by Sam Hall
“Oh, yeah.”
I’m still feeling quite ill, Miazydar said. These conveyances, they jerk and they glide and they—
He was cut short by another power spew. He was seriously calling for Huey at this point. I shook my head, then brightened when the shop appeared. “Look, just drop us off here.” I grabbed out my wallet, snatching the fare and some extra.
“Don’t worry, babe,” Ocean Eyes said, plonking a wad of cash into the hand of the driver. Was it actually legal currency? Would it disappear when the guys did at 4 am? I wasn’t sure, but I wasn’t about to argue the toss right now, literally. I’d had to use a false name on my Uber profile, unable to get anyone to pick me up after last time. I gave the side of the car a surreptitious look. Yup, there was a nice technicolour explosion where the dragon’s vomit bomb had gone off.
“Look, do you want to bring the car up to the back of the shop,” I said. “We’ve got a hose.” The door was hastily slammed in my face and the driver took off without another word. “OK then, how about we get some—”
“I got you a caramel latte and some Danishes,” Connor said. “Hope that’s alright.”
“Breakfast tea,” Blondie Bear said.
“Tall black with a little something to help your day.” Tattooed Bad Boy shook a small silver flask.
“How did you get that so quickly?” I shook my head. “Let’s just go into the shop.”
Miazydar was feeling a whole lot better, the spring back in his step and his tail fluttering in the breeze. Jez was at the door, holding it open for me as we walked in, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she watched the guys come in. “Damn Ash, I need me a copy of that book.”
“My sister, Ash,” I said by way of introduction, “and our friend, Jez.”
Like all good book boyfriends, they barely paid attention to the other women, clustering in close to me.
“Take a bite,” Blondie said, pulling out an apple lattice and waving it slightly before me. He brushed it against my lips when I didn’t, forcing me to snatch it out of his grip and shove it back in the bag.
“Connor, Crowe,” I said introducing the guys.
I pointed to Ocean Eyes. “Owen,” he said.
Big, Bad and Tattooed was Talon and Blondie Bear was Braden.
“So guys, you know what I would find super sexy? You making out with Jez. Watching my men get my friend off is sooo hot!” I said.
Their eyes all swivelled around, for a moment appearing like really, really good-looking pod people. Jez giggled, then threw her arms wide, collecting all of them as they fell back onto one of the velvet couches against the wall. She murmured they needed to keep it in their pants, thankfully. She hadn’t done that last time and let’s just say it was lucky we didn’t get a lot of foot traffic. I picked up the pile of books and comics I’d left by the till.
“These books, Ash, any of these books. Or these films if you can’t bring yourself to read anything.”
“Tarzan? Boring, though I guess Alexander Skarsgard. Mm, that boy is fine,” Ash drawled.
“I heard that,” Gabe said, coming in through the rear doorway. He dropped a kiss on Ash’s cheek. “What’s she been doing to you this time?” His eyes flicked to Jez and back again. “Shane’s on the outer again?”
“Finding him fondling those strippers would never go down well. She’ll be happy to see him, but he’s not going to get anything exclusive from her,” I informed Gabe.
“More fool him. He’s always been like this, wanting something new and shiny. Got the attention span of a gnat when it comes to women, but luckily, he’s bloody good at his job. And on that note, I better hustle, the boys have been getting slack after that little holiday of ours. See you tonight?”
“Of course.” I watched my sister kiss Gabe, then turn to me when he walked out the door. “Now, Tess, some mails come for Flea. Can you take it over to him, please?” Ash just looked at me, holding out the small pile of letters.
“Can’t you do it?”
“Nope, you said that the Mirenese want that order of cockatrice feet and I’ve got a supplier coming,” she glanced at her phone, “in about fifteen minutes.”
3
“I could do that and you could take the mail,” I said. That sounded like a much better idea. Ash still wasn’t great with opening and maintaining the portal. “Wouldn’t want you to embarrass us in front of the clients.”
