She smiled up at him, the sleepy smile of a sated lover, as he gathered her in his arms, never wanting to let her go.
Chapter Eleven
LIZZIE BLINKED SEVERAL times, her thoughts slowly coming back into focus. Blue’s arms were wrapped tightly around her. Even in sleep he held her possessively, and she loved it. His bedroom was silent, save for the peaceful cadence of his breathing. Her eyes were drawn to the digital clock, glowing like a beacon in the darkness.
Shit!
It was after midnight and she still needed to film her show—and now she needed to shower first. She slid as quietly as she could from Blue’s arms, feeling the fatigue in her muscles. The type of fatigue that came only from a night of incredible sex. She was sore in places she didn’t realize she could be sore. Lord, did that man know how to love a woman.
She sat on the edge of the bed, torn between cuddling up beside Blue again and staying the night and going home to film her show. She knew her ratings sank by at least forty percent when she missed posting a new show on time. She’d trained her viewers like Pavlov’s dogs. They knew when to expect their next episode of bakery porn. She’d tracked the income, and the few times she hadn’t been able to film the show, views and income had both tanked. Maddy needed books next semester, and Lizzie held on to the shred of hope that one month she’d hit it really big and she wouldn’t need to continue filming. All she needed to earn was enough money for Maddy’s last two years of school—times two, to allow for taxes.
Every time she taped a show she hoped it would be the one that found twice as many viewers and went viral. The one that would make it possible for her to stop doing the show altogether. One lucky break.
Like that’s ever going to happen.
She had no choice. She had to leave and tape the show. Her eyes skirted around the room, searching for answers that wouldn’t come. They caught on a streak of moonlight streaming through the curtains and the string garden she’d given Blue for his birthday a few months earlier. She smiled, loving that he kept it in the bedroom and that he’d cared for it well enough for it to still be alive. Why would she have doubted that he would look after a plant? Wasn’t that who he was? Look how well he cared for her. Whether they were out or he was loving her, he always had her best interests at heart.
She glanced over her shoulder just as he rolled toward her and wrapped an arm around her waist, pinning her against him.
“Sneaking out?” He shifted to her side of the bed and kissed her spine.
“Not sneaking, but I do need to go.”
“Stay. I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.” His voice was thick with sleep and rich with comfort.
She turned and kissed him. “I wish I could, but I have to be up early tomorrow and I still need to go through my inventory lists tonight.” She was going straight to hell for lying to the best man on the planet. A gentleman on the outside and a beast in the bedroom. The perfect man.
Her perfect man.
He tugged her down on top of him and kissed her again. “Okay, if you must, but I’ll miss you.”
Forty-five minutes later, alone in her own home, Lizzie stepped from the shower, dried her hair, and wondered what the hell she was doing with her life. She had the most amazing man begging her to stay in bed with him, and here she was, putting on makeup at one thirty in the morning, tying an apron around her back, and putting her feet into a confining pair of heels.
This sucks was the first answer that came to mind, followed by, I’m doing this for Maddy.
She carried her laptop down the basement stairs, wishing she were walking back into Blue’s bedroom instead, and went about setting out her baking supplies while giving her laptop the evil eye. She had no right to sneer at the damn thing. The Naked Baker was the only reason she’d been able to pay off her school loans and buy her flower shop. And she really did love baking. She loved the smell of sugar, flour, vanilla, and other scents blending together and warming to the perfect temperature. She loved putting her heart into anything—her flowers, baking…now Blue.
She pushed thoughts of him aside, or at least she tried, and focused on what else she loved about baking, to try to get into her Naked Baker frame of mind. Of course the outcome of baking was utterly delicious almost every single time. But then there was this part of baking—baking for the show—that tainted baking as a whole for her. This was the part she disliked, the part that sucked all that goodness from it and made her feel like a video prostitute.
She glanced at the picture of Madison she kept on the wall on the other side of the room for motivation.
