“I think so.”
“Okay,” Nicholas agreed, curling into a little ball. That was the last thing he said, before his breathing slowed to a deep sleep. He was supposed to be getting the help he needed not being dragged all over the world while his dad lived in denial. And I was supposed to trust him. Yeah. Okay.
The next time I woke before day light, was because it was a million degrees and I was suffocating. Between the warm blooded boys in my bed and the winter attire I chose for bed, I was roasting from the inside out.
Drew was still sleeping on the little sofa. I started to wake him and tell him to get in bed, but covered him instead. He was probably going to get more sleep there anyway. I walked around the house, taking in all the detail. I would have never chose to put wallpaper in a house. I loved the vintage look and the dark mahogany separating it gave it a rich elegant kind of feeling. I would have never guessed that either. The old world charm of the house was, inviting, homey, and I was glad I didn’t have a say in any of the remodeling. None of it would have been savored. I would have modernized the entire house. None of this would have been preserved.
The house had a history, a charm I could have gotten used to had it not been in the wrong part of the continent. I hated cold with a passion. Sometimes I thought Drew was just out to get me. The only thing in the refrigerator to drink was a juice box. I punched the tin with the straw and looked out to the country porch. The moat. I smiled at Tadpole’s description of the wrap around porch, only Tadpole.
“What are you doing, love?” Drew asked, wrapping his arms around me from behind. I let him, trying to let it all be okay.
“Drinking Rocket Raspberry and thinking about the moat,” I said, holding the straw to his lips from behind.
Drew sucked the berry drink through the tiny straw. “We’ll go to the grocery store tomorrow. Moat?” he questioned.
“Yeah, I was just wishing it really was a moat and we could stay locked away from everything and everyone.”
“I’ve often thought about that too, but we can’t. We have to learn how to deal with everything we’re going through right now.”
Silence was best. It was paramount that leaving out what I wanted to say was best. “I’m not even going to say a word.”
“I know I’m to blame for a lot of things, Morgan. I know that. I know I don’t handle things the way most men do. I can’t help that. I’m trying my best to be who you want me to be. I fuck up. I fuck up a lot, but I’m going to get it right. I know you don’t want to hear trust me, but I need you to so much right now, love. This is going to be good for us. I promise.”
“Drew we have to take care of our son. No more avoiding it. I’m not going to let you.”
“I know. I know, Morgan. Trust me.”
I groaned and plopped my head back to his chest. If I heard that one more time. “It is very pretty,” I admitted looking at the snow illuminated with a mixture from blue lights and a very bright moon. “I don’t get it, Drew. How did you even find this place?”
My breath caught in my lungs when I felt Drew’s warm hands slide up my shirt and to my stomach. I hated not having sex. Why the hell was I using that as a weapon? I wasn’t sure who that was really hurting.
“Well, I think it was fate,” Drew admitted, moving his thumb over my skin with his burning hand.
“You don’t believe in fate,” I reminded him. Drew was a business man. He didn’t get caught up in philosophy. Ever. Everything had to scientifically make sense to Drew. Cause and effect. There was no such thing as magic and my husband of all people surely didn’t believe in fate.
“I can’t explain it away,” Drew said, pulling away from me. Shit. I didn’t want him to do that. Not yet.
“What do you mean?” I asked, disposing of the drink box. I followed Drew to the kitchen and down the one step to the sunken family room. One of my favorite rooms.
“I don’t know. Even Solomon told me they never got that much snow that early in November. I think I ended up here for a reason and I’m glad I did. Had we not had to land here, I would have been moving you to New York City.”
“I wouldn’t have gone.”
“Yes you would have. I feel like we belong here, Morgan.”
I shook my head not understanding. “Belong where? I don’t understand you. You’re like best friends with this Solomon guy and you’re overzealous about some town with a bunch of country folk. I don’t get it.”
“I don’t either, love, but its right. I feel it. Please trust me. One more time.”
“Yeah, thirty days right?” I sarcastically replied, plopping to a beanbag chair in front of the fire.
