“Ahh.” I cracked a smile, attempting to relieve some of the brooding in his eyes. He still hadn’t told me what was weighing on his mind. “What is it?” I repeated, my voice firm. I reached out and took his hand, meshing our fingers together and hoping to get a smile out of him.
He was silent and I sensed his struggle as he searched for the right words. I touched his chest, tracing one of the heavy dark blue swirls of his tattoos. My painted warrior, who stepped out of the mists of time to haunt me. I smirked at my own whimsy and then realized how silly I must seem, how young. I must be more beat than I thought to have such romantic ideas.
“What do you mean, link us irrevocably?” I prodded. I couldn’t imagine us being more a part of each other than we already were. I knew every thought of his, every emotion.
“Yes, we are,” he admitted, a faint smile flickering over his stern lips. “And this… this is special, Jacob. I haven’t connected with anyone this deeply in a very long time.”
His thought was a caress over my skin. Once again, I was overcome by just how much he needed me. Its warmth seeped through every fiber of my being. At the same time jealousy surged. I hated whoever he had also shared this with, even if they were long dead and their bodies returned to the dust and ashes they had come from.
Kristair flicked a glance at me and it was amazing how much he could put in one look; rebuke, amusement, and the admission that yes, he was mine.
“Yes, we are linked, emotionally, psychically.” Kristair paused and pursed his lips before continuing. I caught the flicker of thought that the other links he’d had in the past had been one-sided. He hadn’t let the wall down for his other lovers. I couldn’t help but wonder what had changed. I would think about that another time.
“It’s not an easy thing to put into words. If I had a choice I would seek another, but there’s no time,” Kristair said, his eyes never leaving mine.
“NO.” I struggled to sit up when my entire body was screaming for me to lie back and sleep. “There’s no one else,” I said, scowling. I didn’t know what he wanted but I knew he needed it. I sensed his desperation, his paranoia. It was leaking from behind the barrier he’d put up and it colored his thoughts, now that he was speaking of his problem. I didn’t want anyone else supplying his need, no matter how small.
Kristair put his hands on my shoulders, pressing me back onto the bed. I tried briefly to struggle, but it was impossible. A small headache began to form between my eyes and I sank back with a sigh.
“You don’t understand,” he said.
“Well, ya ain’t fuckin’ helping,” I snapped, my patience quickly fading. Damn, now my redneck was starting to show. I hated it.
Kristair didn’t comment on my sudden show of anger. He merely waited until I’d calmed then curled up behind me, drawing me into the warmth of his embrace. I was afraid. I didn’t want to change and it was gonna happen no matter what. I already had. Yet, I knew what I was doing when I opened the window. I knew. How could I invite him in and not be changed in some essential way? Besides, it wasn’t as if I’d allow him to go to anybody else now, so it was too late to bitch about it.
His fingers were warm on my skin, stroking my hip. His chin was on my shoulder and I couldn’t feel his breath ghosting over my flesh. It reminded me of what he really was: not human. For once the thought didn’t disturb me. It was kinda hard to be freaked out when his tenderness toward me was clear in his touch and thoughts. When he spoke again, I forced myself to concentrate on his words though the deep, soothing sound of his voice in my ear was almost enough to knock me out.
“I’m sure you’ve heard all of the different tales about my kind. Some touch here and there on the truth but then diverge off into a wholly different direction. What never fails to amuse me is the truth is what is often disbelieved whereas the wild tangents are treated as gospel.”
Kristair paused and lifted his head to look down at me. “As far as I know, I’m the oldest of my kind still living. As different as you are to us, so I am to those who are younger than me. There are things I know they couldn’t even begin to dream of, secrets that will disappear with me.”
His voice was matter-of-fact. He wasn’t being arrogant, just telling the truth. I had a thousand questions, but for once I didn’t demand answers. I’d get ’em though.
“There are many laws that govern us, but we have only one true vulnerability,” he continued.
I caught his thought in my mind and turned around in his arms to lay my hand over his chest. His skin was warm, which I still didn’t understand, and like I suspected he had no heartbeat. It was a bizarre sensation.
