by Sam Hall
My chest hurt as I got to my feet, knowing what I had to do. I didn’t like it, I’m going to give a massive gift to every bastard here: me dead. I’m a speed bump, an obstacle, something to be removed and nothing I’d done had stopped that. She sucked me in with the exercises on the dummy, flattered my ego, telling me I was catching on so quickly. Like a dumb fish, I swallowed the bait, hook, line and sinker and all I could do was take control of the outcome. The dragon, the wind, pushed me around but I felt curiously light, now I knew what had to happen. “Cadet?” Keya said as I edged towards the side of the dragon’s neck. Maybe she wanted the satisfaction of striking the blow herself, but she wasn’t having it. I closed my eyes, not wanting her to be the last thing I saw. I threw myself backwards, gravity instantly yanking me down, down, my limbs flailing in the air, clawing at it for handholds that would never be there. I knew it would be soon, so I let my link with my dragon open. Miazydar, I love you.
Something smashed into my body, but it wasn’t the ground. My eyes jerked open and I saw the underside of a dragon, watching their wings pump as they gained altitude. “You OK?” I heard with a crackle through the comms unit.
“Keel?”
“Yeah, that first swan dive’s a killer, but we’ve all had to do it. What did Keya do? Push you off or knock you unconscious? I had to be pried off the back of my old CO’s dragon, crying like a drowning kitten and dropped off the side. Wet my new flying suit through, I don’t mind saying.”
“What?”
What the hells been happening? I’m coming now, Miazydar said.
“The swan dive. All dragon riders have to master it. It’s one of the fundamental parts of being a rider. You have to learn to trust your fellow riders, that they’ll have your back and see you safe. Otherwise, you’re severely limiting your efficacy as a warrior. You have to be able to fight fearlessly in an environment no other soldier would fight in. You can’t teach or prepare for a swan dive. No one can be talked into jumping off the back of a dragon, especially a recruit as raw as yourself. You just have to be in a situation with no other choice.”
“This was deliberate?”
Keel doesn’t get a chance to reply, Miazydar appearing in the air before us. He trumpets his anger at Keel’s dragon and then dives in, claws outstretched for me.
Miazydar! It’s OK, Keel’s dragon caught me!
My legs shake when my feet finally touch the ground, so much so I ended up on my knees not long afterwards. I jerked my helmet off and dropped it.
“Tess, are you —.” Keel didn’t get to ask his question, Miazydar landing beside me moments later, curling his body around mine and letting out a defensive hiss when the rider didn’t back the fuck up.
Tess, are you… what happened?
Miazydar, I can’t, not yet. I lay my head against the warmth of his scales and closed my eyes, for a moment just focussing on the sound of him breathing in and out. He stiffened when a noisy crowd drew near, shifting into a more aggressive stance without dislodging me, no mean feat. People got louder and louder as they got closer, forcing me to open my eyes.
Alden, Vella and the rest of the dragon riders, cadets or soldiers, are toting a big wooden tub, singing some god awful song off-key. “C’mon cadet, time for your baptism,” Keya says, helmet off, her face now looking open and friendly. I frowned, not willing to move beyond the harbour of Miazydar’s body, unable to process the grins on their faces. When I didn’t respond Keya came closer, placing a hand on my shoulder despite M’s rumble of a growl. I marvelled at her poise, that she could so blithely ignore a massive animal well equipped to kill her in seconds. “C’mon,” she said much more gently, “it’s traumatic, I know, but the ritual helps. This is a transition from being a civilian to a rider. No matter what your relationship with your beast is, you can’t truly call yourself one of us until you’ve thrown yourself off a dragon’s back. C’mon.”
I’m steered, cajoled like a small child until I stood clear enough of Miazydar that they could pour the tub of beer over my head. I remained perfectly still as they did so, it stung my eyes and filled my nose with a yeasty sour stink. I wiped my face and smoothed my hair, wringing it from my ponytail. Everyone whooped and called out congratulations. I couldn’t determine one voice from another. They just became one multi-throated animal, warbling about something I’ll never understand until they get sick of this and then decamp to under a tree where drinks are freely distributed.
