Decisions
“A priest?” Lily repeated after Gabe told her of his plans. She'd known him for almost two years, yet this was the first she'd ever heard of this.
Clearing his cracking voice, Gabe nodded.
Sighing, Lily stared out the kitchen window. She honestly didn't know how to respond. As she watched her sisters playing out in the field, she felt her heart cave in a little.
“My father,” Gabe explained as his eyes lowered to the table. “He wanted it for me. I feel...obligated, in a way.”
Lily fought the urge to debate with him, even though her insides burned to argue. She didn't understand Gabe’s intention to impress a dead man, let alone sacrifice his life to a profession with so many rules and regulations.
She secretly hoped it was just a passing phase, that he would change his mind.
He didn't.
Seeing Gabe for the first time in his full length black garment and white collar, Lily felt tears creep into the corners of her eyes.
Gabe’s mother was obviously beside herself with pride, weeping and hugging her son. Lily, however, felt like part of her world had faded away, like a painting that had been rained on and the colors were bleeding off of the bottom of the easel.
That was three years ago…the beginning of the end.
Lily now found herself running from the church. Running from Gabe, from God and from everything religion stood for.
Fury and rejection filled her heart as she thought of his kiss.
I've had enough of this! I'm done with Gabe! I'm done with religion and commandments! She thought angrily as hot tears streamed down her face, I don't care if my parents want me to come here! I'm done with God and His 'rules'!
She ran to her car and drove to the only place that she ever felt that she could be herself.
Thy Will Be Done
“The light, David! Do you see it?! That light…”
His mother’s skeletal hands clutched his cherubic face as she spoke.
Only moments before, she lay still, struggling for each breath. His mother, once an angelic beauty, had been destroyed in a few short months. Her glowing skin, now emaciated, was gray and translucent as it clung to her bones. The veins in her hands bulged and tinged purple. Wispy strands were all that remained of her luxurious brown hair. Sapphire blue eyes so full of love and life now clouded with sickness and decay.
Young David wept as he sat on the edge of her deathbed, watching his mother perish slowly and painfully
David’s father, Jonathon, couldn’t bear to witness the agony his precious Laura endured day after day. After hiring a nurse to tend to his ailing wife, he spent most days locked in his study, playing sad music and drinking wine.
David laid his head upon his mother’s bed; listening to her failing lungs search for the will to embrace her next breath of air.
Why my mother? David thought, Why my sweet mother? She doesn’t deserve this. My father and I don’t deserve this. Why?
Clutching at the sheets angrily, David thought of the priest who’d come earlier that day to give his mother her last rights.
The priest, Father Francis, had come to their home armed with rosary and bible. His hair was slicked back with precision while his black robe swished ominously as he walked. He read to David’s mother from his bible, passages about salvation, forgiven sins and Jesus.
David’s mother nodded, hanging on every word, her hands clasped in hopeful prayer. His words of promise, of heaven, of forgiveness and of her place with God.
David’s father sat on the bed, his head hung in prayer.
As the priest completed his mission with a satisfied smile, he closed his book and made the symbol of the cross over David’s mother.
Father Francis then stated, “Thy will be done.”
“Amen.” David’s mother and father whispered.
“You should be happy for your mother, David, for now that she’s been blessed with the ritual of last rights, she will now be welcomed into heaven and into the waiting arms of her Lord and savior.” The priest told him, his bony hand on David’s shoulder. “She will be with God now.”
The priest was escorted out of the room by David’s father. The two men could be heard conversing quietly as they walked down the hall.
Shaking, David wept angry tears as he cursed every word the priest had spoken. He was certain that his mother would be welcome anywhere her heart desired and certainly without the permission of anyone or anything.
What did his beautiful mother ever do to deserve this? He thought as a hot, painful heat seared in his chest. What ‘God’ would do this to someone; allow this pain and suffering to happen to someone so wonderful? David gritted his teeth and sobbed.
“David?” A whisper of his mother’s voice spoke.
“Yes momma, I’m here.” David answered her eagerly, his anger washing away instantly as her turned to face the shell that used to be his mother.
Weakly, she stroked his cheek with her skeletal hand. Feeling her fragile touch, David realized he had little time left with her, causing a cascade of fresh warm tears to fall upon his face.
“David, my baby,” his mother whispered softly, “don’t cry…don’t be sad…I want to go home.”
“Please don’t leave me.” David whimpered quietly, clutching his mother’s hand to his face as he rocked back and forth on the side of the bed.
Suddenly, this woman who, just moments before, was completely without strength left in her body, sat straight up in bed. A look of awe colored her face.
“David!” She exclaimed excitedly, “Do you see that light?!”
Confused, he tried to calm her and lay her back down. Her sudden energy frightened him.
“David! That light…do you see it?” She stared with fascination at the wall across the room. Her blue eyes sparkled with energy David hadn’t seen in months.
Shaking his head and clenching his fists, he was furious that the priest had come and confused his poor mother, leaving her to have wild hallucinations.
Grabbing David’s head with her frail, clammy hands, she turned his face to the back of the bedroom. His eyes scanned the entire room for a light...but he saw nothing. The only things there were a dresser and an antique mirror.
