He looked startled. “Damn. I can’t believe I hadn’t even considered that. What an ass I am. I never thought to bring a condom.”
“One wouldn’t have been enough anyway, but it sounds as if that’s not what’s on your mind, either. I could play this guessing game all morning and not get it right, so you might as well just say it before I end up telling you more stuff you didn’t really need to know or spilling this coffee all over myself.”
He sat beside her and cupped her shoulders. “What I want to talk about has absolutely nothing to do with you and me, or what we did last night. It’s about our mission.”
That was the last thing she’d expected. She gulped a mouthful of coffee and set the mug on the windowsill. “What about it?”
“Now that El Gato’s dead, the reasons we brought you into the mission are over. We don’t need you to identify him, and he’s no longer a threat to your safety.”
“Okay. That’s good, isn’t it?”
“Yes. I’ve heard that the Rocaman government has agreed to the proposed base, too.”
“So the mission was a success.”
“Right.”
“That’s great.”
He didn’t look like a man whose mission was coming to a successful close. His expression was growing grimmer by the second. “You made a deal with Major Redinger. You’d give us your help in exchange for our cooperation with your story.”
“Ah, and now that you don’t need my help, you don’t want me to feel obligated to hang around anymore, is that it? Well, I don’t mind tagging along while you do whatever it is you do to finish up after Helen leaves. It would give me the chance to get some closing quotes for my article.”
“There can’t be an article, Emily.”
“Oh, no. I have plenty of material.” She gestured to her notebook. “Enough to stretch it into a whole series if someone buys it.”
“There’s no easy way to say this.” He took both of her hands between his. “We can’t allow you to publish anything about us or our work here. It would create political difficulties for President Gorrell. It would also compromise our safety on subsequent missions.”
It took a few beats for his words to register. She shook her head fast. She couldn’t have heard him correctly. “No, you’re mistaken. The major and I had an agreement. I said I’d hold off trying to sell my story only until your mission was over.”
“You can never publish it, Emily. Not our names, our backgrounds, our photos or any details about our actions. The special ops teams like Eagle Squadron have to remain anonymous.”
“But—”
“It’s standard operating procedure. It’s why there was no record in the papers of what we did the last time we were in Rocama.”
“No, this time’s different. Redinger agreed.”
“He needed your cooperation. To keep the mission confidential he felt he had no choice but to agree to your demands.”
“But it was his suggestion to embed me with the team. You’re making it sound as if he knew all along he wasn’t going to keep his word.”
Tyler regarded their joined hands. More rain hit the window. The curtains did little to muffle the sound. “He was concerned that you would alert the media to our presence here before our mission was finished. He wanted to keep you close.”
“Keep me close,” she repeated. “Under surveillance, you mean. So it wasn’t my imagination. You didn’t trust me. You were supervising me. That’s why you were restricting my movements.”
“I was also protecting you.”
“My God, I saw it but I didn’t put it together. That’s why there’s no phone in this room. That’s why the guards at the palace gates had orders to stop me from going out.” She tugged her hands but he hung on. She shifted her legs so they no longer touched his. “What about all those interviews? What about the talks we had?”
“Emily—”
“I told you how much this article means to me. I thought you understood. I thought you sympathized.”
“I do understand, and I’m sorry we had to deceive you.”
“Why are you telling me now? Because you slept with me?”
“El Gato is dead and the envoy’s deal’s going through, so there’s no justification for continuing the charade. You have the right to know the truth. And yes, also because I slept with you.”
Her head was whirling. She felt as if she were back on one of those hangover carnival rides, only there was no merciful fuzziness to dull her brain. She looked at the stack of printouts she’d brought back from the library, then at the notebook she’d carried everywhere with her for a week. She thought of the meticulous notes, the hours of work, the days of excitement over undertaking a project so ambitious.
It couldn’t have all been for nothing, could it?
Yet Tyler had called it a charade.
She jerked out of his grasp and got to her feet. “I need this article, Tyler. It’s my ticket to a new life. I need the money. I need…” I need to believe in myself.
That’s what she’d hoped to gain, more than the money or the career boost. She’d needed to believe in her future and find some way to heal her pride. She’d wanted something to hope for, to look forward to. Something that would let her regain the control she’d lost when she’d given her love to Christopher. She’d wanted a new dream to replace the one that had been shattered when she’d trusted the wrong man.
Just as she’d trusted Tyler.
Oh, good God! She’d done it again.
He stood and reached for her. “I’m sorry.”
She smacked his arm aside and backed away. “When did you find out the deal was a fraud, Tyler? It was obviously before last night.” More thoughts surfaced from the whirl in her head. “That’s why your conscience was bothering you. Because you knew you’d been lying about everything.”
“Not everything.”
“When did you know? Tell me. Before you kissed me the first time? Before you let me cry on your shoulder about the last man I trusted?”
“I knew from the first day, Emily.”
She clutched her robe closed at her throat. Suddenly, she felt too exposed. “And the other men?”
“They all knew.”
“Then those interviews, the quotes I got and the notes I took, it was all a farce. You were just going through the motions to keep me happy.”
