“He’s going to be fine,” he whispers words of encouragement while I do my best not to melt into a puddle of tears.
Just when I’m not sure I can hold them in any longer, Jackson spins around and offers us an excited wave. The pure happiness on his little face is enough to calm my fears and remind me what a bright, brave little boy I’ve raised.
“Yeah, he is.” I turn my smile to Ant who winks before leading me away from the classroom, back through the busy hallway, and out into the warm morning sun, not letting go of my hand until we’ve reached my car.
“Thank you for coming with me.” I turn toward him. “I’m not sure I could’ve gotten through this without you.”
I was initially unsure about Ant coming with me today, afraid that it might send the wrong message. But then I realized that it really doesn’t matter. Jack is too young to really understand the changes happening between Ant and me, and I really don’t care what anyone else thinks. As far as all these other parents know Ant is Jackson’s father, and I’m okay with that. More than okay with it, in fact.
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Thank you for letting me come.” He gives me one of his megawatt smiles, the ones that always send my heart into overdrive. “Come on, we’re gonna be late for work if we don’t get a move on.”
“The last thing I want to do is go to work right now,” I admit, climbing into the driver’s seat.
“Then let’s not.” Ant grins mischievously as he slides into the passenger seat next to me.
“Whatever. We can’t just blow off work.” I brush him off.
“Why can’t we? Neither of us has missed a day since we started. People do get sick from time to time you know.”
“Stop it,” I laugh, backing out of my parking spot before pulling onto the street. “You’re really making me consider it.”
“Good. That’s the point.”
“You’re such a bad influence.” I throw him a playful glance before turning my gaze back to the road.
“I’m pretty sure you’re the bad influence on me,” he disagrees, shaking his head adamantly.
“How am I the bad influence?” I fake offense.
“This question coming from the girl who thought it would be a good idea to suck me off while I was on a video conference call with my boss. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to keep a straight face?”
“Hey, you did pretty well up until…” I give him a knowing smirk.
“I don’t think I’ve ever hung up on a call that quickly before. He probably wondered where the hell the fire was.”
“It was totally worth it though,” I state without question.
“Fuck yes it was.” He laughs next to me. “Which is precisely why you should call off work and spend the day with me?”
“Planning to return the favor, are you?” I keep my eyes on the road and try not to squirm in my seat at the thought.
“That’s exactly my plan.” His hand finds my upper thigh and squeezes firmly. “Besides, you’ll be worried about Jack all day if you go to work. Why not let me keep you occupied until his first day is over.”
“You’re starting to wear me down,” I groan, knowing there’s no way I can say no—not when he makes it sound so good.
“Oh, baby, I plan to do more than just wear you down,” he promises, his voice thick.
“Tell me we’re doing this right,” I murmur as I lay in Ant’s arms, our naked bodies twisted together in a heap of limbs and sheets.
“Doing what right?” His fingers move lazily through my hair as he stares up at the ceiling.
“This. Us. I feel like we went from zero to a hundred overnight. Do you ever wonder if maybe we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves?”
“Do you?” He shifts below me, turning so he’s on his side now facing me. He reaches out and pushes my hair over my shoulder, his fingers grazing the side of my neck as he does, causing goose bumps to race across my skin.
“A little.” I shrug.
“Elaborate.”
“I mean, it’s been less than two weeks since we slept together the first time, and already I feel like we’ve been together forever.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” he questions, his blue-gray eyes holding my gaze intently.
“No.” I think on it for a moment. “Yes.” I hesitate. “I mean, I don’t know. I guess I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around all this.”
“And you’re worried about Jackson,” he states, already knowing where my mind is going.
“I am,” I admit. “What we do here affects him too. He’s become extremely attached to you over the last couple of months. I hate to think that our actions are going to somehow hurt him in the long run. I mean, what if this doesn’t work out?”
“Bree.” He tips my chin, pulling my gaze back to him when I attempt to look away. “That’s a risk you take with any relationship- but I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to make sure I never hurt that boy… Or you.”
I think on his statement for a long moment before finally asking the question I’ve been dying to bring up since this whole thing started.
“And what about the apartment?” I ask, remembering how easily he took the news that the apartment he had been holding out for was rented to another tenant. “Are you still looking? Have you found any you think you might like?”
“I have a couple in mind, yes, but whether I decide to take one or not is completely on you.”
“How so?” I question, propping up on my elbow, the sheet falling low enough that Ant’s gaze instantly goes to my chest.
He takes a deep inhale, and when his eyes meet mine again I can tell I’ve somewhat distracted him.
“Do you want me to get my own apartment?” He waits for a long moment before adding, “Or do you want to look at making this living arrangement a more permanent one?”
“Are you asking me if you can move in, like—move in, move in?”
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
“You don’t think it’s too soon?” I question, even though there’s nothing more in the world that I want than to have him stay here forever.
I can’t even stomach the thought of him leaving.
“I already live here,” he reminds me, lifting up to drop a sweet kiss to my lips.