Her breathing became very shallow, slowly letting go of David, as though all the energy had suddenly drained from her. Her eyes glazed over, as though whatever made them shine was seeping out of her.
David looked at his mother with wide, frightened eyes. He started crying as he realized that she was losing her battle right in front of him.
Lying back onto the pillow, her arms outstretched in the direction of the invisible light, a look of peace eclipsed her face. With a final expiration, his mother sunk back into the pillow and closed her eyes.
An eerie hush invaded the room. David, in shock, lightly stroked the back of his mother’s lifeless hand. Her skin faded to gray as her life blood stilled beneath the surface.
Barely breathing, David searched for comprehension, some way to understand this excruciating moment. His heart burned with angry pain, waves of unbearable grief crashed against his soul.
All he knew, all he could register, was that this was God’s fault.
It was in that moment, that very second, that David denounced any notion of a higher power that claimed unconditional love. What great being would allow her to suffer? What glorious creator would give me such a wonderful mother and then take her away?
“Someday...I’ll heal people. I’ll do the job this fictional ‘God’ can’t.” Young David cried as he spoke, “Thy will be done.” He swore bitterly.
~
“Dr. Blake.” A female voice called from the doorway of room 217. “He’s gone.”
Sighing, David realized he was still clutching Tony’s hand, even though the time of death had been declared several minutes ago.
“I know.” David said quietly. Glancing back at the door, he saw Dr. Maddox staring at him compassionately.
“It
never seems to get any easier, no matter how many people we lose.” She stated with empathy as she walked away from the room.
Reliving the moment over and over again in his mind, David still couldn’t believe what had transpired. How could it be possible that Tony had said the words his mother said before she died?
David had heard rumors of patients dying, then successfully resuscitated, with incredible stories of seeing an illuminated tunnel. It never occurred to him to believe these stories were anything more than hallucinations.
David couldn't believe that Tony had uttered the same words as his mother about seeing ‘the light’. He was also flabbergasted that after reviving Tony from the initial code blue, he wanted to die again, to go 'back'.
Back where? David wondered, bewildered.
David didn't know how to process this. This didn't fit into his rational world, his theories on death.
I don't believe in life after death. David thought, watching Tony's body being wheeled away to the morgue. But after everything that just happened, he wasn't so sure anymore.
~
“Hello?” Ellen, her voice irate, answered her cell phone.
“Um...hi.” David stammered, not exactly sure why he was calling. “How are you?”
There was a pause on the other end as David waited anxiously for Ellen to speak.
“What do you want David?” She asked, impatient.
Regretting calling, he answered. “Nothing, just wanted to talk.”
“Oh.” She said. “About what?”
David considered whether or not he wanted to confide his feelings to her. Then he just blurted out. “I lost a patient today...I...just needed...never mind, sorry I interrupted you. I'll let you go.” He said his heart sad.
Silence encompassed the cell phone as David stood in the parking garage of the hospital.
“Sorry about your patient...” Ellen's voice bordered on kindness, and then hardened. “I'll be home Sunday night...late. Bye.”
The phone clicked in David's ear before he could respond. Still holding the cell to ear, he whispered into the void. “Good-bye.”
Driving home, he propped his bare arm on the open car window allowing the warm autumn breeze to cascade over his skin, lifting the tiny hairs on his forearm.
The sun was in the center of a perfect blue sky. A flock of sparrows dove in unison through the ocean of air.
Ahead of David, the curving roads meandered with purpose as the black asphalt hugged the earth. The land allowing rivers of highway to mar its complexion.
David was not looking forward to facing the empty house alone. He wished his daughter was home this weekend. Occasionally Tiffany would spend the weekend at home, but never alone. She always had a friend or two staying with her at the Blake house.
Giggling and loud music would emanate from her room for hours on end. A barrage of make-up and hair accessories strewn across her room as the girls would give one another make-over after make-over.
He missed his little girl.
Looking at his watch, he saw it was afternoon. He'd stayed longer than anticipated at work to complete paperwork on Tony and to contact his relatives, informing them of Tony’s passing.
Passing? He pondered the word for a moment, what exactly does that word have to do with dying?
To pass would indicate a continuous movement. Passing on, going on, and moving ahead. All this confused David even more. The ghost story earlier that day and the coincidence of Tony's last words were too much for David. He had no idea what to think of it all.
Exhausted, he turned into his driveway; ready to put himself and his obscure day to bed.
Worry
Father Gabe delivered the host to each set of open hands, his eyes never focusing on any individual face.
His thoughts obsessed endlessly, rewinding and replaying the moment when his lips met Lily's. The scene would begin sweetly, with passion and desire. His lips touching hers. In the next moment, the scene would morph into heartbreak, Lily’s face etched with pain.
He didn’t even notice the seductive and teasing smiles he received from the female parishioners. Even the impending exorcism held no priority within his worries.
Only Lily’s face, the moment she left, haunted his memory. The look of betrayal as she fled the church room.
