by James, Gemma
“What did he say to you?”
“He said my dad killed my mom.”
I lifted my head and gaped at her. “I did not just hear that right.”
“You heard right.” Her monotone voice dug underneath my tight grasp on control. Not only did I want to take a belt to her ass to work off this anger, but I wanted to demolish that listless void in her.
I wanted to kill Zach more than ever because he’d done this to her. Again. The fucker had played with her emotions.
“And you believe him?”
“I guess so.” She shrugged. “Maybe. He could’ve been feeding me a line. But I know him, Rafe.” With a hard swallow, she peeked at me from beneath her lashes. “He also said Shelton was behind his escape. He orchestrated the fight as revenge. Guess you’re not the only one who wants Zach dead.”
A persistent throb started in my temples. I rose to my feet, propping both arms on the opposite wall. Giving her my back. “Guess you’re the only one who wants him alive.”
“That’s not why I did it!” The boat swayed with her movement. She gripped my shoulder and yanked until I turned around. “What happened to loving me, huh? Deep down you knew that fight was a no-win situation.”
“That fight is still happening, sweetheart. We’re stuck, so unless you have an idea on how to get past the goons with the guns out there,” I said, words blasting through the dim space like a vicious bullet, “I’m out of ideas.” I swung my arms outward. “We could’ve been on our way outta here, but you had to let him go.”
“How do you know Shelton is gonna let you walk away from this?” She jabbed a finger into my chest. “You’re too valuable. I don’t know much about this world of yours, but I know that much.”
“Then you know that getting out of here is gonna be dangerous.”
“We made it out of that tunnel,” she pointed out.
“Barely. We got lucky.”
A shrill ring sounded, accompanying the vibration in my pocket. I welcomed the intrusion because we were going in circles. I strode into the galley, needing to put some distance between us, and barked a hello.
“Why the fuck is Nate camped outside your boat?” Jax’s voice sounded strained as if he’d inhaled a drag of nicotine before speaking. The subsequent exhale hinted that I was spot on.
“Thought you’d be in Mexico by now.”
“I was headed that way.”
“What happened?”
“Couldn’t leave things like this. So how’d it go?”
I glanced over my shoulder and caught Alex digging into her left wrist. I snapped my fingers to get her attention. Her startled eyes veered my way, and I gave her a look. The look.
Stop fucking hurting yourself.
She let go of her wrist, and I leaned against the sink, keeping my focus on her. “It didn’t go,” I told Jax. “My stubborn, headstrong little vixen agreed to meet with the bastard. And get this—you’re gonna love this—she helped him escape.”
“Well,” he said, barely containing a snort.
“Sound fucking familiar?”
“Hey man, I’m with her on this. You went off the rails, and she wasn’t even around to see how bad it got.”
“Part of that was your fault.”
“Why do you think I’m so fucked up over this?” Jax practically shouted, so loud even Alex heard him. “That’s why I’m back, even though I should be all over this lead. I’m here to make sure you get the fuck out of there.”
“We tried taking off right after you called. Nate and his buddy stopped us, and Shelton took my gun tonight too.”
“What about the piece you lifted from Alex’s house the night you grabbed her?”
“I got rid of it, so until an opportunity opens, we’re stuck.”
“You’re still hoping to finish what you started. That’s what you’re really saying, right?” Jax sighed. “Let me guess. Shelton’s looking for Zach as we speak.”
“Something like that.”
“You stubborn fool.” The click of a lighter sounded. Jax only chain-smoked when he was stressed. “I’ll take care of the idiots in the Escalade. Give me fifteen. I’ll call you.” The line went dead.
“Fuck.” I jammed my cell into the pocket of my jeans. He was getting into the habit of hanging up on me, and I didn’t like it.
“What’s going on?” Alex asked.
“Jax is up to something. He said to be ready in fifteen.”
She stood and glanced down at the sweatshirt that nearly swallowed her whole.
