It always amazed me how Tony could do that. If he said he was going to forget about something, then he did so immediately and went on about with his life just as unconcerned and cheerful as if nothing had happened in the first place. I wished it were only that simple for me.
“Nah, I’ve got some studying to catch up on now that classes have been canceled. If I don’t get my grades up I’m screwed next fall.” I brought my dishes to the full sink and grabbed another beer.
“Seriously, senior year, it’s the big time for you.” Tony grabbed his coat and flashed me a smile. “I want to be at your prayer table when you’re drafted. You owe me.”
Oh, didn’t I. “Don’t worry, Tony. You, Steve, and Ma—I’ve got it covered.” I popped the top off the bottle and followed him out into the living room, watching him head for the door.
Something suddenly made me call out his name; I don’t know what. He looked back at me with a question in his gray-green eyes. I chuckled, at a loss for words, and waved him away. “Just ignore me. Have a cold one for me, bro.”
“Will do,” Tony replied, and then disappeared through the door.
I sighed and roamed around the living room and kitchen, restless. I washed the dishes from dinner and my breakfast that morning in order to procrastinate more so than because I was a neat freak. Finally, I went back to my bedroom with a third beer in my hand. I had zero interest in my Statistics homework and I sure as hell didn’t want to tackle the new epic poem I was supposed to be reading for my paper. Instead, I grabbed my Abnormal Psych book and notes and sat down at my desk. I was supposed to have had a test on it today, which I would’ve bombed if classes hadn’t been canceled. Even if last night hadn’t been utter freaking madness, I wouldn’t have studied. So, I might as well use the opportunity to catch up before my professor rescheduled the exam.
I tried. I swear I did. Some people just weren’t cut out to be scholars. And I was one of them. After an hour of staring at the meaningless jumble of words, I shoved the book aside and grabbed my football off the dresser. I lay back on my mattress and tossed it into the air.
My life had been going just fine until Kristair had shown up. I had gotten my own place with my best friends. Our team was phenomenal that year, and I was playing in most of the games. Hell, I was even doing okay in my classes, at least enough that Coach Latimer was off my back. Then bam. There he was. Halloween night. I don’t think I’d ever forget that moment when our eyes met as long as I lived. Heat… desire… and the certain knowledge that my life had just changed.
I tossed the football again, knowing Kristair was near. I didn’t even need to look toward the window, or let down the wall I’d erected between us. How many nights had he sat there, watching me in the same way? Long enough for me to lose my fear of him, even if I never did lose my fear of what letting him in would do to my life.
It was too late for second guesses. I’d already opened that window. I loved him, more than I thought it was possible to love someone. And I sure as hell didn’t want him turning around and leaving, thinking I would be safer if he was out of my life. The thought scared me more than these constant changes I had no control over. I caught the football and turned my head to look up at him.
Kristair was sitting with his back against the fire escape. His unreadable dark eyes were on me. For a fleeting moment, his face almost looked wistful, but the expression was gone before I could be sure.
I rose to my feet and pressed my fingertips against the glass, resting my forehead on it as well. The glass was cool against my skin, but rapidly warmed at my touch. Kristair copied me, placing his hand over mine, our lips a breath apart. We looked at each other for several minutes, the only thing separating us the thin, flimsy glass barrier, yet it seemed like so much more.
“I love you.” I said finally. “I shouldn’t have walked away from you.” I let down the wall I’d put up and felt my lover do the same.
“I’m sorry, mo chroí.” Kristair pushed his emotions back for the most part, but I had been with him long enough to sense his pain and uncertainty. “It wasn’t my intention to hurt you like that, nor to cause dissension among your friends.”
“That was my own fault. You tried to warn me and of course I didn’t listen. I knew you wouldn’t kill me, but I never thought about Tony and Steve and what danger you were to them with as hurt as you were.”
He cut himself off from me. The wall was erected again, this one even stronger than my own had been, as Kristair locked his emotions away. “You can’t say that. I was taking too much from you. If Tony hadn’t interrupted, who’s to say what your fate would’ve been.”
