“They might have been hiding under the bodies.” James reloaded with a frown. “And who knows how many are in the tunnels connected to those holes?”
The squid bodies all pulsed with a bright blue light. James squinted and backed up. The monsters started twitching and thrashing.
“What the fuck?”
“Damn it,” Shay muttered. “We can’t run. They’d just keep up.”
Two of the squids near the back crawled out of the pile.
“Not running from fucking squids, even if they are magical.” James grunted and removed a grenade from his belt. “Eat this,” he shouted and hurled the grenade toward the pile.
Shay and James rushed backward. The grenade exploded, splattering blue blood all over the walls and mangling several of the squids, their tentacles and chunks all over.
That didn’t help. The detached tentacles twitched and inched back toward the bodies.
Whispy’s excitement rose again.
Engage enemy at close range for maximum adaptation. Kill enemy.
James grunted and holstered his gun. It wasn’t a half-bad idea. The problem with bullets was that they penetrated too well.
He held out his hand. “Give me your sword. If I chop these fuckers up enough, I bet they’ll stop regenerating, and maybe it’ll help to use a magic sword.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” James shrugged. “Should really invest in a magic knife of my own at some point.”
Shay laughed. “You kind of have one built into Whispy.”
Insufficient power for advanced transformation, the amulet announced.
“Too fucking temperamental,” James replied. “I can’t be pissed all the time.”
“Time for things to get expensive.” Shay ejected her magazine and slapped in some anti-magic rounds. She tossed her rifle into her left hand and pulled out her sword. “Catch.”
James snatched the sword out of the air.
Several squids crawled out of the pile, and surged forward, their tentacles propelling them toward Shay and James rapidly.
Shay fired a single round into the closest squid, which fell to the ground and rolled. She kept shooting while James charged forward with a roar, slicing a squid in half.
Another crawled toward him and launched an attack with three of its tentacles. The latest attacks barely stung.
James cut the tentacles off the squid and stabbed the monster through the body, then pulled the sword out and cut another nearby enemy in half. Shay’s bullets ripped into monsters at his side and above him. The blade glinted in their helmet and wrist lights as he sliced and diced the swarming monsters, painting the hallway blue.
The monsters took the obvious bait and focused their attacks on the bounty hunter. Shay continued to pick them off as James stabbed, slashed, and thrust in his attempt to make crystal calamari.
His loud grunts mingled with the crack of Shay’s rifle as their attacks depleted the swarm. After a final mighty thrust into a squid, he backed up with a frown, looking for new targets. Several long moments passed, his heart pounding as he waited for a new attack.
Shay had ceased fire. The only things remaining on the ground were piles of chopped-up crystal squids and their tentacles.
She blew out a breath. “That was a shitload of anti-magic bullets. Glad I’m getting paid so much for this job.”
James kicked a few bodies and frowned as he waited to see if they healed. “What the fuck are these things?”
“I suspect some sort of magical guardians.” Shay shook her head. “Besides the crystal connection, there is nothing like these creatures in local lore. Not sure if you were immune to their attacks because of the traps earlier or just because they rely on more basic forces that you’re already mostly immune to.” She stood. “At least now we know that if we run into any more, you can chop them up. I’d like to save the rest of my anti-magic bullets. Don’t want to burn off all the profit on the job.”
James wiped the sword off on his pants before handing it back over to Shay.
Shay sheathed the blade. “Those mercs should be glad they didn’t come in. If they had that much trouble handling us, those squids would have ripped them to shreds.” She laughed. “You know, when Erin came to me, I was half-worried I’d end up having to take on some giant despair bug or something, but this job’s turning out to not be so bad.” She gestured to the golden glow surrounding her. “Haven’t even really stressed this ring yet. It might actually last a couple of jobs.”
“Let’s get going,” James replied. “Still have a lot of hallways and rooms to check.”
15
A couple of hours later, James found himself wishing for another swarm of crystal squid instead of the endless abandoned rooms. Shay found the few pieces of ancient pottery and reliefs on the walls interesting, but he found himself agreeing with Whispy’s general advice. He needed to find something and kick its ass. It wasn’t like he was going to find a barbeque truck in the middle of lost ruins.
Their thorough explorations finally brought them to a tall, thick bronze doorway with a brownish-green patina. Worn and barely legible curved writing James didn’t recognize covered a wide plaque atop the gateway.
Shay whistled. “Think we finally found what we were looking for. This may be worth wandering around a dark maze for hours and fighting off a horde of magical crystal squid.” She looked around, tapping the side of her goggles a few times. “Nothing unusual that I can see. Don’t think it’s trapped.”
James pointed to the writing. “What’s that say? That ‘Abandon all hope’ kind of shit?”
Shay tilted her head. “It’s Sanskrit.” She pulled out her phone and tapped for a few moments. “Give me a sec to interface with my goggles.” She muttered something under her breath and smacked the side of her goggles. “My app’s having trouble, but the gist seems to be that a divine messenger entrusted a local noble with a ‘holy weapon’ to be kept in this fortress until the messenger returned. The messenger didn’t return within the lifetime of the nobleman or his son, and by the time of the grandson, it looks like they’d decided he’d return in between five hundred and a thousand years.”
