by Livia Grant
Chapter Eight
“Come on ahead,” Brent called as Kieran knocked on his door. Kieran didn’t know why Carla made such a big deal about being in his presence. He observed the blond haired, self assured man as he entered his office. Brent’s grey eyes were warm as he smiled his welcome. He indicated a chair, speech wasn’t necessary. Okay, he gave off an aura of calm and can do, but he wasn’t scary. More calming, actually. Kieran felt his anxiety lift.
“What can I do for you, Kieran?” Brent asked. His manner seemed to indicate that even if Kieran asked him to move the Colorado mountains, Brent would do his best to accommodate.
“I was wondering what a body has to do to get accepted into this community, I know Jim says the entry process is tough. I’m not even sure it’s a definite. But before I talk to Carla, and my employers, I’d like to know where I stand. But please, not a word to anyone.”
“I wondered whether or not I’d have this visit. The women talk. Charmagne is often my eyes and ears, without realizing it. If you’d come to me a month ago, I would have had serious doubts but not any longer. You’re shaping up nicely. Obviously though, you would have to fill in the paperwork and do a formal application. But I’m pretty sure the board would approve you.”
Kieran left the office a happy man. He had options. He hadn’t decided whether he would act upon them, but at least they were there. He double checked his diary. In spite of all the time he had spent with Carla, he had finished his client’s software a full month ahead of schedule. He would be able to deliver it as soon as he arrived home. Hell, he could have uploaded it onto their system two weeks ago, but he put it off because he needed a reason to go home. He was already making good ground on his next project. If he got any encouragement from Carla, he would have been in a great position to continue working from the US just travelling back and forth occasionally as the need arose, but she seemed happy enough that he was leaving. He was mad as hell that he couldn’t bring himself to just admit to Carla that he was crazy about her and wanted to see if they could make something of it, but Maura had well and truly knocked the stuffing out of him, and he hadn’t the heart for another rejection.
Thinking of Maura reminded him that her wedding day had been three days ago. He had completely forgotten it. How could that happen? He thought back. Wednesday, where was he at? Oh, yes. Maintenance night. He was a little distracted. He’d come to love maintenance night. It was so intimate and pleasurable for both of them, and had been so calming on Carla. After the first one, they had agreed to up it to twice a week. And the best part of a maintenance spanking was that there was no waiting for sex, because he wasn’t afraid of confusing reward and punishment. They could have immediate pleasure from the headiness of the spanking. He adored it.
This would be his last night with her, on this trip at least, although he was now hoping there could be more in the future. His flight was early the following afternoon and Jim had insisted on bringing him to the airport. Kieran had no idea how three months had slipped away from him. It had seemed like such a long time when he was arriving. He was glad it was Jim who was doing the run. Saying goodbye to Carla at the airport would have been pure torture.
Kieran had booked a table at Amore, their favorite restaurant. Matt Renton, whom he had gotten to know at Benjamin and Jonathan’s barbecues was head chef, and he promised to pull out all the stops and make it a memorable night. All of their favorite dishes. The selection of food would be ready when they arrived at eight pm. There would be no waiting around. He could have the rest of the night with Carla in the privacy of her home. He figured that way they could actually have that discussion he had been so long avoiding: could they manage a distance affair until he had a chance to tidy things up in Dublin? If he didn’t ask, he would never know, so pride be damned. The worst she could do is say no and he’d be no worse off than he was now.
The best laid plans rarely come to fruition. When he got to Carla’s, she wasn’t ready and she was in a stinker of a mood, complaining that nothing fit her any more. As far as he could see, she’d gained no weight, and her behavior was totally over the top. He had to give her a trip over his lap before they could go to the restaurant to calm her down. And when they did get there, in spite of the fact that the food was specifically prepared to her preferences, she ate no more than a few mouthfuls.
“For chrissake, woman, will you talk to me? Tell me what’s eating you.”