I just want to go home.
“Don’t go,” Keel said in a low voice as if hearing my internal monologue. “I get you’re not feeling it right now, but trust me, this is as much a part of the ritual as the jump. Have a drink or two. I wouldn’t normally push alcohol, but in this instance it strips out the adrenalin and lets you process what happened.”
I let him escort me over to the group, thankful when we took a spot towards the edge. Miazydar reduced in size, sitting on my shoulder and curling his tail around my neck. “Well, I’d like to toast our newest recruit, Tess,” Keya said, getting to her feet. “I’ve had to wrench, prise every bloody finger off and outright boot recruits as they sob like babies to get them to take the dive, but there was none of that today. Like a true rider, she saw she was in a position of weakness and rather than surrender, she made the jump. To Tess!”
Everyone raised their bottles and cheered, even me, if belatedly. The drink tasted a bit like an alcopop, sweet but with a harsh burn at the end. I drank one down quickly which got me another couple of whoops. Seriously, I was about to punch someone’s teeth down their throat to stop the goddamned noise. Keel watched me pop the lid of the next one and drink that down as well without comment. Finally, I placed the empty bottle on the grass beside me and stared down at it.
You survived, Miazydar said. I think it a stupid ritual but many cultures share that same kind of activity, something to sort the tau from the relex. It is to breakdown what you were, so you can be rebuilt into what they want.
And what if I don’t want to become what they want me to be? My mind baulked at the whole idea. Mum was always trying to make me over, find me a boyfriend, Ash trying to get me to fit in with her friends. What was so damn wrong with me being me?
You refuse, you leave or…
Or?
Or you pretend to keep the peace.
That again. Of course, that was an option because it was the option I always took. Admittedly, the stakes weren’t usually as high as this back home, but my dislike of conflict meant I took it anyway. I sipped my drink, feeling my heartbeat beginning to slow and the shakes leave my body. I was going to be in a world of pain later, but right now, I felt flat and empty.
“Are we done for today? I don’t think I’ve got much more in me,” I said to Keel.
“Yeah, everyone’s usually completely drained after their first dive. You want to head home?”
I nodded and got to my feet, Keya looking up when I did so. “Heading off?” she said. Her eyes flicked to Keel. “Take the cadet to the rider training room and get some liniment on her. The falls she’s taken today are going to be murder on her muscles in the morning.”
27
Which is how I ended up in a locker room, my shirt half off.
Miazydar had been persuaded to go to the house, though it took some arguing. He needed reassurance, of course he did, I just didn’t have it in me to give it to him yet.
“If you lift your shirt up and hold the front over your… well, you know,” Keel said. It was funny to hear the slight quaver in his voice, but as much as I’d like to say I sensuously revealed my skin to him, my cooling muscles refused to obey. Instead, I tried to pull my shirt up, yelping as I moved. “Do you mind… is it OK…?”.
“Yep,” I said, going still as I felt his hands on my hem. His fingers were gentle, skimming the fabric over my aching flesh. I heard the sound of something being picked up and unscrewed, gasping when his fingertips touched my back.
He stopped quickly. “Are you OK?”
“Yeah, it
’s just cold.” Now, it was my voice that was wavering. It disappeared into a rasp as his hands grew bolder. They spread a familiar fiery trail as the liniment reacted with my skin, but that wasn’t what was sending me limp. His fingers, hardened from hours of wielding a spear, dug into my muscles, forcing the knots out and me to relax, so much so I ended up stumbling forward.
“Tess?”
