by Erika Kelly
Jimmy: This is so messed up, but I twisted my ankle. Wish I could say I did it parachuting or some wild shit like that, but it happened on the stairs. Dumbest damn thing. I’ll be okay in a few weeks, but I can’t go to France. Which sucks cuz…wingsuit.
Beckett stared at the screen, electricity pulsing under his skin.
Beckett: Sorry to hear that.
Jimmy: I can get Shep to do it. He won the FIS World Cup.
Purpose came rushing back in. His head cleared. He felt like himself again. Finally.
Beckett: No. I got it.
Jimmy: Thought you couldn’t get away?
He glanced down the hallway, watched the Cavanaugh family turn into Posie’s room.
She’s got more than enough people who love her and take care of her.
Posie didn’t need him. He’d been the one to bring her here, and she hadn’t once acknowledged him.
Because it happened on my watch. Kids were smart. They knew who to trust. Who looked out for them.
Come on…anyone can see.
I’m not cut out for this.
Besides, he’d only be gone for a week.
That’s right. That made him feel better about leaving, less of an asshole.
If I don’t take this trip, they can get me for nonperformance. Yeah, so he had to go.
This is my job.
I’m not Tyler. I can’t retire at twenty-nine.
Beckett: If I want to keep my job, I’ve got to hit the road. Take care of that ankle.
If he left right now, he could catch the last flight out of Idaho Falls to Kennedy Airport.
Beckett checked one more time and found the nurse shooing the Cavanaughs out of Posie’s room. It was almost like a scene in a sitcom. Between her mom, grandparents, and three aunts, Posie was going to be fine.
And, anyway, he’d be back soon. He’d visit all the time.
I can do this.
What parent didn’t have to balance work and family?
And then he hightailed it to the elevator like the building was on fire.
“Has anyone seen Beckett?” Coco hadn’t seen him in a while, and she was getting worried.
Her mom kept stroking Posie’s hair in a soothing gesture. “Not since he came out to give us an update.”
Her dad glanced out into the hallway, looked both ways, and then shook his head.
The nurse had let her family back into the room during Visiting Hours, so now everyone gathered around her daughter. Posie had her color back, her words…she was just fine.
Thank God.
She’d never been more scared in her life than when she’d gotten that call from Beckett telling her they were on their way to the emergency room. And, then, seeing Posie’s little body on the hospital bed…God.
“All right,” her mom said. “We should get out of here. Do you need to get back to the festival? We can bring her home, get her in her jammies, give her dinner…?”
“Oh, God, no. I’m not leaving her side. I’m going to snuggle with her all night long. We’ll probably watch a movie and eat leftover meatloaf. I’m so glad I hired an event organizer. I’d only wanted to learn from them, but now I can rely on them to make sure the rest of it goes smoothly.”
“Make me a list, and we’ll grab some things at the store before we come over in the morning,” her mom said.
“Thanks, Mom. But Beckett can do it.”
Will he, though?
Where is he?
He’d been gone too long. She’d understood his panic in the ER, and while she hadn’t liked the way he’d gone all stony and cold, she’d assumed, once he saw that Posie was going to be all right, he’d come back to her.
But he hadn’t, and now she was scared.
Scared he’ll ghost me.
But that was stupid. His daughter—who he loved—was in the hospital.
“He looked pretty shaken,” her dad said.
He’d been more than shaken, though. It was like he’d left his body, like she was talking to a mannequin dressed in his clothes.
Her mom gave her a hug. “Glad she’s all right.”
“God, I know.”
Her dad enveloped her in his strong arms and gave her a bear hug. “Love you, sweetheart.”
“Love you, too, Dad.” She watched them go, and then turned to her little girl. “As soon as the doctor comes back and checks you one last time, we can go home.”
“Where’s Beckett?”
