She reached up and touched her hair. “I couldn’t find a comb.”
“No, you’re…” He shook his head. “Way too hot for these assholes.” He pulled her against him and inhaled a long breath. The kiss he pressed to the top of her head was reminiscent of years past and made her feel safe in his arms.
“Come on.” He took her hand and led her upstairs. Voices and laughter filtered in from outside. It had stopped raining, and there were at least ten people milling about by the pool.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were expecting people.” She crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn’t even wearing a bra, much less underwear. “Where are my clothes?”
With an arm securely around her, he took her back to the laundry room and closed the door behind them. He took her clothes from the dryer.
“I wasn’t expecting people. This is my life now, Fi.” He searched her eyes, then cupped her cheeks and kissed her again, long and passionate, in a way that felt strangely like an apology.
She didn’t know what to say and probably couldn’t have spoken at the moment if she wanted to. She wanted another kiss—or a hundred more. She turned her back and pulled off his T-shirt, then put on her bra. Jake wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing her neck. She stilled long enough to enjoy a full-body shudder from the swipe of his tongue up the length of her neck.
“This is your life.” She drew her brows together. “What does that mean?” She put her shirt on, then turned to face him. He had a hungry look in his eyes, but while she was able to think, she wanted to understand what he meant.
“Jake?” It came out as a plea.
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head as if to clear his mind. “People come over pretty often, without warning.”
“Jake?” a female voice called down the hall.
Fiona felt her eyes widen. Jake ignored whoever was calling him and closed the gap between them, pulling Fiona’s hips against his hard length. He kissed her again, a passionate kiss that made her knees go soft and left her wanting more.
“You’d better get dressed because that thong you’re holding is reminding me that you’re not wearing any underwear.”
She could barely think after that searing-hot kiss and with him looking at her like he wanted to devour her. She was about as functional as a drunk.
“Jake?” The woman’s voice sounded closer, startling Fiona’s brain into functioning again.
“Maybe you should go see your friend while I finish changing.” She didn’t want him to go. She wanted him to stay and kiss her again and again, but that woman’s voice was drawing out Fiona’s claws of jealousy. If she was going to have a chance with Jake, this was the tip of the iceberg of things she’d have to be strong enough to deal with.
JAKE KNEW HE needed to deal with the woman in the hall, but he didn’t want to leave Fiona. The kisses they’d shared stirred memories and emotions that he thought he’d long ago lost the ability to feel, and he wanted to feel them over and over again—with Fiona. He’d forgotten how a kiss could transport him someplace warm and erotic, wonderful and illicit, instead of just being a vessel for releasing pent-up anger. He’d forgotten how a kiss from Fiona could do those things for him, and now that he remembered, he didn’t want to take a chance that one of those goddamn actors out there would find her just as appealing and come with far less baggage than he was carrying around.
“Jake?” The woman’s voice was getting farther away.
He breathed a sigh of relief.
Fiona turned around and slid Jake’s sweatpants slowly down her hips. Holy hell. There was no way he’d be able to keep his hands off of her. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and turned away to keep from pulling her close again.
“God, Jake. People just come and go? I feel like I’m in high school, hiding out at a party.”
“If we were in high school, hiding out at a party, I don’t think you’d be pulling up those cute little shorts.”
He turned back as she zipped her fly and watched at him with a coy smile. He reached for her hand, trying to ignore the voice in the back of his mind reminding him that while she could take him where no other woman could, she had the power to crush him. She had left him once, when he was good and kind. A completely different person than he was now. When he was a better person. What hope did he have that she’d stick around this time with that hanging like a noose around his neck?
“I can call a cab so you can hang with your friends.”
Friends. The term made him cringe inside. Sure, he had a handful of friends he could call if he was in a pinch, but he wasn’t fooling himself. They were all part of the act that had become part of him. They came over for the parties or the prestige of being at Jake Braden’s house. They kept him from spending time in his own head, picking apart all the emotions behind the floodgates that Fiona opened in the blink of an eye.
