by Jordan Ford
2
A First Day Nightmare
LETTIE
It’s my first day back at school after summer vacation.
I usually feel a little excited. I kinda like school. You get to read, learn, write—all things I enjoy doing. Plus you get new school supplies, which may sound completely lame, but come on, you can’t pass up shiny new pens and notebooks with unscathed covers and crisp white pages.
I love that stuff.
But not today.
Today I’m borderline freaking out about school, because I’m sitting in the passenger seat of my sister’s car wearing a brand new uniform. Today I’m a freshman. I’m in the upper school of Walton Academy this year, and I’ve never felt more like a minnow about to be thrown into shark-infested waters.
“It’s going to be fine,” Savannah murmurs.
I wish she’d stop saying that.
How the hell does she know?
Miss Perfect with her perfect hair and perfect smile and endless curves. I understand genetics a little, and I think it’s heinously unfair that my sister got all the lushness while I, on the other hand, look more like a badly drawn stick figure. I tug at my blue tartan skirt that sits so badly on my skinny hips that I’m worried it might fall down if I run too fast.
Thankfully running and I aren’t compatible, so I should be okay just walking.
I glance at my sister’s white shirt, sitting beautifully over her chest and tucking in around the waist. Since Savannah’s taken up surfing, her shape has only gotten better. Her muscles are stronger, and she looks freaking amazing in a bikini. She’s changed so much this summer, really come into her own. She used to be more quiet and reserved, following her best friend, Skylar, around like a puppy dog. But now… now she’s not afraid of anything. Heck, this year, Skylar might actually follow her around.
I guess I’m happy for my sister, but then sometimes it makes me feel like she gets me even less than she used to. We can’t relate on any level. She doesn’t know what it’s like to be awkward and shy. To trip over your own feet when all you’re trying to do is walk along a straight, even surface. She has zero idea what it’s like to be me.
“I’m excited.” Louis chirps up from the back. “Fifth grade is like the top of the elementary food chain.”
I roll my eyes.
“Plus, Burk Henshaw won’t be in my face anymore. Middle school and elementary have different break times, so we can finally play soccer without him and his douchebag friends ruining everything.”
“Don’t say douchebag,” Savannah throws over her shoulder, like she’s Lou’s mom, which she totally isn’t.
I clench my jaw and don’t say anything, focusing instead on gripping my bag strap as tight as I possibly can.
The school looms large on our right, and I hold my breath while Savvy slows for the turn.
Thank God Johanna will be there.
I haven’t seen my best friend since she got back from her summer vay-cay, but I’ve texted her a bunch of times. She was kind of slow to reply this weekend, but I figured she was busy getting things unpacked and then sorted out for school. Like me, she tends to be organized and prepared. That’s why we get along so well. We like all the same stuff and tend to think the same way.
Johanna made middle school a breeze, and I’m really hoping she’ll make high school exactly the same way.
So why do I feel so nervous?
Being a freshman won’t be bad as long as she’s walking down the halls with me.
Plus, I have Bass.
My lips fight a grin as the words from his last email flitter through my mind. Thank God for my email buddy. He kept me company this summer. It made Johanna being away so much easier. Waking up to his emails is the best thing ever. He’s been through some pretty crap stuff over the summer, but it brought us closer together, and in spite of the fact that he’s been kicked out of home and sent miles away from his friends and family, he’s staying in touch with me.
Because we care about each other. A lot.
Even though we don’t know any personal details about the other, we know the deep, heartfelt stuff. Maybe one day I’ll meet him. Maybe I won’t.
I’m not sure.
I just know that he owns a piece of my soul, and I hope I never lose his black words on my white screen. They mean everything to me.
“Here we go.” Savannah pulls into the north parking lot. She always makes sure she’s parked closer to Louis’s side of the school than hers… ours.
Crap, I’m going to be going to school with my older sister. Thank God it’s her senior year. This is going to be so awkward.
Maybe that’s why I’m nervous.
It’s bad enough having her mother me at home. What if she starts doing it at school too? She can’t seem to help herself and just doesn’t understand that I don’t need her to act like a mother. We had the perfect mother, and Savannah will never be able to replicate her, not in a million years.
I don’t know if that’s what bugs me so much, but every time Savannah steps into that mothering role, my skin crawls. All I want to do is yell at her that I want my mom back, but it’ll never happen. She can’t make it happen and neither can I, so I just don’t say anything, because I don’t know how. All I can do is miss Mom in silence, suffocating without the woman I loved more than anyone else in the world.
“You guys got all your stuff?” she asks before locking up the car.
Louis and I both nod.
“Okay, cool.” She grins and turns to our little brother. “Remember, you’re going home with the Howletts today. Dad will pick you up after he’s finished at the hospital. Probably around five. Make sure you do your homework before you start playing.”
“Savvy!” Louis whines. “It’s the first day of school. There’s not gonna be homework.”
“I wouldn’t count on that.” She raises her eyebrows. “You’re in fifth grade now.”