“I’m OK, just need to sit down.” I was guided to a long bench that ran down the room. I took a deep breath as his hands continued to work, trying to go with it. The thing with Keel was, sometimes I thought of him as a good friend; of all the Aravisians I’d met, only he and Scalla seemed to have my back. But at other times, he was the Merlin who saw me, who’s eyes trailed over my body while I was wearing my flight suit, that dropped to my lips when we spoke. His hands moved lower, working on the muscles in the lumbar region so I leant forward, wishing somewhat that they would go further still.
Eventually, it felt like he sensed my unspoken desire. As they moved up, raking along my ribs and digging into my lats, little fingers feathered outwards, drawing perilously close to the sides of my breasts. My breath came in faster, shallower as they move up, up…
“How are your shoulders?” Keel asks huskily. “Do you want me to work on them as well?”
I knew what I wanted; I wanted him to work his dick up inside me, to drag my focus out of the sky and back down to the here and now. I wanted to stop wondering what his mouth would feel like on my lips, my body. I wanted to be selfish, ignore the needs of everyone else and push his head down between my legs. I never did that, always worrying what other people were thinking, needing. But I was alive when I didn’t expect to be and for once I wanted to know what it felt like, to just reach out and take.
I turned, my t-shirt and bra hanging around my neck my exposed skin feeling cool. His eyes widened, then grew hooded as they fixed again on my mouth. I stank like beer, everything was sticky with it but I didn’t care. If I closed my eyes I would feel it again, that wrenching fall towards the earth, so I didn’t. I moved in close to the rider, our thighs forced apart by the bench and reached up to touch that full bottom lip of his, something I wouldn’t normally have done. But I wasn’t in the habit of committing suicide by jumping off a dragon either, so perhaps today was a day for firsts. “You want this?” I said, letting my thumb drag against the plush surface.
“What…?” he said. I cocked my eyebrow and looked fully into those apple green eyes, not willing to play the coy games we were supposed to. I knew that if I reached out right now and ground the heel of my palm into his groin I’d find him at least half-hard, if his ragged breathing and dilated pupils were anything to go by. I leaned in, my muscles no longer protesting due to Keel’s efforts, slowly, so he could pull away if he wanted to, but for some reason I knew he wouldn’t. I paused just before his lips so I could feel the faint whistle of his breath against my mouth, pulling back slightly when he put out a hand for me. I smiled when his hand fell down and then broached the gap between us, my lips against his.
A groan fought free of my throat almost as soon as we connected. His lips under mine were soft, I’m unable to resist sucking the bottom one into my mouth and letting my teeth caress it as it pulled free. He seemed similarly into it, pulling me in closer so my teeth ground against his, so my thighs overlapped his. A stab of heat flared in my groin as his tongue flickered out, tangling with mine.
I rose above him, grabbing the fastener that ran down the front of his suit and pulling it down, yanking it back over his arms, leaving him there for a minute pinned by his uniform, to slip my hand under his shirt to feel the mass of lean muscle there. He fought free of his suit sleeves and then wrenched the shirt off his head. I reached out a little more tentatively now that I saw what I had before me.
His was the body of a warrior. It’s not super bulky and puffed up, it's hard and lean and scarred. His mouth dropped open as my nails scraped over his nipple. I took that opportunity, my mouth crashing down on his, my hands raking across his chest as our mouths fought for dominance. The kiss became a battle in itself, of nails and teeth and tongues. His hands slid up my ribs, moving to cup the bottom of my breasts, readying to move up when I jerked back.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I say. “You’ve had liniment on them. This is going to go from sexy to burning screams of agony in a very short time.”
“Shit, you’re right,” he said, looking at them. “Maybe I can wash it off.”
“Yeah, you can, but you’re not putting them anywhere sensitive. One tiny bit of residue and…” I shuddered, imagining that fiery burn in my more intimate places. I knew some people are into that, but so, so not me.
“So how do I… how far do you want to take this?” he said.
I stood up, pulling my shirt and bra off and letting them fall to the floor. “You got protection?”