I could only stare back at him in shock as he continued, his mental voice flat and emotionless. “I’m not human, Jacob. I haven’t been for a long time—a very long time. You want me to feel things the way you do. To show them to you, but I can’t. I’m a predator. I know about hunting and survival, but precious little else beyond that. I can’t give you what you want. I don’t know how anymore.”
He was afraid.
I knew that quite suddenly and with absolute certainty. I stepped back just enough to open the window, then swung myself through it to join him on the fire escape. I wrapped my arms around him, aware that, on some level, it was bitterly cold outside, but ignored it.
“You feel more than most, not less, love. That’s why you’re always hiding from it.” My eyes pinned his as I caught his face between my hands. My will battered at the walls he had in place around him. I half-expected him to shove me away, but it was as if I held him somehow spellbound. Bit by bit, the barrier crumbled, until I felt the familiar upsweep of his emotions coming toward me.
I closed my eyes, my thumbs caressing his elegant cheekbones, and willingly let them wash over me. Perhaps it wasn’t love, as Kristair claimed, but whatever it was, I wanted it. I needed it. And if he couldn’t give me the words I wanted now, I would be patient until he was ready.
Then his lips were on mine and I kissed him back passionately. He wrapped his coat around my shoulders before the world fell away beneath my feet. With a startled oath, I broke the kiss and stared down at my apartment building, already far below and getting smaller, as we flew away.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I clung to his shoulders and concentrated on the cleft on his chin. My heart was beating so fast that, every time I thought of the huge empty space between us and the ground, I got dizzy until I had to force myself to stop thinking about it.
“I thought we could go someplace for a couple of hours and get naked. We seem to communicate much better that way.” Kristair’s voice was warm and close to my ear. His arms were strong around me. I laid my head on his shoulder, turning my face into his neck, and closed my eyes, which kept the panic at bay—barely.
“I like naked,” I said, a bit ashamed at the shakiness of my voice. “Didn’t I tell you that I hate heights?”
“No, you neglected to mention that.” The bastard had the balls to sound amused.
“I still haven’t changed my mind about leaving the apartment and going someplace safer.” I opened my eyes to find buildings flashing by and promptly closed them again, losing my train of thought.
“I didn’t think you had. Don’t worry. I’ll bring you back later.”
“Preferably on foot, or better yet a cab, or that hot car I know you have stashed away someplace,” I said, going boneless with relief when our feet touched solid ground again.
“Are you going to faint on me?”
I opened my eyes to see the smile on my lover’s face. “Fuck you.”
“I was hoping you’d offer,” Kristair said, waiting until I was steady before stepping back to open the French doors behind me. We were on a balcony overlooking the nicer part of Pittsburgh. Curious, I followed him, my eyes widening at the expensive luxury of the hotel room I found myself in.
“So this is where you’ve been?” I felt awkward and a little out of place, but I pushed it aside as I began exploring the main room of the sui
te. After all, this was the kind of life I’d always dreamed about. Richly upholstered couches and chairs ringed around an enormous cabinet holding a flat-screen TV. There was even a bar in the corner, fully stocked, and another area to work in with a desk and wireless Internet.
Kristair watched me explore, closing and locking the balcony doors behind him. I followed him into the huge bedroom. The king-size bed was covered in a mound of pillows and a thick expensive bedspread. I leapt and bounced on it, grabbing one of the pillows and looking back at my lover, who was watching my antics with amusement. “I thought you could use the opportunity to relax after everything,” he said.
I watched in fascination as he dropped the illusion he’d been holding onto, his true appearance emerging. “Can’t the Syndicate see through that?”
Kristair shook his head. “No, they would have to be older than me or at least my age. They can only project an illusion, like I did that first night to hide the tattoos.”
I gave him a puzzled look. “Isn’t that what you just did?”