“Get dressed,” I said. “Wear something warm with layers.” For all I knew, the bag in my truck had grown legs and walked off. Hopefully, no one had messed with it, but we might be stuck with nothing more than the clothes on our backs, at least for a few days.
While Alex disappeared into the bedroom to dress, I pulled out our coats and flung them onto the sofa, then raided the drawers in the galley in search of a pocketknife.
Fuck, I’d miss this boat. The first day I set foot in the area, I happened to stumble upon a guy wanting to sell it. I’d had the cash, and something about the craft called to me. Maybe the idea of living on water was just…familiar. The only comforting thing I’d allowed myself to cling to back then. But it was time to lay that part of my life to rest. The boat would become an abandoned casualty of circumstance.
Alex returned fully dressed in jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and a sweater. “What about your son?” she asked, tossing my sweatshirt to me. “Will leaving like this put him in danger?”
“No.” I pulled the shirt over my head and picked up our coats. “I haven’t told anyone about him. Only you and Jax know.”
She settled onto the bench, her expression anxious, and tapped the tabletop with her nails.
Now all we had to do was wait. I peeked between the curtains but couldn’t see shit through the fog. What the fuck was Jax up to? A few more minutes passed, and I began pacing. No way in hell could I sit still like Alex.
We both jumped when my cell let out another shrill ring. I dug the damn thing out, almost dropping it, and asked Jax what the hell was going on.
“Take Alex and go!” he shouted. “Don’t stop for anything. I mean it. Get in your truck and get the fuck outta here.”
“What did you do?”
“I took a page from Cleft’s book. Now get moving. I’ll call you soon,” he said, and then the fucker hung up on me again.
“Let’s go.” I grabbed Alex’s hand and practically dragged her to the staircase. The instant we reached the deck, smoke drifted to my nose, but it didn’t hold the same scent like smoke from a fireplace or a wood stove. Through the fog, I spied an eerie orange glow in the distance, in the vicinity of the barn where I’d pounded out my helplessness, rage, sorrow, and every other emotion known to man for the past six months.
“Is that a…?” Alex squinted through the orange haze.
“A fire? I think so. C’mon.” I moved toward the dock, but Alex halted, a natural reaction for her when water was involved. Instead of trying to talk her through her fear, I hoisted her over my shoulder and carried her, lifting one leg then the other onto the dock. Voices drifted to us from afar. Sirens would sound any minute. Nate’s SUV was abandoned, doors left open.
Reaching my truck, which stuck out like a sore thumb despite the fog, seemed to take forever. Each second presented a threat.
Someone would stop us.
Shoot us.
Kidnap us.
Aliens would fucking land because getting behind that wheel and leaving this place a distant memory seemed impossible. Alex must have felt the same way. Her fingers dug into my back a little deeper with each step. I opened the passenger door, shoved the duffle bag over, and set her on the seat.
“Is this really happening?” she asked as I tightened the belt snug across her lap and chest.
“This is really happening.” I slammed the door, hopped into the driver’s side, and sped the fuck out of there.
25. BORN AGAIN
> Alex
Six months later
“Come in the water, Alex.” He applied a gentle pull on the chain linked to the collar entrapping my neck.
I cowered at the edge as water lapped my toes, buck-naked. The sun blared heat through the trees, and though Rafe said the water wasn’t icy cold, I wasn’t so sure about that.
Of course, that wasn’t the reason I didn’t want to go in.
“Don’t make me do this,” I pleaded. And make me, he would, unless I was able to convince him not to drag me in by that chain. My hands were cuffed behind me, leaving me helpless to his will.
“You’re coming in this water. Question is, do you want in the easy way, or the hard way?”
“No way,” I said, then bit my lip.
“Sweetheart,” he said with another tug on the chain. I braced my heels on the ground. “You’ve gotta conquer this fear. One of these days, we’re gonna go back to the island. I want you free of fear. I want you to fucking trust me.”
A sob tried bursting free, but I held it in and took a tentative step forward, sinking my toes in. The floor of the lake was sandy, soft, and it settled under my weight.