Forcing her best smile, she pointed at the picture and said, “This is for you, Maddy.” She turned on the camera, thrust out her chest, and gazed seductively into the little black camera lens, and saw Blue’s eyes looking back at her.
She quickly turned off the camera, breathing hard at the shock of the image. Closing her eyes tightly, she exhaled and said under her breath, “I can do this. This is for Maddy.”
She turned the camera back on and once again mustered her most seductive voice.
“Welcome back to the Naked Baker. I’ve been thinking about you.” She trailed her finger over the edge of the counter, remembering what Blue had said about wanting to be her counter, and as she dragged that finger down her neck, she buried the thought as deep as she could. She had to. For Maddy.
“Have you been thinking of me?” she purred to the camera.
Suddenly keeping a sexy facade while filming the episode was like treading water with no arms. Every time she gazed into the camera with a sultry look, she thought of Blue. Every sensual movement she made was chased by guilt. Every word out of her mouth was pushed by self-loathing. This had to be her worst episode yet, and by the time she was done baking the yellow cake in the shape of handcuffs, she felt like she’d been run over by a train—or chased by one. It didn’t matter which, because the outcome was the same. The ecstasy that had laced every breath, every thought, just hours earlier when she was with Blue was gone. Tarnished. Ruined.
She took another shower, feeling dirty and unworthy of the only man she wanted. Under the hot water she tried to scrub the guilt from her body. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she scrubbed her skin raw until they finally subsided. By the time she dried off, she’d wiped all the goodness of Blue away, and buried the filth of her dirty secret a little deeper.
Chapter Twelve
HOPING TO CATCH Lizzie before she left for work, Blue arrived at her house early Tuesday morning, but despite the early hour, her car was already gone. It had been so wonderful to start his day by seeing her yesterday morning before work that he’d hoped for the same again today. And after the incredible evening they’d shared, he was having thoughts of going to sleep with her in his arms every night and waking with her every morning. Disappointment washed through him with a force he hadn’t expected, and he found he had to work hard to move past that unfamiliar feeling. Falling for her didn’t begin to touch on what he really felt.
He set his tools down and surveyed his work. He’d replaced the water-damaged ceiling, refinished the hardwood floors, and installed most of the custom cabinetry, which Lizzie had insisted remain orange. He’d wondered at that when he’d first seen the brightly colored kitchen, but now he saw how the happy color fit her personality perfectly. He still had another few days of work ahead of him, setting the island, installing the moldings, painting, and setting the appliances.
His eyes landed on a piece of yellow cake with pink frosting sitting on the counter with a note propped up beside it. He smiled at the familiar sight, wondering when she could have possibly had time to bake. Before they’d started going out, the notes she’d left him in the mornings, accompanying a muffin, cupcake, or some other sweet treat, said things like, Thanks for working on my kitchen! or It looks amazing! This morning’s note read, Lick-It list #1, Licking frosting off your washboard abs. Want to choose who licks what off of which body part for #2? Xo, Lizzie.
Heat sp
read straight to his groin just thinking about Lizzie’s tongue licking his skin. Damn right he’d like to choose what he licked from her gorgeous body. Whipped cream from between her legs or chocolate sauce dribbled all over her breasts? He wondered what it might be like to combine both of her lusty lists into one.
A Lick-It list and a Fuck-It list.
She was the epitome of sweet and sensual, and he couldn’t wait to see her again.
He texted her in response to her note before starting work. Lick-It list #2…Combine with your other list. Whatever your #1 is on that list, I’ll bring the whipped cream. He pressed send and couldn’t temper the foolish grin plastered on his face.
***
LIZZIE BROUGHT THE handcuff-shaped cake, minus the piece she’d saved for Blue, to the homeless shelter before work. She’d sliced it and rearranged it on the tray so no one could tell what shape it had been, and like every other time she’d dropped off goodies at the shelter, the director, Paul, gave her a big hug.
