She wrenched her hands away. Knowing he was about to lose the fragile thread of contact they had left, he spoke quickly. “I could use your help on one thing.”
Katherine’s eyes softened. “What?”
“You’ll have to come and see.”
Refusing to answer her questions, he led her to the shed beside his house. Sneaking a glance at her face, he could see a spark of curiosity stirring her sad expression. He picked up a wooden crate, set it in front of her, and then knelt down.
Motioning for her to join him, he dug inside the box. Once she had knelt down beside him, he pulled out his quarry. Katherine’s gasp and the mewling of the kitten chimed together.
“What in the world?” she murmured, reaching out to stroke the tiny ball of gray fluff. The kitten responded by stretching open its small mouth and revealing a set of sharp little teeth and a pink tongue as it cried out. “The poor little thing’s hungry.”
“I thought as much,” Jake agreed.
“Have you fed him?” Katherine asked, scooping the soft body into her hands and pulling it close.
“I don’t know what to feed a cat.”
“Kitten,” she corrected. “You don’t feed him like a grown one.”
“That so?”
“Of course. He’s just a baby.”
“Then you’ll take care of him?”
When Katherine looked up at him through narrowed eyes, his stomach sank. “Jake, I’ve been living in the West for a lot of years now. And cats are dear. They cost as much as a month’s wages and are about as hard to come by. Yet, you just happen to have an abandoned kitten.”
“Back East people drown whole litters—” he started.
“I’m not stupid, Jake. The whole story, please.”
He gave up. “I thought you’d like to have it.”
“Where’d you get the money?”
“Money?” he stalled.
“Preachers earn less than anyone. How’d you scrape together enough to send for the cat?”
She’d find out sooner or later anyway. “You already guessed I did something else before I came to Browning. I put aside most of the money I made.”
“What kind of job did you have that you made so much money?”
The kitten mewled piteously, and he could have shouted in relief. “Don’t you have a cat to feed?”
She glanced at the squirming ball of fluff. “So you aren’t a penniless preacher whose been knocking on my door for meals you can’t afford?”
Jake tried to hide his sheepish grin, but it escaped. “Wasn’t food I was looking for, Katherine.”
Her lips trembled, and Jake blinked, wondering if it had been a glint of tears he saw shining in her eyes. Feeling incredibly protective, he reached out for her, but the kitten reacted by screeching and digging into Katherine’s arm. A glimmer of a smile shadowed her face, despite the fierce claws attacking her linen dress and skin.
“I think I’ll name him Caesar,” Katherine announced with a laugh.
“Are you a fan of Mr. Shakespeare?” Jake asked.
Katherine glanced up in surprise. “You’re familiar with the bard?”
“Apparently not as much as you are.”
“Troupes often performed Shakespearean dramas in the same halls I sang in,” she mused. “I learned some of my favorites.”
“You have them memorized?” he asked, surprised and impressed.
She looked away modestly. “Pretty much. Right now we’d best feed this little guy.”
“We?”
“Come on.”
Jake followed her into the kitchen of the saloon, noticing that she kept petting the kitten and whispering words of comfort. He hoped the peace offering helped. He was the one who’d suggested she involve herself with the townspeople—starting with Sadie. It had led her to give generously of herself only to be slapped in the face for her efforts. At least the kitten would give affection back.
Watching Katherine handle the small animal, he remembered her natural ease with the children the day before. Her calm presence had been as comforting as the games he’d initially diverted the youngsters with.
The kitten lapped gratefully at the milk-laced concoction Katherine prepared.
“This doesn’t make any difference you know,” Katherine’s resigned voice informed him.
Suddenly angry, he turned on her, pounding his hand on the sideboard for emphasis. He was pleased when her head flew up, her gaze meeting his directly. “So, you are alive.”
“What—”
“Where’s your gumption, Katherine? You let Able Browning call you a harlot because some drunk pawed you. And you didn’t even try to defend yourself against his accusation. Now some stupid woman doesn’t have the sense or gratitude to thank you for saving her child’s life, and you’re ready to slink away again.”
“You don’t know anything about it!” Katherine yelled back, thinking about the note she hadn’t shown to anyone. “You don’t know what it’s like to reach out over and over again only to be slapped back in your place.”
Jake gripped her arm and gritted the words out between clenched teeth. “You don’t have a place, Katherine. Judging from what I’ve seen, you can hold your head up anywhere you go. Instead you take what these small-minded idiots dish out like it’s pablum.”
“Pablum!” she shrieked, incensed. But instead of giving in to the hurt, Katherine grabbed the anger Jake purposely threw at her.
“Yes, pablum. You own the most successful business in this town. You’ve saved one family’s home, outfitted another, and rescued Sadie from the unhappiness she’s known ever since she came to Browning. So why are you hiding your head? If we were in San Francisco, you’d be wined in the finest restaurants, escorted to the opera and theater with pride. You aren’t carrying the plague, you know.”
He could see the emotions skirting over her face. It took all of his control to remain on his side of the room. She looked magnificent in her anger. He longed to seize that magnificence and forget what was standing between them. Instead he watched her transparent feelings. He knew from her fame that she’d once received the attention he’d described. He could only wonder why she’d chosen to leave the bigger cities for this ostracism.