I don’t know. But she refused to project her insecurities on Posie ever again. “Maybe he went to find the doctor? The sooner she comes, the sooner we can get you home.” She heard the edge in her voice, though, and knew she wasn’t kidding anybody, not even her daughter.
Maybe, instead of pushing her fears aside and suppressing them, she should face them.
I’m terrified he’s left Posie. It’s going to hurt her. Damage her.
I’ll be heartbroken if he’s left me.
Because I love him. I love him so much, and I never told him.
And she would never forgive herself if she’d driven him away because she hadn’t told him.
Tell him now. His sister died in a hospital, he has to be a wreck.
He needs me.
She had to do this. She had to put herself out there. Grabbing her purse from the space inside the nightstand, she pulled out her phone and thumbed the screen to scan through messages. Nothing from Beckett
Coco: Are you okay? I’m worried about you.
When he didn’t answer, she fought her impulse to tell him she was taking Posie home, that she was fine. That they’d be perfectly fine without him.
Because that wouldn’t be anywhere close to the truth.
So, she told him what he really needed to hear.
Coco: I love you.
And then…the hardest thing of all.
Coco: I need you. Please come back.
Chapter Twenty
The moment Coco opened the door, Ollie rushed at them, barking and dancing with excitement. She carried her daughter into the house, and the dog followed, smacking the cabinets with his tail.
She hadn’t seen Beckett’s truck, and that pretty much killed her last, remaining hope. The house felt empty, his presence gone.
“Let me grab a nightgown from the dryer, and you can change. Then, I want you to park your little butt on the couch, while I take Ollie out.” Setting her daughter down, she pulled the lavender one out and handed it over. Her daughter, who insisted on doing everything herself, stood there listlessly.
She blinked back tears, not wanting Posie to see her fall apart.
But she was falling apart. An ambulance had taken her precious little girl to the emergency room. She couldn’t stand it. Just couldn’t stand it.
She didn’t want to be alone. She needed someone.
She needed Beckett.
Needed him. “Here, baby. Lift your arms.” She pulled off the dress and tossed it in the washing machine. She wanted to throw it out. Wanted no reminders of seeing her little girl in the hospital.
She carried Posie to the couch, pulled the throw from the back of it, and tucked her daughter in nice and snug. Turning on the TV, she noticed the way her hand was shaking and hoped Posie didn’t sense her distress.
Ollie jumped onto the couch, settling right next to his favorite person in the world, his chin on her thigh.
“I’ll be right back, and then we can watch any movie you want.”
“I want Barbie’s Fairy Secret.”
“You got it. Okay, Ollie, come on.” She patted her leg. “Let’s go.” But he didn’t come. He let out a snuffle and licked Posie’s hand. “You’ve been inside all day. Let’s go out really quick, and then you can come right back here.” He didn’t budge. “Come on.” She reached for his collar and tugged him, but the big oaf wouldn’t leave Posie’s side.
She just wanted to change. She wanted to have all her chores over with, so she could cuddle her daughter. “Ollie, dammit. Come on.”
He
r daughter pushed off the blanket and stood up on the couch. She lifted her arms, and Coco leaned in. “It’s all right, Mommy. I feel better. My head doesn’t hurt. Not even a little.”
Coco exhaled, though it sounded suspiciously like a cry. “You’re right. Everything’s fine. I can let him out later.” She kissed her on the cheek. “You’re the most amazing person I know, Posie Cavanaugh.” She straightened, tucking her back in. “You want cocoa and popcorn?”
“Yes, please.”
“Okay. Give me five minutes.” Wiping her eyes, she headed back into the kitchen. She glanced over to the carriage house. Where are you, Beckett?
If you hurt my daughter, I will hunt you down.
She pulled out the air popper and a saucepan, but before she got the milk from the refrigerator, Posie appeared in the doorway in her purple fairy nightgown.
“Mommy? What’s this? I found it on the table.”
Grabbing the piece of paper, she recognized Beckett’s handwriting. Her stomach bottomed out.
