I straightened and glared at him, stung by his teasing. “I’m serious.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. Look, love, you’re not normal, that’s for sure, but I’ve seen some really nutty batshit people. This guy back home used to start ranting at the planes whenever they flew overhead. I’ve been inside your skull. You’re not insane if that’s what you’re getting at.”
I relaxed, not realizing until then how tense I’d been. I chuckled self-consciously. “Well, it’s going to sound crazy. I hear voices. Not really voices—more like whispers because I can’t make out what they’re saying. It started occurring just before I woke up or when I went to sleep.”
That got his attention. Jacob’s eyes widened and he searched my face uncertainly before squaring his jaw. His jumbled thoughts and emotions reached out to me and I took his hand.
“Some abilities that I’ve had for centuries, I had started to lose control of, and it’s getting harder to wake up sometimes.” Uneasiness stirred, but it lacked my usual anxiety. “It was hard not to think I was losing my mind, but in reality I don’t think I am. I don’t know what’s happening. Maybe it’s a chrysalis of some kind.”
“A what? For the love of god, speak English once in a while. This is hard enough to get as it is,” Jacob grumbled.
I chuckled and squeezed his hand. “A slow change, a preparation, like what the caterpillars go through.” But a change for what? That’s what bothered me. Not to mention I’d never heard of nor met a vampire who had reached the other end of this process.
“So you’re turning into a butterfly?” Jacob flashed me a smile, then glanced down at my hand covering his and linked our fingers together before meeting my eyes. The silence was heavy. I had no answers to give him and he knew it. We could only take it one moment at a time and I intended to savor them all.
“It has been too much to take in since last night, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah, but it hasn’t been all bad.” Jacob gave me an infectious grin and waggled his eyebrow. “It’s not gonna calm down anytime soon, is it?”
“Probably not, mo chroí. The Syndicate isn’t going to take this night’s events lightly. I’m sure I’ll hear from them again. Claudia attacked me with the intent to start a war between us.” I shook my head, troubled, though it was a relief to turn to a problem I could take care of. “She believed her people were gaining too much power, too quick. She was obsessed with it. I believe there’s a private battle for control within the Syndicate.”
Jacob’s expression spoke volumes. “Just wonderful,” he said sourly. “Maybe they’ll destroy each other and leave us alone.” He leaned back against the booth and glared at the waiter, who was approaching to take his order, until the man turned and left. His mind was dark and troubled, Dominic and Claudia’s destruction weighing him down.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I offered, not really sure what I could say to give comfort. I had no qualms whatsoever about killing them.
Jacob shook his head, his expression turning sharp. “No. It wouldn’t change anything anyway. It’s just something I’m gonna have to deal with, that’s all. They attacked you and you did what you had to do.”
The silence stretched out between us and Jacob took a long draw on his beer before meeting my eyes again. “So, why don’t you tell me what the hell is happening to me?”
Chapter 14
I WASN’T sure I really wanted the answer, especially with the strange look Kristair was giving me. Still, I needed to know or else the questions were going to drive me crazy. He might have turned me into something not quite human and the thought was disturbing. I wasn’t a vampire. Kristair would’ve asked first or warned me; at least I’m pretty certain he would. Besides, I’d walked around outside today and hadn’t turned into a pile of ash.
“Why don’t you pick something to eat?” Kristair suggested as the waiter returned to the table. “Then I’ll see if I can explain it to you.”
“Fine, whatever,” I muttered, giving the waiter another glare for good measure. I ordered and waited until he was gone before turning my attention back to Kristair. “I’m sure this is gonna be one wild ride.”
Kristair’s shadowed eyes were far away, his mood reminiscent. “As I said the other night, it was an ancient practice among my people. When someone was dying whom we deemed valuable to our society we would conduct the ritual. It was both a physical and spiritual merging. Not only was their heart transferred, but a part of their soul as well. It gave the host the abilities, talents, memories, and knowledge of the dying person. It was a very sacred tradition.”