“You’re so good to us, Lizzie. Thank you.” Paul was tall and slim with thick blond hair and eyes the color of grass. He was always appreciative of the things she brought, and he never minded that she whipped in and out in a matter of seconds the mornings she stopped by.
“It’s nothing, really. I’ll be back Friday morning with more goodies!”
“Thanks, love.” Paul waved as he closed the shelter doors.
She drove up the highway toward Provincetown. She’d always loved the stretch of land where Truro ended and Provincetown began, where the residential area gave way to a shoreline dotted with summer cottages. Once again her mind traveled back to Blue. It had taken all of her willpower not to wait for him to arrive before leaving for work, but the battle going on between her head and heart was too difficult to manage in his presence. She knew that if she was in his arms again, feeling him holding her like he never wanted to let her go, she’d fall right back into the luxury of them. She needed a clear head to figure out how to tell him about the webcast, and when she was around him, a clear head was not possible—not when he made her feel so good, made her hope for more, for a future without the webcast in it.
And Maddy couldn’t afford for her to make that choice.
As she drove toward her shop she marveled at the artsy little town coming to life. The people strolling with a pet’s leash in one hand and coffee in the other, early-morning joggers, and shop owners opening their businesses.
She couldn’t imagine running her flower shop anywhere else. Even when she was growing up in Brewster, she’d always known she’d end up here. Provincetown was full of life, and she thrived on the energy that buzzed through the town. Thinking about how she’d ended up in the place she had always wanted to be made her wonder about destiny and fate. She didn’t put much stock in those things, because she’d had to fight her way through everything in life to get where she was. When she was taking on student loans, every thousand dollars she borrowed felt like another shovel of dirt burying her deeper in debt. Deeper into the reality of working for minimum wage and never seeing the light of day.
No, fate and destiny were not her friends. They were notions that people who had it all believed in. She believed in creating her own life. Making life happen the way she wanted, with her own determination and sheer will. It wasn’t fate that brought her Cooking with Coeds or destiny that kept her locked in her basement making the slightly naughty videos. It was the need for a better life and the drive to get it, no matter what the stakes.
Her life path had seemed pretty clear to her until Blue appeared dead center, blocking out the feigned simplicity of it—and showing her just how complicated her life really was. Blue was like an unexpected tollbooth in the center of the road. Time to pay the piper, confess my sins if I want to get through. The problem was, she didn’t know how to get around it, and going through it was risky at best.
She parked behind the shop and walked over to the Portuguese bakery, thinking of the text she’d received from Blue. Would he still want to combine her precious lists after he found out that she was the Naked Baker? Would he still want to be with her?
Maybe she was overthinking the whole thing. Maybe the webcast wasn’t that big of a deal, and he’d laugh and think it was sexy or fun.
Or totally slutty.
Pushing the awful thought away, she bought two coffees, then headed over to Inky Skies, to apologize again for not telling Sky about Blue asking her out so many times. Sky was an early bird just like Lizzie—up at the crack of dawn and ready to take on the day. Lizzie heard Sawyer’s guitar before shading her eyes to see him sitting on their apartment balcony above the tattoo shop, basking in the morning sunlight.
“Hey, Sawyer,” she called up. From the moment Sky had met Sawyer, the two of them had been inseparable.
“Hi, Lizzie. Sky’s already in the shop.”
“Thanks.” She eyed the coffee cups in her hand. “Want one?”
“No, thanks. I have to run down to the fight club for a training session in a few minutes.” Ever since retiring from boxing, Sawyer had worked as a professional trainer at the fight club in Eastham.
Lizzie was thinking of Blue again as she walked into Sky’s shop. Sky had fallen just as hard for Sawyer as she was falling for Blue. If only the timing were as right for Lizzie and Blue as it had been for Sky and Sawyer. Then again, Sky and Sawyer had had their own hitches. With the threat of brain damage following a concussion, they’d had to make life- and career-changing decisions. Maybe there simply was no right time for love.