Coco,
If I don’t go to France, my partners can take my company from me. I saw that Posie’s fine, got her whole family with her, so raced to the airport to catch a flight. Will call when I land in NYC.
He left.
He’d actually left.
What kind of heartless bastard took off when his daughter was in the hospital?
Her body tightened, squeezing out the hurt, leaving her nothing but fierce resolve. Because, unlike Beckett, she wasn’t a coward. Coco dropped to a crouch. “It’s from Beckett. He says he had to go on a trip.”
Posie’s eyes went round, glistening with tears.
“I’m sorry. It was fun to have him visit, but…” She couldn’t get the words out. He’ll be back. Because she honestly didn’t know.
He’d sworn he wouldn’t be an absentee father who dropped into town once or twice a year, but…here you go.
Tears spilled down her daughter’s cheeks. She’s devastated.
This is exactly what I wanted to spare her.
Imagine if we’d told her he was her dad.
Thank God we didn’t.
“Ah, sweetheart. I’m sure he’ll keep in touch.” Because she knew he wouldn’t disappear. Maybe he couldn’t handle emotional attachments, but at his core he was a good man.
Just not someone I’ll ever trust again. From now on, when he came to town, he could stay in a hotel. She tried to hug her daughter but got pushed away.
“Mommy.” Posie went rigid, as she often did when she felt misunderstood. “My crown.”
“Your what?”
“Beckett got me a bicycle, and he made me wear a stupid helmet, and I told him I couldn’t wear it because of my crown, and he said I couldn’t ride my new bike without one.” Her lower lip wobbled. “And when he was going to get me a drink, I took it off. He put it on my bike, and I forgot that my crown was stuck inside the helmet.”
“Okay, so the helmet’s still with the bike?”
She nodded, spilling more tears.
“And where’s the bike?”
“Where I got hurt.” She sounded impatient. “I want my crown. I need my crown.”
Laughter bubbling out of her, Coco fell to her ass on the kitchen floor.
“It’s not funny.” And now Posie was shrieking.
“Okay, calm down. It’s all right. I promise I’m not laughing at you.” I’m laughing at me.
Because I did it again. I got myself all worked up and transferred all my fears onto my daughter.
Will I ever learn? “Don’t worry. We’ll get your crown. I’ll ask Grandpa to drive into town with his truck and pick up your bike and helmet, okay? It’s fine, sweetheart.”
“What if somebody took it?”
“I’m not going to worry about that unless it actually happens.” She got up and hit her dad’s speed dial. “Here. Tell Grandpa what you need while I finish the cocoa and popcorn.”
As her daughter relayed the story to her grandpa and begged for his help, Coco turned back to the stove.
I’m a damn mess.
But she’d pull herself together for Posie.
It was her fault for falling in love with a man who wasn’t cut out for this kind of life.
She’d go back to focusing on the only two things that mattered, taking care of her daughter and building her business.
And she was perfectly all right with that.
Later that night, after Posie had fallen asleep, Coco set the book on the floor. A shaft of moonlight spilled across Posie’s face, accentuating her rosy, plump cheeks, her lips parted as she breathed steadily.
Her heart filled to bursting with love for her little fairy girl.
Coco kissed her temple.
She loved her little girl with all her heart.
Heading across the hallway to her bedroom, her phone lit up. Beckett. Her initial reaction was to ignore him, but she knew it was only to punish him. To say, I don’t need you.
But this isn’t about me. It’s about Posie. So, she’d have to rise above her own broken heart and be on good terms with him. For her daughter’s sake.
Powering it down, she set it on her nightstand and got ready for bed.
Tomorrow, she’d be an adult.
Tonight…she’d give him the finger.
Joy.
Happiness.
My sister.
Icy, clean, fresh air. The wind rocking the chairlift.
“You’re the best snowboarder in the whole world.” Ari hadn’t stopped talking the whole ride.
And he loved it. “Not hardly.”
