Bree wasn’t sure why he was so angry. Sawyer was convinced that it all stemmed back to the night they’d lost the other two members of the team. The night Corbin almost died. She took Sawyer’s word that he hadn’t always been that way, but it didn’t make him any easier to like. She didn’t like to see the hurt in Sawyer’s eyes when Corbin directed his anger at her. She knew it bothered Rowan as well, although he never said anything. For that matter, Sawyer never brought it up either. She was like a different person when Corbin wasn’t around. She laughed and joked and seemed genuinely happy at times. Sawyer and Lydia had become Bree’s closest friends in the compound and they spent a lot of their evenings together, catching up on the day’s activities or watching movies. Bree was surprised at how well she and Sawyer got along when Corbin wasn’t near.
During training however, Sawyer became the quiet, serious woman she’d been before coming here. The difference was that now she also wore a cloak of anger tinged with sadness. Bree was sick of it. She knew it wasn’t her place to interfere when it came to whatever was happening with the two of them, but it was affecting the team. Gwynn noticed the way they never interacted and Bree knew that she reported back to Conrad. The team was never going to be cleared for active duty if the two veterans couldn’t get it together long enough to hold a civil conversation.
Today was a prime example. Gwynn had somehow managed to split the team into pairs. Over the last hour, she’d casually shuffled people around until Bree realized that Sawyer and Corbin were in the sparring ring together, facing off. She caught Declan’s eye and they shared matching looks of unease as they moved to the perimeter of the ring to observe. Rylee and Jon stood on the opposite side of the ring, their expressions neutral.
“Okay,” Gwynn called out. “No holding back but let’s try not to send anyone to Medical today.”
To Sawyer’s credit, she stood her ground in the center of the practice mat. Bree wondered what Corbin was going to do. He’d managed to avoid sparring with Sawyer all the other times they’d been paired up. Now, however, all the attention was on the two of them. The rest of the team was gathered around, waiting. Bree felt like she was watching a disaster movie. All the signs pointed to the perfect storm, but no one was evacuating. They were all just waiting for the tidal wave.
Corbin turned to face Gwynn. “This isn’t necessary,” he said, his voice hard. “I’ve sparred with Sawyer plenty of times in the past.”
Gwynn nodded. “Maybe so,” she said. “But it’s been a while and I’d like to see how you both do against a different technique. So, get to it.” She waved a hand at them as though they were wasting time.
Sawyer rolled her neck from one side to the other and widened her stance, her knees bending slightly to lower her center of gravity. Everyone knew Sawyer was fast. Even when not using her ability, she could move quicker than anyone else on the team. During training, they weren’t supposed to fall back on their abilities. They were supposed to practice fighting without them. Their Praetorian abilities were an asset, yes. But Gwynn wanted them to be able to fight well without them, making the ability a bonus and not something that they were helpless without.
Corbin sighed as though bored. Sawyer made her move. Bree smiled as Sawyer swiftly closed the distance between her and Corbin, keeping low. He was taller than she was and that meant keeping low was to her advantage. When your attacker is larger than you, the best thing to do is to get under them. Bree had learned that from Sawyer. She watched her sweep a leg out to try and take Corbin’s feet out from under him. He jumped, avoiding her leg. He swung at her as she straightened. She blocked his blow and aimed one of her own his way. The two were evenly matched, it seemed. Watching them fight was like watching a choreographed dance between two people who clearly knew all the steps.
Bree forgot that these two people weren’t on speaking terms. She forgot that they seemed to almost hate one another most of the time. She was caught up in the graceful dance. Neither of them landed a single blow for several minutes. They each seemed to anticipate the others’ move and block it before it caused any harm. Bree looked to Sawyer’s face and saw a look of pure enjoyment there. She was having fun. Corbin seemed to notice it as well and his face took on a darker expression as he fought. Now Bree recalled that feeling of dread she’d had before they’d started. This was going to end badly.