“How about we just stop talking. All we do is end up fighting. Let’s go to bed.”
“I have a better idea,” Drew opposed, standing with me.
His lips softly met mine with one smooth, sweet kiss. The instant wetness between my legs was noticed at precisely the same moment I perceived the throbbing. I played with the string on my sweats in a taunting manner, twisting the string around and around my finger. I was liking his idea better.
Drew kissed me again while his fingers locked in the band of my pants. Drew didn’t normally work this fast, but I would take it. I found myself sitting in front of the fire, legs spread while Drew released himself from his own sweats. My head dropped over the chair when he slid slowly inside of me with a hiss. Holy Saint Mary! How long had it been since we did this, again? And why weren’t we doing this?
Drew’s lips met mine when I raised up. Our tongues danced while we reunited, becoming one. Our moans matched and the thrusts of our hips stayed in sync. I swear it was less than five minutes. I was right there, so close.
“Morgan, aahh,” Drew warned a second too late. He plunged one last time, holding my hips toward his and released. Great… “I’m sorry,” he instantly apologized.
“It’s fine. Let’s go to bed,” I offered, kissing his lips. I was trying my best not to show my disappointment in him again, but it was apparent. Whatever, it’s wasn’t about me anyway, it was about Drew. It was always about Drew.
“No, I’ll take care of you,” he presented, moving his thumb in a circular motion while I felt his hardness decreasing inside me. It was gone and although I knew Drew didn’t purposely come before me, I still felt the rejection.
“No, it’s okay. Let’s go to bed. The boys will be up before we know it. I elect you to get up with them,” I teased, trying to keep the already heavy mood light.
“Someone is coming here at eight in the morning. You have to be up for her.”
“Who is it?”
“Someone I want you to meet.”
“And this person won’t be at this barn party or whatever it is you’re dragging us to? I don’t want to meet someone at eight in the morning. I don’t plan on being awake at that time.” I knew I would never sleep past eight, but I didn’t expect company at that time either.
“It’s not a barn party. It’s a—.”
“Yeah, I don’t care, Drew. I’m going to bed.”
This time was best I didn’t tell her. I knew what it was going to be as soon as soon as I heard the doorbell. I should have told Nicole to come after ten, but with the festivities starting today, it needed to be early. Both boys were being difficult, Nicholas wanted oatmeal we didn’t have yet, and Tadpole wanted Fruit Loops we didn’t have yet either.
“Come in,” I offered with a wave of my hand. “We’re having a little hiccup this morning,” I explained, hugging Nicole. She handed me the pastry box and I passed it to my rude wife.
“Doughnuts, awesome,” she exclaimed, impolitely.
“I’m Nicole. You must be Morgan. I’ve heard a lot about you and your boys. They’re cranberry muffins,” Nicole informed Morgan with a wink. I took her scarf and coat while Morgan looked at me, wondering what the hell was going on. I wasn’t telling her. That’s why Nicole was here. She could do it.
As soon as Morgan had the boys settled, eating fresh muffins and watching cartoons, I led Morg
an down the one step to talk to Nicole.
“Can I get you coffee or something?” Morgan asked. Nicole said yes and settled in on the sofa. I took a deep breath, hoping this went as planned. It could go either way and I hoped the vision of Morgan going off on our guest wasn’t the alternative.
After one more breath, I looked to Nicole to start, get it out there, get it over with and be get the ball rolling. I hated procrastinating.
“I’m not sure what Drew has told you about me,” Nicole said to Morgan after thanking her for the coffee.
“Ha, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Drew has a tendency to do that from time to time or minute to minute, depends on how you look at it,” Morgan explained with a sharp knife from her eyes to my forehead. Oh boy. She was pissed and she didn’t even know why Nicole was there yet.
“When was the last time you used, Morgan?” Nicole asked, getting right to the point. I watched Morgan’s expressions closely. Her face went from tight and angry to white and shocked.
“Used?” she questioned, looking up to Tadpole jumping down the one step and back. He wasn’t hurting anything, but Morgan used the distraction to walk away.