Kristair smiled. “You’ve caught onto the heart of it.” There was amusement on his face, which quickly faded. “I need a vessel, Jacob. I need you.”
The image of his heart in my chest came to me and I drew back in confusion. Jesus, I was in way over my head. I had to have read him wrong. There was no fucking way I’d be able to carry Kristair’s heart in my body. “Um….I’m sorry…. What the fuck?” So many questions crowded my brain that it was making my headache worse.
“There is a ritual my people once practiced before they were decimated and absorbed by the nations that came after them. It was a way for our dying warriors to stay connected with this plane after they’d passed.” His voice sounded far away, as if he were lost in the past and was unaware of my unease. “When I became what I am now, I found other uses for it.”
I tapped my fingers against his jaw to get his attention. “Hey, babe, you’re not helping. Ritual? Just how do you plan on doing this, because I gotta tell ya, you’re not inspiring my confidence.” My conscious gave me a little stab. I was being disloyal, especially after the connection we’d shared, but I couldn’t even begin to imagine how he’d pull off the trick without hurting or killing me in the process.
Kristair’s eyes narrowed and his features sharpened. “I swear to you, Jacob. You won’t be injured. In fact, you won’t even notice it’s a part of you unless I choose to allow my heart to beat. I’m only going to do one part of the ritual. You’ll just be carrying the physical representation of what I am.”
“What’s the whole thing do?” I asked before I could stop myself. My mind was spinning and I wasn’t entirely certain I wanted to know the answer.
Kristair caught my hand and brought it to his lips. “It would transfer my soul to you, mo chroí. However, as I’m still on this Earth I have need of it.” There was an odd sound to his voice, but then he smiled. “Besides, you have enough to contend with without that burden.”
“You still haven’t told me how you’re planning on doing this.”
Kristair thought over his answer before replying. “I think, in your terms you would call it magic.”
“Vampires can do magic?” As if they weren’t already freaky enough. Though, I had to admit there was very little to intimidate me about Kristair when he was lying next to me warm and naked, and I was thinking of the sex we’d had instead of how he was supposed to be a monster to fear.
“It’s not a talent inherent to vampires. I learned it in my former life.”
Oh yeah, he had said something along those lines. My hands came up to frame his face and my thumbs brushed over his lips. “Oh, just go ahead.” Both of us were delaying and though I knew my reasons, I didn’t get his. Despite our connection there were still many things about him that were hidden. I was certain of three things: it wasn’t gonna kill me, or hurt anyone else, and he needed this. It was enough.
Kristair’s surprise whipped through me. Then he was kissing me and his emotions pounded against mine in a savage heartbeat. By the time he pulled away I was dazed and clinging to him. He untangled himself and rose from the bed, disappearing into my bathroom. It really should have disturbed me how well he knew his way around my place. I could sense his amusement as he returned.
“You knew I’ve been in your rooms before.” He chuckled as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “I like watching you sleep. You look
innocent then.”
I gave him an arch look. “Innocence is overrated. I did innocent once. I want to live now.” Restlessness stirred in me. I wanted to do things. I wanted to travel and see the world, try foods I’d never dreamed of, experience events as they happened. I reached up and touched the scar on Kristair’s shoulder. I wondered what it was like to have seen and done so much. Was there anything new left to explore?
I bet Kristair never found himself in some damned backwater town, where he was just another kid whose old man was gone. Where everybody from the school counselor to the preacher told him that football was a pipe dream, and hey, they had a cousin who worked in construction or an uncle who had his own car shop. They could make a couple calls and then he’d have a more realistic dream to work toward.
I was gonna show them all.
Blunt, calloused fingertips brushed over my cheek, pulling me out of my thoughts. Kristair smiled and brought the washcloth to my stomach. It was warm and it touched me he had taken the time to heat up the water first. No, he might not have my past, but I sensed he’d had his share of trials in his quiet understanding. And that eased the old tension.