“I know, but there’s so much to work out. I still haven’t talked to Courtney. Tess will probably disown me when she finds out about us being together, especially when she learns how long I’ve been keeping it from her. Then there are my grandparents. Oh my God, my grandma is going to lose her mind. Do you realize how many people I’m lying to right now?” I sit up, a sudden rush of panic settling on my chest.
“Slow down there, killer.” Ant chuckles, pulling me back down before quickly positioning himself on top of me. “I didn’t say we had to tell everyone what we’re doing. We can ease into it. Maybe we can have dinner with your grandparents, break the ice a little. And Tess and Courtney, that will work itself out eventually.”
“God, you make it sound so simple,” I groan beneath him.
“You don’t have to run in guns blazing, Kingsley. I’m already here; it’s just a matter of whether or not you want me to remain here or if you’d rather me get my own place. We can figure the rest out later.”
“So you would move in officially, like this would be your room too?” I question, liking the sound of that probably more than I should.
I’m terrified with how quickly things between us escalated over the last couple of weeks, but I’m also completely powerless to stop it. Honestly, I’m not sure I want to anyway.
“Well, that would be ideal.” He grins down at me, dropping his elbows on either side of my head to support his weight. “I sleep in here every night anyway,” he reminds me, grinding his now firm erection into my pelvic bone. “And if you’re worried about space, don’t be. I left pretty much everything I own back in Rockfield. I come with two tubs of clothing and a couple boxes of miscellaneous items, and th
at’s it.”
I consider what he’s proposing, try to look at it from every angle, but I can’t seem to see past his gorgeous smile or the way that smile makes my heart flutter in my chest. I’m blind to anything that is not Anthony Treadway, and I know without a moment’s hesitation that there’s nothing more I want than to make this official.
“We’re really going to do this?” I ask, wrapping my hands around the back of his neck.
“This is what I want, Bree. I want this. All of it. You and Jack. Getting to wake up with you every morning. Getting to go to bed with you every night. Maybe it’s too soon, but fuck if I care. You’re all I want, and I want you all the time.”
“I want that too,” I admit, knowing that even if I wanted to, there’s no way I can deny just how much I mean that statement.
“So then, we’ve made a decision? Apartment hunting is officially over?” He smiles at me, his boyish charm oozing from every orifice of his body.
“Apartment hunting is officially over,” I confirm, squealing when he abruptly turns and I somehow end up on top of him, straddling his waist.
“You make me so fucking happy, Bree Kingsley,” he says, lifting my hips just enough to position himself at my entrance before slowly sliding inside of me.
“Mmm,” I groan, my mind instantly diverted to the deep seeded need that only Ant can fill.
“So fucking happy,” he repeats as I lift up and slide back down, taking him in inch by torturous inch.
“Why are you calling me at three in the morning, Vi?” I hear Ant grumble as he shifts out from under me, pulling me from sleep.
I roll onto my side and blink into the darkness, feeling him stiffen the moment my arm wraps around his middle.
“When?” It’s all he says, and yet I know instantly what it means. “Yeah, okay,” he says, sitting up before throwing his legs over the side of the bed. “I said okay, Vi,” he bites, his sleep-ridden voice taking on a hard edge. “Okay. Yeah. Bye.” He ends the call and pushes to his feet before I can even process the movement.
“Ant?” I question, sitting up just as he clicks on the closet light before scouring the floor for his clothes. “Ant,” I say again, shoving back the covers as I quickly climb out of bed. “Hey.” I step in front of him and take his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me.
“What’s going on?” I search his eyes and see the blank detached gaze that stares back at me.
“My dad died,” he finally admits out loud, like he hasn’t quite processed the news.
“I’m so sorry.” I pull him into my arms, not really sure what else to say. How do you comfort someone who refuses to acknowledge they need comforting? “What can I do?” I pull back to look at him. “Tell me what you need.”
“I don’t need anything.” He shakes his head. “I just… Fuck, I just need a minute.” He pushes my arms away and quickly steps out of my embrace, ducking into the bathroom seconds later.
I pace the bedroom for several moments, honestly not really sure what I should do before finally settling on calling Tess. She answers on the first ring, worry evident in her voice.
“Bree, what is it?”
“Ant’s dad died,” I say the words slow, not yet sure how to feel about any of this.
“Oh my God.” I hear rustling in the background followed by Tess’ whispered words as she attempts to cover the phone. “What do you need from us?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, there’s really nothing you can do tonight except be there for him. He’s going to need his friends.” I want to correct her, tell her I’m more than just his friend, but I don’t want to open that can of worms tonight.
“Right, I know.”
“Call me in the morning and let me know when you guys are flying out. I’ll get Sebastian and my flights booked first thing in the morning. I’m assuming we have no idea when the services will be or anything.”
“No, I mean, I think it just happened.”
“Poor Ant.” She sighs.
“I don’t even know if he will want to go to the funeral,” I admit, knowing that the last time we spoke about his father he gave no indication that anything had changed for him in that regard.