Corbin’s swings started coming with more force and speed. He’d been holding back before but now he seemed to be giving his all to the fight. Bree knew he wasn’t using his ability, however. She’d seen Corbin’s super human strength in action the day before. Even if Sawyer just blocked those swings with a forearm, she’d end up with broken bones. He seemed to be pushing himself to the very edge of his normal strength and speed. Still, Sawyer was faster. She landed a kick to Corbin’s side that forced him back a step. There was a slight hesitation on his part before he renewed his attack. Sawyer’s speed increased to match.
Bree wondered if Gwynn would call off the match before someone got hurt. She didn’t want to look away to check Gwynn’s reaction. Corbin’s kick glanced off Sawyer’s thigh and she sprang back, stumbling for a moment before launching a counterattack. They were both flushed and breathing heavily, but neither let it slow them down. They were so evenly matched that Bree wondered if this match would ever end. Not unless one of them made a mistake which didn’t seem likely.
Sawyer’s expression had changed from a look of enjoyment to one of frustration. She missed a step when moving toward Corbin and he took advantage. Her foot slid sideways on the mat. Corbin swept around and hooked a hand behind her knee and pulled, quickly flipping her onto her back on the mat. She rolled with the fall and managed to almost make it look intentional on her part. Bree heard a chuckle from beside her. She risked a glance over and saw Rowan standing beside her. She hadn’t noticed him enter the arena.
“Whose bright idea was this?” he asked in a sardonic tone.
“Gwynn,” Bree said, her attention back on the two in the ring.
“Hmm,” he said. “Did she want someone to end up in Medical?”
“Actually,” Bree said with a smile, “she specifically mentioned not wanting that.”
“She’s going about it in an odd way,” he said.
Bree nodded her agreement. “I thought so, too,” she said and winced at the sound of Sawyer using her forearm to block a powerful kick from Corbin. That was going to leave a bruise, she thought.
Rowan sucked in a breath beside her and let it out on a sigh. “Idiots,” he muttered.
Bree thought that Rowan sounded almost angry, but she couldn’t tell. He was always so pleasant that it was difficult to imagine him any other way. She spared another quick glance his way and saw his brows drawn low behind his glasses as he watched his sister and his friend trade blows. Occasionally, he would flinch slightly as one of those blows found its mark. As though he felt her eyes on him, Rowan said in a voice tinged with sadness, “They’re both too stubborn to give in. It’s hard to watch.” Bree didn’t think he was only talking about the sparring match.
“What the hell?” Corbin’s shout rang out through the arena, drawing Bree’s eyes back to the ring. She didn’t know what had happened, but Corbin was wiping his nose with the back of one hand. His hand came away with a smear of bright red blood on it.
Sawyer didn’t look remorseful. “I can’t help it if you’re too slow to dodge my fist. Isn’t that the point of this exercise?” she said, her voice angry.
Corbin’s gaze grew furious. “When you use your ability, it’s impossible to avoid,” he said.
Sawyer scoffed and rolled her eyes. “That was all me. No ability needed. Maybe you’re getting rusty.”
Bree couldn’t have looked away from this if she’d wanted to. This was the most the two of them had spoken since she’d met Corbin nearly three weeks ago.
“Bullshit,” Corbin practically spat the word at her. “I know how fast you are and that wasn’t normal.” He wiped the back of his hand
on his pants. His nose had already stopped bleeding. Bree didn’t think Sawyer had hit him very hard.
“You don’t know me anymore,” Sawyer told him, her voice glacial.
Corbin gave a cruel laugh, devoid of humor. “I’m beginning to wonder if I ever did,” he said.
Sawyer's jaw clenched tightly and Bree braced herself for an explosion, glad she wasn't on the receiving end.
“Where do you get off talking to me like I'm the one who's changed, Teague?” She said in a tightly controlled voice. “You don't look at me, don't speak to me, and you have the nerve to treat me like I'm the bad guy?! What happened to you?” Her voice was furious, but her eyes were full of pain.
Corbin stiffened at Sawyer’s words. Everyone was watching, waiting for him to fire back an angry retort, but it didn't happen. Instead, he said in a quiet, sad voice, “I wish I knew.”
