“If that happens – and it is by no means a certainty – I’ll tell Cash that he’ll be an uncle along about May of next year.”
Luke’s breath came in swiftly. An odd feeling twisted through him at the thought of Carla having his child.
“After you tell him, Cash will do his best to kill me,” Luke pointed out. “Is that what you want? Revenge?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll make it very clear that I turned down your generous offer of marriage.”
“That won’t be good enough. He’ll want to know why. So try out your so-called reasoning on me. Why won’t you marry me?”
“Unlike you, Cash is bright enough to figure out all by himself that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as your jailer.”
Luke’s breath came in sharply. “Funny you should put it that way. I sure as hell don’t want to spend my life as your jailer, either. And that’s how you would come to look at the Rocking M – as a jail.”
“You’re wrong. I love the ranch.”
“For a few weeks. In the summer. What about in the winter, Carla? What about the day I come back from breaking ice in the watering troughs and find my children sobbing and terrified because their mother is screaming in god-awful harmony with the wind? What then?”
The past haunted Luke’s topaz eyes and his deep voice. The sight of his pain took away Carla’s anger, leaving only her love. She ached to take the darkness from him, healing him, giving him hope for the future; but she couldn’t change the past and she didn’t know how to make him believe in their future. In her.
“I’m sorry, Luke. I’m so sorry.” Carla’s voice thinned with the effort of controlling her tears. “Please believe me. I’d give anything to be able to change your past. Except last night. I wouldn’t trade last night, Luke. I have a whole life to live. I want to live it knowing that once, just once, I touched the sun.”
Thunder belled through September Canyon, following invisible lightning. The scent of fresh rain drifted beneath the overhang. There was a random pattering, like an orchestra warming up, and then the raindrops gathered and began falling in a gentle, consuming rhythm.
Luke heard the sound and knew it was too late to go into town; but then, it had been too late the instant he had heard her describe the night she had first felt him within her body.
I touched the sun.
The knowledge that being his lover had meant so much to Carla disarmed Luke. He had taken something from her that she could give only once, yet she had no recriminations, no harsh words, no hints of the raw truth: he had been experienced, she had not. He had known where the kisses would inevitably end. She had not. He should have controlled himself.
He had not.
Gently Luke pulled Carla from the folds of the sleeping bag and into his arms. He wanted to tell her that knowing he had pleased her made him feel proud and powerful and oddly humble, but he had no words, nothing to give her in return, nothing to remake the unchangeable instant when elemental need had transformed her, taking virginity and bringing ecstasy in return.
“I’m glad I brought you pleasure,” Luke said huskily. “I would take back every instant if I could, but not that. It’s so rare, sunshine. So damned rare.”
The feel of Carla’s warm, bare skin against his body as she put her arms around him made Luke ache with more than sexual need. He held her close, rocking very slowly, smoothing her hair with the palm of his hand, knowing with a combination of sweetness and sadness that she had touched him in a way no other woman had, taking him to the sun, sharing the burning center of life itself with him.
And he could not have her again.
He must not For her sake, and for his own. He was all wrong for her. She was all wrong for him, a modern woman on a ranch where time stood still, imprisoning women, breaking them. Carla was far too generous and beautiful to be destroyed like that. She deserved more than he had given her. She deserved to be cherished, protected, revered…sunshine in a world that knew too much darkness.
Luke touched Carla’s lips with a single brushing kiss before he loosened his arms and led her the few steps to the fire. Without a word he poured part of a bucket of warm water into a washpan, swirled a cloth around, soaped it and handed it to her.
“If you’re shy about washing in front of me, I’ll take a walk,” he said quietly.
Carla’s hand was shaking so much the slippery cloth eluded her fingers. Luke caught the warm, soapy cloth and looked questioningly at her.
“Are you sure you’re all right?”
“I’m s-sorry,” she said, trying to control her voice.
But Carla did no better steadying her voice than she had her hands. She ducked her head, hiding her eyes as she tried to take the cloth from Luke’s hand.