“What?” Louis’s voice squeaks. “Aw, come on, really?”
I snicker and shake my head, walking away from my siblings. If I don’t split now, Savvy will want to walk into school with me, and I so don’t need that today. I’m nervous enough without having her prattling advice into my ear the whole time.
Crossing the parking lot, I join a stream of students on the pathway up to the main high school block. I stick to the edge, watching my feet and begging myself not to trip over. I don’t stumble until I reach the stairs, but thankfully I catch myself before face-planting.
A few snickers scrape up the back of my neck, but I ignore them and power up to the entrance.
I spot Grayson and Aidan de Beer out of the corner of my eye. They’re chatting, Aidan no doubt teasing Grayson about having to wear a tie to school. I’ve always liked Aidan. He used to date my sister, and I was so annoyed with her when she broke up with him. He’s with a girl named Harley now. I don’t know her very well, but she seems cool. She’s definitely made Aidan a happy guy. He’s chilled out so much since hooking up with her. The romantic in me hopes they stay together forever.
Together forever.
My insides go all warm and mushy as I think about the book I’ve just finished reading. I stayed up way too late last night, but it was worth it. Their final kiss! OMG. Like…the best. Ever. I’m so having a book hangover, and it’s only made worse by the fact that all those big feels I experienced while reading…well, they’re kind of real for me now. In a way. Thanks to Bass, my email man. His words make my heart trill like nothing ever has before.
My lips fight a grin as I step into the school. Oh man, the second Johanna sees me, she’s gonna know something is up. I should tell her. I mean, I should have told her already, but I was scared she might tell me I’m an idiot for falling in love with a stranger.
I mean, I’m being safe. Bass doesn’t know any of my personal details.
Just like I don’t know his.
Okay, I get why someone from the outside might think it’s strange and uber dangerous, but Jo will get it. I
just have to explain it to her and hope she won’t be too annoyed that I didn’t tell her weeks ago.
I spot my best friend at the end of the hallway, and my lips bloom into a bright smile that soon falters and disappears altogether.
She’s not standing by herself waiting for me.
She’s with a bunch of friends. Pretty girls with high ponytails and perfect makeup.
People I don’t know.
Oh no, wait, that’s Jessica and Hazel.
Weird. I didn’t think Jo was friends with those girls.
My insides tremor as I swallow my nerves and approach her.
She’s laughing at something Hazel just said. Who’s that guy beside her? OMG, is that Tanner Rybeck? Holy buff jock, he’s grown over the summer. Jo’s cheeks turn pink as she glances up at him and then tucks her hair behind her ear.
Oh, she is crushing big-time.
He skims his hand down her arm and threads their fingers together.
Whoa. What?
Is he her boyfriend or something?
How could she not tell me this?
That’s huge!
My steps falter as I get close enough to be heard.
“Hey, Johanna.” I wave my hand in this lame kind of hello, my long fingers looking awkward and pathetic as I tinkle them in the air.
Johanna gives me a cursory glance, then looks totally embarrassed, angling her body away from me.
Oh no.
Something’s off.
Like way off.
My lips begin to shake as I try to form a “how’s it going,” but then Hazel crosses her arms and just looks at me. In turn, Jessica swivels to see what Hazel is staring at, and then it becomes this mega-awkward, wordless mess where everyone is exchanging glances and I suddenly feel naked.
The merciful bell saves me, and we all head for the auditorium, where freshman are required to meet for a morning assembly.
I trail after Johanna, trying to catch her eye, but she won’t look at me. It only gets worse when we reach the seats and Johanna fills up the row, leaving no room for me. I stare at her for a second, fighting tears before taking a seat a couple of rows behind her.
I guess that’s the downside with having only one friend. When they don’t want to sit next to you, you’ve got no one else.
With a thick swallow, I will my body not to fail me. If I start crying right now, I will never live it down. As a way to calm myself, I start thinking of Bass, composing an email to him in my head.
I sure as hell hope his first day is going better than mine.
3
The Neo & Raven Effect
JACE
Ryder Bay High.
Here we go.
I gaze out the truck window and stare at the building, dread simmering inside of me. Ironically, it looks a little like Sterling Beach High.
But it’s not.
And that’s what sucks.
My junior year is not supposed to be starting this way.
I’m supposed to be walking through the familiar hallways of SBH. With my friends. Winking at the ladies. Saying hi to guys I haven’t seen much over the summer. I’m supposed to be hassling Vic about something. Isaac and I should be jostling each other as we head to our newly assigned lockers. And Hayes.
Hayes.
My stomach clenches.
This year’s gonna be different for him too.
I close my eyes, guilt swamping me as I picture Hayes flat on his back, staring up at a hospital ceiling.
“It’s gonna be okay, man.” Griffin’s voice startles me.
I glance over my shoulder and scowl at him.
What the hell does he know? He’s doing online school. I still don’t know why he can’t just attend like I have to. It’s something to do with the courts. I don’t know the full story, and I actually don’t care.
“I wish we could trade places,” he murmurs, staring down at the steering wheel and looking kind of sad.