Sky walked through the hanging beads in the back of the store and smiled as she reached for a cup of coffee. “You are a savior. I was just thinking about how I needed something hot and wet.” She laughed and lowered her voice. “That’s what Sawyer says every morning when I come out of the shower.”
“TMI.” Lizzie laughed. “I love that he sits up there and plays his guitar in the mornings.” She sat on the couch in the reception area, and Sky plopped down beside her.
“Yeah, me too.”
“Now that he got his advance for the poetry book he and his father published, do you think you’ll move out of your apartment?” She knew Sky loved her little apartment above the shop.
“No, not yet. But after we’re married, probably. I want to have a family, and we can’t really do that upstairs with Merlin’s beds in every corner and barely enough room for our own bed.” Merlin was Sky’s very spoiled Persian cat.
A stroke of jealousy skittered through Lizzie. She hadn’t allowed herself to contemplate her own future beyond making it through the next two years with enough money to help Maddy. Once Maddy was out of college, then she could put serious thought into what else she wanted in life, but now, hearing Sky talk about having a family tugged at something inside of her. And if she were honest with herself, being with Blue had also nudged open that door.
She changed the subject to distract herself from the unfamiliar longing.
“Did you guys set a date for the wedding?” Lizzie asked.
“We’re thinking about the spring, when Matt can come up over his break.” Sky’s brother Matt was a professor at Princeton and rarely took time off. “Can you do a spring wedding, or is that too busy of a time to fit us in?”
“I can do whatever you need me to do. Have you decided where you’re getting married?” She smiled at her friend, wondering for the millionth time what it would be like to only have the flower shop and her relationship with Blue to worry about, and not Maddy’s tuition or the webcast.
“Not yet. Maybe at Sawyer’s parents’ house, so it’s easier for his father.” Sawyer’s father had Parkinson’s disease, and it was becoming more and more difficult for him to get around. Sky sipped her coffee. “When do you need specifics?”
“Whenever you’re ready. Normally I like as much lead time as possible to prepare and to make sure I can get in the flowers you want, but I know you’re not really a prepare type of girl, so give me three weeks and I’ll make your wedd
ing beautiful.”
“I know you will. How’s your man?” Sky asked with a cocked brow.
“My man.” She loved saying that. Thoughts of last night came rushing back, chased by the reality of her needing to tell him about the webcast. Being with Blue was not only bringing Lizzie’s future into focus, but also clarifying her present. Faults and all. “Speaking of Blue, I’m really sorry for not telling you sooner about him asking me out. I feel bad about keeping it from you.”
Sky waved a dismissive hand. “Pfft. I’m over it. We all do stupid things.”
“I think I’m falling for him, Sky.” Her heart squeezed with the admission, knowing it was far more real than just a thought. “I actually think I’ve been falling for him all year. He’s such an amazing person. I knew that if I went out with him I wouldn’t be able to keep from falling for him. That’s why I didn’t go out with him when he asked all those times.”
“How could you not fall for him?” Sky smiled and hugged Lizzie. “Seriously, you two were meant for each other.”
Lizzie’s pulse quickened with hope. She felt that way, too, but how could it be? What a cruel joke, giving Blue a woman who had a secret like hers and giving her a man like Blue, who was making her reevaluate her two-year plan at every turn.
“Sky, can I ask you something?”
“Sawyer’s hung like a horse and really talented in bed.” She flashed a cheesy grin. “What else?”
“Again, TMI,” Lizzie teased, but she wasn’t in a teasing mood. She rested her head back and looked up at the clouds and stars Sky had painted on the ceiling. Do you think you always have to be one hundred percent honest with the person you love? Even if it might hurt him and someone else in the long run? She held back those questions and instead asked, “Do you tell Sawyer everything?”
“Always.”
They watched a group of people walking past the shop laughing. Lizzie wondered how many lies they were carrying around. Funny, the Naked Baker never used to feel like a lie. It had only felt like a secret of the most embarrassing kind.
Seized By Love Page 12
