I hated hearing it. I didn’t want to face the truth, not ever, and sure as hell not tonight. “Don’t say it,” I snapped. “You said the ritual helped.” There was another whole reason why I couldn’t ask to be a vamp. Holding onto his heart was the one thing holding him back from the fate he feared. I was selfish for even bringing it up.
“Mo chroí.” He caught my face between his hands and my eyes burned from the unshed tears in his eyes. “You’re connected so close to me, have become such an integral part of me. I know you’ve noticed the whispers, my disorientation when I awake. We’ve held it off, but we haven’t stopped it.”
“No.” I shook my head, refusing to hear it. “No….”
Kristair pulled me closer, pressing our foreheads together, staring at each me. “You know it too. I’m sorry.”
I clung to him fiercely, shaking my head again. No, I wouldn’t think about it. Instead, I concentrated on Kristair. The wild swirl of emotions that battered him, just like the first night when I let him into my room—anger, fear—but overwhelming everything else was that same sweet tenderness toward me that always destroyed my defenses. I didn’t want to lose it.
“Stay the rest of the night.” It was the closest I think I’d ever heard to an actual plea from him and I couldn’t refuse, especially not when I didn’t want to be apart from him either.
I nodded, kissing him lingeringly. “We can stay here on the couch ’til you have to go.” I wished he could stay with me too, so I could watch him while he slept. I didn’t bother asking though. He’d be completely vulnerable and there were enough dangers hounding him.
“I like the sound of that,” he replied, when we broke apart.
I laid my head against his silent chest, feeling the reassuring beat of his heart within me. He stroked his fingers through my hair as angry thoughts whirled in my mind. It wasn’t fucking fair. All we wanted was a little peace and the chance to be together, but it was a damn conspiracy on all sides. Maybe I was being paranoid, but that’s what it seemed like.
“Don’t get yourself so worked up.” Kristair kissed my temple. “We might have longer than we think.” His thoughts were troubled as well, which told me he didn’t believe his own words.
I burrowed closer. “Isn’t there anything we can do to stop it? Slow it down some more or something?”
“I’m not going to give up. I promise. I don’t know what else I can do, but I’ll keep working at it.” He stroked his fingers down my back, trying to soothe me.
I laid a kiss on his chest. “No, love, we’ll keep working at it.” Without even looking, I knew he was smiling.
“Yes, we….” He slid his hand down my arm and laced our fingers together. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”
“I can sleep when the sun rises. I’m not wasting one single damned minute.” I turned fully around, sitting up to straddle his hips. My arms snaked around his neck as I forced the unpleasant thoughts from my head with the promise of something much more exciting.
He smiled again, a flash of white in the dim light. “What do you have in mind, wicked brat?”
I grinned back, then captured his mouth in a possessive, heated kiss until he groaned against my lips and stirred beneath me. I circled my hips against his. “We have several hours left. Why don’t you show me just how submissive you can be?”
A light shudder ran through him and he broke his mouth away, his gaze challenging. “I don’t know. Do you think you’re up to making me submit?”
I laughed wickedly. “Love, I haven’t even gotten started yet.”
Chapter 25
I WANDERED, lost somewhere in another dimension or time I couldn’t comprehend. I had the impression of innumerable consciousnesses without form, merged together as one vast entity. I wanted to be included, I had to be included, but no matter what I tried, they wouldn’t let me into their fellowship. Lost and alone, I circled the void around them, my loneliness stark.
Alone. I hadn’t been so alone in awhile. Well, not that long. I had spent centuries alone, but something had changed recently. I searched my hazy memories, trying to pinpoint the difference between the past and now. Someone had come who banished my isolation. It seemed to me I should remember who he was and it disturbed me that I couldn’t. Something wasn’t right.