“Go eat your muffin,” I coaxed Tadpole with a tap to his butt. “Morgan sit down,” I said with a stern, I’m dead serious tone.
“Drew, what the fuck are you doing?” she whispered. I ignored and puller her hand back to Nicole, waiting on the sofa.
“Morgan, I know what you’re going through. I know how hard this is for you to admit.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” Morgan assured her.
“The last time I used was December 24th, 2001. I hated coming back here for the holidays,” Nicole explained, ignoring Morgan’s attempt to shut her out. “I was a successful city doctor living the highlife. My mother begged me to come home for Christmas. I couldn’t, I was too busy with my other friends, my New York friends. We had parties planned. I overdosed on Oxycodone that night, lost my license to practice in New York, and I never saw my mother again. She died December 28th, the day I was released from the hospital. When was the last time you used, Morgan?”
“I’m not like that. I don’t go to parties and overdose on drugs,” Morgan assured her. I pointed to Nicholas to get back to the table with his muffin. Maybe we should have done this at nap time.
“No, I’m sure you don’t. I never started that way either. It started from a measly little knee injury. Before I knew it, a year had gone by. I was still avoiding the needed surgery because I couldn’t take the time off work. Next thing I knew I was snorting eight to ten pills a day just to keep going. I didn’t have a problem either. I was just in pain. Even after the surgery,” Nicole explained. “When that wasn’t enough, I started writing my own prescriptions.”
“What do you want?” Morgan asked, cutting to the chase.
“I want to help you, before you kill yourself. Seems to me you have a house full of men who would miss you.”
“I’m not going to die.”
“How many pills are you up to a day?”
“Four, maybe five.”
“Is that snorting or eating?”
The look Morgan gave me told me she didn’t want to say anything in front of me. “Tell her, love,” I coaxed, needing her to know I wasn’t going to be mad at her.
“Snorting.”
“Do you want to stop?”
My breathing stopped while I prayed for the answer.
“Yes,” she shamelessly admitted, dropping her head. I moved to her side and took her hand in mine. She moved it, trading it for a dirty look. Shit. I didn’t want her to be mad at me for wanting to help her, to help our family.
“Drew can you leave us?” Nicole asked. I looked up just in time to hear the chair topple over from the kitchen. Morgan never glanced at me, not once. I took that as she didn’t need me there and went to dress the boys.
“Come on guys,” I said, taking my little guys upstairs to find clothes. That didn’t go over so well. I couldn’t find anything warm for them to wear. Everything I had sent here from California was summer and I had no idea where the things were Morgan brought. Boxes were still all over the place.
We hung out in our room in cartoon undies instead. The fire kept the room nice and toasty and was the perfect atmosphere for a quiet story.
“Okay, jump on the loveseat. I’ll find us a story on Mommy’s tablet,” I coaxed. They were still in awe of the new house, checking everything out. I let them wander, checking out the bathroom and closest while I went to Morgan’s reading app. The page opened to Sam having a meal on an island in the center of the kitchen. His meal was Kendra. Jesus. I looked up to check on the boys, sliding across the hardwood in socks and undies. Too damn cute.
After reading a few more paragraphs, I got the hell out of it and searched for a kid book. My cock had to be situated twice thinking about, Morgan. It wasn’t Kendra and Sam in Domesticated that shot sensations to my dick, it was Morgan. The thought of her reading smut excited the hell out of me. It reminded me of how I used to make her read it in our pre-accident marriage. Fuck. I wanted to fuck her like that. If ever she needed to be taught a lesson it was now.
Things settled down with book about a lost bear, but I was beginning to worry. An hour had gone by since I left Morgan downstairs with Nicole.
“Where’s your clothes?” she asked the boys. She didn’t sound mad. She sounded fine. Was this a good thing? Was it really going to be this easy?
“Did my blanket come here now?” Nicky asked, sliding off the chair.
“Not yet, come on let’s go find some clothes,” Morgan repeated.
Tadpole slid around Nicholas in his socks and laughed when he wiped out. He hurried to his feet and jumped in front again.