He pressed his advantage. “If you turn me away, I’ll leave the church for sure.”
She raised shocked eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
“I have to make this change in my life work, Katherine. You and Morgan are part of this community, just as much as the Brownings and the Petersons. If I can’t deal with every aspect…” His words trailed off as he shrugged his shoulders.
He could see the indecision flickering in her velvety eyes. “I don’t know,” she murmured.
Moving in for the kill, Jake stroked the kitten’s fur. “I didn’t really believe I could change, become a preacher.”
“Yes, you can!” Jake warmed to the belief shining in her eyes. “If you really feel you can deal with our occupations—”
“If I couldn’t, I wouldn’t be here,” he assured her. Plucking a cookie from the tin, Jake started for the back door. As he closed it behind him, he resisted the urge to sink back against the hard wooden frame. He’d convinced Katherine. Now he had only himself to win over.
Chapter 17
The timid knock at Katherine’s door surprised her. Everyone always slept in on Sunday mornings. She closed the ledger, hiding the rows of figures that no longer added up.
“Come in.”
Sadie’s face was more than a surprise, it was a shock. A glance at the pendulum clock told Katherine that Sadie should be in church. “What are you doing here?”
“Good morning to you, too.”
“I’m sorry. Come in. Do you want some coffee?” Katherine rose and moved toward the pot she’d brewed minutes before. The kitten jumped down from its perch, rubbing its arched back against her skirts before darting out the door.
“Coffee sounds wonderful.” Sadie sank into the chair opposite Katherine’s desk, plop
ping her reticule on its scarred top.
Katherine tried to not be too obvious as she cast furtive glances in Sadie’s direction. “Isn’t it time for services?” she tried to ask delicately.
The ancient organ bellowed out at that moment, filling the air with the creaking music. “You know it is,” Sadie said, accepting the cup of coffee. She sipped gratefully and finally met Katherine’s gaze. “I just couldn’t go. I feel like a sanctimonious, pompous fool.”
“Can I ask why?” Katherine ventured timidly. She’d never seen Sadie like this. To her consternation, Sadie burst into tears.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s none of my business,” Katherine said, trying to comfort her friend.
Sadie only sobbed harder.
Leaving her chair, Katherine searched for a clean hankie and handed it to Sadie.
When her sobs slowed down to a series of hiccups, Katherine handed her another fresh hankie. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
“I guess that’s why I’m here. I knew no one else would understand.” Sadie drew a deep breath. “I figured maybe you knew I was having problems when you offered the cooking lessons.”
Katherine thought of pretending otherwise and decided against it. “Jake told me that you were a mail-order bride, and your life isn’t exactly what either of you expected it would be. I just thought the lessons might help.”
“I did, too,” Sadie answered bleakly.
“They’re not?”
“I imagine Able’s gained back some of the weight he’s lost since we got married, but nothing else is better.”
“I thought you had a woman to keep the house,” Katherine commented, wavering about whether she should ask the nature of their other problem.
“It’s not the house and the cooking, it’s—” Sadie halted as though the words were too painful to dredge up. Katherine had horrible visions of cruelty and abuse. She held her breath as Sadie faltered and then gained courage. “It’s the marriage bed.” Having uttered the words, Sadie’s face took on the unpleasant hue of a beet.
Totally at a loss, Katherine simply stared at Sadie in silence.
“I want Able to love me, and he doesn’t!”
Katherine wished for an escape from the impossible conversation.
“I’ve tried to make myself more attractive,” Sadie began. Katherine’s eyes flew to the new chignon Sadie had adopted in favor of the severe knot she’d twisted her hair into before. “I haven’t worn the new dress yet, but I was saving it…”
“Oh, Sadie.”
“You probably don’t want to hear all this. I feel so foolish. It’s just that…” Sadie paused, and then the words burst out in a rush. “He’s never made love to me.”
Katherine gaped at Sadie in horrified amazement. Married two years and never…Perhaps she’d heard incorrectly. “You don’t mean never, never—”
“Yes, I do. That’s why I want to change things. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this barren, unloved.” Sadie’s voice trembled, and Katherine’s heart turned over. Apparently Able really had only wanted a woman to keep his house.
“Did he ever indicate your union would be anything other than an ordinary marriage?” Katherine asked gently.
“I know he wanted a fine cook and housekeeper and a mother for his children, but I just thought the love would come in time. I was so lonely back home. My parents had died, and I’d rattled around in their big old house by myself for so long, I just longed for a family of my own.”
Apparently Sadie had dreams of a love match, and Able had visions of free help. The situation seemed terribly unfair, yet Katherine knew of no counsel to offer. “I’m sorry. I just don’t have any experience in marital difficulties. I’ve never been married myself,” Katherine explained lamely as Sadie sank back down in the chair.
“But the other part. You’re so beautiful!”
“Which, if it’s true, doesn’t make me an expert, either.”
“You must think I’m crazy, bursting in here like this—”
“Not at all. I think you’re someone with a problem that would be difficult to confide to most people. It touches me that you’ve talked to me.”
