“You can take the boy out of Trusty, but you can never take Trusty out of the boy.” He swatted her butt as he followed her upstairs to shower.
Chapter Nineteen
“I DIDN’T REALIZE the driveway continued past the house.” Fiona loved the woodsy view as they drove over rutted tire paths in the dirt, heading farther into the woods.
“I need someplace to keep my truck.” He slid his eyes to her with a grin. When he was a teenager, Jake had wanted nothing to do with nice cars or fancy houses. Back then he was all about being rugged and real. She wondered if he had a souped-up monster truck hidden back there somewhere to go along with his new LA lifestyle.
A large barn came into view. Jake got out and unlocked the heavy metal chain hanging from the doors, then tossed the chain to the side. He pushed the doors open, revealing the beat-up old Ford truck from their youth. It stopped her cold. She stared at it for a minute or two, unable to move, rocked by memories and the disbelief that he’d kept it, before noticing what else was in the barn—two dirt bikes, an old motorcycle, and a black trailer she assumed was used for towing the bikes.
“I’ve never brought anyone else here.”
“So, I’m your first. I’m honored.” She smiled up at him as if it were no big deal, but inside she felt the thrill of their connection, and knowing he trusted her with this private oasis only solidified what she’d thought she’d seen in his eyes earlier that morning. She’d felt like his heart had opened up and swallowed her whole.
“It’s fitting, don’t you think? You were my first for other significant things.” His lips quirked up in a crooked smile.
She felt her cheeks heat up, thinking about the first time they’d made love. She’d just turned sixteen and had been dating for a few months, and it seemed like they could never get enough of each other. They were always kissing, touching, groping—just like they did now. They’d driven up the mountain to a place where Jake used to ride his dirt bikes. She remembered how nervous they’d both been and how Jake had brought blankets, candles, and a bottle of wine that he’d snagged from his mother’s wine rack, even though they didn’t drink it, because he didn’t want to drink and drive. He must have told her he loved her a million times, and she remembered not being embarrassed or feeling anything toward her body other than wanting him inside of her. When she’d seen him naked for the first time, she wasn’t afraid of the things her girlfriends had been afraid of, like him not fitting inside her. She knew bodies were made to accommodate for that. What she feared most was how much she loved him. She worried that once they’d made love, everyone would see it on her face and somehow know what they’d done. But that chilly September night, as their bodies joined together for the first time and Jake held her like he never wanted to let her go, she knew that what they were doing was special and private. It wasn’t something she’d brag about or wear on her sleeve. It was bigger than that, bigger than them.
She looked at him now, standing tall and broad, with that same look of love in his eyes, and she knew that no matter how immense their love had felt before, it had already grown into something impossibly larger over the last few days.
He held the keys out to her.
“Would you mind pulling the car in when I drive the truck out?”
She nodded, unable to find her voice. She ran her hand along the side of the old gray truck, still reveling in the memories. She pulled open the driver’s side door and ran her hand over the worn leather bench seat. She smiled with the memories of sitting beside Jake, her head resting on his shoulder. Even back then he’d smelled like hard work and rugged strength.
Jake leaned an arm on the open door. “Same old Midnight.”
She smiled at the nickname he’d given the truck after they’d made love that first night. She’d almost forgotten about it.
“You kept her all these years. I never would have imagined…” She walked around to the back of the truck and touched the silver handle on the tailgate. They’d made love in the bed of this truck many times, parked in the mountains around Trusty.
Jake came to her side. “A lot of good memories in this truck.”
“Yeah,” she said just above a whisper. “I still can’t get over that you kept it. I would have thought that you’d want to get rid of the memories.”
“I did want to.” His eyes shot to the bed of the truck and then looked at Fiona and shrugged. “But every time I went to sell her, I couldn’t do it.”
She stepped closer, placing her fingers in the front pockets of his low-slung jeans. “I get a pain in my stomach every time I think of how I hurt you, and I know it must be hard for you to trust me again. I won’t leave you again, Jake. Thank you for trusting me enough to give me another chance.”
He cupped her cheeks in his palms, and his eyes became serious. “Babe, look at who you’re talking to. I think we both have reasons not to trust each other if we want to go down that road. If there’s one thing I’ve come to realize, it’s that stewing over what we’ve done in our lives isn’t going to help us build the foundation we want. I trust you, Fi.” He kissed her forehead. “And I hope you know that you can trust me.”
She nodded, afraid she’d cry if she tried to speak.
“If relationships were easy, they’d never grow.” He nodded toward the car. “Let’s move the car and get out of here.”
Twenty minutes later they climbed a wide front porch to an old farmhouse with a distressed wooden sign above the door that read the general store.
“Jake. Hey, man. How’s it goin’?” a white-haired man said as he came out from behind the counter and embraced Jake.
“Stu, nice to see you. This is my girlfriend, Fiona.” Jake reached for her hand.
Stu’s kind dark eyes bounced between the two of them with a surprised look. He wiped his hands on his jeans and held a hand out to Fiona in greeting.
“Girlfriend. Is that right?” He raised his brows as though he liked the sound of it as much as Fiona did. “Nice to meet you, Fiona.”
