by Sam Hall
“Hairy,” Flea replied.
“Hairy?” Jez’s face went blank for a moment, then she collapsed onto the couch, laughing hysterically, repeating what Flea had said when the giggles died down, then bursting out laughing again.
“So how was your meal?” Flea asked, blinking a little as he looked at me.
What could I say? I tossed up with telling them about the survival of the fittest game we were about to engage in, but right now Jez was ecstatically happy and Flea seemed relaxed. Let them have this last night, I thought. We can all go into survival mode tomorrow.
“It was fine. Did you get something to eat or has it been Shay all the way?”
“Yeah, turns out they do bread and cheese just like anyone else. We had to settle for cheese sandwiches. Trying to do toasties in there sent a huge cloud of smoke everywhere.”
“Yeah, we were coughing and spluttering. I only do that by choice when I have a cock in my mouth,” Jez said, taking a big swig.
Are you OK? I sent to Miazydar.
Full stomach, a nice little fly and the accommodations are acceptable, he replied sleepily. I’m fine.
“Yeah, well, I’m going to have a shower and then head to bed.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I remember just where I was sleeping and with whom. I smiled and waved to Jez and then turned as quickly as I could to head down the hall. I brushed my teeth and then went over to the shower, ready to wash my cares away, at least until tomorrow. God, I hoped they had decent hot water out here. The shower was kind of like an open-topped cabinet with a swinging door and wooden surround. I opened the door and then let out the loudest, most blood curdling scream possible.
There, like some grotesque excuse for a Halloween gag, was a mother fucking massive spider sitting on the shower rise. “Fuck!” I snapped. I had had bloody enough. Not only did I get sentenced to three months hard study at Alcatraz University, I had to deal with stupidly sized spiders in my accommodation. I came from a country full of huge animals that tried to kill you on a regular basis and even I was scared of the bloody thing. It flexed its fangs at me as if saying, “C’mon bitch, let’s dance.” I narrowed my eyes, cursing myself for not bringing an industrial-sized bottle of insect repellent. Instead, I turned and grabbed one of the towels, holding it by the corner and then twirling the fabric until it became a hard twist.
My idea was to use the towel as some kind of whip to, I dunno, Crocodile Dundee that shit, smacking the spider into the next week and leaving me to shower in peace. Needless to say, that didn’t happen. The spider had the advantage on me, having all eight eyes trained on what I was doing. Instead of flicking the filthy arachnid to death, it watched the arc of the cloth closely, choosing the exact moment to jump on the end, swinging up into the air with the towel, then speeding back to me on the downstroke. “Fuck!” I dropped it like a hot potato, slamming the bathroom door open and pelting down the hallway like the devil himself was after me. I burst into the lounge room, getting little other than a sodden side look from Drunky and Drunkier. “Thanks for rushing to my rescue!” I said, gasping.
I bloody hated spiders. Even if I were halfway across the room from them, I always felt that skin-crawling sensation like they were scrabbling across my back instead of lurking on the wall, resembling a truly appalling piece of kinetic wall art. Just like I felt now. I squashed down the need to shiver all over. I had escaped the Hairy McLairy, Lord of All Spiders, I needed to get Miazydar in to smoke that bitch, like yesterday.
“Whadja need help for?” Jez said, looking at me through tiny slits from where she lay on the couch.
“There was a giant spider, like this big,” I said, showing them with both hands, “like y’know the Balrog when they went into Moria—.”
“Blah, blah, geeky elves and dwarves and shit, blah.” Jez wove her hands in the air as she closed her eyes.
“And so I got a towel and tried to whip it off the shower rise, which didn’t work quite as well as I hoped and now I’m feeling really, really itchy. You know that yucky, crawly sensation...”
Flea’s eyes jerked up, then went wide. “Uh huh,” was all he said.
“Like you know there’s no way you could have anything crawling on you but—.”
“Ah, Tess,” he said.
“But you just feel like a million creepy-crawly horrors are all over you, like Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.”