“No. That would take too much effort to maintain and concentrate on when I’d rather my mind be on other things. I can physically alter my features. None of those younglings have the mental strength yet. They probably haven’t even considered that it can be done. Because it’s a real change, there is nothing to see through.” He cocked his head, giving me a sensual look full of promise. “Would you like to bathe together, mo chroí?”
That sounded like heaven. My dinky little bathroom was not designed for sex. We would have to be gymnasts to fit in there and move at the same time. I nodded my head and followed him into the bathroom. The Jacuzzi tub would easily fit the two of us and I leaned against the doorjamb, watching him start the water, drinking in his familiar beloved features.
“Hey, Kristair, can you make yourself look like anything you want?”
He looked over his shoulder at me, his dark eyes questioning. “Within reason. Why do you ask?” His voice was slightly wary.
“Can you turn yourself into a woman?” I asked, smiling mischievously at the flash of indignation that went through him. “I bet you’d make a gorgeous woman.” With his facial structure and sensual lips… damn, I wanted to see it.
Kristair gave me a withering glance, which did nothing to faze me. “Why would I be interested in doing something like that?”
“It would be incredibly kinky,” I replied and walked over to him, seeing the way he reacted to the heat in my eyes. It only made my lust burn hotter. I leaned over him and nipped the nape of his neck hard.
“Come on, love. It would be fun,” I urged him, sliding my finger down the slope of his throat.
“No,” Kristair replied firmly, and then muttered, “impudent brat.”
Chapter 23
I WONDERED if Jacob had any notion of just how irresistible he was. Probably not, or else he would give me no end of trouble, more so than he already did, such as this utterly ridiculous notion of his. He wasn’t going to give up on the idea, and I knew that, at some point, I was going to give in to him. He had entirely too much power over me, yet I didn’t care. I trusted him implicitly.
I thought about my discovery last night. It would only require a thought. Even though I’d never made a change like that, I knew it was possible. What else was I capable of? The thought was a little bit terrifying. A tantalizing whisper called in my mind only to be banished by Jacob’s unrepentant voice as his mouth found its way to my earlobe. “You wouldn’t want me any other way.”
“No, I wouldn’t.” My eyes half-closed with pleasure. The wanton man played me like a mandolin, wreaking havoc with my senses and emotions.
Jacob deftly undid the top buttons of my dress shirt, sliding his fingers in to tweak my nipples. “There are practical reasons as well, other than fulfilling my wicked fantasies.”
“I have no wish to discuss practicalities right now,” I said, trying to draw together my scattered thoughts. I was losing track of the conversation and what stand I wanted to take with this particular argument.
“Oh, good. Neither do I.” Jacob’s fingertips settled under my chin, lifting my face up. The look in his bright blue eyes made my stomach flutter and my bones turn to water. I loved him dominant. It appealed to a long-dormant side of me and made me want to succumb to him. “Then we can just move on to the fantasy.”
His teeth worried my lower lip before drawing it into his mouth. His fingertips slid from my jaw and over my scalp, sending little tingles of awareness through me. Troublemaker. I caught Jacob around the waist and twisted. There was a yelp and a splash. I looked down at Jacob as he stared back up at me, his wide eyes from where he sat fully clothed in the tub, water up to his hips.
“That shut you up,” I teased, cupping my hand in the hot water and splashing him. His blue eyes flashed.
“Kristair, you’re such a bitch,” Jacob growled, grabbing the front of my shirt and yanking me in after him.
Water surged around us and I started laughing, my shirt and slacks clinging to me. “So you keep saying.”
“So you keep proving,” Jacob retorted. His fingers impatiently tugged at the rest of the buttons on my shirt, which resisted his efforts. He growled again, tugging harder, ripping it the rest of the way open. His mouth latched onto my neck, sucking and biting at it until I knew there would have been a mark had I been human.
I pulled away from him long enough to tug his own sopping shirt over his head. It was going to take hours for his sneakers alone to dry. Oh well. At least I knew he was safe here with me. I would take each night as it came. I slid my hands over his shoulders, my cock throbbing in my pants. I was anxious to rid us from the restriction of our clothing.