He pushed the uncomfortable thoughts away and pulled her against him.
“Not a chance.” This felt right, having her with him, holding her. God, he actually wanted to hold her, not just sleep with her. It had been years since he’d felt that desire—and a rude awakening to how far he’d fallen.
“Jake, it’s okay. I don’t mind.”
He heard in her voice that it wasn’t really okay, even if she wanted him to believe it was. Maybe she even wanted to think it was, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to see the hope in her eyes.
He also knew what the people beyond the laundry room door represented: the man he’d become. He was so conflicted that his gut ached. He felt as though he were playing a game of tug-of-war. On one end was Fiona, beckoning him back to the safety of who he’d been, who they’d been, and offering him love that he knew was all encompassing. But he couldn’t forget that it had also been disposable, at least to her. Nor could he forget that there was a world between who he had been and who he was now. On the other side of the rope were all those people on the other side of the door, and a whole hell of a lot more, representing the life he’d created, the reputation he’d built. How was he supposed to navigate the two?
He folded Fiona in his arms again and searched her eyes. She couldn’t know how to fix all the things crawling out of the dark places in his mind, and even though she’d hurt him once, she nurtured parts of him that opened his eyes to what he’d become. And if he really was the person he portrayed… Hell, he had a lot to figure out, but one thing was for sure. Fiona deserved honesty.
“Fi, I can’t make you any promises. Not about us, or about what we did downstairs. And I definitely can’t make you any promises about myself. Most of the time, beyond being a stuntman, I’m not even sure I know who I am anymore.”
She swallowed hard, and he could tell by the watery look in her baby blues that she was trying hard to hold back tears.
“What I can tell you is this. I’ve never felt anything like what I felt when we kissed. You do something to me that no other woman ever has, and frankly, I don’t want any other woman to try.”
“But?” The hope in her eyes dimmed with his admission.
“But there’s a lifetime between who I was and who I am now. I don’t know how a person goes backward, or if it’s even possible. I’m destined to mess up, and maybe in a big way. I don’t know.”
She rested her forehead on his chest and gripped his shirt in her hands. “I know.”
He placed his hands on her cheeks and tilted her head up so he could see her eyes. He needed her to hear what he had to say, and he had to know that she understood the weight of his words—the ones he said and the ones yet to come.
“I hurt you, Jake, so it would only be fair.”
“What are we, six? There is nothing fair about hurting someone who means something to you. If anyone knows that, it’s us, right? Our fathers taught us the hell out of that lesson.” He paused long enough for those words to settle into his own mind.
“I have no clue how I’ll act in ten minutes, much less a week or a month.” Jake remin
ded himself that honesty was important, because he wanted to promise Fiona he could do the right thing, and he knew it wasn’t a promise he could make.
“It’s not like I’m asking for a white picket fence and three point five children. I just want to try being us again. Day by day.”
“Day by day?”
She shrugged, blinked away the dampness in her eyes. “Jake, I’ve got a lot of years out there, too. I’m not a saint, either. We both have stuff to work on. All I know is that I’ve been drawn back to you for years, and I’ve been too afraid to act on it. I was slightly intimidated by your success, but even more afraid you’d hate me for how I ended things…which I guess you kind of did, and I don’t blame you. But as much as I tried to push away my feelings, I couldn’t.”
“Fi…” He didn’t know what to say. He was still processing that she’d been drawn back to him for years but had been afraid to act on it. She was afraid because of the way he’d intentionally built a wall between them, and now he was kicking himself for it. She might say she wasn’t a saint, but he knew Fiona wasn’t a slut, either. She didn’t have it in her to sleep with any guy who made a pass at her. The realization that he’d done just that with women nearly brought him to his knees. He wanted to thank her for taking the chance on him, but every way he tried to form the right words sounded weak in his mind, so he said the only thing he could manage.
