Seriously Kelsey, get a grip on your hormones! I admonished myself not daring to even sneak a peek at Jason. If he was onto me about how I felt about him, I didn’t want to know.
“Righto Squirt, time to get you home and fed,” Jason informed his niece, scrunching up his nose at just the thought of knowing what his brother does in the bedroom, I was sure.
“Fucking Deck needs to learn to control himself or shift the kids to another part of the compound,” Jason grumbled, turning Shiloh around and herding her back up the driveway.
“See ya in the morning Kels,” Shiloh called over her shoulder to me.
“Bye Shy-Shy,” I murmured, hurt spearing my heart the way Jason was dismissing me. Letting out another sigh, this one not hormone fuelled, I leaned down and picked up the dropped basket of vegetables.
Oh well, what did you expect Kelsey? A declaration of love? Maybe a marriage proposal? Twit!
Shutting the shed door, I walked up to my back door when a loud whistle got my attention. Looking up, I saw Jason standing at the start of his driveway, Shiloh’s hand in his.
“Be sure to lock your doors Mermaid, and set the alarm.” His voice was firm, leaving no room for argument, but it was the wink and the subtle lift of his mouth that righted my world.
He cares, he has to.
And just like that… I was back into my imaginary world where I wasn’t scarred and broken and the man of my dreams thought the same.
Waving shyly, I continued up the gravel path, sporting the biggest smile and mentally organising the breakfast menu for the morning.
Chapter 3
JASON
“Looks like you went to a lot of trouble here Kels,” I said, looking at the spread of breakfast foods spread on the table in Kelsey’s kitchen.
“Oh, not really, it’s just waffles, pancakes, fruit compote, homemade yoghurt and freshly squeezed orange juice. No trouble,” she answered fluttering around the room, jumping now and then to avoid her dog, Sassy, who was being riled up by Shiloh’s loud woofing noises.
Most people would tear the hair out of their heads with all the noise, but not Kelsey, she simply walked around or walked over the yapping dog and Shiloh without a complaint.
Her patience with Shiloh, her pure kindness towards all people was one of her best qualities. As a child growing up with the kind of mother she did, Kelsey still managed to smile and laugh. I could still remember a little girl with long red hair dancing around my parents’— now my— backyard, pretending to be a mermaid in the kiddie pool my mum bought for her during a particularly hot summer.
Back then, even with the neglect of her upbringing, Kels never stopped smiling. The older she got, she was still the same smiling teenager. Always seeing the good in life— in her life.
Things change whether we want them to or not, god, I knew that better than anyone, as did Kelsey. It was funny that both of our lives were irrevocably changed on the same night but in completely different ways. I lost my wife and the life we were meant to live together, and Kelsey… she lost herself.
Picking up the mug of steaming hot coffee Kelsey put in front of me as soon as I sat down at her kitchen table, I studied her over the rim.
The years had been very good to her, at thirty-one she honestly looked no more than twenty. Her hair was shorter these days, full of soft curls that bounced on her shoulders, but it was still the same red colour that gave way to the nickname I bestowed on her. Her lithe, but tiny body was toned thanks to all the outside garden work she did, and the walking. It pissed me off to no end every time I saw Kelsey walking down the street, pulling her red coloured handcart filled with the vegetables she sold to local markets, cafés and restaurants.
Taking a sip of my coffee, the detective in me noted several quirks that also annoyed me about the new Kelsey. For one, her smile was more guarded, strained, barely there basically. I reckoned I could count on one hand how many times I had seen her full-on mega-watt smile since that arsehole took her and stuffed her in the boot of a car but not before her own mother slashed her face with a bread knife, scarring her forever.
That brought me to the next thing I noted. Kelsey refused to face me on her left side, and if she did forget, she used her hair to hide her cheek from me or anyone else for that matter. The only person Kelsey was… normal around was Shiloh.
My niece had a way about her, a gift that brought out the real person that cut through the bullshit, no matter who the person was, teachers to rough around the edge bikers. Shiloh had the ability to bring out the best in everyone.