“Good girl.”
I’d barely taken a step, but his approval warmed me more than the sun ever could. Another step brought me fully into the water, just up to my ankles. Rafe stood hip deep several yards in front of me.
“Keep walking towards me, babe. I promise, when you get here, I’ll make it worth your while.”
A delicious shiver trailed down my legs. I took another step, then another, certain my heart would burst from my chest. I glued my gaze to him, afraid to look anywhere else.
His eyes roamed over my puckered nipples, and he licked his lips. “You’re doing great.”
“I really hate you right now.”
“Get your ass over here, and I can guarantee I’ll have you declaring your love for me to God and anyone else in earshot.”
No one else was out here, which was the point. We’d found a place so secluded to set up camp, I wasn’t sure even Bigfoot could find this place. I spanned the last few feet and stood before him, collared, my hands useless, and waist deep in water.
This was a test of trust, in addition to pushing me beyond my phobia. He unhooked the chain from my throat and tossed it to shore, then he cupped his hands in the water and released it over my breasts. The cool drops dribbled over my nipples, and I whimpered.
Giving me a lopsided grin, he brushed his thumb over one aching bud before sliding his palm down my stomach. His fingers slid between my thighs, circling my clit.
“Oh God…Rafe…”
He hoisted me in his arms, pulling my chest flush with his, and stepped backward.
“Rafe?” I shrieked.
Deeper. He was taking us deeper.
His mouth claimed mine, hushing my objections. At some point I stopped fighting altogether, too caught up in the skill he used in fucking my mouth with his wicked tongue. We kissed for years in those few seconds, until we parted in the midst of heavy breathing that seemed so loud, it was difficult not to imagine our desire echoing off the mountains.
“Are you scared now?”
“No,” I said, only now realizing how the lake rose to my shoulders. One slight dip, and we’d go under.
But he held me tight in his embrace, effectively trapping me without the use of even my arms, and I’d never felt safer or more treasured. I gazed at him in awe, in wonder, certain I’d burst with this feeling…whatever this feeling was.
Love was too weak a word and did nothing to encapsulate the degrees of our bond. I loved him, I did, but I needed him. The stark realization made my blood sizzle. As crazy as it sounded, my life and my soul were connected to his.
“What’s wrong?” he asked in a whisper that teased my lips.
I blinked several times, trying to hold back my tears even though I wasn’t supposed to. These tears I didn’t want to shed. They were drops of…God…drops of sick happiness because no one in their right mind should rejoice at experiencing such an all-consuming possession.
“Nothing,” I said, blinking the salty drops down my cheeks for him to eat up. “Nothing at all. I’m just so fucking…”
“Happy?” The word rumbled from his mouth with a groan. Grabbing my ass in his strong, capable hands, he hiked me up, his arms straining with the incredible strength he exerted in keeping me from tipping backward. I wound my legs around his waist and gripped him with my thighs.
“Baby,” he said, grunting as he plunged into me, “I’m gonna fuck some more happiness into every piece of you, right in this fucking water.” He bit my lower lip, tugged on it, and let it go. “This water can’t touch the bravery in you.”
I could hardly believe I was in the lake with him, and I wasn’t scared. He gripped my hips and pulled me onto his cock over and over again. Not scared at all.
Delirious. I was delirious as I tilted my head back, closed my eyes, and lost myself to his thrusting cock, to the sway of the water around our interlocked bodies, to him dragging his tongue down my throat. How we got to the shore with him on his back, his hands guiding me as I rode him, I didn’t know. Floating in a headspace that transcended time, I gave myself over to it.
As his mouth sucked my nipple deep, he freed my hands, and I flopped onto his chest, boneless. We rolled, our skin caked in mud from the lake and the ground we fucked on. It was dirty, primal, and I never wanted it to end. Being with him hurt so good. We cried out in synchronized agony then clung to each other as our breathing slowed. He shifted, so I sprawled halfway on top of him, one filthy leg trapped between his.