Somehow, if I could just get within the confines of the entity, if I could become a part of them, everything would make sense. As I probed the wall blocking me out, I realized that I had no body as well. Strange. I remembered having a body though the memory was indistinct, almost as if it belonged to someone else. I pondered the problem, trying to remember what I had looked like and as I did, the awareness of the mass consciousness started to fade.
I was a man. Yes, that was right.
Jacob.
The name came to me in a flash and the sound of it filled me with a sense of warmth, bordering almost on elation. Yes, Jacob. I needed to find him. Where was he? There was no trace of our connection, no sense of his mind, or stray emotion coming out to caress me when I wasn’t expecting it. The sense of wrongness grew stronger. Even when Jacob was sound asleep, I could still feel him. Where was I?
“Jacob?”
Silence. I called out louder and still no answer. It was as if he had ceased to exist, except for in my memory. Alarm trickled through my mind and I fought the invisible bonds holding me. There was no sense of direction, no way of knowing where I was or how to get back to my real life.
“You are one of us now.” The voices drifted across my thoughts, caressing me and easing my fear.
“What?” The formless presence grew stronger.
“You’re home.”
Home. It had been a long time since I had called any particular place home. I’d wandered for centuries, maybe even longer. I couldn’t recall. Home. The memories of Jacob and who I was fell away as the voices surrounded me. “Where are you?”
“We’re with you… we’ve always been with you. You have to listen harder. Don’t push us away again.”
Why would I do that? I realized with a thrill of joy that the wall between myself and the vast entity had disappeared. The whispering voices were coming from behind where that barrier had been. Their song beckoned me and I found myself drifting toward them, yearning to become a part of the whole.
Physical pain flashed through my knuckles and their lure was lost in my surprise. I had no hands, no body to feel pain. That didn’t make sense. The voices urged me to forget about the anomaly, and I was tempted to do so. However, it was not in my nature to let a puzzle go unresolved. I picked at the knot, trying to figure out where the sensation came from.
There was a glimpse of a young man, his beautiful features twisted in fear and pain as he pounded against a stone wall, his knuckles bleeding. My heart went out to him, to the agony I could somehow sense tearing him apart. His voice came to me, distorted down a long tunnel. “Damn it, Kristair! How can I help you when I can’t reach you?”
Kristair… who was Kristair? Curious, I moved closer to the young man. The voices clutched at me, but I evaded their touch as something far stronger pulled me away. Abruptly, the new place I was in disappeared like a soap bubble pricking in the air. Reality crashed as Jacob’s fury and terror pounded at me, dragging me from the lethargy that threatened to drag me under again.
“Jacob… mo chroí?” I tried to brush away my disorientation, which spun around me in sticky cobwebs. “What is wrong?” Had the Syndicate found him? I tried to figure out what time it was, but my usual inner clock was thrown off balance. I couldn’t even summon up the energy to move my matter out of the cement encasing me so I could go to him. It must be early indeed.
“Kristair? Kristair!” Profound relief swept through Jacob and I got the impression of him sagging against the wall. “Thank fucking god. I couldn’t wake you. I didn’t think you were ever going to wake up again. I thought… I even thought for a second that the connection between us was gone.”
“I’m here, mo chroí, I’m her
e.” I didn’t know what had happened, but I was going to get to the bottom of it one way or another. I tried pulling myself through the stone. My efforts were laborious and I had barely made any headway when I had to pause, overcome with exhaustion. It would be so easy to sink back into sleep, to let the shadows envelop me again.
“Don’t you fucking dare.”
The sound of Jacob’s snarl in my mind jolted me back into semi-wakefulness. “Cease your nattering,” I snipped, and then lost the thread of the conversation, lassitude blanketing my mind.
“Kristair, you fucking bastard, WAKE UP!”
Jacob’s fury and fear brushed some of the cobwebs away and I struggled to concentrate. Something was very, very wrong. “Such language, mo chroí.”
“Screw my language. Get your pretty ass out here, now!”
