by Livia Grant
Hallie, props up on her right elbow, her head in her hand as she looks down upon the man who has changed her life. “Right now, the only thing I’m hungry for is you, Troy.”
“Aw Hallie.” The simple words are spoken with such emotion. She finds herself on her back, pressed to the mattress, Troy claiming her mouth in a passionate kiss. When she reaches up to hug him, he claims her hands, entwining their fingers and moving her hands above her head, brushing against the headboard. She feels vulnerable as he pulls out of the kiss to peer down at her.
“I’m gonna go get rid of this condom and then run us a hot bath. I’m gonna need a bit of a rest before I’m ready to go again and I’d like to spend that time with you in my arms, in the whirlpool tub they assured at the desk we’d have. I’m sure you’re going to have some sore muscles from skiing and that should help work the kinks out.”
“Are you always this perfect?”
Troy snorts. “You really do have a short memory, don’t you?”
Hallie knows he’s talking about the night they met, but honestly, she can’t conjure up the anger or the fear she had felt that night. Not now after getting to know Troy. A feeling of peace settles in when she realizes that for the first time, she is remembering the spanking she witnessed with a new lens. The lens of a woman who actually wants to be led by a strong man honorable enough to love her… guide her… protect her. She’s lost in thought long enough for Troy to notice.
“You okay?”
Hallie smiles. “I’m perfect.”
* * * * *
One hot bath and room service dinner later, Troy looks down at Hallie, lounging quietly in his arms on the bed, wrapped in the oversized fluffy robe the hotel provided. She looks utterly content and for that Troy is relieved.
She slips her warm hand inside his own robe to tweak at his nipple and it’s as if she had turned a key to start his engine. Erotic memories of how her body had fit his like a glove have his cock filling, preparing to claim her again. His mind races with all of the things he dreams of doing with her… to her… in her. He can feel her rubbing against his body suggestively, preparing herself as he is.
“Troy.”
“Hallie.”
She is silent for a long time.
“I think you should spank me tonight.”
Shit. He’s not ready for this discussion.
“Hallie, honey. There is plenty of time for that later. Let’s not complicate tonight.”
“It’s hanging over us. Don’t you feel it?”
The problem is she’s right. He does feel it.
He needs to see her face. Rolling her to her back so he can look down at her from above, he can see the seriousness in her eyes. It’s as if she is steeling herself to go through with this to prove to Troy and even herself that she’s going to be able to handle it.
“Okay, let’s pretend you’re right.”
Her smile is adorable. “I’m always right. You should learn that about me right now.”
“Well, we’ll just have to see about that, won’t we? Seriously, we have so much to talk about before I’m ever going to lay a single finger on that beautiful ass of yours. I’m not going to rush you, Hallie.”
“You may not, but the Housing Board is going to. I need to know. Don’t you see?”
He can hear rising panic in her voice. “Shhh. I understand, but we have some time. You sure you want to talk about this now? Tonight?”
He can see tears starting to pool. “I’m sure.”
“Okay. I have questions. Have you ever been spanked before, even as a kid or… Eddie the Asshole.”
She giggles at his pet name for her ex. “I like his new nickname. Never by Eddie, although he tried to turn me into his punching bag the last night before I ran out and left in Gopher. “
“That asshole. I swear I’m going to beat him to a pulp if I ever bump into him. How about as a kid?”
“My mom never spanked me, but my Nana did a couple of times. I remember the summer I started high school she used a fly swatter to smack the back of my bare legs all the way home when she found me at this abandoned warehouse hangout she forbid me to go to. I was humiliated and it hurt like a mother… well, it hurt bad, but it worked. I never set foot there ever again.”
“Why didn’t she want you to go there?”
Hallie blushes. “It wasn’t a place for good girls to hang out. She told me only bad girls went there and… she was right.”
“What happened there?”
“I swear, I only watched, but kids would hang out smoking, drinking, making out… you know. Everything they shouldn’t be doing.”
“So, do you think Nana abused you?”
“No. I hate to admit it, but I was so ashamed that I’d let her down. I thought she would hate me, but when we got home, she hugged me and she was crying because she had been so worried about me. I wanted to be mad at her, but when I saw how much I had hurt her, I was so sorry and I was glad she had spanked me. I really did learn my lesson.”
“That’s what domestic discipline is all about, Hallie. It’s not meant to just let the HoH beat the shit out of you when he feels like it. It is all about being a team where I will lead and you will follow, but it’s still a team. It’s about making rules that we agree to that will help us stay close and when a rule is broken, loving discipline to get you back on track.”
“What kind of rules are we talking about here? I mean am I going to need to break out the computer to type them all up?”
He can tell she’s trying to laugh it off, but the question is a serious one. “Well for starters, it’s the big stuff. Like always being honest with each other, never telling a lie or holding back information. Another big one with me is not doing things that will put you in danger. Things like drinking and driving or texting and driving or speeding.”
Hallie doesn’t speak for a long time and he gives her the space she needs to process the discussion. “That doesn’t sound so bad. I mean, it’s common sense.”