“I’ll never fucking get sick of this, babe.”
“Mmm, me neither.” Despite the hard ground. Despite the way my skin itched from dirt, rocks, and leaves. Even knowing I’d have to go back into the water to clean up didn’t extinguish the fire burning in me.
“It’s weird being back,” he said, a trace of sadness sneaking into his tone.
We’d spent months hopping from place to place, meeting new people, experiencing new towns. Every so often, he’d pick up a fight here or there to work off some steam…in addition to what he worked off with me. We’d found our slice of heaven in the simple act of not belonging anywhere. We only belonged to each other.
Maybe someday we’d go back to living the way normal people lived, though our version of normal was pretty damn skewed. Rafe talked about the island frequently, and I knew his desire to return was strong. If either of us had a home, that piece of land was it.
“What did your brother say when you called him?” I asked, lifting my head to meet his eyes.
“He was pissed that I disappeared for a year, to say the least.”
“What about the island?”
“He and Jax are taking care of it. Plans to rebuild are already in progress.”
“Do they need you there for it?”
He didn’t say anything for a moment. “I’m not ready to go back, babe.” He rolled until he propped over me. “I’m content just to stay here with you forever. Let’s just…be.”
“I’m good with that plan.”
“How about a real test? You ready for that?” He gave me a grin that was so full of mischief it made my spine stiffen.
I pointed at the lake. “That was the real test, Rafe. No doubt about it.”
His gaze traveled up and down my body, roving over the dirt on my skin. “But now we’re filthy.”
“We’ve always been filthy.”
“Don’t I know it.” He tweaked my nipple into an aching pebble, renewing the warmth between my thighs. Without warning, he jumped to his feet, and as he hauled me into his arms, I let out a startled cry.
A terrified cry.
“No!” I told him, pounding his chest as he cradled me against him.
He marched toward the water, the heated glint in his eyes already warming me up. Oh God. He was going to do it. We were going in over our heads.
“Hold on, babe. Close those g
orgeous eyes and just let go.” And with that, we took the plunge. Diving into darkness had never felt so good.
BOOK FIVE: DEVIANT
PROLOUGE
Alex
The girl in the mirror appeared content, at ease, radiant. Makeup flawlessly applied. Dark curls drawn into an elaborate twist with the perfect number of tendrils surrounding her face. Green eyes bright with a sheen of love and obsession.
No veil.
Lord knew she was far from a traditionalist. Deviant was more like it, which would explain the alterations to the back of the gown—extra loops sewn into the satin to gather the full skirt in the back. Not just the modest train, but the entire length, allowing her new husband to expose her bare bottom on their wedding night. What he would do with it would be up to him.
She hoped for mercy as his wedding gift, but darkness ran in his veins, unstoppable as always.
The girl in the mirror was me.
As I pinned another tiny white rose in my hair, I couldn’t expel this odd feeling of detachment. In my mind’s eye, I overlooked the vineyard where I’d marry Rafe in less than twenty minutes. Sprawling lawns, a bluff of basalt cliffs overlooking the Columbia River, and the man I loved waiting for me under the trellised archway that brimmed with the same roses I wore in my hair.
Not surprisingly, the guest list was small, the number less than what I could count on one hand.
And that was okay because I’d learned that most people couldn’t be trusted. Life couldn’t be trusted, and maybe that was the reason for this sudden sense of detachment.
A defense mechanism, my previous therapist would undoubtedly say.
“Are you ready?”
I turned at the sound of my bridesmaid’s voice. Angel bent and smoothed the bottom of my dress—a lattice of lace overlaid on satin. As soon as we were situated outside the room we’d transformed into the bridal dressing area, I knew she’d adjust my train before I walked the short distance to Rafe.
I hadn’t known Angel for long, but I trusted her more than some people I’d known since high school, because she’d been broken same as me, and like me, she’d found a way to glue her pieces back together again. We were kindred spirits.