“OK, take the mail over and then you can deal with the client.”
“What about Jez…? Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” I snatched it up and she smiled. Bloody big sister, always bossing me around. Couldn’t even open the gate but for me.
“I know what you’re thinking. Get your arse in there, unless there’s something preventing you from talking to our tenant that you’d like to share with the class?” She knew exactly what to say to shut down the argument. I’d rather take the damn mail than fill her in on how I was feeling about going next door.
“No issue,” I replied.
“Well, good then. Off you go.”
I stomped over to the internal doorway between our magic shop and the tattoo shop, Wizards of Ink, and then my pace slowed right down. Check to see if he has a client, wouldn’t want to interrupt, I thought. Or maybe a client would be good, I could just drop this on the front desk.
“Hey, Tess.”
My head jerked up and I forced myself to walk through the doorway, real casual. I was doing it too until I tripped over the batten that smoothed the transition between the carpet on our side and the tiles on theirs. Smoothed for everyone but someone like me. I yelped, Flea looking up from the drawing he was working on, almost getting to his feet as my arms flailed around, trying to keep myself from falling flat on my face. “I’m OK, it’s OK,” I said.
Therese? Miazydar trotted in behind me. What happened?
Let’s just say my agility and grace was heavily, heavily augmented by Nan’s spell when we met. My dragon looked around sniffing the floor, looking for the obstacle, any obstacle, to explain my behaviour. Yeah, I was at a loss as well.
“Here—”
“Have a seat—”
We both laughed, having begun to speak at the same time. “After you,” I said.
“Sit down. I’m just finishing this off.”
Dammit, I thought, sliding into the chair opposite his. I’d hoped to dump the letters and run, but speaking up wasn’t my style.
“So, how’ve you been?”
God, that’s awkward. He’d been stuck in an alternate dimension full of sentient animals and watched a friend get beaten to a bloody pulp because of my stupidity. This earned me a twisted smile and a glance up from his drawing, a thousand unspoken words seemingly communicated in that look, something I could spend a lifetime trying to decipher. “You’ve got some mail,” I said and pushed it across the table. He straightened up and reached for it, his long slender fingers grazing mine as they did so.
I sucked in a breath, my eyes trained on his hand. They were nimble things, those fingers able to pluck the most incredible sensations from my body. I had been drunk, my head spinning slightly, but it had been hard to know if the haze was brought on by his slow, drugging kisses or the alcohol. He stopped, his hand just millimetres away, his eyes boring into mine. Something changing there, breaking out of a self-imposed case, unfurling, reaching out. His mouth opened as if he would, what? Ask about the night we slept together? Ask about what had happened since?
“So what are you drawing?” I said, slapping a smile on my face and forcing a cheery tone.
That broke the mood. He straightened up and swallowed, his smile not as wide, but was as polite. He spun the artwork around, waiting for me to take a look. My eyes dropped down dutifully and there on the white page was an image of a tall, strong woman, a great winged beast flapping in the background. She looked like she’d just slammed down her spear in defiance of whatever had caught her faraway stare. M ambled over, putting his head on the glass tabletop. He’s talented, this
man thing of yours.
He’s not my man thing, guy, you know what I mean.
His heart beats faster when you are near. His blood pressure rises and I think he is experiencing some tumescence—
Do not finish that statement, please.
Very well, I tell you this because your family has experienced sexual assault at the hands of other men. With all of the man things that are coming and going in your life, I want you to be aware of those who have designs on you so that you can decide whether or not you wish to encourage or discourage their attentions. The violation your sister endured will never happen while I remain.
I looked at the dog; I wanted to rub his ears or pat his head, but he hated that most of the time. Probably because he had to endure almost everyone babbling baby talk at him as they did so. You are my heart, M. He blinked slowly to show he understood.
“It’s beautiful,” I said.
