Show me what I was like.”
He stood and faced me. “I obey my master Speaker, to whom I am subordinate, because I have no will of my own under the natural law of subjugation and oppression.” He bowed low, chuckling.
“Okay. I’m the one who’s supposed to be funny. Cut that out. What do we do to accomplish this with as little pain as possible? Laughter is good. Pain isn’t.”
“Both are good,” he said. “You should stand up and put your arms around me.”
“You’re only making that up.”
He smiled. “Sort of. Contact really does help. Here, just take my hands.”
Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad this time because I knew what to expect. I placed my trembling hands in his. He squeezed my fingers, transmitting warmth through the contact.
“It’ll be okay. You get used to it.”
I closed my eyes. “Let’s get this over with.”
He enveloped both of my hands in his and pressed them to his chest. I could feel his heart beating. Come on. Do it before I chicken out.
“Out,” he whispered.
I didn’t open my eyes; I was too frightened. But this time I didn’t scream as his soul poured into my body like scalding water. I controlled myself to the point that I only squeaked.
In a matter of seconds, the pain stopped. His heart still beat under my palms. What happened? Why didn’t it work? I opened my lids and stared up at his empty, hollow, silver-gray eyes.
“Alden?”
R
ight here.
I flinched. The voice was in my head.
Are you okay?
“Um. Yeah. It’s weird. It’s like I’m thinking in your voice.” My hands remained over his heart, the rhythm of life still beating in his chest. I dropped my hands, backed up several steps, and pointed at his body. “Alden, if you’re not there, are you dead?”
No. The autonomic nervous system still operates. Everything is intact. Only part of the soul is missing.
“Part of the soul?”
Yeah, I split my soul. A tendril remains behind to keep my body closed. Protectors are closed vessels and can’t be possessed by another spirit as long as part of the soul remains. Unlike Speakers, Protectors’ bodies can only accommodate one soul at a time.
It still freaked me out when he talked or communicated or whatever it would be called in this situation. “That makes no sense whatsoever.”
It will.
“So, will you just stand there forever like that?”
I can only do this where my body is safe. If I know I’m going to be gone for a while, I’m particularly careful. I usually leave my body sitting or lying down so that it doesn’t get knocked over or damaged. We’ll be here next to it the whole time, so it’s okay.
I sat down and stared at his empty body. Even lifeless, he was hot.
Thank you.
“Oh, great. You can hear what I’m thinking.”
No, I can only feel your soul respond to your emotions.
“Watch it, minion, or you’ll be banished from my kingdom.”
Yes, master.
I laughed. “Okay. What’s it like? Are we really sharing my body?”
I can’t feel anything at all in a tactile sense. No physical sensation whatsoever after the pain of entering. Because my soul isn’t complete, I don’t have enough power to control your body, but I can get some of your emotions, and I hear exactly what you hear. I also see through your eyes. I can’t access any of your memories, but I can give you mine. Are you ready?
“Are you in a hurry?”
Well, sort of. I don’t like leaving my body soulless for long. There’s a risk of discovery. It would be awkward if your mom came home or something. A Protector is not allowed to let his soulless body be discovered. It’s one of the rules.