A quality she got from her mother.
Fuck, the pain and the unfairness that Shiloh never got to know Zoe still ate at me. I did everything I could to help her get to know the incredible person Zoe had been. Deck and Charlotte did the same, as well as Mia and the rest of the Souls who knew my Nymph.
Vegas had been Zoe’s biggest supporter during Shiloh’s first few years, she knew Zoe the best and told an infant Shiloh stories of her mum. When Vegas died so horribly, so did those stories. I once asked Shiloh if she remembered anything Vegas told her of Zoe, she admitted to remembering a few details of what she had been told about Zoe’s laugh, and her pretty clothes. Unfortunately, she had been so young when the accident happened and then Rogue went one step further and killed Darth right in front of the little girl, I feared all that horror replaced Zoe in her memory.
“Uncle Jay, you aren’t listening to me,” Shiloh shouted at me, and I was totally grateful for my niece’s interruption to my mind’s wanderings. Thinking about Zoe was a blessing and a curse most of the time. Both wonderful and painful.
Smiling down at Shiloh, I pretended to be contrite. “I’m sorry Squirt, I was thinking about something else and my mind wandered for a bit,” I explained, but as usual my raven-haired princess saw right through me.
Narrowing her eyes at me, she shook her curls then looked to her left, her head nodding up and down, her face a picture of concentration.
Shivers involuntarily ran down my arms sending the hairs to stand on end. Shiloh was talking to Darth, I accepted it, but it still fucked with my head at times. Especially when she came out with—
“He is thinking about Zoe, he gets sad when he does that,” Shiloh explained to Kelsey, who was standing at the sink watching Shiloh like a stunned mullet, standing so I could see the left side of her face, momentarily forgetting about hiding her cheek.
Not that I could blame her, Shiloh’s announcement shocked the shit out of me too. I didn’t understand why the big guy was still with her, or why he came to her in the first place. And while it eased my worry when I couldn’t be with Shiloh, I didn’t like that he seemed to be able to get into my head.
“Shiloh eat, we’ve got shit to do today,” I told her sternly, glaring at the empty chair next to her, “and please tell your bodyguard to stay out of my business.” Yesterday, he must have heard my plea to Zoe and sent a message through Shiloh, no matter how kind the gesture was, it didn’t sit well with me.
“I ain’t got no control over what the big bugger does Lawman,” Shiloh said unapologetically, then reached for another waffle, promptly forgetting about the six-foot-six elephant in the room.
My heart sped up a notch hearing the silly name she used for me, it was the same one Zoe had used and again I was in awe of the similarities between mother and daughter. Shiloh never heard her mother call me that, had it been Vegas that told her that, or Darth? Whatever the answer… I liked that she did, that calling me Lawman, kept Zoe alive in her daughter.
Fuck you would so proud of this kid Nymph, she is all sass. She has a lot of her father in her, along with a good dose of the bikers, but she has you in her too. I knew thinking about Zoe while Shiloh and her ghostly mind reader was around was only asking for a headache, but my wife was never far from my thoughts, or my heart.
“What do you guys have planned today?” Kelsey asked, breaking the silence. Her face was void of the usual hairstyle where she covered part of her face with
her red curls. For most of her life, Kelsey wore her red hair longer than I had ever seen on any other female. The natural curl made it look even more thick and luscious, then a few years ago she went and cut it shoulder length. It didn’t detract from her natural beauty in anyway, in fact the new style enhanced her gorgeous look— what the fucking hell! Where the fuck did that come from? Since when did I think about Mermaid being gorgeous or her hair… did I really think of her hair as luscious? Maybe it was time I took up an offer from one of the ladies who attended the compound parties on Friday night and got laid.
This is Kelsey you sick fuck, not some piece of arse.
“He is doing it again Mermaid; maybe he needs wormin’. Uncle Manny always says that to Coops when he starts his shit. Don’t know what it means or nothin’ but— ” Shiloh rolls her eyes at me, then goes back to eating, leaving me to stare at her in utter amazement. The shit that comes out of that kid’s mouth was utterly amazing.