My eyes widened and more questions flooded my mind. It sounded surreal and utterly unbelievable, but Kristair’s expression was serious and his voice in my mind was solemn. However hard to believe, it was even harder to ignore how the two hearts had beat inside my chest. Kristair’s heart was quiet now, but I would feel it again whenever he decided to put forth the effort. Up until several months ago, I never would’ve believed in vampires either. Now I was in love with one. Go fig.
“I have your soul?” I was startled and then filled with awe, which was quickly dashed when he shook his head.
“You already have my heart.” A smile played about his lips. “I’m still alive, in a manner of speaking. My soul is still with me. I didn’t complete the ritual. After all, I still have need of my spirit.”
That was disappointing and my reaction was retarded. We were already connected in ways most would never understand or get to experience, yet, the idea of our souls being as one… it was powerful. We were quiet, both lost in our own thoughts until the waiter returned and set my plate before me.
“How’d you do it? I mean, is it some kind of magic, or something else? How does it work?” I hadn’t given it much thought, not until now. Kristair had accomplished the impossible and my curiosity set my imagination off.
“I don’t know. It was just something we did and it always worked. The how or why of it escapes me.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?” I asked with exasperation, cutting into my steak. Kristair seemed infallible to me, as if he had all of the answers to the universe stuck up there in that bald head of his. To hear him say he didn’t know was shocking.
Kristair laughed. “The world is filled with many strange and inexplicable wonders. Some have been explained but there will always be more mysteries. I suppose I could figure out the rules, but I won’t. It is a part of who I am and not everything was meant to be discovered.”
“Back to your earlier question.” His voice continued in my mind. “Because of the link, because you do carry my heart, you have some small measure of my abilities. You heal more quickly, you’re faster, more agile, stronger. Things of a physical nature. My more complicated gifts you might learn in time if you concentrate and practice, but you won’t reach my level of control. As I said, the ritual was only partly done.”
At first I couldn’t respond as my pride rebelled. Maybe it was wrong of me to be so pissed off, but my football scholarship was the one thing I’d earned on my own, through my own talent and hard work. Now I had my own version of undead steroids running through me. How was I to know what was really me and what was Kristair’s influence?
My food tasted wooden. This was what I got for jumping into things without thought and not asking questions. I was more furious at myself than Kristair. The pisser, though, was that even if I’d known the cost I would’ve agreed. I couldn’t forget his desperation or fear.
“How much it changes you will depend on what you do, Jacob.” Kristair interrupted my thoughts.
“What do you mean?”
“Like anything else, it has to be developed and practiced. If you limit yourself to what your body can already handle then you shouldn’t notice any significant change.”
It didn’t make me feel any better and, despite my ability to read Kristair’s thoughts, I couldn’t tell if he was mocking me or not. The whole idea of limiting myself was disgusting, but so w
as the alternative. “Yeah well,” I shrugged. “Any other side effects I can expect?”
“Judging from past experience, I think not.”
Damn it. I’d forgotten I wasn’t the only one to have shared this experience with him.
Kristair smiled faintly at my flash of jealousy. “However, my hot-tempered friend, since I’ve never bonded so closely before there might be a few surprises.”
“You just love to keep me off balance, don’t you?”
Kristair considered my accusation. “Perhaps I do, but then, you make it so easy, mo chroí.”
He was right. I did tend to go from irritated to pissed in an instant. My temper was my worst sin, unless I counted my pride. They were a dangerous combination.
I ordered another beer as the waiter came to take my plate. Kristair and I studied each other across the table, so close and so far away. “This ritual you did, you haven’t explained what it’s given you. What symptoms did it stop? Why last night? If things were as bad as you’d made them out to be why’d ya wait?” I cocked my head, took a sip of my beer, and waited. Kristair was good at giving half answers. I wanted the whole story.
