by Jordan Ford
Savannah gets up and walks out, slamming the door shut behind her.
Sagging back on my bed with a heavy sigh, I stare at the white ceiling and suddenly want out of my room.
I feel bad for hurting my sister. Why do I always say the wrong thing?
Laying my Kindle down, I move to my computer and wake up the screen. I should talk to Bass about this, email him and tell him how I’m feeling. Maybe he’ll have some good advice.
I get halfway through my email when once again I run out of words.
What the hell is wrong with me? I can’t even write now?
With a frustrated growl, I jerk out of my chair and start pacing my room until the walls feel like they’re closing in on me.
I grab my phone, shove it in my back pocket and leave the room. Maybe I can email Bass at the beach or something. Maybe the sun and air will revitalize my brain.
Ugh. I must be seriously sick if I’m actually seeking the outdoors now.
Walking out the front door, I get to my mailbox and figure I should at least let someone know where I’m going. But not Savannah. She’s not my mom. So instead, I text Dad to let him know I’m going for a walk along the beach.
He’s at work, but I get a reply when I reach the stairs down to the sand.
Proud of you for getting out there, sweetie. Have fun.
“Fun,” I mutter, shaking my head.
As I stomp down the last of the stairs and reach the sand, I’m clutched by a sudden fear that I’m going to round the boulders and come face-to-face with Johanna and her new squad. Do I keep going?
My stomach clenches as I inch forward and hide behind a big boulder. Peeking around the rock, I spy the sand and don’t see Johanna or any of her friends.
“It’s safe. Just walk,” I whisper to myself, forcing my legs to move away from the boulders and out onto the open beach. I keep my head facing the ocean. The less eye contact I make with people, the better.
Breathing in the salty air, I feel my muscles start to relax.
This may not be a forest in Montana. Some gorgeous, protective guy isn’t running through the trees calling my name, but this is still pretty good. The book I’ve been reading entertains me as I stare out at the sparkling water and start to forget about Savannah and all the angst at home.
It’s not until I nearly reach the Ryder Rentals shed that I’m brought back to reality with a swift jerk.
The forest in my mind disintegrates as I see Mr. Hot walking out of the water. A surfboard is tucked under his arm, and he looks all kinds of delectable.
My mouth pools with water and I quickly swallow, begging my heart to slow down.
This is bad.
I shouldn’t want to be around Jace if he makes me feel this way. Like a guy that hot and cool would ever be interested in me. Besides, I have Bass.
“Bass.” I whisper his name so quietly that no one will be able to hear it.
I need to find a secluded spot to email him. I can describe where I am maybe. Paint a picture of this beautiful ocean and then ask him to do the same thing for me.
Yes, that’ll work. That’ll be our reconnect.
I’m about to pull the phone from my pocket and spin away when Jace spots me.
“Lettie.” He smiles and I’m instantly undone.
Forgetting all about my phone, I tip back on my heels and grin as Jace stops in front of me. “Hey.”
“What are you doing down here?”
“Just walking.” I shrug.
He looks over his shoulder and gazes at the water. “It’s a good day for it.”
I giggle. “Are we talking about the weather again?”
This makes him laugh, and now I don’t want to be anywhere but right here.
23
Impossible to Resist
JACE
Her smile makes my heart kick out of rhythm. It’s a weird feeling and probably an outright warning, but do I listen?
No. I just stand here grinning at her and loving the way the wind catches her silky hair. She brushes it off her face with her long, delicate fingers, and I wish I could capture them in my wet, salty hand.
What the hell, Jace? Just dry off, man. Stop being an idiot.
I clear my throat and head for my towel and bag.
Lettie follows me and I’m put off by my relief.
Why do I want to hang with this chick? All she’s doing is confusing me. She’s the reason I couldn’t email Snap yesterday. I just didn’t know what to say to her when I’d been with Lettie that afternoon.
I really need to get my head in the right place, but when I scrub my face dry and pull off my rash guard…and she’s still standing there, I just can’t ignore her.
“Wanna sit?” I point at the sand.
“Sure.” She shrugs and takes a seat while I quickly pull on a dry T-shirt.
I spot her out of the corner of my eye. She’s doing that check me out, then look away thing. I shouldn’t be so stoked she finds me attractive. Not when this isn’t going anywhere.
I seriously have to keep reminding myself of that.
I have Snap.
I want Snap.
Crap, I really need to meet her. Maybe if I could just see her face, talk to her in person, it’ll kill all these mixed-up emotions I’m having over Lettie.
“I really love your tattoo.” She points at the mark on my skin.
I twist my arm around so she can get a better look. Brushing my finger over the Celtic design, I recall sitting in the chair and getting it done. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Vic’s cousin did it for me. It was my sixteenth birthday present from Vic, and Mom was so pissed.
But it wasn’t about trying to piss her off.
I wanted a mark on me, something that told the world I wasn’t going to let Dad, or anyone else, beat me. I was strong. Fearless. Nothing could touch me.
So I researched symbols that meant that kind of thing and ended up designing my own take on these intertwining pointed ovals. They cross over each other, fitting inside of a triangular shape. Vic’s cousin did a great job.