“So does that make us the divine messengers?”
She snickered. “Maybe.”
James grunted. “And does that mean some Atlantean pretended to be an angel?”
“Something different given the local religious beliefs at the time, but same idea.” Shay shrugged and shook her head. “But this doesn’t make sense.”
“Why?” James nodded toward the doorway. “Oricerans did that kind of shit all the time back in the day.”
“No, that part makes sense.” Shay shrugged. “It’s Durand. I just don’t get why he’d be interested in this tomb raid. I haven’t seen anything that looks remotely non-Oriceran. No alien writing. Nothing.”
James grunted. “So North was wrong. Even billionaires can be.”
Shay laughed. “Good point. I’m just a little disappointed, is all.” She headed toward the doorway.
“Why are you disappointed?” James jogged in front of her. “And let me open it. It’ll make your ring last longer if there turns out to be a trap.”
Shay stepped back with a smile. “Look at you, being a gentleman.” Her smile disappeared. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have let that woman push her paranoia into my head, but I’ve wanted to settle the score with Durand for a while. When I thought he was gonna come after me, I was looking forward to taking him down once and for all. But while some idiot mercs could be scared off by a few traps, I don’t think he would. I also don’t think he was ever here. He might be on his way, but we have no reason to wait around for his ass.”
James grunted and tugged on the door, his muscles straining to move the massive hunk of metal. He gritted his teeth and growled, and the door scraped against the ground as he continued pulling.
A triangular chamber lay inside, a stone pedestal rising from the center. A thick layer of dust, dirt, and white and yellow r
ocks covered the floor. James leaned forward and grunted.
Not rocks—bone fragments.
Slight interest drifted from the otherwise quiet Whispy.
“Huh,” Shay offered. “This shit definitely looks promising. Dead people mean something there is important enough to kill for.”
James moved into the chamber, checking for creatures or obvious traps. He looked over his shoulder at Shay and shrugged.
Shay stepped inside, shining her lights around the smooth stone walls. There were holes in each of the corners near the roof but no evidence of squids, not even bodies. After a minute of looking around with her AR goggles, she shook her head. “No traps that I can make out.”
“They must have been depending on those squids to fuck people up.” James gestured to half a skull. “You think these were tomb raiders?”
“Don’t know. Despite the climate outside, this place is dry and cool so the bones could be centuries old. Might be people from the imperial period, or might have been treasure hunters after that time, or even poor suckers who just wandered by.” Shay scratched her cheek. “Before the portals opened, the jungle would have been safer, too. Well, at least it would have had fewer magical monsters.”
James took a few steps toward the pedestal, crunching with each step. “Would those squids have worked without the portals to Oriceran being open?”
“Who knows?” Shay followed him toward the pedestal. “Seen a lot of crystal shit, but haven’t seen any crystal lance, and the writing on the outside this room made me think it’d be here.”
They both closed to within a yard of the pedestal. The air shimmered subtly above it.
She narrowed her eyes. “Oh, I see.”
James grunted. “You didn’t pick up anything with your goggles before?”
Shay frowned and leaned toward the pedestal. “Nope. I hope someday they produce a good way to detect magic with a device for us normal people, but until then we still have to rely on it giving off some sort of physical signature.” She scrunched her forehead and stood up straight. “I’d prefer more squid to kill. At least that’s straightforward.”
James nodded toward the door. “Maybe you should go back there, in case something blows up.”
She laughed. “What about you getting blown up?”
“They got their one good hit with that trap. They don’t have shit left to get me.” James gestured around the room. “Bones, so people died, but no signs of explosions.”
“True, but they might not be there after a few hundred years.” Shay shrugged and headed toward the door. “But if you’re that confident, I’m willing to bet on you. Always made money when I have before.” She pulled a healing potion out of her pocket. “I think I’ll get ready just in case.” She winked.
James grunted. “I’m more surprised there’s no King Squid in here to fight.”
“These are guardian monsters, James, not some cult or gang. You’re too used to fighting organized people and not mindless monsters.” Shay leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. “It’s not like I wondered if he had a boss when I fought the bunyip.”
They both chuckled.
James turned back toward the pedestal.
Minimum adaptation potential, Whispy sent.
That’s the point.
James took a deep breath and reached toward the shimmering air. A warm tingle greeted his touch. He kept reaching forward until he encountered something hard and smooth.
“I think I found the lance,” he called to Shay.
“No explosions. Good job.” Shay gave him a thumbs-up.
James tugged on the object, but it didn’t budge. He reached in with his other hand and pulled. Still no movement. He braced his foot on the bottom of the pedestal and yanked hard, grunting as his muscles strained.
The object came loose, and he stumbled back a few steps. A thin light-blue length of crystal with a barbed point that reminded him of the squid’s tentacles was now visible in his hands.
James held it up. “Looks more like a spear than a lance to me.”
“You’re an expert on ancient Atlantean magic weapons now?” Shay walked toward him and laughed. “Maybe you are. It does look more like a spear. I think I’ll stick to calling it a lance. Got used to it.”