Troy smiles. “Yes, but those aren’t all of the rules, baby. Those are just the biggest ones that will never be overlooked. Just ask Traci about how serious I am about the keeping yourself safe rules. She broke a lot of those the night you and I met. You saw how I think they need to be dealt with.”
He can feel a tremble in her body as her eyes grow wider as she puts together the words with the picture in her mind to drive it home. “You mean you would use your belt on me, really?”
Troy was not ready to have this conversation. He is not sure how much to disclose to her at this early point in their relationship. Knowing the Housing Board’s meeting hangs over them, he decides to error on the side of too much information.
“Hallie, yes, I would if you consent to being in a domestic discipline relationship with me, and let me be very clear, that is what I want, honey. We may have only known each other a few weeks, but you’re special. This, what we have, is special. I hope you feel it too.”
She smiles up at him with a joy he would give anything to see on her face every day for the rest of his life. “Oh Troy, I do feel it, too.”
“Thank God. I was worried it was just me.”
She is giggling again, music to his ears considering they are in the heart of a pretty intense discussion. “You’re so silly.”
“Well then, the answer is yes. It won’t happen at first, but I am certain that at some point in our future I will need to use a belt on this beautiful ass of yours.” He reaches into her robe to stroke her ass, squeezing it for good measure. “But that will not be tonight or any time soon. I’m gonna ease you into this. Start out with just this.” He reluctantly pulls his hand away from her ass and holds it up for her to see.
“This hand is more than enough to get my point across for now. In the future, depending on how we both adjust to things, I will bring in other implements.”
“Like?” It is a quiet whisper.
“You sure you want to know?”
“I need to know, Troy.”
>
“Yes, baby. You do. Just not today.”
“Please. Let’s lay our cards on the table here. That helps me. I need to know so I can process everything. And let’s face it, we aren’t going to be able to talk about this once we get home and have Aunt Gina and Uncle Adam in the next room. Please.”
He watches her carefully and sees she is being honest with him. She’s watching him intently and he could get used to this feeling because as she stares up at him from the few inches below, he drinks in the look of adoration she has on her face. In spite of all they’ve talked about so far, she is showing no signs of fear or reluctance. He decides to proceed.
“Okay. First, I’ll use things other than spankings for smaller punishments. Like corner time or taking away privileges. If we move into spankings, it will always be on your bare bottom. It will sometimes be over my knee or over the end of the bed or couch. I’ll always start with my hand as a warm up and if it’s serious enough, I use another implement. Some are lighter, like the wooden spoon or a wooden ruler. If it is more serious, I might break out my Dad’s favorite, which was a heavy wooden hairbrush or his wide leather belt. I think the most serious I would get would be a paddle, but listen to me. This isn’t going to happen overnight. We are going to figure this all out together, one day at a time like your mom suggested. I’m not going to push you farther or faster than you can handle. Can you live with that?”
He hasn’t taken his eyes off her so he’s been able to see the roller-coaster of her emotions as he had laid out his thoughts on punishments. He had seen flashes of fear, but they were tamped down quickly and he was surprised to recognize what looked like excitement in her eyes several times, especially when he was talking about her bare bottom and the positions he would place her.
“Okay, now that we talked about implements, I’d like to talk about something else. There are a lot of different kinds of spankings, Hallie. I know so far the only kind you think of are punishment or discipline spankings which are the kind I think you dread the most and rightly so because they will always hurt and their sole purpose is to guide you to better choices next time and learn lessons. Very few subs ever learn to like them, but most still welcome them because they help them feel closer to their HoH and also get rid of any guilt they carry. I’ve heard a very few subs actually like this type of punishment but they usually have masochistic tendencies and I highly doubt you will fall into that category, baby.”
“You think? Wise man. I did talk to Aunt Gina about this a little bit. She… well…” Hallie is turning an adorable shade of pink. “She said that there are other spankings that she actually loves getting. I think she’s crazy.”
“Well I hope to prove you wrong, because those will be the first spankings you get. The fun kind. It will be a way to ease you into the lifestyle and my hope is that by the time you earn a real punishment, we will both be ready.”
“What do you mean, you’ll be ready? I saw you in action Troy. It doesn’t look like you need practice.”
Hallie is chuckling, but Troy can’t find the humor. Unbelievably, a wave of dread washes over him at the thought of having to punish Hallie. It’s how he knows his feelings for her are different than any other woman he has dated. “Hallie, I know you won’t believe this, but I’m actually dreading punishing you. It’s going to hurt me every bit as much as it will you.”
She snorts. “Fat chance. I’ll remind you of that when you are wailing on my ass.”
“Do you think I’m going to enjoy hearing you cry? Hearing you call out knowing you are in pain… pain that I am causing you? Do you think it’s easy for an HoH to harden his heart to the pleas to stop? Because believe me, you will beg me to stop and if it is a punishment, I won’t be able to until I know you’ve learned your lesson.”
“Oh God. Please Troy. Why do we have to do this? If it hurts both of us this much, why does anyone do this?” She is trembling again, tears pooling in her eyes. He cups her face gently to comfort her.