“I really want to get one, one day.”
“You do?” That was the last thing I expected her to say.
“Yeah. Totally.” She grins. “Did you get that one designed, or…?”
I glance back down at it, finally admitting, “Actually, I drew the design myself and got the tattoo artist to copy it.”
“You drew it?” She looks so impressed that I don’t even bother fighting her when she takes my arm and pulls it in for a closer look. Her fingers are soft and send tingles spiking up my arm as she traces the tattoo.
I hold my breath, trying not to smell the sweetness in her hair.
“You’re really talented.” She lets me go and slays me with her perfect smile.
It’s hard to find words, so I just nod and try for a grin. It’s no doubt lame and wonky.
“I should get you to design one for me, and then when I’m old enough, I’ll get a tattoo artist to do it. How did you get away with it? In California you have to be eighteen before you can get a tattoo.”
“Yeah.” I wince. “I don’t know what the law is in Virginia, but my friend’s cousin did it for me as a gift. Just using his home kit.”
“Wow.” Lettie’s eyebrows pop up.
“Yeah, I know. Mom was pretty pissed.”
This makes her laugh. “I bet she was. My dad would die if I got one done. I mean, even when I’m eighteen, he probably won’t like it, but I don’t care. I want something to honor my mom.” The way her voice softens twists something inside of me.
It’s so obvious how much she misses her mother. It kind of breaks my heart.
“What would you get?” I ask, my voice husky for some reason.
“I don’t know. Something that represents my mom.”
“Tell me about her. What was she like?”
“Um…” Lettie’s lips twitch, like she can’t decide if she should smile or not. “Well, she had this really soft voi
ce that was easy to listen to, you know? And she loved to read, like me. She said that reading was like flying away to another world for a while.” Her voice grows soft and far away for a minute. “Um, she loved flowers. There were always flowers when Mom was around. Dad would bring home fresh bunches all the time, because he knew how much she loved them.”
“What kinds of flowers?” I whisper. I don’t know why I’m whispering; it just seems appropriate right now.
Lettie’s smile slowly grows. “Anything that smelled pretty. She loved jasmine and freesias. The house would just…” She giggles. “Reek. Louis would always complain about the smell, but I didn’t mind it so much. The house doesn’t smell like anything now.” She purses her lips to the side, and if I don’t act right now, it’s going to kill me.
Rummaging around in my bag, I pull out a fine-tipped marker buried at the bottom. Pulling off the lid, I drop it onto my towel, then hold out my hand. “May I?”
Lettie looks kind of surprised, then slowly lays her hand in mine.
“Where do you want it?” I whisper. Again with the whispering. I don’t know what my problem is, or why my heart is beating so fast right now.
“Same as you.” Her voice is soft like mine, and I swear I can feel her rapid pulse as I spin her hand over and inch her watchstrap down just a little. Running my tongue over my bottom lip, I pause the marker over her soft, delicate skin and feel like I’m about to draw the most important picture of my life.
24
Emotions Are Weird
LETTIE
It kind of tickles, but I wouldn’t ask Jace to stop for anything.
His warm breath touches my skin as he leans down to add a little more detail to his picture. Tendrils of pleasure curl up my arm and straight into my heart. I swear it’s going to beat right out of my chest in a minute.
I love the feel of Jace’s hand on my arm, the way his head leans to the side in concentration, the tip of his tongue pointing out between his lips.
The smile won’t leave my face. If anything, it grows bigger when I bend my head to the side so I can see what he’s doing.
At first he told me not to look until he was done, but there’s no way I can stand it.
“Hey.” He warns me to stop peeking, but I just giggle and keep trying anyway.
He angles his shoulder to block my view.
“Aw, pretty please?”
“No way. Not ’til I’m done,” he murmurs, concentrating on whatever line he’s drawing onto my skin. “Stay still. I don’t want to mess this up.”
Biting the edge of my lip, I close my eyes and try to control my inner trembling. I don’t know why, but this experience feels strangely intimate. I’m not used to letting people in. After Mom died, I found it easier to shut out the world. Johanna was about the only one I’d open up to. And then Bass.
And now Jace?
I’m not sure.
But whatever he’s doing to me right now is something off the charts. It feels both dangerous and intoxicating at the same time. Like I’m living in my own romance novel. But life doesn’t dish out happy endings the way fiction does.
Mom’s death swamps me, followed by a tight curl of fear that twists my belly into a knot. I’m just starting to squirm when Jace leans back and catches my attention. “I’m done.”
He looks nervous, which is just plain adorable.
I glance down at my arm and my lips part in wonder. “Oh my gosh.” I breathe the words, staring down at my “tattoo,” completely transfixed.
It’s beautiful.
He’s drawn an open book on a bed of flowers, and some of the pages are lifting away from the book and rising into the air, becoming birds as they fly up my wrist toward my watch strap.
“It’s… You’re…” I look at him, tears filling my eyes when I finally whisper, “Amazing.”
He swallows and nods once, croaking, “Thank you.” He seems embarrassed for some reason, but he should be shouting his talent from the rooftops.
“Do you want to be a tattoo artist one day?” I turn my attention back to the amazing design, wanting to run my finger over it, but not wanting to smear the ink.