“Okay. One day at a time. I think I can do that. I want to do that.” It wasn’t like he was used to committing for more than an hour at a time. This was a big step for him and it scared him, but he wanted to try. Damn, did he want to try. He held her again, silently hoping he wouldn’t hurt her.
Jake walked out of the laundry room, his arm possessively draped over Fiona’s shoulder, thinking about the previous night, when it had occurred to him how deep of a hole he’d dug for himself with this current lifestyle. He wasn’t sure he could ever get out of it, much less whether he really wanted to. But as he walked into the living room and took stock of the people milling about, all he could think about was the woman he was holding and how he wanted to carry her upstairs and kiss her until they both forgot the years that had passed since they’d been together. That wasn’t likely to happen, as Megan Flexx, an A-list, buxom brunette actress, wearing a skintight navy dress that barely covered her ass, was wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek despite Fiona’s presence.
Jake gently extracted himself from Megan’s grip. “Megan, this is Fiona. Fiona Steele, Megan Flexx.”
“You were in the movie Transformation, right?” Fiona smiled at Megan, but Jake felt her shoulders stiffen.
Megan ran her fingers through her long hair and raked her green eyes down Fiona’s body in a way that made Jake want to kick her out of his house. He tightened his grip on Fiona.
“Yes.” Megan chewed a piece of gum like a cow, pausing to blow a bubble. “Jake did the stunts in that film. That’s how we met—right, Jake?” She ran her fingers down his chest.
Jake took a step back before she could get those nimble little fingers any lower.
“Uh, yeah.” Crap. Fiona’s feigned smile faded fast. “I want to introduce Fiona to a few people. We’ll see you around.” He guided Fiona toward the French doors leading to the backyard. “I’m sorry about her.”
“It’s okay. You have a life, Jake. I get that. You weren’t exactly expecting me.”
You can say that again.
“Jake!” Kenny Clayton, an up-and-coming actor, waved from the bar by the pool, where he had a redhead draped on one side and a blonde on the other.
Jake felt like he was moving in slow motion as laughter and music filled his ears. Susie Clifton, a petite actress with big brown eyes, hollow cheeks, and slightly crooked teeth, handed Jake a drink.
“Thanks.” Jake tightened his grip on Fiona.
Susie gave Fiona the same once-over, only slightly less noticeable than Megan’s. Fiona was sexy as hell, and she was a natural beauty. She didn’t wear much makeup, but she’d never needed it, and even with her hair tousled from the rain, she looked gorgeous. He was glad when Susie flashed a genuine smile and held a hand out in greeting.
“Hi. I’m Susie.” Her Southern drawl was thick now, which was how Jake knew she was sincere. She used her LA dialect when she was trying to impress, as she had when she’d first met him, and her hometown twang when she was just being a normal girl. It didn’t happen very often.
“Hi. I’m Fiona.”
Jake felt some of the tension ease from her shoulders.
“You are so lucky. Fiona is such a great name, unlike Susie. I mean, could I be any plainer?” Susie touched Jake’s hand. “You keeping her all to yourself? She must be very special.” Without waiting for a response, she took Fiona’s hand and pulled her from Jake’s grasp. “Come on. Let’s get you a drink, too.” She looked over her shoulder at Jake. “Go mingle. I’ll take good care of Fiona.”
Jake had the urge to follow them. He didn’t want Fiona around the actors and up-and-comers. They were all players. Hell, nearly everyone in LA was a player—at least it seemed that way in his circles. He watched Kenny and the guys check out Fiona, and his chest constricted with jealousy, as it had years ago when they’d gone to the County Fair and a group of hotshot seniors from a neighboring town were checking out Fiona. He’d taken things into his own hands back then and warned them off. He hadn’t felt that way toward any woman since. Until now.
“Dude, you okay?”
Jake turned and found Zane downing a drink.
“Yeah. I didn’t know you were coming over.”
Zane shrugged. “Figured if I could find a soft body to keep me warm tonight, it would be here.” He patted Jake on the back and nodded toward Fiona. “Mm-mm-mm. She’s a sweet one, isn’t she?”