He didn’t let go. Instead he put his other hand beneath her chin so that she had to meet his eyes.
“Sunshine, what’s wrong?”
“Don’t you know?”
Helplessly Carla looked at the tempting masculine pelt curling down until it narrowed and vanished beneath the jeans he had pulled on without bothering to button them more than halfway. As she saw the faint crescents and scratches on his skin, memories of last night swept over her. He had been so perfect as a lover and she had been so eager, so breathless, so inexperienced. No wonder he wasn’t doing handsprings at having her naked in his arms again. She had clawed him like a cat, left marks on him, bitten him, demanding him, all of him.
Carla sucked in her breath, closing her eyes, unable to face Luke with the memory of her own wantonness burning in her mind.
“No, I guess you don’t know,” Carla said, her tone ashamed and almost bitter. “Why should you? I don’t affect you the same way you affect me.”
“Look at me,” Luke said, his voice deep, gentle, soothing. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Carla’s eyes opened. She looked through Luke rather than at him.
“In case you hadn’t noticed,” she said tightly, “I’m stark naked and you’re nearly so, and you can make me tremble when you’re fully clothed and clear across the room. It was bad enough before last night, but now it’s worse. I want you. Istill wantyou. And you don’t…you don’t want…” Her voice frayed.
Blood hammered explosively through Luke, wrenching at his self-control.
“Sweet God,” Luke said harshly. “You do know how to push a man, don’t you? I promised myself I wouldn’t touch you that way again and there you stand naked and shaking. And then you tell me you want me! How the hell am I supposed to say no?”
“I didn’t ask you to say no, did I?” Carla laughed unhappily and made a grab for the washcloth. “Never mind, Luke. I don’t blame you. In your shoes I don’t suppose I’d be dying for another round of amateur hour, either.”
The savage word he said made her wince.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Luke said between clenched teeth. “Damn it, Carla, help me. I’m trying not to ruin your life!”
“Of course,” she said, her voice sad and empty and utterly disbelieving.
The unhappiness in Carla’s face and tone affected Luke as deeply as the passion that was making her tremble.
“Baby, please…don’t do this to me.”
The yearning, husky timbre of Luke’s voice made Carla bite back tears. Automatically she reached out to him in pain and sympathy and a need that transcended even the desire she felt for him. When her fingers touched his chest a visible shudder of response went through him.
“Luke, I – “
“Too late,” he interrupted heavily. “It always seems to be too late with you. All you have to do is touch me and I burn. I should say no to you. I know it. But I can’t. Give me your mouth, baby. It’s a lifetime since I kissed you.”
Luke’s free hand threaded into the silky curls of Carla’s hair, seeking the warmth of her scalp, pulling her head back as he lowered his mouth over hers. His tongue probed her lips until she sighed and he slid into her eager warmth. The kiss was deep, heavy, drench
ed with the sensuality Luke had spent years trying to control around Carla.
But no longer. The past was as cold as the future would be, but the present was here, now, and it seethed with fire.
When Luke finally ended the kiss, separating himself from Carla, she whimpered softly, wanting more. The sweet sound made him smile, but he didn’t take up the flushed invitation of her lips. Keeping his hands off her was impossible, but he would at least control the way he touched her. A few more kisses like that and he would lose his head as he had last night, taking her without protecting her.
“I didn’t tell you what it was like for me last night,” Luke said, slowly rubbing the soapy cloth over Carla’s shoulders, her neck, her arms. “I don’t know if I can tell you. I’m damned sure I shouldn’t even try, but shouldn’t doesn’t seem to cut much ice when it comes to you, sunshine.”
Luke’s crooked smile tugged at Carla’s heart, making her want to smile and cry in return. She started to speak but the words wedged in her throat when the warm cloth moved over her breasts and they tightened in a wild, aching rush.
The sound of the cloth being rinsed out blended with the gently seething rain. After a few moments Luke laid aside the cloth and soaped up his hands instead.