“Nothing. I’m tired and premenstrual, okay?”
“No, not okay. Since when did P.M.S mean you could act like a spoiled witch? Now, have a bit of manners unless you want to be spanked again right here in front of everyone.”
“Fuck you,” Carla hissed as she rose and stormed off. Kieran had to settle the bill before he was able to follow her and she was home by the time he caught up with her. She point blank refused to open the door and let him in. He was itching to get his hands on her ass for another toasting, because by God she needed it. Pissed off and feeling sorry for himself, Kieran gave up ringing her doorbell and went to Jim’s. What a crappy end to what had been a beautiful affair.
* * * * *
Carla kicked the bedroom door shut. Stupid cow, she berated herself. Why did you have to ruin the last night? She knew it wasn’t too late to go to the O’Brien’s and salvage what she could, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She was too overwrought. It gutted her that not once had he mentioned keeping in touch when he went home, and she was damned if she was going to beg. Her days of desperation were well and truly over. If she learned one thing this summer, it was to put a value on herself. Ironically, it was Kieran who had given her that. Carla flopped on the bed and cried her heart out.
She shouldn’t have taken that stupid test earlier. She should have waited until he was safely gone. Although she hadn’t been trying to get pregnant, when she skipped a period, Carla had become quietly excited, hopeful of having some part of Kieran to keep, even if she couldn’t have him. She had no intention of telling him if she was pregnant. She had decided that she would simply leave Corbin’s Bend and start afresh where Kieran had no connections and there was no danger of him finding out. She certainly didn’t want to trap him into staying. Unless he was there of his own free will, and out of genuine desire for her, she would prefer to see him go. When the test was negative, Carla felt like he was being taken from her twice. The little bit of hope she had disappeared with the minus sign on the test.
After a restless night, she knocked on the O’Brien’s door really early. Kieran answered, looking every bit as shitty as she felt. Without a word, he walked out and shut the door behind him, grabbed her hand and tugged her the short walk to her house. Carla kept apologizing over and over. But he still didn’t speak. She fumbled with her key. As soon as the door was open, Kieran pushed her in and slammed the door. Carla gulped, she was in for it now. But to her amazement, he pushed her up against the hall wall. She was fleetingly frightened. She had never seen him so intense. It was only when his mouth came down on hers that the fear dissipated.
“I ought to beat the arse of you for last night. But I don’t want our last memory to be me punishing you.”
“I know, I’m really sorry. Call it hormones. And in truth, I’m sorry to see you go. It upsets me,” Carla admitted, taking her courage in her hands.
“It doesn’t have to be a clean break. We can keep in touch, see how it goes. I’ll miss you, Carla. I’ve become very fond of you.”
Fond! Was that as far as it went? Couldn’t he see he was breaking her heart here? No way was she settling for fond. She wanted fireworks. She wanted to be the center of her man’s world, and him to be the center of hers. And she didn’t think that was too much to ask for. Settling for less would be a disservice to herself. She wouldn’t settle for a part time lover.
“And I’m very fond of you too, Kieran. But you know how it will go. We will mail and Skype for a few weeks, months maybe. I might visit you once and you might come back again, but eventually it will
fizzle out. Why prolong the agony? We’re grown ups. Let’s deal with reality.” Carla squared her shoulders and spoke with a resignation she certainly didn’t feel. She was relieved when Jim banged on the door, telling Kieran it was time to leave. He kissed her one last time, a soft lingering kiss, and she couldn’t help the tears trailing down from the corner of her eyes. He wiped them softly with his two thumbs.
“Please, at least think about it, sweetheart. It’s too good to throw away. I’ll be in touch as soon as I get home.” He looked gutted, his own eyes moist. She felt like a bitch, but she had to preserve herself first.
Jim coughed discretely from the door. Kieran took one last, pleading look at her.
“Have a safe journey,” was all she could manage to squeeze out.