“Okay, well just let me know when you know, and we will go from there. Either way, we’re here for him.”
“Thanks, Tess,” I say, my eyes darting to the doorway when Ant reappears there, his expression sullen. “I gotta go.” I hang up without giving her a chance to respond.
I’m across the room and in his arms in a matter of seconds, doing the only thing I have the power to do at this very moment—try to bear some of the weight of his pain.
“Liz is picking us up from the airport when we land,” I say, referring to Tess’ mom. “We’ll be staying with her until Sunday morning. Tess and Sebastian are going to stay at his parents. And our return flight home leaves Sunday at noon.” I tell Ant as I weave in and out of traffic leading into the airport. “I talked to Vi earlier and they decided to hold the visitation and funeral both on Friday. They’re having everyone come back to your parents’ house after the service,” I ramble just to fill the silence of the car.
Ant has been like a zombie since last night. He’s barely spoken ten words since he found out that his dad passed, and I’m not sure if it’s because he feels guilty for not being there when it happened or if he’s simply in shock that he’s actually gone. Either way, all I know is there was no way I was going to sit back and let him withdrawal into himself, so I did the only thing I knew to do. I took charge.
I called Tess and made arrangements for us to stay with her mom for the weekend. Then I called Vi to let her know that we would be arriving this afternoon. My grandparents were generous enough to keep Jack for the weekend. The last thing I wanted to do was take him away from school and submerge him into what is sure to be an emotional weekend. I feel better knowing he’ll be far away from this situation and well taken care of.
Ant didn’t fight me when I told him we were going to Rockfield for the funeral like I thought he would. Instead, he just kind of nodded and started throwing stuff in his bag. Again— zombie.
Jackson’s the only one who was able to pull Ant from his mind long enough to actually speak. And even then, I could tell it was hard for Ant. I got the weird feeling that as he was looking at Jackson he was wondering if his father ever looked at him that way. He never said anything of the sort, of course, but I felt it nonetheless.
Ant simply nods to everything I’m telling him, his gaze locked out the window as I finally manage to locate a parking spot in the far corner of the airport parking lot.
“Hey.” I reach over and grab his hand seconds after killing the engine.
He glances over at me, his stormy eyes so conflicted it nearly breaks me.
“Thank you for doing all this.” His statement surprises me, and in an instant relief washes over me.
“Of course,” I say, squeezing his fingers.
“I know I’ve been kind of out of it today. I’m sorry about that. I’m just feeling a kind of way that I’m not quite sure how to handle.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Ant. You just lost your father. No matter the relationship there, he was still your father. That’s bound to bring up some painful feelings. Just know I’m here. No matter what.”
“Thank you.” He gives me a sad smile before quickly climbing from the car.
Ant refused to visit his family before the service. We spent Thursday night holed up in Tess’ old childhood bedroom with Liz checking on us every five minutes.
By the time Friday afternoon rolls around, I’m exhausted, both physically and mentally. Ant doesn’t talk on the way to the funeral home. We sit in the same uncomfortable silence we’ve existed in for the last two days; honestly, I’m at a loss here.
I know I can’t push him to deal with this. I can only be ready to be there for him when it finally sinks in. But patience has never been one of my st
rong suits, and I can feel mine wearing thinner and thinner with each moment that passes.
Court, Tess, and Sebastian all come to the funeral. I didn’t even know Courtney was in town, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Tess called her. I’m also not surprised that she came because that’s just Courtney.
Normally I would feel worried, uneasy about how closely she’s watching me as I stand next to Ant, my hand wrapped around his as the preacher stands at the head of his father’s casket and reads from the Bible, but right now I just don’t care. All I care about is Ant and what he’s going through.
We arrive back at Anthony’s childhood home just after four in the afternoon. His neighbors all came together for his mom and brought a spread of food that lines every square inch of countertop space in the kitchen.
People are in and out, paying their condolences to Ant, his sisters, and his mom. I watch him carefully, watch as he shakes hands and accepts hugs like he’s acting on autopilot. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s anywhere but here. Hell, he’s been anywhere but here since Vi called, and I’m not sure how to bring him back.
Sebastian, Tess, and Court are never far from where we are. I can feel them watching us, watching Ant, like they are preparing for the same thing I am—the fallout they know is coming.
“Hey.” Courtney’s voice snags my attention, and I look up from the picture I’m looking at of Anthony as a child just as she stops next to me.
“Hey.” I force a smile, all too aware of the unspoken secrets still lingering in the space between us.
I hate that they’re there. I hate that I feel tense and unsure around my best friend when I should be happy that she’s here. I hate a lot of things about this situation. Mainly I just hate myself for lying to her, for keeping something from her that she deserves to know the truth about.
“How you holding up?” she asks, her gaze falling to the same picture I was just looking at.
“I’m okay. Worried about Ant.” I shrug.
“He seems pretty out of it,” she observes.
When Dawn Breaks Page 18