Shaking my head, I grinned at Kelsey. “Nothing too exciting sweetheart, just a visit to Mum and Dad’s for lunch, then visiting Zoe before I take miss mouth here back to her parents.” Sipping my coffee, I looked pointedly at Kelsey. “What’s your day looking like?”
Kelsey’s neck flushed a deep red and seemed rattled for a minute, why I had no idea. The morning was definitely going in a weird direction that was for sure.
“Um, not much, just some weeding and planting. I have to drop some eggplants off to Mrs Karas this afternoon. She fell over last week and still can’t drive so she won’t be able to make it to the Farmers’ Market tomorrow,” Kelsey explained, as she took a seat beside the empty one Shiloh insisted belonged to Darth.
“Mrs Karas? She lives three blocks past the fire station, doesn’t she?” I asked scowling.
“Oh, don’t start Jason, you know I don’t mind walking.”
“Kelsey, I have a perfectly good car sitting in my garage. Why don’t you take that for Christ’s sake,” I said, exasperated with the familiar old argument Kelsey and I seemed to have on a regular basis.
Zoe’s VW bug had been sitting idle in my garage going to waste, it didn’t make sense for Kelsey not to use it. She had her licence, yet the woman insisted on walking every fucking where.
“For the millionth time Jason, I do not want to take Zoe’s car. I am a nervous driver at best, if I did something to the car I would never forgive myself and neither would you. So just drop it okay?” Kelsey said softy, her tone firm, she never raised her voice but her jade eyes glittered with fire. The arguments between us were legendary, almost as good as Deck’s and mine. The only difference being, she never yelled and I never held a grudge against her.
Sighing, I reached across the table and grabbed hold of her hand. Surprised that despite her life spent mostly in the garden, it was soft and her skin warm.
“It’s just a car, Mermaid. I worry about you walking so far, and at night,” I told her honestly, my thumb brushing against hers on its own accord.
Kelsey sighed, her thumb brushing over mine once before pulling her hand out from under mine, but not before I felt a spark of… something from her touch.
“Um, I have a new recipe for corned beef. Is it alright if I use the key you gave me to your place to set up the cooker in your kitchen? I plan on cooking enough to last you into the start of next week,” Kelsey asked, the change of subject effectively shutting down the confusion I was feeling about my reaction to her brief touch.
Deciding to go along with ignoring rather than analysing, I instead downed the last of my coffee and stood up abruptly.
“Sweetheart I gave you that key to use as you like, and not just to put food in my kitchen, or do my bloody laundry,” I said gruffly. A hurt look clouded over her soft smile making me feel like shit. Kelsey should do nothing but smile, she was a beautiful woman.
“You do too much for me honey,” I added softly, wanting that smile back on her face again. “I feel like I am using you Kels.”
“You aren’t Jason,” Kelsey whispered softly back to me. “I like doing those things for you, but if you want me to stop—”
“No.” The word rocketed from my lips before I could call it back. Other than my niece and nephew, and the ladies at the flock, Kelsey was a constant in my life… I didn’t see her over at my house that much, but I knew when she had been there. Her presence was everywhere, the house got cleaned, the laundry got done and I was well fed.
When I moved back to my parent’s place and they took over Zoe’s and my old house, we kind of fell into a mutual routine of her looking after me, and in return I gave her the protection of a good friend and the security of having a police officer living across the street.
We were good friends, it was funny that I never saw her as anything other than that. Never once did I consider her as a sister, that would be weird considering the thoughts going through my head about her.
“I don’t give you anything in return Kels,” I admitted, my eyes holding hers.
Kelsey got up from the table, briefly glancing at Shiloh who was now bored with the adults talking and decided to feed Sassy the remnants of her breakfast. Kelsey’s guarded expression changing to an amused grin, then dropped when she looked back to me.