He was about to reply but the door opened with a tingle. A gorgeous girl walked in, all long lean limbs and a waist-length fall of dark hair that faded to a deep blue on the ends. She had a full sleeve tattoo on one arm and a partial on her other. Her smile was dazzling as she saw the two of us. “Hi, I’m Sable. I’m your 9 o’clock?”
“Yep, come through, Sable. I’ve got your design ready for you. Let me know what you think. We can adjust it now, but not once the needle starts.”
“Wow, that’s gorgeous! Her attitude, it’s just what I was looking for. You’re an amazing artist.” She was standing right next to him. Rather than take the paper in her own hands, she looked over his shoulder. Her hand rested on his arm as she complimented him earnestly.
“So are you sure you want it on the bicep? This kind of design is probably better suited to a back piece.”
“I guess I wanted to see it regularly, but I take your point. OK, let’s go with a back piece.”
“Do you mind sticking around for a bit, just until Sable is settled,” Flea said to me as he went to close the blinds at the front of the shop.
“What?”
“She’s going to have to take her top and bra off for this and y’know, after Me Too, I like to make sure everyone’s comfortable,” he said.
I looked over at Sable, who didn’t seem uncomfortable at all. I was forced to look away as she took clothes off without compunction.
“Where do you want me?” she said.
She was standing facing away from the front door so no one could see anything other than her bare back. Flea, on the other hand, would get an unobscured view of her very fit body as soon as he turned around from tracing her design onto transfer paper.
“You sure?” I said. I watched the girl’s eyes rake over his arm muscles as they flexed and shifted. I was feeling really uncomfortable like I was in the middle of something.
“Yeah, why?” he shifted and then stopped, eyes widening when he saw the topless Sable. “Just lie down on the bench, love. There’s a cloth there to cover yourself with.” She did as she was told, moving with cat-like grace. The curse of the McKinnon sisters was such that we would have fallen on the floor if we tried something similar.
Can I go now? I thought, looking at Flea and then his client. Is everyone comfortable? I really need to talk to Ash about this meeting with the Mirenese clients. What did we agree to again? I grabbed out my phone, flicking through the many notes I’d taken lately. It had got out that Nan’s shop was back open and the portal side of the business was really picking up. I wonder if there’s an inter-galactic Yellow Pages we could list with?
Flea shifted on his wheelie stool, skating over to where Sable lay on the bench. “Just applying the stencil and then you can take a look.” He glanced up at me as he smoothed the paper over her back. “You going to the party at Gabe’s tonight?”
“A party at Gabe Browning’s?” the girl said, her voice partially muffled by her arms. “I’d love to! They’re mental.”
His hands stopped, and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Yeah, she was plenty comfortable, and she was getting my dragon rider tattooed on her back. “I’ve got to go,” I said. “We have a business meeting in two minutes.”
“Tess…”
4
“So how’d that go?” Ash said as I strode back in.
“Is there a party tonight at Gabe’s?”
“Party?” Jez clambered out from under the pile of guys. She still had clothes on, that was a plus.
“Oh shit, there is too. I think it’s Macca’s birthday. I better get him something and remind Gabe. Shane tends to organise the social side of things, Gabe’s hopeless. He just bankrolls them and turns up.”
“Shane?” Jez said. She turned to the fellas with a smile. “Tess, you want your harem to come to this party tonight, don’t you?”
Five sets of eyes swivelled around to look at me, which was kind of unnerving. “Yes, yes I do,” I said.
“Well, alright then! Let’s do some work first. Tess wants us to count all the items on this whole wall. It makes her super horny to see you working,” Jez said. She corralled them like a group of really big kids, setting each one a task with an unnaturally upbeat tone. Talon, (or was it Braden?) ambled over anyway.
“Babe, you sure this is what you want us doing? Seems like we could be spending our time a lot more productively.” Hands snaked around my waist and I was pulled against his body so I could feel very clearly just what he was thinking.