“Nice to meet you, too.” His hand matched his voice, warm and soft.
The store reminded Fiona of the type of old-fashioned general stores they had in Harborside, Massachusetts, where her brothers Jesse and Brett lived. Behind the counter, medications were locked inside a glass cabinet. There were metal signs hanging on wood-paneled walls and rows of low shelves lining the center of the store. Fiona noticed that while there was a newspaper rack, there were no gossip magazines, and she was surprised when she felt relieved. They really were away from it all. She stole a glance at Jake as he talked with Stu, and she wondered if he realized how much more relaxed he seemed away from the city.
“How’s Kathy?” Jake asked.
Stu smiled. “Keeping me in line, like she’s been doing for thirty years.” He laughed as he went back around the counter and held up a ledger book.
“Thirty years. That’s wonderful. Tell her I said hello.” Jake led Fiona down the first aisle. “Do you want to eat out or cook at home?”
Home. The way he’d said it felt warm and inclusive for some reason. She must really be in love, because she was reading way too much into everything.
“It might be nice just to grill and relax, unless you’d rather go out to eat.”
He pulled her against his side and whispered, “I’d rather eat out at home, if you know what I mean.”
She playfully swatted him. “You’re so bad.”
“What can I say? You bring out the good, the bad, and the horny in me.” He kissed her forehead and went about filling a handbasket with enough food to feed an army, as if he hadn’t just made her stomach do triple flips.
Jake set the basket on the counter, and Stu worked an old-fashioned cash register while he rang up the groceries and packed them into a paper bag.
“How long are you on the mountain for?” Stu asked.
“We’ll head back home tomorrow sometime.” Jake took out his wallet.
Fiona stopped leafing through the newspaper she w
as holding at Jake’s references to we and home. She told herself to stop reading into things.
Still, she watched him with interest as he pulled cash from his wallet. His thumb rubbed over their photograph, as if it were an old, comfortable habit. She looped her arm through his, and without hesitation, he brought his lips to the top of her head. A little thrill rushed through her, and she wondered how she could know him for so long and still get so excited every time his lips touched her.
“Ready, babe?”
Oh, so ready.
After taking the groceries back to the cabin and eating a quick breakfast, they walked over to the garage. Beneath the cover of the trees the air was crisp, but Fiona wasn’t chilly. How could she be when she was walking pressed against Jake’s hard body?
“You sure you remember how to ride?” he asked as he pulled out the dirt bikes.
“I remember how, but that doesn’t mean I’ll do it well.” Nerves fluttered in her stomach. “We’re not doing something crazy like riding over ramps or anything, right?”
Jake’s laugh was music to her ears. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Would you rather not ride? We can just take a walk.”
“No,” she said quickly. “I’m nervous, but excited. I want to do this. We used to have so much fun riding. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“Alrighty, then.” Jake walked into the barn and grabbed helmets off a rack.
She could watch his ass in those jeans all day long.
“I feel your eyes on me.”
Her eyes bloomed wide. He’d always known when she was watching him. It was like he had eyes everywhere.
He was grinning when he came back with the helmets. “It’s okay. I can’t stop staring at your ass, either.” He pushed a helmet onto her head before she could respond. “We’ll go slow, and if you need to stop, just stop. I’ll be right there with you. I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”
“I’ll be okay.” She looked around at the thick woods, feeling cocooned from the rest of the world and wanting to stay that way.
Their eyes met and held. The air heated with something more than desire, although there was no denying the ever-present current of want that ran between them. Jake’s eyes darkened, and his jaw dropped open as if he was going to say something. The way he stepped in close and searched her eyes caused her pulse to speed up in anticipation. She touched his arm, needing the connection to balance the weight of his silence. He exhaled a long, nearly silent breath, then closed his luscious lips and swallowed whatever had hung on them.
He placed his hand on her hip and nodded toward the bike. “Go ahead. Start her up.”
She was already revved up. She moved on shaky legs to the bike. It had been so many years that she’d forgotten how different a dirt bike was from a motorcycle. It was less substantial, narrower, and although this was a nice bike, she knew it would also be a much rougher ride than Jake’s motorcycle had been. She watched him mounting his own bike and wished she’d been sitting behind him as she had on the motorcycle, pressed against his hot bod while the vibration of the bike worked its magic on both of them.
Down, girl.
She started up the dirt bike and wrapped her hands around the handlebars, a rush of excitement soaring through her as she remembered the power of the bike. Oh, yeah, she remembered how to ride. Her body vibrated from the engine as she traveled over ruts and bumps, following Jake on a rough trail through the woods. The high-pitched growl of the bikes filled the air. Wind whipped against her skin, and she delighted in the feeling of freedom it brought. As untethered as Jake had become, she realized now that she’d become equally as hemmed in. Her idea of a wild night was dancing with Trish or Shea.
This was so much better.