His jaw twitched. He nodded.
“I don’t suppose it occurred to anyone to simply tell me the truth?”
“You agreed to cooperate only if we gave you our story. We couldn’t be certain how you would react if we refused. Then once we started, we had to continue. Try to understand, our priority had to be our mission.”
“Of course, it was. You’ve warned me often enough, only I never had the presence of mind to put all the pieces together. You used me. You duped me.” She forced a laugh because she’d be damned if she’d cry. “You’re men. You’d think I’d learn.”
“We knew it wasn’t fair to you, but we wanted you to be safe.”
“And you wanted your mission to be successful. Well, it was. Your charade paid off. Congratulations.” She turned her back and started for the door. “You all must be very proud of yourselves. Message delivered. Now get the hell out of my room.”
He caught her before she’d taken three steps, sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her back to his chest. “You have every right to be angry, but please, hear me out.”
She fisted her right hand, covered it with her left and drove her elbow backward. Tyler’s breath whooshed out as she caught him hard in the ribs, but he didn’t loosen his hold. “Take your hands off me,” she said.
“I realize you’re upset.”
“Upset?” She strained to free herself. The stitches in her arm stretched warningly but she didn’t care. “No, Tyler. Upset doesn’t begin to cover it. I’d give you a thesaurus so you could look up a few more appropriate words but if I had something that solid in my hand I’d be apt to turn it sideways and shov
e it up your—”
“Emily, for God’s sake, listen to me.” He lifted her off her feet and somehow managed to twirl her in midair to face him. He clasped her tightly, fitting the curves of her body into the angles of his. “There’ll be other stories. You’re intelligent and perceptive, and you’ve got an exceptional talent with words. You’ll find another subject that’s going to take you wherever you want to go.”
“Put me down,” she said through her teeth.
“I can’t. Not yet. Give me a chance.”
“How stupid do you think I am? No, don’t answer that. It’s obvious, because only a total idiot would let herself get used the way I did. Twice. I sure don’t learn, do I? I came to Rocama to get away from the train wreck I’d made of my life and I stepped right into another.” She blinked furiously. She was not going to cry. “But at least I didn’t waste a year on you, only a week.”
“The only thing I deceived you about was your article. I’ve been honest about everything else.”
“Right. Sure. Given how thoroughly you had me snowed about my work, I’d be an absolute fool to trust what you say about anything else.”
His gaze bored into hers. “Then try trusting what I did. You can trust how we felt when we made love.”
Her heart contracted as if she’d been punched. She pulled her hand free from his embrace and slapped him. “Don’t you dare call it that.”
He didn’t flinch at her blow. When she lifted her hand for another, he turned his head and kissed her palm. “Hit me all you want if it makes you feel better. It doesn’t change how I feel.”
Even now, there was a part of her that wanted to believe him. She touched her fingertips to his cheek, unconsciously caressing the place that she’d struck.
“What we have is special, Emily.”
“We have nothing, Tyler. It was all an illusion. I saw what I wanted to see, just as I did with Christopher.”
“No! It’s not the same.”
“How? You both lied. You both used me to further your own agenda. The only difference is you actually got to enjoy the wardrobe that I’d bought to wear for him.”
He kissed her. It was hard and possessive. So was his embrace. Passion flowed from his touch, mingling with the anger that streamed from hers until it was impossible to distinguish the two. Fury flipped to desire, propelling her even farther away from reason.
Sobbing, she grabbed his hair between her fingers and held on tight while she kissed him back. He’d lied. She should hate him. Yet she knew what his touch could do and responded despite herself. Her breasts were already swelling. Heat rushed through her core so fast it made her wince.
He must have been as attuned to her body as she was to his. He slid his hands beneath her robe and dug his fingers into her naked buttocks. One twist of his wrists and her hips aligned intimately with his. His grip was strong enough to bruise, yet the pain only drove her pulse faster. She hooked her legs around his waist and clung to him.
“Emily.” His voice was hoarse, as breathless as she felt. Beneath the denim of his jeans, she could feel him harden. He shifted his grasp to her waist and lifted her until her breasts were level with his face. He closed his lips around one nipple and drew it, robe and all, into his mouth.
The friction of his tongue through the silk, the pressure of his erection against her inner thighs, was enough to make her shatter. She groaned and threw back her head, helpless to stop the wave of release that ambushed her body.
Yet when it finally ebbed, she didn’t feel fulfilled, as she had before. She felt empty. And sadder than she’d ever been in her life. The joy she’d experienced the night before had been tarnished. She’d been cheated out of far more than her story.
“You have to know I never lied about this,” he whispered. He licked the valley between her breasts. “What’s going on between us is real.”
She let go of his hair so she could wipe her eyes. She wouldn’t listen to him. He’d betrayed her, and now her own needs were betraying her. How could she have let him—
No, she hadn’t let him. There hadn’t been any question of permission or choice, any more than she could have chosen not to be angry. “Yes, it’s real. It’s lust. Is that what you were trying to prove with this little demonstration?”