“Since you insist.” I started to seep through my stone chains again. It took every bit of concentration I had to move my essence; the sheer effort it required became a mental agony. “I’m sorry,” I said after the minutes had passed and I had only moved another inch. I was so close, yet breaking through that final barrier seemed insurmountable. “Staying awake and being active needs a great deal of effort when the sun hasn’t set.”
“It’s almost midnight.”
That got my attention and fear spiked. What was happening to me? This simple task had been effortless for centuries and now I was trapped by unyielding stone and my own helplessness. “Well then.” I tried to mask my fear so it wouldn’t feed into Jacob’s and struggled again to escape the prison that had been my haven. Was this what had happened to the others? To wake up one night and find that their powers had fled, to be trapped, their consciousness awake, eternally bound with no end in sight? The prospect was terrifying.
He shouldn’t have come back to his tower. Not that it would’ve made a difference being trapped here versus being trapped in the hotel walls. This was home, though, and he’d felt naked sleeping elsewhere.
“What if you fed first? Would that help?” Jacob’s question was tentative.
“It might, but I have to have physical form to do so.” The longer I fought, the more it exhausted me. It took such a toll on all my reserves, until I feared I would have nothing left and I had made little progress. It reminded me of the spider caught within the web, struggling out of instinct and terror, fighting until it couldn’t move anymore, and then the spider who had been lurking just out of sight came to feast. My thoughts went to those insidious whisperers; if I had a human body, sweat would’ve broken out.
“Not necessarily,” Jacob broke in. “Stop a minute and listen to me.” He waited until I had quieted before continuing. “I’ve noticed you don’t just take my blood. I’m always mentally and emotionally tired too. Couldn’t you just feed off that for now? Wouldn’t that work?”
I mulled it over. Normally, I would’ve rejected the idea out of hand, but our connection was so strong it just might work. “We can try.”
“What do I hafta do?”
“Just sit down and open yourself to me.” I sensed Jacob slide down the wall and began to merge our minds together as we had that evening I’d first confronted the Syndicate. It was much easier this time. We slipped into each other as if we were made to be one.
“I’m ready.” Jacob’s mental tone was determined. His love wrapped around me, supporting me even as the last of my mental strength disappeared. I clung to him, sinking deeper into his vitality and letting it sustain me.
I had my doubts it would work, but as I fed, basking in his sweet, strong psyche, I found myself waking, shaking off the strange spell that had come over me. I slid my matter through the wall, finally breaking free. As I reassumed my own form, I sagged and Jacob caught me.
“I have you, love,” Jacob said, easing back onto the floor, nestling me in his arms.
I clung to him, my eyes drinking in his face, unable to believe I was free. I glanced at the wall, an involuntary shudder running down my spine. Jacob pressed his wrist to my lips, silently encouraging me to feed, and I shook my head, pushing his hand away with a feebleness that once again shook me to my core.
“Please,” Jacob urged, and I sensed that he would find comfort in the exchange and, even though I wasn’t hungry, I bit him. Then there was the familiar heady rush I always got when I tasted his blood. It would never get old and was nothing like what I ever experienced with others. It was addicting.
I pulled back, feeling a little stronger, and turned my face against his chest. Questions wouldn’t stop running through my mind. If Jacob hadn’t come would I have ever woken up from that strange dream that had wrapped my mind in its coils? I knew for certain I wouldn’t have ever escaped that wall.
“God, Kristair,” Jacob said, his voice trembling as he gathered me closer and bent his head over mine. “I thought I’d lost you. Don’t ever fucking do that to me again.”
“I don’t plan to,” I replied softly, but I was troubled. The degradation seemed to be moving much faster now. All of my research had yielded no new information, no lead I could follow. I was at a loss for what to do.
“For starters, you’re not doing that melting through walls thing you do,” Jacob said firmly. “It always seems to strike you there.”
I nodded, struggling to sit up with his help. I studied my tower room. The cathedral had been my home since it had been completed decades ago. It would feel strange, vulnerable to sleep in a bed again, but not nearly as dangerous as trying that again.