Life just wasn’t fair. If she had never told Kieran about being booked in with the disciplinarian, none of this would have happened. He’d have continued on in his vanilla bliss, and she would have been safe from his philandering ways. Her instincts on day one were right; he was nothing but a flirt and a soft soaper. But he had fooled her; led her to believe he cared not so much by his words, which he was always careful enough with, but by his deeds, by assuming the HOH mantle he had resisted. If she had listened to her gut, she might be sad at losing a friend but not heartbroken at losing a soul-mate. Although it was obvious he didn’t feel the same way.
Chapter Nine
An exhausted Kieran walked into his empty bachelor pad. It was pristine, just as he had left it. It seemed so wrong. He missed Carla’s clutter; the feeling that there was life in a home. What he wouldn’t give to fall across one of her shoes right at that moment.
Jim had given him a right bollocking on the way to the airport for being a coward and walking out on love. Kieran knew Jim was right. He had fourteen hours of flights and transfers to come to terms with it.
Tired as he was, he flung his bag in his bedroom and hit the pub. He couldn’t bear his own company. He should have realized it was too early to meet anyone there. Quickly downing three pints, he walked back to his empty apartment. He fired up the laptop and spilled his guts out in a long email. Aware he was almost drunk even though he hadn’t had that many drinks, Kieran consigned it to drafts. He felt better for getting it off his chest, but hadn’t the courage to send it. He fell into bed and slept until morning.
Kieran went straight back to work. Anything to keep him distracted. It really hurt him that Carla didn’t want to keep in touch, but he would try. He’d mail her every day. It was up to her whether she responded or not. He tentatively broached the subject of distance working with his boss, trying to keep a glimmer of hope alive. As Kieran only did the software development and none of the training, it wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility. His employer was quite happy to look into the practicalities of it. All he needed now was the blasted woman!
For a couple of days he sent her instant messages, nothing of importance, the weather and such like, just trying to engage her. She sent one or two replies, cool and disinterested, but most of them she ignored altogether. He was getting desperate. So desperate that he was wondering if he should just book a flight and go back and talk to her. Of course he might just have to face the possibility that she just didn’t have any feelings for him. But at this stage, he figured he was as well off finding out one way or another, even if he made a total ass of himself. He decided to try one last email. It would be less humiliating than a face to face rejection. It didn’t seem so bad being honest from across the Atlantic, especially when he had nothing more to lose.
To: Carla Methon
From: Kieran O’Brien
Subject: Missing you
Hi, sweetheart.
I’m an asshole. I should have said this before I left.
I hate the idea of going back to my old life without you. I’m only a few days home and already missing you like mad. Dammit, crazy woman, I love you. I love everything about you. How you taste, how you smell. How you smile, how you cry. How you can be such a soppy fool and how you can rear up.
What do you say to giving a mad Paddy a chance? Please? I’m begging here. The boss reckons I should be able to work from there, no problem. I’d bet my right arm on us. I think we have something special.
Kieran
Hours had passed and he’d heard nothing. All that time he was kicking himself for being so blunt. He’d convinced himself that she was rejecting him. He went over every memory they had together and yearned for her touch. The feel of her skin. Being able to smooth his hand across her bare bottom, first to soothe then to watch it blush under his touch. How she called him sir when he disciplined her. How she accepted his guidance. How good they were in bed. How they laughed in bed when some sexcapade went pear-shaped. He couldn’t help but smile at the memory of the first time he tried inserting an anal plug and he told her to bear down on it as if she was going to the toilet and a big fart had erupted. She’d been mortified but the two of them had laughed so hard. It was the end of the kinky stuff for the night because they had just winded up making love in a frenzy. But it was especially memorable because of the fun factor. He tried to stop focusing on the good things because it was only adding to his pain. Finally there was a ping on his phone. He was almost scared to look at it. This was it, make or break. Nervously he clicked on the message.