“Tess!”
“What? I’m telling you, I need help here and you keep interrupting! I’ve had a shitty night, found out my prison sentence is less Hogwarts and more Lord of the Flies.”
“Tess, shut the fuck up about popular culture for one minute and tell me, how long would it take Miazydar to get in here?”
“Less than a minute, but—.”
“Get him here, now.”
“But why the urgency? And why is my hair so bloody itchy? If I’ve picked up nits from this god-forsaken hell hole...” I raised my hand to scratch my head but Flea shook his wildly, hands waving in the air. “What? I just feel all creepy crawly but the spider—.”
“Why have you got a spider on your head?” Jez said, her eyes finally snapping open. “Have you tamed them, turning them into your disgusting but loyal minions, because that one is fucking huge!”
“What? No!”
My hands went out, to do what? Pick up the bloody thing and bestow it onto someone else’s head like some kind of bizarre coronation? Direct it like air traffic controllers with hand signs to get the fuck off my head?
“Is it smiling at me? I can see those big fancy things flexing and there’s some kind of yellow goo dripping from them. Aww, I think he kinda likes me! He’s waving!”
“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!”
“For fuck's sake, don’t make it angry!” Flea said.
“Hang on, I think he’s flipping me the bird, the cheeky thing! That’s not a very crown-like way to behave.”
“Just hang on,” Flea said, getting slowly to his feet and reaching for the bag he’d brought with us.
“What are you doing? That better not be a bloody gun you’re getting out. I am not up for some William Tell shit, let me tell you,” I said.
“What? God, I’m not going to shoot it off your head,” Flea said.
“So what are you...? Is that a porn mag? Are you going to smack the spider with a rolled-up stick mag? Oh God, I can feel it’s hairy fucking legs shifting in my hair.”
“And if it was?” Flea said in exasperation. “It’s a bloody tattoo magazine the shop was featured in.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not sure Spidey McFuckface is too keen on the chick on the cover. He’s beginning to look agitated,” Jez said.
“What’s all this then?” I turned very slowly to see my dragon had arrived. “Gods above, that’s the biggest spider yet! However did you get it on your head?”
“Off my head first, then we share the FML details,” I snapped.
“Yes, well, I realise you’d like it removed ASAP but it appears to be a female.”
“Yes, well, while she has my solidarity, trying to be a strong independent woman in a man’s world, but I need it, her, whatever, off my head now!”
“Alright, keep your hair on. Oh, that wasn’t terribly tactful, was it? I just don’t want to break the egg sack.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, egg sack? What egg sack?”
“I think that’s why she was being so aggressive. She’s carrying a sack full of baby spiders on her back that she obviously wants to protect.”
I took a couple of long, slow breaths, not too deep as I didn’t want to piss off my arachnid headgear. “So what do you suggest?”
“This.” And M darted forward, grabbing the spider from my head. Flea and Jez watched him move with wide eyes, then flinched. I heard him crunching, then a spatter of something wet hit my scalp
“What was that?” I said, but the guys had hands over their mouths as whatever it was slid into my hair, dampening my scalp, then a curious feeling like con
fetti falling, followed it.
“Oh, nah,” Jez said with a heave, running to the front door.
“Just sit very still,” Miazydar said, perching on my shoulder. I winced every time I felt his muzzle in my hair. My dragon was picking out baby spiders and eating them like a monkey picking out lice.
“I want some Shay, lots of lots of Shay,” I said through a well of tears.
“It kinda tastes like paint thinner,” Flea said.
“Make mine a double.”
It was disgusting but from Miazydar’s persistent licking, I realised I had spider blood or goo or whatever they had inside their bodies, on my scalp as well as baby spiders. Once he’d dispatched them, he’d started on clean up. After a couple shots of Shay, the tension leaked from my body and Miazydar’s ministrations were just relaxing. “All ready for your first day of school?” Jez said brightly, though the slurred words somewhat ruined the effect.