Jacob must have felt the same way, because he untangled us and stepped out of the tub, kicking out of his sneakers. He reached a hand out to me, hauling me up. Quickly, I divested myself of the rest of my clothing, laughing as he cursed, trying to peel his jeans off. I reached out and caught him as he lost his balance, and once I had my hands on him, I couldn’t resist kissing him.
He broke away. “Wait, wait. You’re seriously hampering my efforts to get naked here.”
My eyes raked over his half-naked body, his jeans tangled around his thighs. I slid my hand down his hip, and then moved it over to cup his balls. “I could always rip your jeans from you.”
He held onto me as he finished kicking the stubborn denim off. “And have to go back to my place in nothing but a shirt and boxers in the middle of February? I don’t think so.”
Jacob’s hands settled on my waist, squeezing lightly. “You know, if you’re really against changing into a woman, how about wearing a corset for me?” His eyes were wicked. “You don’t have to worry about trying to breathe, at least.”
“Very funny, brat,” I replied. I had to distract him from his current fixation. I wrapped my arms around him, lifted him up, and settled us into the tub again, groaning at how good the hot water felt against my naked skin. How good Jacob felt. I met his eyes and leaned close to him, resting my forehead against his. “Why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you about us?”
Jacob shook his head. “Later, Kristair. I’m not ruining this mood I’ve got going.” He nipped down my throat. His tongue traced over my collarbone, licking off little drops of water.
“What kind of mood is that?” I bantered back, reaching over to shut off the water before we flooded the entire bathroom. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk, either, or to feel the oppressive weight that had been dragging me down before Jacob had opened the window to let me in. I scraped my nails over his ribs and a light shudder ran through his body.
“The mood to just be with you,” Jacob whispered, leaning back against the tub and pulling me down over him, his arms holding me tight as he kissed .
His answer surprised me. I had been expecting him to say “fucking me” or something along those lines. His reply confirmed my belief that something was eating at Jacob, and I was determined to get to the bottom
of it before it festered. So I surrendered, melting into his arms and kissing him, letting him direct how our evening would go. It was so easy to do for him. There was no hesitation.
Jacob’s cock bobbed in the swirling water, the head brushing with teasing little flutters along my stomach. I groaned in anticipation of it pushing deep into me.
Jacob must’ve read my wish loud and clear because his fingers pressed against my entrance and then thrust hard. There was a slight sting as my muscles adjusted to him, but it was minor and the water soothed the ache. I laid my cheek on top of his head, groaning again as he stretched me.
“Please, Jacob.” I moved restlessly against him. “I just want you inside of me.”
He captured my hands, pinning them against the small of my back, continuing to torment me. His fingers found my prostate and massaged it, sending long ripples of pleasure through me. “It’s my way tonight.” He brought his mouth down to my neck, kissing, nipping hard.
I rested my forehead against the cool tiles, arching my throat as he continued to work his mouth down. His teeth scored my nipple, teasing it into painful hardness. I twisted against him, searching to touch his cock more firmly, trying to get him worked up enough so that he’d take me the way I knew both of us wanted, but his cock proved elusive, the water making us more buoyant.
“But you want to fuck me.” I glanced down, meeting his wicked eyes, and circled my hips against his stomach, my cock sliding along the hard muscle. Damn, that felt good, as Jacob would say.
Jacob snickered. “There are many things I want.” His hand came down on the bare skin of my ass sticking out of the water. It made a sharp cracking sound and stung just right. I moaned, pushing back against his hand, a soft sound escaping me as my rocking motion pushed his fingers even deeper into me. His hand tightened on my wrists. “And you know what they are.”
I had no idea why he wished to see me as a woman. I suppose that meant there were still mysteries to him that I had yet to discover. The thought was titillating. I pushed back my apprehension, more curious to see what Jacob’s reaction would be. I lowered my mouth close to his ear, my voice breathy, as desire, surrender stole through me. “Is this what you want?”
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