“You give me more than you know Jason,” she whispered quietly, her voice sad, making me wonder what she actually meant by saying that exactly. Kelsey dropped her head so I couldn’t see her face, her hair falling naturally back over her cheek, making me want to go to her and tuck it back behind her ear. I wished she didn’t feel the need to hide her pretty face from me or anyone for that matter. The scar barely registered when I looked at her, all I saw was her porcelain complexion, her pretty bow shaped lips and those phenomenal jade green eyes.
“Shiloh, let’s go see Peter really quick before you have to go. I have some carrots and lettuce you can feed him if you like,” Kelsey announced, injecting forced enthusiasm in her tone for Shiloh’s sake and for her too, I supposed. Kelsey was shy, always had been and didn’t like the spotlight on her. It had to be hard for her to walk around town with a constant reminder of her mother and that night. At the time, I had been so lost in my own grief, I never took too much notice of the local newspaper articles on the capture of the home invaders and their crime sprees and how it came to an end. Poor Kels suffered so much from the publicity and according to my mum, it forced her into the semi-hermit life she lived now.
She preferred the company of her animals than to humans, lucky for me I was still included in her small circle of friends.
At some point Kelsey and I were going to have to talk about a range of things, one of them being her need to look after me. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate all her hard work and care, I just didn’t want her thinking she had to do it. A thought tugged at me that she expected something in return, something other than thanks and gratitude. But as soon as it entered my mind, I quickly squashed it. Kelsey wasn’t like that, she had a kind heart, and the bond we shared because of her childhood, and that night I found her in the boot of a car was an unbreakable one.
I wasn’t an idiot; I knew she had feelings for me. A deranged part of me liked that her pulse visibly sped up when I smiled at her or called her an endearment, that she hid behind her window curtains when I pulled into my driveway, and seriously thought I didn’t know she was there watching me.
Nothing could ever happen between us, she was a forever kind of a girl, marriage, kids that sort of thing. I preferred a no-strings agreement, one night, two max and I was out.
I definitely was not going down the road of love ever again, Zoe was the love of my life and no one else was going to be able to hold a candle to the memory of my Nymph.
Kelsey deserved nothing short of passionate love, and that meant I was ruled out for the job. Whoever comes along though, needed to understand I was going to be very present in Kelsey’s life and he was going to have to accept that fact. A small part of me wished it could be me, the thought of Kelsey happy with someone other than me p
issed me off.
Maybe, just maybe… I stopped in mid-thought, that was something I wasn’t going to think about now. In truth, I had already, but being ready for that might take some time.
Glancing at my watch, I silently cursed. Shiloh and I had to get moving or else all the plans we had for the day weren’t going to be achievable, and standing here mudding up my mind with thoughts of Kelsey, ones I shouldn’t be having, wasn’t smart.
“Use your brain, not your dick,” I mumbled quietly, pushing myself to follow Kelsey and Shiloh out the back door. Peter, the fat, monstrous rabbit better eat fast, because I suddenly had the urge to run.
Chapter 4
KELSEY
My feet were definitely protesting the distance I covered today.
After Jason and Shiloh left for their busy day, I cleaned the kitchen of the breakfast dishes then I gathered up the food Stella and Lake had ordered from me plus the eggplants for Mrs Karas. I didn’t bother telling Jason about my trip to town to drop off produce to the café and Stella’s cake shop. He would’ve just made a song and dance about how I walk too much and refused to use Zoe’s car.
I could drive, I had a licence to drive a car but I just didn’t feel all that comfortable in them. Of course, I had been a passenger in cars, but often with a white knuckled death grip on the door handle ready to jump out as soon as the car came to a halt. I guess being tied up and shoved into the boot gave a person issues.
Then there was the whole driving Zoe’s black VW Bug to deal with.
Hell no, was the answer to that idea.
Jason didn’t have much left of Zoe’s possessions after he swapped houses with his parents. When Shiloh had been born, Jason let Deck take whatever he wanted he didn’t already have. As far as I knew Jason only kept some personal possessions, photos of Zoe and her jewellery, that sort of thing.
Love Heals (The Love Duet Book 2) Page 3