I grunt and shove the door open, not wanting to get caught up listening to his sob story. I’ve got my own shit to deal with.
Hitching my bag onto my shoulder, I stalk away from the truck, frowning at two students who think they have the right to stare at me. The blonde girl scoffs and shakes her head at my expression.
I can’t help but glance back at her and notice she’s now leaning against the truck and talking to Griffin. Her friend hovers behind her. He’s a big black dude who happens to glance back and catch my eye.
I quickly swivel away from his friendly eyebrow raise.
I’m not here to make friends.
I just need to stay in line and out of trouble. The sooner I can prove myself, the sooner I can go home.
Home.
Shouldn’t that word bring me comfort?
Instead all I can think about is Mom’s new man and their baby. And Hayes. And the fact that his mom never wants me to see him again.
Dammit.
Home.
What the hell is waiting for me at home?
But I don’t want to be here either!
By the time I reach the admin office, my mood has turned from foul to black. When the receptionist greets me with a warm smile, all I can manage is a grunt.
“O-kay. Let me get Principal Etheridge for you. I know he wanted to meet you personally.”
Small schools. I roll my eyes and don’t say anything.
A couple minutes later, Principal Etheridge pops out of his office. He’s a tall, gangly guy with ginger hair and pale skin. Hardly the scary-ass authoritarian who runs Sterling Beach High. I try not to scoff as I shake his hand. His voice is so soft and whimsical—is that even a word?
Whatever. The guy’s a wet fish.
At least that’s one less thing for me to worry about. The odd slipup should pass right under his radar.
The thought relaxes me slightly, and I manage a small “thank you” when the receptionist hands me my schedule and locker assignment. I then follow her on a mini-guided tour before ending up in the gymnasium for a full-school assembly.
People keep staring at me. Even the beginning of a school year obviously doesn’t bring too many new students to this school. I try to ignore them all, including the principal as he harps on about school expectations and how he wants this to be Ryder Bay High’s best year yet.
“Respect. Hard work. Compassion. These are the principles we live by at this school. You take those on board and you’ll go a long way in life. I wish you well for your first day, and to the senior class—this is the beginning of the end. Enjoy every step of the journey.”
A few cheers go up, and people start applauding.
I roll my eyes and don’t bother joining in.
After another announcement or two from various teachers, we’re sent off to homeroom. I find the class easily and slip in as people are taking their seats. Eyeing the room, I quickly assess who I don’t want to be next to and find myself heading for the back row.
Plunking down in a spare seat, I glance at the guy on my left. He gives me a smirk and I instantly like him. Something about his mussed-up hair and F-you vibe really appeals to me. A girl with unnaturally black hair rests her arm on his shoulder and eyes me up before biting her tongue between her teeth and grinning at me.
“What’s your name, new one?”
“Jace,” I mumble.
“I’m Raven, and this is my man, Neo.” She slaps his shoulder.
Neo lifts his chin at me, and I have to seriously wonder if Raven and Neo are their real names, but I don’t actually care. These two have got attitude. I can tell from the way they’re slouched in their seats. I like their ripped-up jeans and faded leather jackets. They look kind of badass, and that’s my people. The kind who aren’t afraid to be who they want to be. They’re not going to bow to the man. They don’t give a shit what other people think of them, and it reminds me of Vic and Isaac—the bros who had my back in Sterling Beach.
“Where you from?” she asks.
“East Coast.”
“Huh.” Her dark blue eyes narrow. “And what brought you out here?”
I shrug. “Mom couldn’t handle me anymore, so I’m living with her cousin for a while.”
This news makes them both grin.
“Nice.” Raven’s smile is broad and impressed. “Well, if you want to survive this boring hellhole, stick with us. We can make things just a little more…entertaining.”
She wiggles her eyebrows up and down and is just starting to snicker when the teacher shuts everyone up with a brisk clap of her hands.
Raven gives me a wicked little wink.
And my first day just went from heinous to maybe not so bad.
4
Left Out in the Cold
LETTIE
So this is bad.
This is really, really bad.
I don’t know what the hell is going on, but after a morning of classes, one of which I shared with Johanna, it is blatantly obvious that she no longer wants to be my friend.
But why?
What did I do wrong?
My nerves are on fire as I head toward the cafeteria. I so do not want to eat in there today. Who the hell am I going to sit with?
I should have brought a packed lunch from home or something.
Dammit.
Tears threaten, stinging my eyeballs and warning utter humiliation.
I sniff and hold my breath as I approach the doors. Then I spot Johanna. She’s waiting outside the girls’ bathroom.
And she’s alone.
I take my chance and rush toward her. Maybe this morning was just a bad dream. Maybe she can’t be herself because Jessica and Hazel have her under some kind of spell.
Thoughts of setting her free give me the courage to call out her name. “Johanna.”
She glances over her shoulder, then kind of deflates, swiveling away from me.
“Hey.” I touch her arm to stop her retreat. “What’s up? Why don’t you want to talk to me?”