“I barely touched you last night,” Luke said. He smiled at Carla’s look of shocked disbelief. “It’s true, baby. I should have made it last forever. I wanted to, but you made me lose my head. You’re making shreds of my control now. Look.”
He held up his soapy hands, revealing their fine tremor.
“But I didn’t mean to,” she said. “I don’t even know how to. It’s just that when you touch me – “
The words became a moan as his hands found her taut breasts and began smoothing over them in warm, soapy caresses.
“I love hearing your breath break when I touch you,” Luke murmured. “I love feeling your breasts rise to meet my hands. I love feeling your nipples harden. I love knowing that your heart is beating faster and your breath – “
Carla tried to speak, but all that came out was a husky sound of pleasure when his fingers teased her, making her nipples harden even more.
” – your breath is coming faster,” he whispered “I love that, too. I love knowing you’re as helpless to control your body when I touch you as I am when you touch me.”
The gentle, irresistible tugging of Luke’s fingers made a wild shiver course visibly through Carla’s body. His eyes narrowed into glittering topaz slits as he felt an answering thrill race through his own flesh. An odd, consuming curiosity bloomed in him as he dipped his hands in warm water and rubbed up a mound of lather before turning back to her.
“Baby?” Luke whispered against Carla’s mouth, finding her nipples, tugging at them. “What does it feel like when I do this to you?”
“Like – ” She made a breathless sound and lifted herself into his touch, twisting slowly, increasing the pressure of his caress.
“Tell me,” he coaxed.
“Fire,” she whispered. “A glittering kind of fire going all the way to my knees.”
Strong hands followed Carla’s words, moving slowly, caressing and bathing her in consuming intimacy. His fingers slid delicately between her legs, bringing pleasure even as they gently washed away all signs that she had given herself to a man for the first time only a handful of hours ago.
For long, wild moments there was only the sound of Carla’s ragged moans and Luke’s hands gliding over her body and the rain outside softly sliding over hard stone. When Luke knew his control could take no more, he reluctantly turned away, grabbed the washrag with fingers that insisted on trembling, and rinsed the cloth thoroughly. He rinsed Carla just as thoroughly, bringing the clear water to her skin again and again, touching her as impersonally as he could until not a bit of soap remained; and still he rinsed her, for it was his only excuse to touch her.
“Luke?” Carla asked finally, not understanding.
She could see by the tension of his face and the occasional tremor in his hands that he was aroused, yet nothing caressed her except warm water and the soft cloth.
“Hold still, sunshine. I’m almost done.”
His voice was deep, husky with the pounding of his blood.
“Does that mean I get to bathe you next?”
The thought of Carla’s hands touching him as intimately as he had touched her made Luke groan and swear at the same time. After a final, unnecessary passage of the washcloth over the dark, damp triangle at the apex of Carla’s thighs, Luke very delicately ran his fingertip between her legs, smiling and aching at her response.
“Bathing me would be a bad idea,” he said hoarsely.
“Why? Wouldn’t you like it?”
“I’d like it too much. I’d lose control.”
Carla’s eyes widened.
“It’s always been that way with you,” Luke said simply. “I was afraid if I ever touched you, I’d have to fight myself to let you go. The first time I touched you, you ran. If you hadn’t, I’d have laid you down in front of the fireplace and taken you. The second time I touched you, you didn’t run. I had a hell of a battle with myself, sunshine. Since that night I’ve dreamed of having you in my lap again, only this time your body would fit me like a hot satin glove…”
Luke’s voice frayed. For a few moments there was silence while he visibly fought for self-control.
“So I didn’t touch you after that night in the dining room,” Luke continued roughly. “Until last night.”
“But I wanted you to touch me,” Carla whispered. “I wanted it so much I would wake up in the middle of the night and ache. For you, Luke. For you.”
The words sent a hammer blow of need through Luke that brought him to his knees. He put his forehead against Carla and fought for control.
“I’m aching so much now,” she said huskily. “I hurt Make the ache go away, Luke.”
“Baby…oh, God…don’t…”
“Please,” Carla whispered, shivering. “Please, Luke. Love me.”