“In the past I did it because vampires are vulnerable if we’re stabbed through the heart. It causes a kind of paralysis and leaves us open for another attack. It wasn’t something that I did often, only during the few times there had been a war over feeding grounds. Though until tonight I didn’t know if it would really work in that manner. It wasn’t a theory I had been eager to test.”
I leaned back and propped my feet up on the cushion next to him. We were going to be here awhile. I savored the intimacy we had, sitting here in silence, our hands linked while we communicated with our minds.
“However, with you things changed.” Kristair paused, gathering his thoughts. “I was changing. I could sense it but not explain it. It was as if my hold on reality was unraveling, a little more each day. I felt… tenuous, like the matter that made up my being was going to disappear at any moment. The journals belonging to my Mistress spoke of the same experience. At certain times, highly stressful ones, or as I was going to sleep and when I woke up I’d hear something teetering on the edge of my consciousness, a whispering I couldn’t quite make out that seemed to be telling me to let go.”
My blood chilled and my grip on his fingers tightened. As Kristair spoke, a bit of his remembered terror came back, clouding his mind. I’d be damned if I lost him so soon after getting him. It felt like he was slipping away or maybe it was just the memories overpowering us. It had stopped, right? Those symptoms? I was beginning to understand his desperation last night, if this was what he had been going through.
“Since last night, I haven’t heard the whisperers. I feel stronger, less ghost-like. So we’ll see. It’s a bit early to celebrate. However, I’m optimistic.” Kristair’s thumb brushed over my knuckles.
“I didn’t really get into it before,” Kristair continued. “But let me see if I can clarify things. I’ve only told you bits, not the whole picture.” “Like any other race, our kind has its own share of legends. Many of us are created, though few survive to my age. We are territorial, prone to fighting amongst ourselves. Others view their gift as a curse and seek to destroy themselves instead of learning to survive.” The contempt on Kristair’s face told me what he thought of that idea.
“Those who survive a couple thousand years find themselves faced with the same condition I just described. It’s been hypothesized that the vampires who managed to live such a long time went crazy and found a way to end their existence. I can’t deny there were moments I worried, but I know I’m lucid now as I ever was.”
The tone of his voice in my mind was icy. “You’re definitely unlike anyone else I’ve ever met, but you seem pretty together to me.” I smirked. “For a guy who prefers snacking on humans instead of having a good steak.” It was much easier to joke then to think of how he shrugged off centuries passing so casually. I had a vague idea of how old he was; the impression of many years weighed his mind when I touched it.
Kristair’s dark eyes held warmth and humor. “I like snacking on you.”
“Go on.” I waved my hand. “I keep interrupting.”
“There really isn’t much else. Many think that it’s only stories. I used to think the same before my Mistress disappeared.” Kristair’s expression turned thoughtful. “I’ve gathered all manner of books, journals, scraps of paper over the years. They all describe the same process and then suddenly, nothing. They are never heard from again. There is no sign of their passing. They’re gone, leaving behind questions and no answers.”
A lump rose in my throat and my chest tightened. “Well, someone has to know something! Jesus Christ, Kristair, that’s it?”
“None agree. Some argue that they’ve gone onto Shangri-la or to dwell with the demons, depending on which credo they adhere to. Others think that they had merely run out of the extra time allotted to us and the reaper came to get his due. Another arrogant theory suggests we evolve into higher beings. Nobody knows the truth, except maybe for those who have already passed. We’re all fumbling, trying to unravel a mystery that continues to elude us.”
“Since I’ve met you it’s been pretty intense, one fucking thing after another.” I scrubbed a hand over my face, trying to take it all in. I guess it’s like death, knowing that it was coming sometime, but not knowing what happened after.
The waiter approached and Kristair handed over a card, not even glancing at the total. I bristled and he shook his head. “I know you can pay your own way, Jacob. Tell your pride to cease. If I have my way, I’ll spoil you more rotten than you already are.”