He slid her down the front of his body until her feet touched the floor. “It’s more than lust.”
She breathed deeply and prayed that her voice wouldn’t crack. “You were right yesterday. I didn’t really want you. I just wanted a distraction. Amazing what a dose of that good ol’ adrenaline can bring on. I suppose I should thank you. This interlude was marginally more enjoyable than slamming my fist into your face, which is what would have happened if you hadn’t distracted me.”
“Don’t.”
Was that pain in his voice? Or was she weaving yet another pathetic fantasy around a man she’d thought she was in love with?
No. She was not in love. She might have thought she could be, but she’d come to her senses. She wasn’t that much of a fool. “There’s no reason to candy-coat what you and I did simply to help ease your conscience. Or mine.”
“Emily—”
“We had sex, Tyler, plain and simple. Since it’s not going to happen again, there’s no reason for you to hang around.” She braced her palms on his chest and shoved backward.
This time, he let her go.
A rumble of thunder vibrated through the floor. Its echoes died slowly, leaving the room silent save for the drumming of the rain and the harsh rasp of their breathing. Emily straightened her robe. The silk that Tyler had moistened with his mouth slid coolly across her breast. She shook with the effort not to cry. “Go away.”
“We’ll talk later.”
“No. I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to touch you, and I don’t want to see you.”
He lifted his hand to her cheek. “We can’t leave it like this.”
She jerked her head to avoid any contact. “There’s nothing left between us. Our professional relationship was a farce from the beginning and our personal relationship is over.” She went to the door and wrenched it open. “I’m sure you have some pressing duty you need to perform elsewhere, so don’t let me keep you.”
“Emily, I’m sorry.”
“Goodbye, Sergeant Matheson.”
He remained where he was.
“What do I need to do to get through to you? Just leave!”
He returned to the window seat and picked up her notebook from the floor. He retrieved her camera from the top of the stacked library printouts, then walked past her and paused. His jaw was rigid. “I am sorry, Emily,” he repeated. “But I have to take these with me.”
She slammed the door. The impact echoed through the walls with a boom that rivaled the thunder.
Emily decided it was reply enough.
Chapter 10
Dawn broke watery and gray and got bleaker as the morning progressed. The stones in the courtyard glistened almost black. The flowers were furled, leaving only masses of dark green over the sodden soil. Unrelenting rain drummed on the window. Emily was fine with that. She wasn’t in the mood for sunshine. She moved woodenly around the room as she packed her belongings, taking care to remove every trace of her presence. She put on her most comfortable dress, which happened to be the one with the bullet hole in the hem. That was fine, too. It would serve as a good reminder of what could happen when she lowered her guard. Keeping her gaze away from the bed, she buttoned her cardigan, closed the door to her room for the last time, then wheeled her suitcase down the corridor as far as the envoy’s suite.
Major Redinger was talking quietly with Jack as they stood outside the door. The major was in full ribbons-and-medals uniform this morning, looking as crisp as the first time she’d seen him. Though both men greeted Emily politely, neither one looked her directly in the eye.
She wasn’t surprised. She was well aware of how tight the team was, and she’d assumed that Tyler would have informed them that he’d re
vealed the truth about the charade to her. He’d also likely told them it hadn’t gone well. That was good. Then she wouldn’t need to explain what she was about to do. She drew a folded piece of paper from her purse and held it out. “I’m glad to find you here, Major Redinger. This is for you.”
Redinger didn’t make a move to take the paper. “I’m afraid I don’t have much time, Miss Wright. I’m on my way to the garage. We need to prepare the convoy to the airport.”
“Thank you for the update, but your schedule or that of your men is of no further interest to me.”
It was hard to decipher the expression on the major’s face. As usual, his granite features gave nothing away. Not even an apology. “I understand that you’re disappointed in the way we secured your help, but it was the best option for everyone concerned. I hope you can take some satisfaction in how valuable a contribution you made to our mission.”
The anger she’d been nursing rekindled. Once again, she welcomed it, because it was far better than the pain. These men had made a fool of her, but if they thought she was going to hide meekly in her room until they had left, they were sorely mistaken.
She knew how to look out for herself. She’d had years of practice. They were going to pay for the damage they’d done, just as they had a week ago when Tyler had crashed through her balcony doors. She had come full circle. Her vacation was going to end almost as it had started. She snapped her wrist to unfold the paper. “Speaking of valuable contributions, this is a list of what Eagle Squadron owes me.”
Redinger looked at his watch, then took the paper from her hand and began to read it aloud. “‘Item one: digital camera plus memory card.’” He glanced at Jack. “Was it erased?”
“Yes, sir. Sergeant Colbert already saw to it.”
He took a pen from a pocket inside his jacket and crossed out the first line on the paper. “We’ll return your camera.”
Emily clutched her hands together to keep them steady. She had known the pictures of the men would be deleted. They would never be published. It was pathetic to have wished she could have kept some of them for herself. “Send it over to the Royal Rocaman Hotel. I’ll be staying there until my flight leaves tomorrow.”
Accidental Commando Page 15