Luke’s fingers bit painfully into the resilient curves of Carla’s hips. He shuddered once, a whiplash of violent need and restraint. Then the grip of his fingers eased and he began smoothing up and down the back of her legs, her hips, her waist He kissed the scented valley between her breasts, moving his face slowly from side to side, caressing her with his hair, his cheeks, his lips. The lazy, sensual savoring made her tremble.
Luke turned his face once more and Carla felt the unexpected, velvet rasp of his mouth across the tip of her breast. Her breath fragmented into a moan of surprise and pleasure.
“I wanted to do this last night,” Luke said, punctuating each word with teasing licks and tiny bites, “but I was too hungry for you.”
Slowly he nuzzled the resilient, scented flesh, tasting Carla, tracing the line where smooth skin became textured velvet nipple. Sensations splintered through her as his tongue teased and tempted and shaped her. She sank her fingers into his hair and held him close, wanting to give herself to him, afraid that he would stop caressing her and turn away.
Luke’s big hands smoothed down Carla’s legs, then back up again. His long fingers flexed into her thighs, her hips, the graceful length of her back, kneading her with a slow, consuming sensuality that matched the rhythm of his mouth transforming her breasts into burning centers of sensation. After a long, long time he lifted his head and admired the flushed, glistening peaks.
“So beautiful,” Luke murmured.
“Don’t stop,” Carla pleaded.
“Not a chance,” he said, smiling with bittersweet acceptance. “I’ve hardly even begun.”
He let the warmth of his breath rush over one sensitized breast. The tip of his tongue touched the hard nipple and then circled her in a tender caress that made her tremble. His tongue tasted her again, delicately, before his teeth closed on her with exquisite care. The whimper that came from her lips owed nothing to pain, everything to the pleasure that was licking over her in shimmering cascades
of fire.
“I’ve wanted to do this since I saw you run in from a rain shower with your shirt sticking to you and your nipples standing up so proud and hard,” Luke said huskily, turning to Carla’s other breast, taking its peak into his warm mouth.
“Why didn’t you?” She shivered with pleasure. “I wouldn’t have minded.”
“You were barely sixteen.”
Carla’s body stiffened in shock. “You wanted me that long ago?”
“Yes,” he whispered, burying his face in her breasts, turning his head caressingly from side to side. “I wanted you until I could have screamed with it. But I shoved it down, buried it, ignored it, because I wanted something else even more.”
“My brother’s friendship?” Carla guessed.
“And yours.” Luke kissed the swollen pink tip of first one breast, then the other. “When you and Cash were on the Rocking M, it was as close to a real family as I ever came. I needed that more than I needed sex.”
“You can have both now.”
“It doesn’t work that way, sunshine,” Luke whispered, his eyes narrowed against memories. “Not on the Rocking M.”
Before Carla could ask Luke what he meant, one lean hand slid between her legs, seeking the softness that was concealed by dark curls. Her thoughts scattered as she felt again the gentle, probing caress of his fingertips. When he tested her silken depths, his name rushed between her parted lips in a startled cry as her knees gave way.
A few instants later Carla found herself back on the sleeping bag with Luke smiling down at her.
“You look surprised,” he murmured. “Didn’t anyone ever warn you that your knees can give way?”
“I didn’t believe them,” she admitted huskily. “I do now. You turn my bones to honey.”
Luke’s eyes closed and his breath came in with a swift, husky sound as he bent over Carla and whispered, “Turn to honey for me. Let me taste your sweetness.”
He kissed the sensitive curves of her ears, of her lips, of her breasts. Her navel fascinated him. He returned to the shadowed dimple again and again, probing with the sleek tip of his tongue, biting gently, making her moan with die unexpected sensations radiating out from her core. His caresses were like raindrops, a brushing of his mouth over her skin and then another brush and another until sensations overlapped and ran together, no beginning and no end, just heat gathering and rippling over her body, making her twist in slow motion as pleasure gathered, filling her until she moaned.
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