“Yes, you are. I’ve seen you. I told everyone in my school you’re the best, and Jessie said I was a liar. I said, My brother goes to the academy, and he’s going to win gold medals one day.”
“Don’t listen to fatheads like Jessie. Does he know anything about me?”
“No.”
“Then screw him. No one gets to take your power away.”
The platform approached, and since this was Ari’s first time on a chairlift, he needed her to pay attention. “We’re getting off, but it’s going to keep moving. So, hold my hand and don’t let go, okay?”
“What about my poles?”
“I got them. I got everything.” As they slowed, he gripped her hand, tightening when she hesitated to get off a moving ride. Her boots hit the landing, and she stumbled.
But he caught her.
She gazed up at him with an adoring look, like he was her hero. She made him feel like he could do no wrong.
Since Ari had never skied before, he’d make it an easy, short run. They stood side by side at the top of the slope. “You ready for this?”
She nodded but didn’t move.
“Go on. I’ll be right behind you.”
“I want to go with you.”
“You have to go ahead of me, so I can watch. I want to see what you learned in class.”
“But I want to do what you do.”
“Ah, come on. Let me see you in action. I want to see your moves.”
She grinned at him, and he didn’t think anyone had ever made him feel better than his little sister. He felt like, with her belief in him, he could win an Olympic gold medal.
And that was why, even though his fingers and toes were numb from a long day on the slopes, he didn’t care. He’d go all night if it meant he got to see the adoration in Ari’s eyes.
“You ready, runt?”
“Ready. Let’s go.” Ari pushed off, fearless, eager.
And Beckett kept pace behind her, watching.
Love.
I love my sister.
If his parents saw her right now, they’d probably talk about getting her in the academy, too. Then, they’d have no kids to bother with. But he wouldn’t let them do that to her. Not yet. Not until she figured out what she wanted to do in life—besides be like me.
He kept pace with her, just a ski length behind, so he could catch her if she fell, but she looked strong, confident.
/> From his peripheral vision, a blur of royal blue streaked by from an intersecting path. He turned to find a man who’d lost control of his snowboard, arms pinwheeling. And the trajectory of their paths—
“Ari!” There was nothing he could do but watch as the man slammed into her, mowing her down. Beckett was at his sister’s side instantly. Blood pounded in his veins, and noise roared in his head.
His sister lay motionless on a white carpet of snow.
Horror.
Devastation.
She’s not moving.
She’s so pale.
Boots crunching, people shouting.
The red parkas. Medics.
Fear like nothing he’d ever known squeezed him like a fist, crushing him, until he couldn’t breathe.
A hospital bed. Tubes, machines. Beckett stood against the wall, watching, observing, anxiety a constant, thrumming tension stringing him so tight he thought, if someone touched him, he might shatter.
The nurse gave him a sad smile before leaving the room.
Finally, he could be alone with his sister.
He held her limp hand. “I’m sorry, Ari. Please wake up. I’ll do anything if you’ll just wake up. I’ll give up snowboarding, I’ll move back home. Just please, please wake up.”
He lowered his head onto the thin blanket, inhaling that sickening hospital scent, and waiting—as he did every day—for her fingers to flicker.
Waiting for her to sigh in exasperation and say, “Get up, Becks. I want ice cream. Can we get some ice cream?”
Ice cream.
The ache went so deep it sank into his bones, weakening them.
And then, finally, he felt it. A twitch. His head snapped up, and he looked into her eyes.
Only, it wasn’t Ari.
It was Posie.
Beckett jerked awake, his legs and arms kicking out.
What the fuck?
Where am I? What time is it?
An announcement on the PA system for a delayed flight placed him at the airport. He tuned into the noise around him…news on overhead televisions, the clatter of wheels, and a mother soothing an overtired child.
The last image—the one that had awakened him—dropped into his mind like a photograph. Posie, lying so still and pale in a hospital bed. The shock of it blasted through him.