Sawyer just stared at him for several seconds, her green eyes suspiciously bright. Abruptly, she whirled away and left the practice mat. She didn't say anything to anyone as she continued walking across the arena and out the doors. The entire training arena had gone silent.
“Well,” Gwynn said brightly. “I think that's enough practice for today. You're all dismissed.”
Bree and the others moved to grab their towels and water bottles, no one speaking. Corbin still stood motionless in the center of the practice mat as though he hadn’t heard the dismissal. His hands were fisted tightly at his sides and his jaw was clenched. His gaze was aimed at the bench on the other side of the mat, but Bree didn’t think he was seeing anything. He looked to be lost in his own thoughts. She was reminded yet again of a wounded animal, afraid to let anyone near, even if it might save him. Just then, Rylee put an arm around Bree’s shoulders and turned her away, toward the exit. She went along with her parents and the others, leaving Corbin alone in the dark arena with his thoughts.
Chapter 20
Corbin stood alone in the empty training arena, the silence seeming louder than the harsh words Sawyer had yelled at him earlier. He closed his eyes, wishing he could blot out the memory of the pain reflected in her green eyes. He knew she wasn't entirely wrong. He had changed. He wasn't the same person she'd grown up with. He hadn't been that man in such a long time. He missed that Corbin. He'd been sure of himself. Confident. In control. He never would have lost his temper during training. He would have known what to say to reassure his team.
That Corbin was long gone. He'd died that night in Ephraim’s safehouse, along with Tess and Liam and now he had to learn to live with the person he'd become. He didn't know how much longer he'd be able to stomach it. He was angry all the time. He blew up at Rowan constantly. He didn't even know who he was mad at most of the time. He would just lash out at the nearest person. He hated himself, but he didn't know how to stop it.
Sawyer had always been the one person he could count on. And she'd left. When he'd woken up in that hospital bed, confused, hurting, with no memory of how he'd gotten there, the one person he’d needed was gone. Logically, he understood why she'd taken the mission, but he couldn't find a way to move past it. They'd always had one another to lean on and when it had mattered most, she'd bailed.
He sighed and walked over to the bench and sat. Resting his elbows on his knees, he let his head droop. He didn't remember ever feeling so beaten, so lost. Worse, he didn't know what to do about it.
“Feeling sorry for yourself, I see,” Rowan’s sharp tone echoed through the empty room. Corbin sat up straight, looking in the direction of Rowan’s voice. He was walking across the dark arena toward him. Corbin felt the heat of his anger flare up again and tried to push it down. Rowan always liked to push his buttons. It was just the way he was. He’d long ago learned to ignore it, but lately he found himself unable to let things go.
Rowan was speaking again as he walked closer, “It's not enough to make yourself miserable,” he said. “You gotta make everyone else miserable too? I mean, you're pissed off all the time, why not piss off all your friends, too?” When Corbin remained quiet, Rowan answered his own question. “Yeah, sure. That makes total sense. I mean, why not push away the few people who still give a shit about you, right?”
Corbin shoved away from the bench and was in Rowan’s face in two quick strides. “You don't know what you're talking about, so just back off,” he said between clenched teeth. Rowan gave a humorless chuckle, but didn't flinch from Corbin’s ire.
“You're an idiot,” Rowan said. Corbin wasn't sure what he'd expected him to say, but it wasn't this. Rowan wasn’t finished. “What?” he asked in a harsh tone. “You think you're the only person who's ever lost someone? Oh, I get it. You're the only person who's ever been through bad shit and wished they hadn't lived to talk about it? Look around, man!” He threw his arms out to gesture around them. “We're all beaten or broken down in some way. Don't you see our friends coming back from missions hurt and dying? Or the ones who just never come back? You don't think I'd give anything….” he broke off and took a breath, jaw clenched. Corbin saw the pained look in his friend's eyes and he knew that Rowan was thinking of Stella. Guilt washed over him as it always did when he thought of her. He opened his mouth to speak, but Rowan still wasn't finished.