Anticipation rejuvenated my body as he ran the damp cloth over my thighs and cock, and my earlier fatigue disappeared. This was it: the end result of all those months where Kristair had led me in his little dance.
I rolled onto my stomach as Kristair got up again and watched him move about my room. There was some light from the streetlamps outside, gleaming around the edge of the shades, but he must have had eyes like a cat to find whatever he was retrieving from my desk drawer.
The sound of a match striking came to my ears and Kristair lit several small candles. I examined them as he set them down on the table and windowsill. They looked homemade and there was a faint aroma about them. I knew for a fact they weren’t mine. Tony and Steve would rag on me for owning flowery candles.
“I put them there a couple of weeks ago,” Kristair said.
My mouth was dry as I flicked my tongue out over my lips. “When you knew you were gonna get what you wanted?” I asked as he mixed something up in a bowl, hearing the scrape of wood on wood. He paused and looked down at me.
“When it became obvious you wanted me to.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Are you sure, mo chroí?” I caught his anguish that I might agree and his desperation that I might not before it was walled up again.
I turned my head to press my lips to his palm. “Damn right I’m sure.” My voice was confident, but I knew my lover sensed my worry. The unknown made me edgy, yet knowing ahead of time what exactly was going to happen would only make it worse. Our connection let me know what Kristair was feeling and emotions didn’t lie, so I trusted him even if it did go against my instincts.
Kristair’s caress lingered on my face before he picked up a brush and the polished wooden bowl. Wet bristles slid between my shoulder blades and nerves compelled me to speak. “Well, damn. If you’d wanted to get out the body paints you shoulda just told me. Are they edible?”
A smile quirked Kristair’s lips as I craned my neck to see what he was painting, but it was hard to make out in the flickering light and shadows. His hand pressed on my shoulder and, with reluctance, I obeyed his silent command, laying my head back down.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you. Perhaps you’ll initiate me into the mysteries of edible paint one day.”
I groaned at the mischief in his voice. “Don’t worry, Kristair,” I said. “You’re not the only one who can teach a thing or two.”
The paint dried quickly and my skin tightened as it did. I gave up trying to figure out what he was doing. Whatever the design, it was extensive. My curiosity overcame my anxiety and I was grateful when he finally allowed me to turn over so he could start on my ribs.
I traced my finger over the figure of a wolf on Kristair’s side, which he was duplicating on my body, and experienced a primal surge of possessiveness. He was marking me in a mirror image of himself and the power of the statement made me want to claim him in return.
I studied his face as he concentrated on his task. His brows were furrowed, his lips pressed together in concentration. He was mine. Mine, mine, mine.
Kristair laughed. “That was about the reaction I had when I first saw you.”
My curiosity pricked. I had never been quite certain when it had all started. It seemed to come out of nowhere and at the start I kept dismissing my sense of him as stress from too much homework. “When was that?”
“The first game of the year,” Kristair responded absently as his attention returned to his paint job. “When you were playing Virginia and got that touchdown toward the end of the second quarter.”
I smiled. That had been a good game, though I’d caught hell for my attitude later on. I studied the hard planes of Kristair’s features and the way his long lashes shadowed his cheekbones. Pretty he wasn’t, but damn he was beautiful in his own right. The urge to wrap my arms around him and kiss the serious expression off his face was almost overwhelming.
Kristair’s eyes flicked up. “Stop that,” he said in exasperation.
“Stop what?” I smirked.
“Radiating lust. It’s distracting.” He went back to what he was doing, though there was a faint smile on his lips as he did.
I rolled my eyes, but kept my hands to myself, instead fantasizing about everything I wanted to do to him with my mouth and hands. It was amusing to watch him try to keep his mind on what he was doing. Furrows deepened on his brow and the way his lips pursed invited them to be plundered.
Before too much longer, he set the bowl aside and leaned close to blow across the glistening paint on my hip until it was as dry as the rest.