“Wonder if we should try this out and see if I can adapt to it?” James asked.
Yes, Whispy all but screamed in his mind. Achieve additional adaptation.
Shay rushed toward him and snatched the weapon out of his hands. “No fucking way.”
He grunted and frowned. “What the fuck?”
Shay stepped back and rested the shaft of the weapon on the ground. “If the information Erin has is right, this thing has been charging for a long time. Even if it’s the same kind of magic, it’s going to be at a way higher power level. It’s like saying that because a pistol doesn’t bother you, you should take on a tank.”
James shrugged. “It used to be a big enough bullet would break a bone, but when I went after Calabrese in Vegas, machine gun fire was bouncing off me.”
She scrubbed a hand over her face. “You might be the world’s authority on ass-kicking, but as the only tomb raider with a history background in the room, I’m not gonna let you do something stupid like testing an Atlantean super-weapon on yourself.” She gestured around. “And Tyler’s not here to stream it and make money for you, anyway.”
Additional exposure recommended for maximum adaptation.
Sorry, Whispy, but gonna go with Shay here. She’s got a point.
Achieve primary directive, Whispy demanded.
James grunted. Pissing off my girlfriend when I’m close to proposing to her is a fucking dumb idea. I got my own primary directive.
Irrelevant for tactical considerations.
Yeah, you’ll never get a Whispette that way.
Irrelevant.
James chuckled.
Shay frowned. “James, you okay? Kind of spacing out there.”
He shrugged. “Whispy was bitching, so I put him in his place.”
“Does he ever do anything but bitch?”
“Gets happy when I kill shit,” James replied.
Shay laughed. “You two are pretty much alike.”
“Huh, you think?” James scratched his cheek. “I wonder how it might affect things if I eat a lot of barbeque with him.”
Whispy didn’t offer any comment. Maybe he was afraid of his host’s reaction if he dared question the tactical relevance of barbeque.
Shay smiled at the lance. “Not gonna say it’s the easiest forty million I’ve ever made…” She frowned. “Actually, yeah—it is the easiest forty million I’ve ever made.”
James looked at her clothes. They weren’t nearly as full of holes as he’d expected by the end of the raid, though caked-on flaky dried blue blood covered his coat like some sort of amateur attempt at splatter painting. Easy on him, not so easy on his clothes.
Shay gestured toward the door and headed that way. James fell in behind her.
“You know, that’s the problem with being some bleeding-heart fanatical rich woman,” Shay explained.
James looked over her. “Huh? What do you mean?”
“Erin’s obsessed with this thing because she thinks terrorists or spies are gonna use it to assassinate King Oriceran or someone, from what I can tell. I think she’s overthinking what happened when the prince was murdered, and the aftermath. Not every assassination is a Prince Rolim or Archduke Ferdinand situation.”
“Maybe. Shit’s complicated.” James shrugged. “Her money to spend.”
“I know.” Shay shrugged as they passed through the bronze doorway. “I’ve collected a lot of artifacts in my time as a tomb raider, seriously powerful shit and actual magical weapons of mass destruction. Keys to magical ships and fortresses, and dangerous artifacts that let you control other people’s minds.”
“What are you getting at?” James looked over his shoulder, still half-expecting King Squid to burst through the door and cha
se them.
Whispy murmured a few things about fighting stronger enemies before quieting again.
Shay thrust with the lance. “She isn’t a killer or even a badass bounty hunter. She might be obsessed with people, but she’s still soft-hearted and thinking in personal terms. If she cares so much about artifacts that might lead to trouble, she should be spending money on collecting a lot more than this lance.”
“Who knows how much attention she devotes to all this shit? You said she’s paying for archaeology research, but her job is running that charity foundation, not cleaning up the world. Probably just fell into her lap and she decided to take the opportunity.”
“I shouldn’t complain.” Shay grinned over her shoulder at him. “This job means I can take it easy. Been thinking a lot about teaching a regular class next semester. Maybe this is a good excuse to do just that.”
“If it makes you happy.” James rubbed his chin. “Is teaching fucking epic?”
She laughed. “Nice try, James, but you’re gonna have to try harder than that to pass your final exam with me.”
Between already knowing their way and not having to avoid any traps, the trip back to the entrance went quickly. As the rays of sun pushed in from the outside, James nodded to himself. It wasn’t even night yet. An evening return flight to LA wasn’t out of the question, and fatigue would help him sleep better on the flight back.
Shay snickered, breaking their last few minutes of silence.
James glanced her way. “What’s so funny?”
“Just thinking about how I run into all these rare creatures that try and kill me.” She shrugged. “Some of the shit I’ve seen and killed are species that no one else has seen for centuries. It’s weird when you think about it.”
“I hope most of the tougher fuckers I kill are one of a kind. Wouldn’t want to have to deal with He Who Hunts every week.” James snorted. “Fucking obnoxious.”
They turned off their lights as they closed on the entrance. Something moved in the corner of James’ eye as he and Shay emerged back onto the surface.
The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus 3 Page 32