Adrenaline coursed through her, driving a visceral hunger for more. More freedom. More power. More fun. She watched Jake’s powerful biceps flex as he powered through the path ahead, and she knew she’d experience all of those things with him, in a safe way. He turned back to check on her every few minutes, sometimes doling out a quick nod before turning back around. He’d always taken care of her, and she knew in her heart that he always would, despite losing track of her at dinner the other night. Having a girlfriend was as new for him as LA, his current lifestyle, and their relationship was for her. Certain things would take time to adjust to, but she counted herself lucky once again that they’d been able to overcome the breakup that had cut them both so deeply.
Half an hour later the woods thinned and the sun beamed across a grassy meadow. Fiona followed Jake through to the crest of a hill, where they parked their bikes. Her body continued to vibrate long after she’d cut the engine.
She pulled her helmet off and hung it on the handlebar while she took in the mountains and the town in the distance.
“This is beautiful,” she said as he came to her side.
“So are you.” He held his hand out and helped her off the bike.
“Flattery will get you everywhere.” She went up on tiptoes and kissed him. He smelled like he’d been baking in the sun, which on Jake was heavenly.
“I’m counting on it.” Hand in hand, he led her near the edge of the mountain and sank down to the grass, taking her with him. He slung an arm over her shoulder and sighed. “I like being with you again, Fi.”
“Me too.”
“Well, you always get to be with yourself, but for me it’s a treat.” He smiled at her and pulled her into a quick kiss. “You looked sexy as hell on that bike. Did it feel all right?”
“It felt amazing. Wild. I had forgotten how much fun it was to ride. I hadn’t realized how boring my life had become. You know, I go to work for eight to ten hours a day, sometimes in the office, other times on a work site. Usually camping out, and that’s fun, but it’s still work. I miss this. I miss just picking up and enjoying the afternoon.” She shaded her eyes from the sun and looked at him. Really looked at him. His cheeks were unshaven and his hair was mussed from wearing the helmet. His biceps were plump from harnessing the power of the bike, and he looked hotter than any guy she’d ever seen, but beyond his good looks, Jake radiated a different energy than he had a week ago. He was warm and thoughtful, and the hint of a smile that played on his lips seemed to have seated itself in his eyes, too.
“I knew I wanted to be with you, but I had forgotten how incredible it felt to spend time with you.”
He raised his brows in quick succession.
“Not like that. Well, like that, too, but I meant being with you. You’re so alive. I haven’t met anyone who can make me feel as energized as you do, and it’s more than just the dirt bikes or being here. We could have stayed in your cabin all day and I know I’d still feel the same way.” She touched his cheek. “It’s you, Jake. I’ve really missed you.”
He pressed his lips to hers. “If you’re surprised by how it feels to be with me, imagine how surprised I am at coming back together with you. At least you let yourself think about me. I can’t believe I fought the memories for so many years. There were times when fighting them nearly brought me to my knees, the ache was so bad, but I’d convinced myself that letting those memories in would be a thousand times worse than the ache of pushing them away.” He shook his head and looked out over the mountains. “I was so damn wrong, and it kills me. I hate to be wrong.”
He tilted his face toward her and smiled. “Well, that and the fact that maybe if I hadn’t fought so hard, we could have been together sooner.”
Jake pointed to a hawk sailing across the sky, wings spread wide. “How great would it be to be a hawk? Nothing to do but hunt and fly. No peers to impress, no schedule to adhere to.” He let out a loud breath, as if he were readying himself for something. “My life is crazy, Fi. You’ve seen what it’s become. Days like this are few and far between.”
“I know.” She looked down, feeling as though he were giving her a hint not to get too attached to spending time with him.
“But a good part of that is within my control.”
She lifted her eyes and met his steady gaze, hoping he couldn’t tell that her heart felt like it might crash through her chest.
“I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep—you know that about me.”
She nodded, choking back the painful reminder that she was the one who’d promised him forever and then broke up with him, not the other way around.
“I’m not asking you for anything, Jake. I have never stopped loving you. I wanted a chance for us again, and I feel like you’ve given us that, but I don’t expect you to promise me anything more.”
He reached an arm around her as he looked away with a slight nod and pulled her closer to him. A few minutes later he rose to his feet and helped her up to hers. Without a word he took her hand and began walking toward a thicket of trees.
“What do you want, Fi?” he asked as they weaved through the thick branches.
The woods smelled like pine and grass with a hint of musk. Fiona thought she smelled fear in the air, then realized it was coming from her. How should she answer? Total honesty? You, Jake. I want you. Forever. She hesitated, worried that perhaps after their incredibly romantic time together he’d rethought what he really wanted. Maybe he was regretting spreading the word about his house not being open for parties, or for telling the girls who texted him that he was off the market.
Her stomach sank.
“I guess I don’t know how to answer that.” At least that was honest, and she’d put the ball back in his court. She wanted to ask him what he wanted, but when she opened her mouth to ask, fear stopped her.
He nodded, and they continued walking in silence. Eventually they came to another grassy clearing.
“You can ask me for things,” he said as they sat on a fallen tree. He picked a weed from beside the stump and twisted it in his fingers.
“I know I can.” She set her hand on his thigh, and he smiled. She knew he was telling her that whatever she wanted, he was willing to try to give, but things weren’t what she wanted. She wanted Jake. All of him.
Crashing Into Love Page 20