“Prophylactics? Yeah, they’re standard issue for every rider.” He pulled out a packet that looked different to what we would use, it’s long rather than a small square. “They got sick of losing females to pregnancy, so we have to carry them at all times.”
My hands went to the bottom half of my flight suit that had been unzipped for the massage but he gets there before me. His eyes are on mine as he released the zipper and then worked the rest of my clothes off. He propped one leg up on the bench and then stared at me as he moved in, filling the gap between my thighs. “Wait,” I gasped, “I must stink like freaking…oh!”
His tongue slid slowly, deliberately, up my seam, separating the folds and then flicking hard across my clit. My hands buried themselves into the soft length of his hair, unable to resist the urge to pull him closer. His fingers dug into my buttocks as he held me firmly in place, his tongue flickering, my hips jerking in time with each flick. “Keel…” I keened. I’m losing control of this, my clit swelling, the tension in my groin growing as he gets faster and faster. I needed something inside me, an ache was increasing until I felt horribly empty. “Keel!”
Finally, I jerked free of him, snatching the packet from his fingers, watching him wipe my residue from his face as I struggled to open it. He removed the rest of his suit, baring his long, hard erection. His eyes were on me as I watched him remove the prophylactic and pull it on. It seemed much the same as a condom, though was somewhat stretchier. When he was sheathed, I pushed him back down, our breaths were coming fast as I straddled him, groaning when the tip of him grazed the part of me that ached the most. It would feel good, so damn good when I thrust him inside me. For that reason, I paused, one hand on his shoulder, the other around his cock, my head tilting to the side as I circle the straining head, dipping down, which forced a hiss from Keel. “Tess…” he said and reached down between us, his thumb circling my clit, forcing the ache to ratchet up until finally I pushed down.
“Oh God,” I sobbed into his shoulder. He held me tight, arms like steel bands.
“Yes, Tess,” he whispered into my ear. “You feel so good. Been wanting this for so long…”
Words were meaningless, I became sensation and movement. Slowly, almost gingerly I explored the way our bodies fit. He pulled me closer, his mouth on mine, his fingers on my clit when we began to move. We were a team, working in tandem with long, loose rocking movements designed to pull the pleasure from our bodies as well as prolong it. I was dimly aware of the ache in my thighs but I wouldn’t, couldn’t stop. His hands dug into my hips, helping me thrust, almost picking me up and forcing me back down onto his cock. My mouth pulled away from his lips, gasping into his neck as the sensation built, it was like its own impending storm and we were rowing madly towards it. This was stupid and risky. I had no idea who Keel really was or what the ADC really wanted, but right now, I just didn’t care. In some ways this felt like a fitting counterpoint to my swan dive, I threw myself into fucking Keel like I threw myself off a dragon, like there was no other choice. I was freed for a moment from my endless mental chatter, our bodies grinding together, forcing the pleasure out until…<
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My head jerked back, only my arms around Keel’s neck enough to keep me from falling backwards. His fingers dug into mine and he forced me down, holding me to him hard as we both come. My eyes went wide and I stared at the exposed beams of the locker room and for a minute all I could do was just feel.
Of course, then reality came crashing in. I could smell the beer on my skin, the stink of our sweat and feel the aches in my body from my workouts. I moved gingerly, our bodies protesting the separating, the sound like a band-aid being torn off. When I step away from Keel, I felt cold. “I’ve…” my words hung in the air. What does one say post sex and near death experience? I ended up letting my hands fall limply by my side, giving up on trying to find a graceful way to exit. “I’ve got to go.”
“See you before school for training?” he said with a wry smile. Those eyes seemed to take in all of my awkwardness and discomfort in a few moments.
“Yeah sure,” I said and then beat a hasty retreat.
28
Jez wrinkled her nose as I walked in. “Lemme guess, you were invited to the prom by one of the most popular guys in school, got nominated for prom queen, but when you arrived, it was all a setup and they doused you in beer.”