“Huh.” His eyebrows shoot up. “I’ve never thought about doing that, but… yeah, I mean, that could be really cool.”
“Well, you’ve definitely got the talent.” I smile at him, feeling warm all the way through to my soul.
He gazes at me, his beautiful eyes drinking me in like I’m special.
Like maybe he wants to kiss me.
That can’t be right.
Besides, I’ve never kissed a guy before. I bet Jace has kissed girls. He’s too gorgeous and confident not to have, and as soon as he presses his lips to mine, he’ll figure out how pathetically inexperienced I am.
I look down to the sand, breaking eye contact and whatever spell he’s trying to cast on me.
He doesn’t say anything, and I can feel the awkwardness growing between us, until it’s disrupted by the last voice I expect to hear.
“Hey, Lettie.”
I look over my shoulder and see Reed and two kids walking toward us.
“Oh, hey.” I grin and rise to my feet, both grateful and disappointed that he’s shown up.
It gets me out of Awkward Town, but it also means my time with Jace is over.
Which is what I was kind of wanting, right?
Ugh. I’m so confused right now.
Jace pops the lid back on his marker with a firm snap, then gets to his feet, brushing his hands on the edge of his damp board shorts.
Reed and the two kids stop behind our spot. Reed looks at Jace, then back to me, his black eyebrows rising.
“Oh. Um.” I catch a hair being blown into my mouth and tuck it behind my ear. “Reed, this is Jace. Jace…” I point to Reed and try to smile at Jace. “This is Reed. He’s a friend from school.”
“Cool.” Jace nods but doesn’t stick out his hand to shake or anything. Why would he? We’re not adults.
Reed clears his throat and looks between me and Jace. He’s wearing shades, so I can’t really tell what he might be thinking.
“I’m Drew,” the shortest kid pipes up. “Reed’s my cousin, and this is Dennis. He’s our neighbor.”
“Hey.” I smile and wave at them both. Dennis wrinkles his nose at me while Drew flashes a bright grin.
“Your brother and I are in the same class this year,” Drew tells me. “We’ve started hanging out at school.”
This makes my smile grow. “You know Louis?”
“Yeah. He’s cool. I want him to come play at my house sometime. Or maybe I could come hang at your place.”
“Drew.” Reed nudges his shoulder. “You don’t invite yourself to someone’s house. It’s rude.”
“Oh.” Drew looks kind of deflated.
“That’s okay.” I grin. “We’d love to have you over.”
His frown evaporates, replaced with another toothy grin.
Reed snickers and slides his hands into his shorts pockets, glancing at Jace again before speaking to me. “So, what are you guys doing?”
I look to Jace, but his lips are pressed together, and he keeps looking over his shoulder like he wants to get out of here.
So I answer. “I was just…walking. And then I saw Jace getting out of the water. He’s a… He surfs.”
“Nice,” Reed says, but I don’t know if he actually means it.
Jace snickers and bobs his head. “Yep. Noice.”
I laugh and point my thumb at him. “Brooklyn Nine Nine. I love that show.”
“Me too,” Reed says before Jace can respond.
I grin at him, then look back to Jace, but he’s just crouched down to pack up his stuff.
“Hey, um, do you want me to give you a ride home?” Reed asks. “Maybe we could stop for ice cream on the way or something.”
“Ice cream?” Drew pumps his arm in the air. “Yes!”
“I want chocolate,” his little friend murmurs, pushing his glasses up his nose.
/>
“Uh…” I look down at Jace, but he’s got his back to me. “Yeah. I mean, sure. That’d be cool.”
I feel like saying no would have been really rude, so…
“Hey, Jace. You wanna come?” The words pop out of me. I’m not sure if I want that. I feel like ice cream with Jace and Reed could be mega weird and awkward, but again, I don’t want to be rude.
“Nah. I’m gonna head home. I’ve got some stuff to do.”
“Okay.” I really have to force a smile to hide my disappointment.
But don’t I want our session together to end?
Ugh.
So confused.
Emotions are weird.
“Well, thanks for…” I point at my arm and give him what I hope is a heartfelt smile.
His expression softens and he winks at me. “Anytime.”
My heart melts into a stupid puddle, and it’s not until I turn away and spot Reed and the boys waiting for me that logic kicks in.
Standing in the sand right now is a good, clean-cut guy who is sweet enough to take his young cousin out for ice cream. He’s kind, good, safe.
That’s what I should want.
But as I walk up the sand, I can’t help glancing over my shoulder, just once, to check out the bad boy with the tattoo and the surfboard.
The one that makes my heart do things it’s never done before.
25
Important Emails and Irritating Phone Calls
JACE
I don’t want to watch her walk away, but I peek over my shoulder just once.
Lettie and Reed are walking side by side up the sand, and I can’t help a ripple of jealousy.
This is so freaking stupid.
So I drew on her arm.
So she loved it.
I don’t need her.
I need Snap.
I’ve gotta meet Snap.
Gripping the board under my arm, I quickly return it to Griffin at the Ryder Rentals shed. As usual, he tries to strike up some friendly conversation, but I cut him off.