“We do this because it makes for stronger relationships, at least the kind of relationship I want. I grew up knowing my parents had a much stronger marriage than any of my friends I would spend time with. When I was young, I had no clue why, but as I grew older I figured it out. My friend’s houses were always full of bickering and chaos. I would hear their parents say mean or rude things to each other or undermine each other behind the other’s back. I saw my friends taking advantage, playing their parents against each other. When I was young, it was kind of funny, but as I grew older, I hated it. Even now, many of my friends who don’t subscribe to a DD way of life have marriages that are on the rocks or kids that are out of control. Many are on their way to divorce. I don’t want that, Hallie.”
“So, your dad really did spank your mom?”
“He did.”
“In front of you and Traci?” He can hear a twinge of panic in her voice.
“Oh no. Never, honey. That was a private part of their marriage.”
She mulls on that for a minute. “I just don’t get why you think spankings will make that big of a difference unless you get to use them to bully me. I mean, in your definition of a strong relationship, is the woman meant to be seen and not heard?”
“Oh Hallie, not even close. I love how sassy and witty you are. I don’t ever want to change that about you. How can I say this better?” Troy has to think for a long minute before he takes another stab at explaining how he feels. “It’s not the spankings that make the relationship strong, honey. It’s so much deeper than that. It’s the intimacy and open communication. It’s us agreeing to rules we both want to live our lives by and then being held accountable. And that means it’s not just me holding you accountable, but you get to hold me accountable too. I have a great responsibility to take care of you… protect you. I want to put you and our relationship ahead of my own personal needs.”
Her grin is adorable. “So, if you break one of our rules, do I get to spank you?”
Troy hugs her. “Nice try, but no. I think there are actually some couples that do agree to that arrangement, but that won’t be us.”
“Honestly, that would just be too weird anyway. But what happens if you do break a rule, Troy?”
Troy pauses. “I will apologize and work hard to make it up to you and rebuild your trust in me again.”
“I’ve heard really nice gifts work well in that situation. I love roses and chocolates.” Her grin is playful.
Troy knows he needs more information about her history growing up. “You’ve talked a little bit about your mom, but you never told me what kind of marriage your parents had.”
He knows immediately he’s hit a sore topic and wishes he could call back his words. When Hallie’s tears spill down her cheek, he swipes them away. “Never mind. We can talk about it later.”
“No. I want to talk about all of this now and get it over with. I’m sick of carrying it around like baggage.”
“Okay, but only if you want to and only if you’re going to feel better when you’re done and not worse.”
“I felt better after I talked to Traci about it all so I think it will help.”
Hallie spends the next fifteen minutes reliving the nightmare that is Gene and by the time she finishes, Hallie may feel better, but Troy wants to jump up, throw on clothes and take the next flight to Baton Rouge to pound down his door and pound in his face. The fact that Hallie and her mother had to live through such violence in their own home is abhorrent to Troy and only now does he truly understand the depth of Hallie’s fear of violence, having been a victim in her own home. He has his work cut out for him to help guide her through the tricky days ahead.
“I’m so glad you shared this with me, Hallie. You were absolutely right that I needed to know about this now so I could better understand why you react the way you do to some of the things happening around you. I am so sorry you had to meet me while I was doing to Traci what you had to watch Gene do to your mom all of those years. God damn, I wish I could change that
.”
“I don’t. At the time it looked exactly the same, but now I know it couldn’t have been any more different. It’s the only reason I’m still here at all and even considering staying in Corbin’s Bend… even considering a relationship with a man who I’m certain is one day going to use his belt on my behind. I guarantee you Gene never once had a conversation like this with mom. He didn’t care how she felt or if she was happy. He didn’t care about me or his marriage. He just wanted control at all costs and he enjoyed hurting her. I saw it in his eyes. He loved the power our fear gave him.”
“Fuck.”
“What?”
“Well I will never enjoy seeing your fear or hurting you, but…” Troy hates this. “Hallie, I do like to be in control. I do feel strongly that each family should have one HoH. Yes, we are a team. Yes, I want to hear all of your thoughts and ideas, but in the end, if we disagree, I need to know you are going to bend to my decision and follow the rules I lay out for us.”
“Like I said. Just like 1950.” He can see the humor dancing in her eyes. She’s teasing him.
“If you say so. I can live with that I guess. The question is, can you?”
“I guess we’ll know more after you spank me, won’t we?”
Chapter Twelve
Hallie is beginning to wonder if she’s lost her mind. She just had the strangest conversation of her entire life and in spite of talking about very intimate and painful things, she has to truthfully admit she feels the weight of the world off her shoulders. Just talking about the whole DD way of life with Troy and hearing his views first hand have removed some of the mystery and while she certainly doesn’t look forward to being on the receiving end of a Troy Jackson punishment, she is pretty confident that it isn’t going kill her. Most confusing is that all the talk of spanking and being naughty has her core lighting up for their next go-round. The look in Troy’s eyes as he looks down on her adoringly tell her he feels the same.