Kristair met my eyes and suddenly I didn’t know him anymore, I couldn’t read him. There was strength of purpose about him which was almost frightening. His hands came up to cage my face and my breath quickened. What was happening? My eyes darted around the room as the candles flared and guttered. He began to speak in a language like none I’ve ever heard before and I couldn’t understand what he was saying even with our mental connection. What was he saying? What the fuck was I doing? I tried to pull back, but his hands were like steel.
I sensed the power in him, in this room, and my fear switched to terror. I didn’t know this creature with his strange appearance and alien mind. “Kristair?” Despite his reassurances earlier, I kept waiting for the pain to start and tensed.
Kristair’s unfathomable eyes softened, and his hands slipped from my face to slide down my arms. His devotion toward me washed through my psyche. There was nothing more reassuring than knowing he valued my life more than his own.
His hands cupped my own, bringing them up to the silent spot on his chest. Warmth suffused in my hands and my palms tingled. My eyes widened as his heart started to beat. I couldn’t breathe and my stomach tightened as he removed our hands, placing them both over the painted tattoos on the right side of my chest. At first nothing happened, and then I felt the double beat of our hearts moving in concert with each other.
The litany of his words dropped off and, as his hands fell away from my own, exhaustion like I’d never known stole through me. For a split second I was afraid I was dying, that I wouldn’t have the strength to keep my body running. Then Kristair lay down next to me, pulling me into his arms and drawing a blanket over the both of us, and I was soothed.
“Will you be here when I wake up?” I didn’t have the energy to speak, so I let the question sit in my mind, confident he would hear me.
Kristair pressed his lips to my temple. “Now, I am always with you.” “Sleep, mo chroí.”
The order was quiet and I was helpless to do anything but obey.
Chapter 7
JACOB DIDN’T move as he slept. He was curled up on his side, with his hand tucked under his cheek. I listened to the half-formed chaotic thoughts that darted through his mind as he dreamt. I couldn’t tell what he was dreaming about beyond that he was content. It
pleased me far more than I thought it would, and I was reluctant to leave him though it was past time for me to do so.
Finally, I rose, tucking the blankets around him, and got dressed. There was a flicker of consciousness in him as I leaned down and kissed his temple. He made a sound of sleepy protest, but subsided back into slumber when I ran my fingers through his thick, unruly hair. “Sleep, Jacob. I won’t be far.” Whether or not he understood, I didn’t know, but it provided me with a measure of comfort.
He appeared so young and vulnerable as he lay there, innocent of all the intrigues and horrors that made up this world. It pained me to leave him, to know I wasn’t going to be here when he awoke. I wasn’t going to see how he adjusted to the changes in him. I would be unaware of everything as I slumbered.
I opened the sash and swung myself onto the fire escape. The chill wind battered me as I secured the window. I looked at Jacob one more time before I turned and made my way down the ice-slicked rickety steel stairs and ladder. He would be safe until I returned.
It was the darkest hour before dawn, when the city was as still as it was ever going to be. The only ones stirring were those businessmen who took their work too seriously or those who made a living off the denizens of the night. I turned toward the main boulevard and student union, ignoring the bitter cold as it seeped through my clothes. It had snowed in earnest while I’d been ensconced in Jacob’s bed, wrapped around his warmth and life. Every step took me farther away, yet I could still sense Jacob’s heartbeat as strongly as before while he continued to dream.
The paranoia that had been dogging my steps had eased somewhat. I wasn’t sure if it was because my ritual had the desired effect or if it was because I’d finally taken action. It was too early to tell. I would have to reexamine it in the evening when I had a better handle on my thoughts and emotions. I was in no condition to think objectively right now.
Euphoria thrummed deep in my veins. The prize I’d won was far greater than I thought it would be, far more than I’d expected. When Jacob surrendered—no, he had never surrendered. He’d yielded the battle to get what he wanted in return. Jacob was not some unthinking lackey who would blindly follow whatever dictates I set. Unexpected warmth flowed through me. I’d been attracted to Jacob from the first and over the months he’d earned my respect, but I’d been unprepared for the rush of emotion I’d experienced this night.
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