“Yeah, I know, I take offense too easily. Sorry.” I silently cursed the habit and swallowed the last of my beer and rose to take his hand and leaned down, lightly kissing his lips. The contact was brief, electric. “Thank you, love.”
Kristair grinned, shrugging into his coat. “See, that wasn’t so bad.”
“Put a cork it.” As we stepped outside the wind tore at my coat, biting deep into my skin. I shuddered and flipped my collar up. “You’re inhuman,” I complained as we started walking back toward my apartment.
He had the damn nerve to grin again, his teeth flashing. “Central heating and the comforts of the modern age have made you soft.”
“I’ll show you soft,” I growled. “Just wait ’til we get back.”
Laughter bubbled in his mind as well as several smart comebacks, but all he said out loud was, “We’ll see.”
I thought back on our conversation and became more serious. “I think I understand now, and despite all the nuttiness and changes, I’m glad you didn’t decide to go to anybody else at the last minute.”
“I couldn’t. The ritual requires a bond with the recipient, one carefully nurtured. I don’t think I had the time to find someone else.”
I don’t know what the hell was worse: the fear that I’d almost lost him before I realized how important he was to me, which made no damn sense because without the ritual I’d never have known, or the surge of possessiveness.
Kristair stopped and turned toward me on the sidewalk. “I’m happy it is you, despite my misgivings.” His fingers brushed my cheek, his touch warm, and there was a look in his eyes that made my heart do crazy flips.
“I knew Halloween night when I let you see me for the first time that it was right. Despite the way I seem cold and manipulative to you at times, or the way I might not say the things you wish to hear, know this Jacob Corvin: I would give up everything for you. I would risk all for what we’ve found together.”
Chapter 15
WE LOCKED ourselves away in Jacob’s room. He’d tossed the books and papers off of his unmade bed and onto the desk, and we were now lounging back, Jacob resting in my arms. Some kind of country music played in the background. All the months of watching him and I still didn’t get his enjoyment of that genre; he just didn’t seem the type. I pictured hard-edged rock or maybe some alternative, n
ot good old homebody songs that would remind him of a place he had dedicated his energies toward escaping.
Jacob’s worries were no longer troubling his mind as he gave me a minute-by-minute account of Pitt’s win at the Fiesta Bowl. As he spoke, his face became animated while he described the rushing drive, his hands emphasizing the action. I watched the play of emotion across his face, enthralled with the ardor he had for his sport.
“Then Mark sacked the quarterback—” Jacob broke off his account, glancing at my face. “I’m not boring you, am I?”
“Hardly. I like hearing you talk about football. I wish I’d been able to see it.” Unfortunately, I had been unavailable at the time, and watching a taped version after the fact wasn’t nearly as interesting. “You are passionate about what you do. I can respect that.”
He turned in my arms, laying himself across my body, and settled his chin on his crossed arms. “What were you doing when you were my age?”
Threading my fingers through Jacob’s thick hair, I smiled at the way the cowlicks made it stick up every which way. “Oh, raiding another tribe I suppose, or the Romans, when they dared come beyond the wall. I had finished my fostering and returned to my clan by then.”
“Was that your whole life? Fighting, I mean,” Jacob asked.
“It was a large part of it. We were young when we left our families to be taught all manner of fighting skills. But it wasn’t everything. We enjoyed games, art, and writing as well. Our lives were rich.” I frowned with remembered irritation. “It was one of the things my Mistress could never understand. She was always trying to civilize me. In her Roman arrogance, she couldn’t see that my people were as cultured as hers were savage.”
“How did it happen?” Jacob asked in a subdued voice.
“My changing?”
Jacob nodded.
“We had decided to try and drive the Romans out again. The cost of their presence was becoming too high, so we raided beyond the wall, burning their stronghold and killing the garrison. I never did discover why she had been there, but she had been sleeping deep inside the fort and she’d been dreadfully injured. That night she came seeking revenge on our war party.” I glanced at Jacob’s face, noting his rapt expression. “She slaughtered us.”
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