“You're here, she's here. You have a chance! Stop wasting time trying to be right and just be happy she's alive. Life is too damned short, man! You gotta stop all this blame crap,” Rowan shouted. Corbin had never seen him this way. Whatever he'd been about to say died on his tongue as he listened to Rowan’s tirade.
“In the end, none of that matters! Who was right or wrong? It’s all bullshit! When it comes down to it, the only thing you'll be wishing for is more time. So, stop wasting it! You know what? Nevermind.” Rowan shook his head and gave another humorless chuckle. “You don't get it. Just keep pushing her away and then when she's gone, you can wonder all over again why she left.” Rowan gave him one last angry glare before he turned and walked away. Corbin watched as he shoved his way through the door, leaving him alone in the empty arena.
He was shocked. Rowan had never talked to him like that. He'd always been sarcastic and dismissive of anything serious. They'd known one another since they were kids and Corbin had never known Rowan to get this worked up. There was a time, after they lost Stella when he'd been quiet and quick to snap at everyone, but then they all had been. Losing her had been devastating to everyone. She’d been the heart of the team. She was always quick to smile or laugh. Her hazel eyes always seemed to be laughing at some unknown joke. She'd been a total bad–ass when it came to martial arts and her ability to become invisible had been invaluable on missions. Everyone knew that Rowan and Stella had been involved, but no one really knew the depth of that relationship until she was gone. Corbin tried not to think about the night she'd been the one who didn't return home with the team. He could still hear the anguish in Rowan’s voice as he’d begged them to find her, to bring her back. When he closed his eyes, he could see the devastated look in Rowan’s eyes when he finally realized she wasn't coming back.
He pushed down the guilt he always felt when he thought of Stella. A soldier had to focus on the mission. There would be time to mourn when the war was over. He ignored the voice in his mind whispering that this war had already lasted nearly 80 years and his own life would likely end long before the war did.
Corbin spent an hour walking the halls of the compound, unsure where he wanted to go or what he needed to do. It was his job to get the team ready for active duty but, it seemed that the team was unraveling. Conrad had come to him earlier, concerned about his leadership. He didn’t think they were making adequate progress. Their individual skills seemed to be improving but as a group, they were a mess. Corbin had argued that they were still learning how to work together but Conrad disagreed. The Warrens already knew how to work together. They were a family. Sawyer had spent weeks training with Bree and Declan before coming here. They clearly worked well together. No, the problem was Corbin. More specifically, Corbin and Sawyer
’s inability to work together. Everyone knew that the two of them could barely look at one another. He was at the end of his rope. Something had to give.
After today’s display in the arena, everyone could see where the problem lay. He wondered if he should just quit. Give the team to Sawyer and back off. Go into training or intelligence. Maybe he wasn’t cut out for field work anymore. Maybe too much had happened to him. He thought back to when he’d first become an active agent. He’d been so proud, so full of plans and ready to take on Ephraim single–handedly. Now, he just felt worn out.
He dreaded every interaction with Sawyer, even as his heart leapt at the sight of her. When that happened, it usually caused Corbin to snap at her in anger. Most of the time he couldn’t even remember why he was so angry at her. It had become a habit to lash out at her. He didn’t sleep much and when he did, he was plagued with bad dreams. Fire, explosions, pain, screams. He would wake up well before his alarm, afraid to try for more sleep that night. If he gave it any real consideration, he would realize he had the classic symptoms of PTSD. He chose not to think about it.
Before that night, Sawyer had been his best friend. They’d been so in sync. They could anticipate one another’s every move during training as well as on missions. He missed that connection more than he could explain. They’d lost more than just Tess and Liam during that doomed mission. They’d lost part of themselves and Corbin didn’t know if they would ever find their way back to the people they were. He sighed deeply and leaned his back against the wall. He knew what he needed to do. What a good team leader would do. He had to find a way to pull his team together and that had to start with his relationship with Sawyer. Maybe they wouldn’t be able to be what they once were, but they had to find a way to work together.
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