How could I have reacted so childishly? Regret swelled inside as he prayed mass would be over soon, so he could find his Lily. He also prayed God would give him the strength to resist the temptations that were burning inside of him.
After mass was done, Gabe searched the church for Lily’s parents. He scanned every face that wandered about the room. With everyone leaving at once, it was difficult to locate anyone. From the left side, he finally heard something familiar, Quinn’s telltale laugh, from the far side of the room. Elated, Gabe moved hurriedly through the crowd.
Gabe tried to calm himself as he approached Lily’s mother. Mr. Donovan had apparently already taken his leave to enjoy his traditional post-mass cigar.
“Mrs. Donovan.” Gabe said politely, “Have you seen Lily?”
Maggie smiled wide as she greeted Gabe. “Well, I was going to ask you the same thing. She came to the church early to visit with you. We thought she just sat somewhere else during mass.” Maggie’s eyes filled with worry. “You mean to say you haven’t seen her today?”
“Oh yes,” Gabe sputtered, “earlier this morning, she was here…but…” he searched his mind for a reasonable explanation. “She…said she wasn’t feeling well and left before the mass began.” The guilt inside for lying literally made him nauseous.
“Oh my, well, I should hurry home to make sure she is okay.” Maggie quickly gathered her things and walked out of the church, still buttoning up her sweater. Quinn and Sheridan, now thirteen, dawdled behind her as they gawked at some teenage boys.
Gabe retreated to his apartment upstairs in the church and swiftly changed out of his ceremonial robes. Retrieving his helmet and leather jacket from the coat closet, Gabe noticed Lily’s white sweater hanging at the far end. Taking her sweater off of the hanger, her intoxicating scent drifted from the fabric, caressing Gabe’s face. His mind clouded with worry as he raced out of the church to find her.
As Gabe’s bullet bike meandered along the hillside to the Donovan residence, his thoughts again drifted back to the moment his lips met Lily’s. Quickly reprimanding himself for his mental weakness, he questioned his objectives.
How can I be committed to the church if I have these feelings for Lily? Am I doing the right thing?
So many scenarios raced through his mind as he neared the turn-off for the Donovan acreage. All he knew is he had to see Lily. God help him, he wanted to take her into his arms so badly, his soul ached.
Pulling into the driveway, Gabe was relieved to see Lily’s car was there. Hearing Gabe pull up, Maggie met him outside.
“Hello there Gabe!” She said in a cheery voice.
From her pleasant demeanor, Gabe assumed they'd found Lily safe and sound at home.
“Hi Mrs. Donovan, is Lily inside?” Gabe asked anxiously.
“No, she left us a note saying she took a cab to the bus station and went to visit her friend Sarah in Sherwood. Apparently Sarah called her crying over some boy and Lily wanted to go and console her.” Maggie rolled her eyes when she mentioned the boy. “We called Sarah, she said that Lily was there and that she was welcome to stay for a few days.”
“Did you speak with Lily?” Gabe inquired, suspicious.
“No,” Maggie stated as she folded up her sleeves, “she said Lily was having a shower, long ride on those dirty buses…” her voice trailed off as Gabe’s intuition told him to investigate this further.
“Maggie, may I have Sarah’s number? I need to talk to Lily about something.”
“Oh, of course, it’s in the kitchen, I’ll go grab it.” She was already walking away by the time she finished her sentence.
After thanking Maggie and politely refusing lunch several times,
Gabe got back on his bike and sped back to the church to use the phone. He had a nagging suspicion that Lily wasn’t where she said she was.
A nervous flutter grew within his stomach when he realized he also had to contact Father Francis. Pushing thoughts of the impending exorcism aside, he revved his bike’s engine, pushing it to go faster through the curving valley.
Arriving at the church, Gabe scrambled to get into his office as quickly as he could. Nervously he punched in the numbers on the phone to call Sarah’s house. As the phone rang, he took deep breaths to calm himself.
“Hello.” A young girl answered.
“Um, hello, may I please speak with Sarah?” Gabe stuttered.
“Yes, this is Sarah.”
“Hi Sarah, this is Gabe...Lily’s friend. I was wondering if I might speak with her.” He attempted to make his voice appear cheery and care-free.
“Oh…um…she’s…in the shower right now. Can she call you back?” Sarah stammered, her lie transparent.
“Ah, I see.” Gabe said quietly. “Sarah, I need to know if she’s really there. Please.”
Sarah paused and sighed heavily. Finally, she surrendered, “No...she’s not really here. She called me this morning and begged me to tell her parents she was at my house.”
“Did she tell you why?” Gabe inquired.
“No, just that it was a huge favor to her. She said she needed a few days to herself...to think.”
“Thank you Sarah.” Gabe felt relieved. “Did she say where she was going?”
“No, only that she was going to the only place where no one would find her.”
Gabe thanked her and they hung up. Pondering every word of the phone call, he wracked his brain trying to think where Lily would hide.
Sighing, he knew the next phone call wouldn’t be nearly as easy.
Dialing the numbers on the business card, Gabe breathed deeply as he listened to the empty echo of the rings. He was just about to hang up when Father Francis answered.
Dimensions of Genesis Page 6