“Hey,” I quietly questioned, wanting something from Morgan. She jerked away and the loving mommy expression was replaced. It now said, I hate your fucking daddy.
“Go to hell, Drew. What next? Tell me what the fuck happens after thirty days. We need to live in the same town. I’ll get the help I need. I’ll be just fine, but it will be a cold day in hell before you keep me from these boys. You got that, Drew?” Morgan spoke in a low tone through gritted teeth. Fuck.
“What do you mean?”
“You said thirty days. The way I see it, I only have to live in this space with you until January 1st. Perfect time for a new start,” she assured me, spinning and walking out. Nice. Great. Now what?
Morgan didn’t respond to anything I said. Not to her and not to the boys. I may as well have been a board on the floor.
“I’m going to go start the car,” I announced at eleven thirty. Still nothing. She didn’t even acknowledge that I spoke. “You can get their coats on them.”
“You mean the thin little jackets from our warmer climate home?” Morgan finally spoke.
“We have internet. We’ll get online and order them some winter clothes when we get back. The car’s heated, the barns heated, and it’s not a big deal. Can we just go have a good day?”
“You go, I’ll stay here and put away some of the boxes.”
“Get ready, Morgan. You’re going.”
“Sure, Drew. Let’s go have a great day. Whatever you say. You’re the boss.”
“Morgan, stop.”
“Do you even know what size either of them wear? I bet you have no idea what size shoes Nicholas wears. What size pants does Tadpole wear? Do you know?”
The fact that she was right was beside the point. She was being a bitch. Did she have a right to be a bitch? I’m the one trying to fix us unlike her. I wasn’t the one snorting pain pills up my nose. “Get ready.” That’s the only thing I could think of to say. The old Drew wanted to punish her, show her who wore the pants in this family. But…The Drew that loved her more than anything on earth wanted to make it right.
“He wears a four in shorts and a five in pants. Fours are too short for him, but he needs a belt,” Morgan informed me of the fact I hope to never know. She took care of all of that.
I bought the fun stuff.
I answered the house phone instead. “Hello.”
“Hey, can you talk?” Nicole asked.
“Yeah, go ahead,” I said, walking away. I slid the pocket door closed after entering the library. I really did love this room.
“She’s not going to agree to being admitted for a couple weeks.”
“Yeah, I kind of figured that. So now what?”
“She’s agreed to give up control of what she has, and follow a strict detox program,” Nicole explained.
“Okay, just tell me when to give them to her,” I replied. I’d do anything in the world to get past this.
“I think this is deeper than what you think. Do you know what we were talking about all that time? It wasn’t about her addiction, not to pills anyway.”
“What do you mean? Please don’t tell me she has another addiction.”
“She does, you. I can’t say that I would be here if I were in her shoes.”
“What did she tell you?” I asked, hoping it was only new stuff. I hated when she mentioned how I was when I married her. It was irrelevant to where we were now.
“Did you force her to come here? Did you really buy the Trenton farm without telling her? Does she know about the barn?” Nicole asked, firing questions that sounded way worse than they were. She was making it sound like a big deal and it wasn’t. Morgan knew how I was. I didn’t do things on a whim unless I had reason to do so. I knew a good deal when I saw one and this farm was a good deal.
“I asked her for thirty days.”
“You asked her, or you threatened her with her kids?”
“But Solomon said…”
“Solomon’s situation was different than yours. And if he told you to use her kids against her, he’s crazy too. You’re adding more bricks to the wall between you.”
“I guess I never thought about it like that.”
“Look, I know you and John are business partners right now, and I hope Morgan and I will become friends, but if you want to set up some marriage sessions, I would be happy to help.”
“Yeah, I don’t know,” I said, tapping on the glass when I saw Nicholas and Tad running around the moat. I had supper at her table, I played with her twin boys and had a couple beers with her husband. I wasn’t sure I wanted to put my problems with Morgan out there for her to see.
An Underestimated Christmas (Underestimated 3) Page 19