“Is it really midnight?” I couldn’t help but ask, even though my sense of time had returned and I knew it was well past the witching hour now. “How long have you been here?”
“I started to worry when you didn’t wake up at your usual time, but shrugged it off at first. I knew you were asleep and those assholes couldn’t get to you. But the longer you went without even stirring….” He paused, laying his head against mine. “I came here around nine. Nothing I did woke you and you seemed different than when you sleep. I don’t know… alien somehow. And then our connection became kinda stretchy and I freaked out. I knew I was losing you.”
“You haven’t lost me.” I bit off the words that almost followed, but we both knew what they were. Not yet. Jacob’s arms tightened around me.
Finally, Jacob rose, helping me to my feet. My normal strength was beginning to return. “We need to find somewhere that’s safe for you during the day. I could always talk to the guys about you staying at our place.”
“They’d never agree, Jacob, and I don’t want to foster any more dissent between you and your friends.”
“You still sound like a damned dictionary and, you never know—they might,” Jacob argued as we went down the hallway to the stairwell. Elevator service still had not been restored and the thought of Jacob climbing all those flights of stairs to get to me filled me with a flush of warmth. “You told me I could tell them about you. I haven’t yet, but if I did they might agree.”
“You’re wasting your time. But don’t let me stop you.” At first, the stairs went by fast. By the time we’d reached the twentieth flight Jacob was tiring, though he tried to hide it.
“Any other ideas for where you could stay?” he asked, grimly moving on without complaint. “What about with Kayla?”
“No, she’s staying in the dorms. We’ll go to the hotel. We can put out the do not disturb sign during the day and have them clean in the evening.”
Jacob halted, his expression aghast. “That’s your grand plan, Kristair? And people call me an idiot. It’s a public building. People are in and out of there all the time. What if someone ignores the sign or the manager stops by for whatever reason? I hate to point this out to you, but I bet you look like a goddamned corpse when you sleep. You wouldn’t be very happy if you woke up in a morgue with a toe tag.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened,” I said, continuing down the stairs.
“That’s so not fucking funny.” Jacob stomped after me. “I’m serious.”
&
nbsp; “I am too. I learned a long time ago that money opens all manner of doors.” I took his hand as he caught up with me. “In a place like that, with the money I’m spending, they won’t bother me.”
“I hate it,” Jacob grumbled.
“Then we’ll come up with another plan and stay at the hotel in the interim,” I said, trying to soothe him.
“You can bet your pretty ass we will, and I won’t be leaving the room during the day either.” From the tone of his voice, he was refusing to calm down.
“What about your classes? Don’t be ridiculous….” I quieted as he flung me a look. It looked as if he was going to be staying. We definitely needed another plan. I smiled as a thought came to me and I squeezed his hand. “You know, mo chroí, if you hadn’t come….”
“I don’t want to think about it,” he snapped. When he looked at me the stubbornness faded from his eyes. “I did come. That’s all that matters.”
We continued on down another flight in silence and I smiled again. “Jacob.”
“What?” Now why did he sound wary? My smiled turned to a grin.
“You’re my hero.”
Chapter 26
I LOOKED at Steve expectantly as he got off the phone again, his scowl deepening. “Still no?”
“Nada. No one’s heard from Tony at all. They haven’t seen him and he hasn’t gone to classes.” He sat down on the couch, his dark face moody. “I’d like to think he decided to go home for a long weekend, but I know he would’ve said something to one of us. Left a note or something.”
“We should be laughing about this.” I gnawed on my lip. “He probably met some smokin’ hot chick and hasn’t left her side or something and when he finds out we’ve got our panties in a twist he’s gonna call us a bunch of tools.” It was the “or something” that bothered me. Two weeks had passed without the Syndicate doing anything and now Tony was missing. I wanted to believe it was coincidence, but the nagging worry wouldn’t leave me.
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