“Do you think I should just give up?” Sadie asked, still sniffing.
Katherine chose her words carefully. “I believe everyone should give their best in any situation. You’re learning how to cook and to enhance your appearance. I think that’s a very good start.”
Sadie seemed to absorb her words before answering. “We have had two years the old way. Perhaps it will take awhile to change.”
Relieved, Katherine smiled. She wanted to help Sadie with her problems, but felt they were completely out of her depth. “I think you’re right.”
Rising, Sadie glanced out the window. “If I hurry, I can meet Able before he leaves.”
“Sounds like a good idea,” Katherine agreed.
Sadie hesitated at the doorway. “Won’t you join us for a picnic lunch? We have one every Sunday after church.”
“It would be best if I didn’t.” Katherine masked a dart of pain.
Sadie looked ready to argue. Instead her expression turned thoughtful. “Able has to go to Wichita next week. Would you come over then and let me experiment with some of Hattie’s recipes? Perhaps we could work on my wardrobe.”
Katherine made a sound of protest.
“Please?”
With Able gone, why not? Katherine nodded her acceptance, watching with a frown as Sadie scurried back to the church. Absently she noted the flowers that now bloomed profusely and the bushes that filled the bare spots of the churchyard.
She turned away, though, when she saw Jake’s familiar face. Katherine wondered again how she could stay in Browning, but she thought of her investment in this saloon and the marriage she hoped to settle on Beth. She couldn’t abandon either. Glancing back at the ledger on the desk, she gave in to the worry that had plagued her since Vance’s revelation.
The only secure thing in her life for the past thirteen years had been Morgan.
The chatter of people leaving the church drifted in her window. Crossing to the window, she watched Jake as he greeted everyone, his shaggy auburn hair glinting in the sunshine.
She was spending far too much time dwelling on a preacher while doubting her partner. A partner who’d gotten himself bruised and bloodied many a time defending her virtue.
She felt as though she suddenly had to play a new game with no instructions. She glanced back at the revealing ledgers. If she wasn’t careful, the game pieces would be snatched ruthlessly away.
Katherine tried to relax under the scrutiny of Sadie’s children. Five sets of identical eyes watched as she wiped her mouth and laid the napkin back in her lap.
“These biscuits are wonderful,” Katherine commented, wishing the meal and the appraisal would end.
Sadie smiled as she brought another bowl to the table. Everything had been surprisingly good. Hattie’s lessons apparently had paid off.
“Stew’s good,” David finally commented.
Remembering his heartfelt talk with Jake, Katherine smiled encouragingly at him. He stared curiously, obviously uncertain what to make of his stepmother’s new friend.
“Thank you, David.” Sadie stopped bustling long enough to smile at the eldest child.
He ducked his head, and Katherine couldn’t determine if her presence disturbed him or if his relationship with his stepmother made him uncomfortable.
“I’ve made a vinegar pie for dessert,” Sadie offered.
Katherine remembered the first time she’d had the unusual dessert. Expecting it to be sour and unpalatable, she’d been pleasantly surprised to find it tasted just like lemon pie. In the West there’d been a notable lack of citrus fruit and no trains to bring it closer.
“Sounds wonderful,” Katherine said in the silence, watching the children devouring their stew.
“I’m not sure if I’ve gotten the knack of making the meringue right yet,” Sadie fretted.
“It not, we’ll scoop it off and enjoy the pie underneath.”
Sadie smiled in relief, obviously strained by the effort of preparing dinner for a guest. They finished the dinner in relative silence, and Katherine continued to watch the children, wondering what went on behind their closed faces.
Sadie was right. The meringue wasn’t a success, but the pie was. After eating only a few forkfuls, they heard a pounding on the door. They all stopped and stared expectantly at the door. Katherine felt a moment of panic, wondering if Able had returned early. But surely he wouldn’t knock on his own door.
Startled into motion, Sadie opened the door, then laughed as a group of young people filled the room.
“Surprise!” they shouted, unloading baskets of food. One young man pulled out a fiddle and started tuning it, while another blew a tune on a harmonica.
David looked astonished at first, then elated. The custom of surprise parties was common, but no one wanted to risk Able Browning’s ire if the surprise was unwelcome.
Katherine wondered how she could make her escape when Sadie hissed in her ear. “No, you don’t. You’re the invited guest.”
Not wishing to embarrass David, Katherine still thought it would be wisest to leave. But at the moment her abrupt departure would be more noticeable than if she eased into the background.
As the fiddle was tuned, the boys pushed the furniture against the walls while the girls rolled up the parlor rug. The younger children were the first to jump in when the music began. Katherine observed David’s smile of joy when a dark-haired young girl captured his hand for the first dance.
This must be the elusive Rebecca, she thought. Watching them whirl with flushed cheeks, she wondered what her own youth might have been like had her parents not died unexpectedly. Would she have fallen in love with a shy but honorable young man? An unexpected vision of Jake’s craggy features flashed into her mind.
Remembering his talk with David, she imagined him ten years ago, squiring the prettiest girls, and she fantasized how it would have been to be that one special girl for him.
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