“Yeah. Real sweet.” He gritted his teeth against the urge to warn Zane away from Fiona, but she wasn’t his to claim. Not yet anyway. Day by day. What did that mean in terms of monogamy? He watched Kenny sling an arm over Fiona’s shoulder and whisper something that made her laugh. He was shocked with the realization that he knew what he wanted day by day to mean. The idea of Fiona with another man made him crazy. It hadn’t been easy to ignore the fact that she might be with other men when they were miles apart, but he’d managed it fairly well. Now that she was here with him and he’d tasted her sweetness again and held her…Now that he’d looked into her eyes and allowed her to touch the part of him that he’d buried away, it was impossible for him to ignore the cording of his muscles at the thought of her with another man.
“She’s coming to the cast dinner. I might hit her up there.” Zane sucked back the rest of his drink and lifted his chin in the direction of the bar. “I’m gonna fill up. Want one?”
Jake grabbed his arm much rougher than he intended to. “Cast dinner. Not a good idea, Zane.”
Zane’s brows knitted together. “Why not?”
“Because I’ve got something going on with her.” Wow, did he really just claim her? Jake took stock of the six-million-dollar smile spreading across Zane’s face. Yeah, he’d claimed her, all right, and he had a feeling it was a smart move.
“Nice. That was fast.” Zane glanced at Megan, who was making a beeline for Jake. “Want me to keep Fiona busy while you swing downstairs with Megan?”
Jake bit back the unfamiliar distaste at Zane’s comment, and it took him by surprise. He and Zane had been each other’s wingmen, and before he’d run into Fiona in Trusty, he’d probably have taken him up on the offer. But now he felt like that guy he’d been, the guy like Zane, was a world away from the man he’d like to be.
Jake shifted his gaze to Fiona, holding a glass between her hands, tension evident in the strength of her grip, eyes locked on the ground. Kenny’s mouth was moving a mile a minute. There were two other guys with them who must have come with him, because Jake had no clue who they were. Susie was busy talking with another woman by the bar. She’d left Fiona alone. His protective instincts kicked into gear,
spurring his legs into action as he blazed a path toward her.
“No, man. I’m good,” he said to Zane before heading for Fiona. She must have sensed Jake’s gaze on her as he closed the distance between them. She lifted her eyes as he slipped an arm around her waist, noting the relieved look in her eyes.
“Let’s get out of here,” he whispered as he turned back toward the house.
“But your friends?” She glanced over her shoulder. “I didn’t get to say goodbye to Susie.”
Zane lifted his glass as they walked by.
“Susie was really nice. I’d like to say goodbye to her, at least.”
Jake was used to women wanting to leave parties with him, following his lead, not arguing about staying to say goodbye to someone they’d just met.
“She’s fine. She won’t care.”
Fiona stopped walking and pressed her lips together. “Maybe not, but I do. It’s rude, Jake. Just give me two minutes.” She headed back toward Susie without giving him a chance to stop her.
Jake watched every determined step she took and noticed every longing gaze from the guys standing by the bar. Fiona walked directly to Susie without even a glance at the other men. She said something, to which Susie smiled, and then they embraced. It had been so long since Jake had cared about anyone that he’d almost forgotten what it felt like to take extra time to get to really know people. And there was Fiona, doing it naturally, at the risk of losing time they’d have had together. He respected the hell out of her for it and realized that he wanted her to see those qualities in him again, too.
When she joined him, she was much more relaxed. He laced his fingers with hers as they walked through the house.
“Thanks, Jake. She’s so sweet. I really like her.” She slowed their pace again. “Don’t you want to at least go say something to your friends?”
“They’re fine. They’re not really friends in the sense that you think of friends, Fi.” He guided her through the living room, snagged his keys from the table by the door, and headed toward the garage. “Most of them are takers, clingers. I never realized how superficially I knew most of them until just now.” And it bugs the shit out of me.
Crashing Into Love Page 10