“Gotta do a business…thing,” I said, prying mine away from his. “You stay here, help Jez with the stocktake. Stocktake = sexy. So, so sexy.” This prompted the rest of them to start pulling out items and counting it in as smouldering a manner as they could manage. It was no mean feat. Both Ash and I looking on with horrified fascination as crystal wands were stroked and jewellery was burnished against their bare flesh.
“Wow, I actually feel sorry for you right now,” Ash said. “C’mon, let’s do this meeting.”
“With all due respect, I’m not paying that,” Ash said.
“Ah…” I said, watching the two little men’s faces start to go red. These were representatives from the largest supplier of cockatrice feet in the whole of Mireen. Masters Lanwin and Horni had deigned to take this meeting after a lot of overtures, offers and downright pleading on my part. Oh God, now she’s standing again. The men, not even five foot tall each, were forced to peer up at her as she towered over them. And she was raising her bloody voice. She’d sound like a foghorn to the sensitive ears of the gnomes.
“Ash…” I said.
“What?”
Fuck, she’s frowning. She’s got that flushed, flashy eye thing going on that Gabe seems to think is super-hot and pisses off just about everyone else.
“How about we take a break for a minute?” And by we, I mean you. “I’ve got some lovely king prawns I picked up fresh from the markets. I was told the Earthen seafood is a delicacy in Mireen?”
Lanwin’s eyebrows popped up and I watched his face keenly. Please chill out and take the damn seafood, I thought. I nearly fainted when a slow smile spread across his face.
He nodded. “You have done your research. Well, at least one of you has.” Ash copped a dark look and she just stuck her tongue out in response, though thankfully only once his back was turned. “A break would be much appreciated.”
I bowed to both men, then pushed my sister out of the refurbished storeroom with a hand on her shoulder. “I need you to remember the rules,” I said.
“Don’t stand, don’t shout,” Ash simpered. “Fuck Tess, they’re trying to rip us off in there. A featherweight of gold per equivalent in feet. That’s bullshit! The reps from Afluse have offered half that!”
“And it should be noted that Afluse has no cockatrice population, but is renown within its world for its poultry. If you read the report I prepared for you?”
“I haven’t had time.”
“Really,” I said, looking over at the guys and their weirdly sexual stocktaking.
“If I read a report on cockatr
ice feet before bed, what do you think is going to pop up in your bedroom the next morning? I swear, I thought we had this curse sorted.”
“OK, I take your point, but the Aflusians are selling fakes, they are notorious for it. It’s kind of a rite of passage for magical ingredient sellers across the dimensions, like apprentice mechanics being sent to get a left-handed screwdriver. So unless you want some really expensive chicken feet…”
Ash sighed, looking up when the doorbells tingled. A woman wearing a lot of patchouli perfume walked in, glancing at the shelves, her eyes widening when she spotted the guys. “Look, I’ll take care of this customer...”
Yes! I thought, yes, yes, yes!
“And you can look after the garden ornaments in there, OK?”
I closed the door behind me, sweeping in with a big silver platter covered in fresh prawns. I was sure the men had begun to drool a little as I brought it closer, placing it on the low coffee table I’d picked up for just this purpose. I turned to go and get some sliced lemon and tartare sauce I’d left in the fridge, but the crunching noises had me looking over my shoulder. Each man had a fist full of shellfish, which was impressive as each prawn was similar in size to their palms. I grabbed the condiments anyway and placed them gingerly in front of them, taking a seat on the floor.
Watching them eat was a little like seeing a car crash. You knew you shouldn’t look, but observing them put the whole prawn in their mouths: shells, head and all, was both grotesque and fascinating. They devoured a good two-thirds of the platter and when they finally sat back in their chairs; I handed out bowls of lemon water and towelettes for them to clean their hands with.
“You seem to understand our ways,” Lanwin said. “Why aren’t you the one hammering out the deal with us?”
“My sister, she’s—”
“What? Older? We got rid of that primogeniture silliness a long time ago. Merit is where your focus should be, not on birth order.”