To: Kieran O’Brien
From: Carla Methon
Subject: Missing you
How soon can you get your ass back here? I love you too. And I’m damn sure you need to punish me very severely for how I spoke to Jim when he tried to tell me to contact you. Tons of swear words. It would have made a sailor blush.
Yours apologetically,
Carla
PS I’m really crying here.
Kieran was over the moon. You fecking eejit, O’Brien, he berated himself. You could have saved yourself all that trouble if you had just told her what was going on in your thick head.
To: Carla Methon
From: Kieran O’Brien
Subject: Missing you
Just because I’m here doesn’t mean I can’t keep manners on you. You’re to tidy your house this evening as punishment. And don’t think you can con me. I still have my spies in Corbin’s Bend. And Jim’s a dab hand at spanking. I’m sure he could be persuaded to act in my absence.
It will take me about two weeks to tidy up my affairs here. Be there as quickly as I can.
I love you.
To: Kieran O’Brien
From: Carla Methon
Subject: Missing you
You wouldn’t dare get your brother to spank me!
To: Carla Methon
From: Kieran O’Brien
Subject: Missing you
Wouldn’t I? Who better to delegate HOH duties to than my brother? It would be wise not to find out!
Now, much as I am enjoying talking with you, I have to work.
Skype you later, sweetheart.
He felt like he was walking on air! Ah, the difference a few minutes can make to the rest of your life. Of course, Carla was right. Kieran probably wouldn’t get Jim to discipline her as he wanted that lovely ass all to himself. But he knew the assertion of authority would reassure her in some funny way. And it would do her no harm to think it could happen – it would keep her level headed and obedient. Off the rails Carla was a danger to herself. He would have to come up with some inventive ways to keep maintenance night over skype.
Kieran tried to focus on his work, but it was easier said than done when his heart was full to the brim with excitement of a new future. He tried to think of the things he would have to organize before he could leave, but even that was too much for his brain to process. He knew two weeks would fly by for him with so much to do, but he was also aware they would crawl for Carla. He skyped her later that evening as planned.
“I hope it’s the screen, because you look as pale as a ghost. Are you okay, sweetheart?”
“No, I’m fine. Honest. I just haven’t been sleeping well. I’ll
sleep better tonight though,” Carla reassured him. But she definitely didn’t look her radiant self. He made a mental note to get Jim or Ange to call over the next couple of days.
“I want to keep our maintenance nights going even while I’m here, so there are a few things I want you to have with you tomorrow night when I skype. We have already missed one, and I know how they calm you.” He listed his requirements, ignoring her protests. He knew she would have everything he asked for. Submitting was her nature. It grounded her and made her content.
“Go to bed early tonight. You look like you need the rest. I love you, little lady.” Kieran was elated to say those words out loud to her. Even over his laptop.
“I love you too. Sleep well. I look forward to you coming home.”
Home. How right that sounded.
Chapter Ten
Carla hadn’t lied to Kieran; when she received his mail, she cried real tears of joy. He was coming back to her, totally of his own accord. He loved her. Holy cow, he LOVED her. She had been in bed when she got the message through on her phone, and once she read it, she jumped up, cheered, and danced with joy. Even as she was laughing she could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks. She ended up making some strange sounds, a mix of sobs, giggles and coughs. She put her crazy emotions down to premenstrual tension.
She was so excited to talk to him online. To see his face. She would have loved to be able to touch him too. He had forgotten a tee shirt he had worn and Carla had deliberately not washed it. She could smell his scent off it and she had been sleeping with it on the pillow beside her. It was old and worn and the material was soft to touch. She loved stroking him through it whenever he wore it feeling the hard muscles contrasted with the smooth comforting cotton. He had worn it the first time he spanked her and even then, as she was lying across his lap, she had been aware of the luxurious feel of it under her almost naked skin. She had been trying to save his scent, showering off all perfumes before going to bed so it would keep as long as possible. Now she was hopeful it would linger until she got him back.