“You mean Battle Royale: University Edition? The VC effectively announced that my dragon was up for grabs if they could get rid of me.”
Not going to happen.
I dunno, some of them looked kind of tough.
Can they stand 1000 degree flames shot at them? No, they cannot. I’m not sure what passes for bonding here, but if they think me some biddable lunk to be led around by the nose, they have another thing coming.
I love you.
Yes, I know. Are you going to be one of those overly affectionate drunks, because you could easily redirect that towards the man next to you. His skin is flushed, his breathing is becoming more rapid, his nipples have—.
Do not finish that thought. Do. Not. He actually listened to me for a change. I still love you.
Yes, yes, perhaps you should have a shower now. I managed to get most of the spider remains from your hair but not all.
I need a few more of these to tackle that place again, I said with a shudder, then helped myself to another slosh from the bottle.
12
I woke with a start when my alarm went off. My head hurt, my eyes ached and I felt a warm, heavy, weight on top of me. I groaned, rubbing my eyes and then scratching my hair, frowning when it felt coarse and stiff. When I squinted at my hand, some kind of flaky yellow stuff was stuck to my fingertips and my alarm was still blaring. I tried to reach over to the bedside table but was stopped short by whatever had me pinned to the mattress. I wriggled, then tried to pull my body free, but no dice. “Bloody hell, Miazydar!” I said, elbowing him in what I hoped was the ribs. “I’ve got to get up!”
I heard an answering groan and then felt him shift, getting free so I could lean over and turn off the goddamned alarm before a long, hard body pushed against my back, one part that much harder than the rest of it.
Miazydar, where are you?
On this damned eyrie. I quite like the strategic advantage it gives me, but the lack of protection from the early morning sun is unforgivable, particularly with all the caterwauling coming from you three last night.
Oh no. Oh bloody no. I twisted my spine and looked over my shoulder and there, snoring lightly, was Flea. A naked Flea? My eyes slipped lower, one part horrified, one part hopeful, but I couldn’t tell as a sheet covers his hips. I needn’t have worried; I was about to find out. A heavy arm was slung around my waist, sleepy lips dropping a few kisses in my hair and then he shifted. Yep, we were both naked as I felt his bare cock pushing in against my bare arse. Oh no indeed.
I rolled free, his hands groping for me in a few groggy gestures, but I kept avoiding them in a series of jerks. The problem was I was running out of bed. I shuffled back one more time, then ended up flat on my back on the floor.
“Shit!” Flea’s head appeared bleary-eyed over the side of the bed. “Oh, shit!” he said, taking in my naked body.
Fuck, I was lying there, hungover, clothesless and blinking at the harsh light of morning. My hands clapped to my breasts, then one shifted to my groin. Flea rapidly pulled the sheet free, rearing up to throw it over me, leaving me with a very nice view of all his abdomen muscles, taut and straining, his hard cock slapping against them.
For a moment we just sat there, frozen, my eyes on him, his wide as he watched mine caress his dick. I got twinges deep inside me, remembering how that felt going in, what it would be like to do it again. I shook my head, breaking the silence, forcing myself to pull the sheet around myself, not getting up until I’m virtually mummified. “I have to—,” I say.
“Yep,” Flea nods.
I shuffled out of the room as quickly as I could, but when I looked over my shoulder, just before I’m out, I saw Flea, laying flat on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
The breakfast bell chimed as I opened the front door. “Shit, shit, shit,” I said, looping my bag so it hung across my body and about to make a run for it when Miazydar landed right in front of me.
“Quick,” he said, nodding to his back. I scrambled on and he leapt up, coasting over to the dining hall in a low sweep.
“Thanks!”
A horde of students looked on, eyes wide as he came to a stop in front of the hall. I hugged his neck, his great head coming to rest on my shoulder as I did so, before releasing me to join the others. The group of students around me was conspicuously quiet as I walked inside the door, though there were plenty of whispers elsewhere.
“You’re very brave, showing your beast off like that,” Alden said, appearing by my side.
“Here we go,” Rylan said, with a roll of his eyes.
“Displays of affection are used constantly in advertising. Captures the hearts and minds of the merits. These people were raised on stories of Binky the Bashful Dragon,” Alden said, his gaze raking across the student body.
“I’m not sure I’m quite as paranoid as Alden, but I don’t let any of the merits near Lomyn,” Vella said. “The eyries are as much psychological as physical advantages for dragons. Remaining remote and untouchable helps to reinforce the idea that they’re out of reach, both physically and aspirationally.”
I frowned at this. While we were doing pretty well now as a family due to Mum’s successes, we spent plenty of time as kids listening to our parents stress about how to make ends meet. I looked around me, at students who were here because they had worked hard and got the grades required. It didn’t sit well with me to dislike them just for wanting what I had, largely because until Damorica, I had been one of them.
Where Ash pretty much sailed through school, getting her Year 12 essays done in the lunchtime before they were due, yet still managing to get high enough grades, I had worked bloody hard for my successes. It had been a good thing while I was at school because it kept Mum’s laser-like focus off me. And a chance to bond with a dragon? I looked around as we sat down at a table for breakfast. While I wouldn’t have pulled a play from Lucrezia Borgia’s playbook, I would’ve done damn near anything legitimate to get that opportunity.
“So, I went to the Celestial Record and translated my notes for the subject so far,” Vella said, pushing a big stack of paper towards me.
“Wow, and that’s for one subject?”
She nodded.
“We’ll get you the rest for your others, we just have to find them,” Grey said. “Most of us are in the Intermediate or Advanced classes now.”
“We need to meet at lunch and go over your textbooks, show you what’s already been covered,” Alden said.
“Here,” Rylan said, placing several plates of food in front of the group. We all picked at it as we worked out my schedule for the day. It seemed all too quickly that we were off, heading towards the main building for class.
“Hi Tess!” We glanced up to see Scalla standing by the entrance. Her apparently customary perkiness seemed to wilt in the face of such an inspection but she visibly straightened her spine, making an effort to keep it up. “I thought I’d make sure you knew where to go.”
“We’ve got it covered, merit,” Alden said.
“Well, if we’re all going the same way, there’s no harm in t
agging along, is there?” I said. I know what everyone had said, but I couldn’t turn down a friendly overture right now. I would no doubt regret it, though I felt pretty sure Miazydar could defend himself against anything anyone here could throw at him.
Of course I can. It’s you I worry for, though that boy appears to be amenable to making himself useful.
Alden?
No, the one who wants to mate with you.
Flea?
He chuckled at that. So, you’re accepting that now?
Wasn’t me who had the issue, he freaked when he saw Merlin.
It’s a common thing, moving away from fertile females when ground is taken by superior males.
That’s not… I need to stop talking about my love life, or lack thereof, and focus if we’re to get out of here.
I shut him down, something I wasn’t aware I could do until now. It was kind of the mental equivalent of clapping your hands over your ears; I was still conscious of him talking, but it was distant and muffled. We filed into the room, set up much like a high school classroom with desks in neat lines. Obviously, there weren’t enough students to necessitate a lecture theatre. “Over here,” Vella said, pointing to a table in the back corner. Scalla followed; though she looked in two minds about it. I smiled at her which seemed to increase her confidence, taking a seat just across the aisle from me. Our lecturer entered not long afterwards, carrying several books under his arm. He had longish, wispy, brown hair and gold-rimmed spectacles which he peered through as he noted who was in class. He searched the room, not stopping until his eyes found me. He stopped, his lips thinning and he gestured for me to come forward.
I got to my feet and approached, feeling my hands get sweaty as I did so. The lecturer was quite a bit taller than me, so I was forced to look up at him. He frowned, then crossed his arms. “So, you are Tess?”
“Yes.
“Professor Rend. This is quite irregular, a student being enrolled in a subject so late in the term. You’ll need to catch up.”
